


The Unexpected Journey-Part Two

by joschroefanfic



Series: The Unexpected Journey-A Prince Harry Fanfic [2]
Category: British Royalty RPF, Harry-Prince of Wales Fandom, Prince Harry-Fandom, Royalty RPF, romance-fandom
Genre: ChickLit, F/M, Fanfiction, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-07-01 08:41:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 159,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15770568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joschroefanfic/pseuds/joschroefanfic
Summary: This is the beginning of Part Two of The Unexpected Journey. It is five years AFTER where we left off in Part One. It is 2022, early in the year. The two of them are 37, going to be 38 in the fall. Lilli is 5. Read on to find out how they are...what they've been up to.  This will make ZERO sense if you haven't read Part One





	1. Chapter 1

 

It wasn't his typical spot, this bar where Harry sat nursing a beer that had gone warm. With his tell-tale red hair tucked under a ball cap, he was dressed casually and wore a beard and could almost pass for one of the regular patrons.

Almost. Though he was slowly nearing forty, time and life had only made him a bit more rugged and much more handsome. He still turned quite a few heads. But this night he was laying low.

The bar was dark and relaxed; wood on the walls and wood on the floors and steins hanging from the ceiling with name plaques above them indicating precisely which regular it belonged to. He had been here before when he was younger and staying out at Highgrove in the country--but it had been years, in a lifetime full of revelry and abandon.

Nothing like the one he lived now; laden with duty and responsibility.

There was a muted music playing in the background, all but drowned out by the scattered conversations and the competing rowdiness in the back where a handful of people played darts and another, larger group watched a rugby match on the tv in the corner. It was low-key and easy and exactly the kind of place he could blend into the surroundings--as much as he really ever could. And this night he needed it more than he ever really had. Taking in a long, slow deep breath, he exhaled and lifted his bottle to his lips.

If he was really going to do this, he was going to need something stronger. Putting down the beer, he called to the bartender, an older man who appeared to have no clue who was sitting across from him, and he ordered a whiskey. He twisted his wedding ring around his finger as he waited for the pour and when it arrived, he took a long, heavy swallow and immediately ordered another. The hot, spicy liquid coated his throat and he felt his shoulders relax. Yes, this was exactly what he needed.

He was halfway through the second whiskey when he looked up, glanced around and spotted her.

She stood at the far end of the bar wearing a short tight skirt, hugging her ass in a way that made him shift in his seat. And she had this dark, curly hair that he instantly wanted to put his fingers into. He felt hot and nervous and... _interested_. He had never ever done this before, gone to a bar with the express purpose of it ending with sex. Sure, he'd had dalliances that had begun and ended in one night. Sure, he'd gone out hoping to meet somebody, hoping to connect. But not since Maddie, not since he'd been married. It had been so long.

Shaking his head, he instantly tried to rid the image of his wife--beautiful and lovely--from his mind. He wasn't sure he could do this with her image in his brain; bright smile and golden curls. He looked down at his lap as he took the next drink, pushing Maddie out of his mind as he swallowed. And this time, when he looked up to the curvy brunette at the other end of the bar, she was looking right back at him.

Batting her eyes, she offered him a smile; her lips drawing wide and slow across her face. It was a purposeful gesture, one meant to draw him in, to make him take notice. Just like the way she was twirling the straw in her drink. Just like the way she held his gaze and bit her lip and turned her body to face his.

She stood taller as she adjusted and he could see the outline of her cleavage in her shirt. When she caught him looking, she kept her eyes locked with his and she ran her hand down the front of her shirt; a move meant to appear as though she were smoothing out wrinkles--a move he knew was meant to highlight her curves.

And it did. Deep inside of him where the whiskey had pooled and his desires had ignited, Harry felt something come alive. He felt his body awaken and from the way she was looking at him, the way her lips parted and her eyes lowered--he knew. There was an invitation in that smile.

As heat rose and raced through his body, he took a deep breath, drained his drink and--remembering why he was there--he rose from his seat and started in her direction.  
He watched her the entire length of his walk to her side. She was nervous, but only slightly so. Adjusting her clothing, wiping mindlessly at the outline of the bright lipstick she wore, he guessed she must be feeling that same rush of energy he was, that exciting balance between deep, deep desires and the unknown. And that made his body rise and harden.

Tall and steady and full of the kind of cockiness that came with a man who had been a Prince his whole life, he moved in next to her. His hand reached out and around her, leaning against the bar as he stepped in close. His eyes shifted dark and heavy as he looked down at her and already she was so close he could smell her unknown scent and feel her heat and  _God_  she was sexy.

Before he lost his nerve, he lowered his voice and raised his eyebrows and tossed her that grin that had won him the fair graces of many. "Can I buy you a drink?" Her smile tugged higher when his voice cracked at the end and, secretly, she loved that he was a little nervous--even as he stood there with so much confidence and swagger.

"Sure," she nodded, pushing her empty glass away from her as he signaled the bartender, ordering another round for the both of them and taking another step closer; craving the way his body felt next to hers. Alive and eager.

The small talk was just that--small. And the flirtation was obvious. His hand would brush her shoulder. Her fingers tracing over the muscles in his forearm. He would joke and she would laugh and every single time, she would inch just a little bit closer to him.

And he knew. All he had to do was ask. All he had ever had to do was ask. Since he had been a teenager, he had been surrounded by women--and quite a few men--who were eager and waiting for him to ask. But for some crazy reason, he was struggling to do just that.

And then her boldness--or the alcohol in her drink--won out and she reached out to him. Her hand was hot and heavy against his stomach, her fingers teasing as she smiled up at him in that way that left no mistaking what her intent was.

And somehow he found his courage.

"Listen..." He leaned in, lowering his voice as his eyes darted around them. "I'm..."

"I know who you are," she whispered, shaking her head as her fingers traced down his hard, flat stomach. "And I...I know what that means..." Her lips let out a light laugh, her eyes fixated on his mouth and just before her hand slipped further south, Harry pulled it together.

Gulping, he took half a step back, his head nodding towards the door. "I have a place...Foxgrove. It's close by and..."

"I'll follow you out," she smiled, immediately up for the trip; ready for this moment in her life. Draining her drink, she turned wide, expectant eyes up to him.

Before he could think twice, Harry was taking her hand in his and pulling her from this small, dark bar in the middle of the country, hopeful he hadn't been noticed, that he hadn't been spotted slipping from a dive bar in the middle of the night with some brunette whose name he still did not know.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The drive was quick, quicker because he was anxious, he was ready. Quicker still because the entire way out there, she had her lips on his neck and her hand in his lap. She knew exactly what this was, exactly where this was headed. And she was doing her level best to ensure that he wanted her. Her hands were warm and teasing and her breath in his ear was driving him mad and by the time they pulled up the long drive to his country home, he was surprised he didn't just take her there in the front seat of his car.

But he stepped from the car, the cold, crisp air bringing levity and life to the air that had grown heavy between them. His confidence was back as he opened the front door, pushing into the dark house and inviting her in. And though there was a moment of guilt--he should really be somewhere else--it drifted away when the door shut behind her and they were finally alone in the heat and the want.

Her hands were all over him in a second and her mouth--Good God, her mouth--was taking him down faster than he had intended. When her tongue pushed into his mouth, his mind slipped away and his body took control. His fingers circled her wrists and he pushed her back against the door, her dark hair splaying out behind her as she sighed and smiled up at him. She was eager and ready and so fucking sexy that he could barely control himself. There was no way he could turn back now, even if he wanted to...which he most certainly did not.

His mouth was hot and rough as it took over hers, holding her there against the door with a force that surprised even him. He felt fierce and primal and not entirely himself as he moved in. His tongue pushed into her mouth, his body pressed up tight against hers. Breathing heavy, he pulled back for only a second and through dark eyes and a raspy breath, he asked, "your name?"

"Cheri," she answered, the corners of her well-kissed lips curled up. "And you?"

He knew that she knew the answer to that, but he appreciated the question all the same. Swallowing back the very last remnant of his doubt, he answered. "Captain," his voice was rough as he moved back in on her. "You should call me Captain..."

And she did.

When his hands moved up under her shirt, pushing aside her push-up bra with blatant disregard--she called him Captain. When he shoved up her skirt and pulled her leg high around his waist--she called him Captain. When his fingers slid into her; long and firm and confirming just how ready she was--she called him Captain.

Sighing and giggling and moaning.

It was hard and rough there against that door. With her hands pinned behind her and his fists in her hair, Harry took her with every single ounce of drive and energy he had.

When she moaned and cried out as she came--it was Captain on her lips.

And when he found his end, his vision went dark, his heart hammered in his chest and his teeth sank into the soft, slick skin of her shoulder.

"Captain..." She whispered, catching his heavy body against hers.

And he knew--he should feel guilty. For a great, great, many things, he should feel guilty.

Not the least of which were the teeth marks he left on her skin.

But he didn't. Not now. Not yet. Instead...he felt alive.

When Harry woke the next morning at Foxgrove, the brunette from the night before was gone. The only trace of her that was left behind was the smell of her on his skin and the dull ache that had settled over his body. Tired and groggy and hung over, he felt bad--his emotions beginning to surface from where he had stuffed them the night before. But he didn't have time for that. He had overslept as it was and soon he was expected in his office, in some meetings. So he pulled himself from his bed. He showered and dressed and he left behind all remnants of the night before right there at Fox Grove and he headed into the city; back to his home, to his wife, to his kids, to his job.

To his life.

His day was crazy, as hectic as it had ever been; meetings and memos and phone calls and he didn't manage one beat of down time until later that afternoon. They were neck deep in briefings, preparing for upcoming tours, for an appearance at Invictus in the fall and a State Dinner on behalf of the Queen and the chaos around him was so loud and pervasive that he almost didn't see her step in.

Almost.

With a quiet, easy sort of grace that she had always had, a presence she had grown into, Maddie slipped into the room, Libby right behind her ready to take notes and alter schedules. Harry had glanced up when the door opened, a natural reflex and his heart grew tight in his chest.

She was so sweet and so beautiful and instantly all of the memories from the night before, everything that had been put away so that he could work, they all came surging forward. A deep flush covered his neck and his cheeks and he had to cough to clear his throat, to clear his mind.

_What was he doing_? His voice was loud in his head, trying to force him to focus. Sensing him, Maddie looked up from her notebook and her wide, innocent eyes looked right at him and he had to turn away. He couldn't meet her gaze; not there in the room with all of those people surrounding them. Not after the night before.

Staring blankly down at the memo in front of him, it took him entirely too long to pull his mind back to this meeting, back to where it was supposed to be focused. But he managed, keeping his eyes away from his wife, keeping his thoughts on the topic at hand--he managed. It wasn't the easiest thing he had ever done, but with some will and luck, he was able to finish the last of the meetings without overheating, without stammering like the fool he was and giving himself up to the entire room.

He rose to his feet as the crowd began to file out, shaking hands and saying good-byes. He could feel Maddie at his side, even though he had yet to turn his eyes back to her; he knew she was there, sweet and smiling as she said her goodbyes and watched as they were left alone.

Just the two of them; Maddie and Harry.

He followed Thomas, the last of the group, to the door and with a wave shut it behind him. It took him a minute to turn around. He hadn't seen her all day and he knew he needed to pull himself together.

"How was your day?" Her voice was soft as she called out to him.

"Busy," he answered, moving over to his desk, tossing his notebook and pen down onto the top of it. "Yours?"

"The same," she nodded, her arms crossing over her chest as she watched him move. "And...last night?"

His eyes snapped up to hers, a quick reflex as he sucked in his breath. Catching her eyes, he tried for casual, shrugging his shoulders in as non-committal way as possible. "Fine. Nothing big just...you know...work."

Maddie stood tall, proud in the middle of his office, her lips twitching at the corners as she kept her eyes on him. "Sure..." She nodded, moving towards him, towards his desk. "Work."

"Yeah..." He watched as she moved closer, his heart thumping in his chest, his breath catching in his lungs and then there she was; standing right in front of him with impeccable hair and a body he ached to have his hands on--even then. Even there.

"I missed waking up with you this morning," her voice dropped low, her hands timid as they reached out to him, funnily nervous as they landed on his chest.

Nodding, Harry swallowed the lump in his throat and took a step forward. His hands were gentle as they moved to cover hers. Leaning in, he pressed a kiss to her lips; soft and simple. Easy. Like he was saying hello...or goodbye. "I missed you too..." He pulled back just a tiny bit, just enough for his eyes to flash wicked, for his lips to curl into a smirk. And then he was leaning back in, taking her lips more hotly with his. "Cheri, was it?"

Maddie's face flushed a deep red as their facade cracked around them, laughter pushing from her lips as he wrapped his arms around her. "I'm not sure you should call me that here in the office," she teased as she stepped closer, her lips pressing warm to the underside of his jaw.

"Oh really now?" He lifted his eyebrows, his hands running over her back, down over her ass. "What are the chances I could convince you to wear that skirt to the office..."

"Ha! No way!" She shook her head, the blush in her cheeks deepening. "That would never fly here."

"Probably not. What happened to the wig?"

"It's in our closet at Kensington. Why? You want to schedule more time with Cheri?"

"No," he sighed; blissfully happy as he looked down at her. "No. She was fun...for a night but I don't know...." Leaning in to kiss her again, he turned sweet. "I really did miss you this morning."

"I know. I did too."

"So, tell me, how are you? Are you feeling okay?"

"I am," she nodded, snuggling in even closer. "Though...the mark you left with your teeth..."

"I know," he bent to kiss her shoulder, remembering exactly where it was he had nipped her. "I'm sorry..." His smile was smug as he looked up to her with warm sweet eyes. "I guess I couldn't control myself. You were back against that door and calling me Captain and..."

"Ah yes," she sighed. "Captain. Works every time."

"Look at you," he slapped her ass. "So cocky today."

"Are you kidding?" She narrowed her eyes playfully. "I'm nearing forty and last night I put on a tight miniskirt and managed to seduce the married Duke of Sussex who took me home and...took me." She sighed breathlessly as she leaned into him. "I'd say my cockiness is nearing epic proportions."

"Is that so?"

"Mmm. It's Bishop level."

"Well," he laughed, his hands coming to rest on her hips. "That's pretty serious."

"Yes it is," Maddie nodded her agreement, groaning to herself as she stepped away from him, pulling his hand into hers. "Okay Captain, I think it's time to go."

"Ah I love it when you call me that."

"You love it when I moan that."

"God yes, yes I do," he nodded enthusiastically as she pulled him over to his desk, turning him around and nudging him towards it.

"Pack up your stuff, it's time to leave the office. Your children are at home and...they missed you last night too."

"Ugh," Harry pressed his hand to his chest, his eyes softening as he looked up to her. "You have no idea how guilty I felt about that."

"I know," Maddie nodded sympathetically. "And I'm sorry. But you DID need the sleep. You've been up for days worrying about all of the stuff coming up this summer with the jubilee and Invictus and..."

"Okay, okay," he waved her off. "You don't have to make excuses for me. I understand. I just...I missed them." He sighed, packing the last of his items as he closed his bag and stepped away from the desk.

"They missed you too." She moved towards him, brushing right up against him as she kissed his lips. "Come on Daddy. Let's go. Bernard's making pizza and, if we hurry, we might even get in a few minutes before all of your sons start to terrorize their poor big sister."

With a warm chuckle, Harry agreed, wrapping his arm around Maddie's shoulders and falling into step with her as they started towards the door.

"Can I confess something?" His voice was low, warm against her skin.

"Mmm," she nodded. "Have you been sleeping with some brunette tart named Cheri?"

"Ha!" His head tossed back in laughter as they stopped inside his office. "No. What I was going to say..." Tugging her into his embrace, he bent to kiss her again. "You've had four kids over the last five years and....my God..." He groaned and sighed and held her tightly to him as he kissed her again. "You're still the sexiest woman I've ever laid eyes on."

Laughing against his smile, Maddie kissed him back. "Come on Captain...tonight...after the pizza and the baths and the stories..." She wagged her eyebrows at him, making him laugh as she reached for the doorknob. "Maybe tonight you can make love to your wife."

"That..." He followed along, still just as drawn to her, just as enamored with her as he had ever been. "Would be my pleasure."

 


	2. Chapter 2

"Okay...Captain..." A pleased smile pulled at Maddie's lips as they settled in the backseat of the car, on their way to their home at Kensington. "Are you ready for our weekend plans?"

"Why do I feel like this is going to be bigger than the meeting we just came out of?" He chuckled as he reached for her hand.

"Because it is," she laughed along with him. "Because Sussex Nation is alive and flourishing and..."

"Sussex Nation," he laughed at the nickname William had coined, shaking his head at her; blissfully happy with the current state of affairs. His beautiful wife next to him, his gang of children at home--all was well in his world. "Go ahead."

"Okay," she squeezed his fingers. "Friday night dinner with the Bishops..."

"Our place or theirs?"

"Theirs," Maddie answered. "It's so much easier for us to go there now what with their baby being so new."

"Of course," Harry nodded.

"Saturday you're playing Polo in Tetbury."

"Ah yes..." He lifted a warm, reminiscent smile in her direction. "Back to Foxgrove for the night?"

"This time as a blonde," she winked at him, taking a moment to appreciate the way he was looking at her before she continued. "And on Sunday Lilli starts her riding lesson."

"That's right!" Harry clapped his hands together with clear excitement. "I'm playing with Cauã Veloso on Saturday. I can't wait for you to meet him. Lilli's going to love learning from him. He's an excellent horseman...though I would appreciate it if you wouldn't tell him I said so."

"No problem," Maddie agreed with a grin. "She is going to love it. She's been bragging to the boys all week."

"The boys..." Harry's smile pulled higher, glancing out the window as they drove through the gates of Kensington. It had only been twenty-four hours since he had seen his children. But he missed them already; missed them terribly. "Tell me then, how are the boys?"

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The boys. That's what their lives had become; Lilli and The Boys. Over the last five years of their lives, Maddie had found herself pregnant nearly half the time. It was comical, quite honestly. After the massive amount of time it took them to get pregnant with Lilli, it seemed like they couldn't stop getting pregnant after that.

Just three short months after Lilli's first birthday, on a bright, beautiful spring day in early May, they welcomed their first son. Oliver Henry Jay came into the world in the middle of the night, waking his mother from a dead sleep. He was bigger than Lilli; longer and chubbier and he seemed to have a smirk on his face from the very second he emerged.

Throngs of well-wishers had gathered outside the Lindo Wing, watching as Harry brought a tottering Lilli to see her new baby brother. Lilli, quite the ham for the crowd, gave them a wave, a wide smile and then--with a look on her face much like her father's--she tried to make a break for it. Spotting a young girl with a teddy bear she had brought as a gift, Lilli clapped her hands and managed a few quick steps away from Harry before he swept her up into his arms and spent a few moments thanking the young girl before he carried his more than pleased daughter into the hospital.

The jokes began when just a month after Ollie's first birthday, Maddie was pregnant again. The public, the press, even their families had more than a few quips about the extra-curricular activities at the House of Sussex. But when their third child, their second son, was born just a month after Lilli turned three, joy replaced the jokes and love flowed all around. Malcolm Charles Louis looked more like Maddie than Harry with a head full of blonde curls and a giggle that he seemed to reserve mostly for his big sister.

The best sort of chaos had settled over their home, over their lives. Lilli's personality took a stronghold, her sassiness coming out in private and in public. There were times while Maddie was recovering that Harry would take three-year old Lilli along with him to events. Though she loved it, was most clearly born for this lifestyle, she had also grown a bit territorial; a bit protective.

For the rest of her life she would be reminded of the time she attended an Opening with her father where, upon going through the line of introductions, she spoke loud and clear to every single person they met.

"My Daddy," she squeezed his hand, all sorts of seriousness in her eyes. "MY Daddy."

Though everyone would laugh, finding her adorable and sweet, her message was clear, her spirit was strong and more than one article was written about her striking resemblance to the personality of her namesakes. All three of them.

Finally came their youngest. Oscar Albert Phillip. At only eight months old, he was still very much a baby. He had Harry's hair and Diana's eyes and a calmness they hadn't seen yet. He was their smallest and he was the quietest. Not that he really had much of a choice in the matter. His older siblings seemed to demand attention in their own special ways.

Malcolm, at two, was into everything with zero prejudice. He loved to drag his father's ties down the corridor, loved to throw his mother's shoes over the second floor railing, laughing as they crashed into the foyer below.

Ollie, nearly four, was completely caught up in making people laugh. Always ready with an amusing, childlike joke or prank, he seemed born to entertain. He had a well developed group of friends at school and loved to be the center of attention.

And finally Lilli. At five, she was so smart and so adorable and, as much as they could tell, so much like her father. She enjoyed going to events with her parents. She didn't cringe at the cameras or run and hide behind her mother's legs. She smiled and waved and, for the most part, had impeccable behavior. She was full of charm like her daddy and full of wit like her mother and stood her own with the passel of boys that followed her around.

In an interview Harry gave not too long after they took Oscar home from the hospital, the reporter asked, "What is Princess Lilli going to do with all of these boys around her?"

With a loud laugh and a spark in his eyes, Harry answered quite easily. "Boss them around, no doubt." Because, in the end, she had just enough Maddie in her too.

But the interviewer did have a point. Lillibet was surrounded by boys. Before her there were Arthur and Buckie and even Isaiah. After her were her three little brothers and the additional two Bishop boys. Michael who was nearly three and David who was just less than two months old. But, when they travelled to the states, Lilli finally found some girls to play with. Kyle and Amy, after grieving and trying again, were blessed with twin girls; Paige and Addie. Maddie was touched at the name being a nod to her and Harry was so happy for Kyle and Amy that when the girls arrived safe and sound--he shed a few tears.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Maddie loved the life she lead; adored it in fact. She was happily married--to a man who was arguably the most attractive man on Earth. Their marriage was wonderful, built on friendship and laughter and trust--and it didn't hurt that they were still enormously attracted to each other. She had also found a deep seated contentment in the work she did. Yes, there were ribbon cuttings and tree plantings and any variety of events that might seem 'less than' to a casual observer. But she had grown to find meaning in everything she did. And then there was the bigger stuff; her work with The Prince's Trust, the Delphinium Project which had exploded with great successes.

By all accounts, she had it all. Her friends, her family, her career. She was happy.

But this, this ten to fifteen minutes that was about to happen, this ten to fifteen minutes that happened nearly every night when she and Harry returned home for the day--THIS was, hands down, her favorite moments of the day. Sometimes it didn't work out; they were out of town or the children were on an excursion of some kind. But tonight, it was definitely in the cards.

As they stepped from their car that evening, she paused and waited for him. They smiled thank you's to the driver, to their team and Harry rounded the car, his hand instinctively reaching for hers. It was like a well-rehearsed dance they did. It had become second nature. Her fingers threaded through his and they began up the short walk.

Hand in hand, letting go of their day, preparing for their night.

For the wild, love-filled chaos that would erupt mere moments after they crossed their threshold. Maddie knew he was excited to see the children, even more so since he hadn't been home the night before. She could feel it in his quicker-than-usual step, she could feel it in his muscularly tense arms. He was ready to get inside, to see them all again; their crazy little brood. The youngest members of their lovely little Sussex Nation.

She loved to see him like this; so happy, so easy, so very much in his element. It made her laugh and sigh to remember all of the articles along the way; those from the very beginning that begged for somebody to give Harry a child, those from when they were dating, when they were first married that watched for the first telltale signs of a bump, and then those throughout the last few years--joking and commenting and loving just how active and fertile the couple seemed to be.

They had all been right. Harry was  _born_  to be a father. And Maddie felt beyond blessed that she was the one who was able to witness it, in the closest, most intimate way possible.

"You do know that they are going to just..." Maddie laughed as she shook her head, giving him a warning with her eyes, with her smile.

"Tackle me?" He lifted his eyebrows in excitement; he knew. "I'm looking forward to it."

"Of course you are," Maddie nodded, pressing a kiss to his arm before she released him, gesturing towards the door. "You ready?" He was. But before he reached to open it, he turned to her.

"Come here..." Lowering his lips to hers he kissed her; soft and sweet and then he opened the door and followed her inside.

"Daddy?" Lilli's voice was the first, her questioning eyes peering around the upstairs corner. Maddie, with her eyes trained on Harry's, watched as his entire face lit up. "Daddy!" Lilli came running down the stairs at full speed, her red waves bouncing as she flew. On the second to the last step, she leapt into the air and right into Harry's open arms. "DaddyDaddyDaddy! I missed you!"

"Oh I missed you too Lilli-bean," Harry's voice was muffled by her hair as they hugged each other tight.

As the sound of footsteps broke out around them, the other children hurrying to join them, Lilli pulled back to look at her father's face, her fingers smoothing over his rough, red beard. "Where  _were_  you last night? Mum said you had to work in the country..."

"I did," Harry nodded his head, kissing her forehead as her brothers made their way into the foyer. "I stayed out at Foxgrove last night."

"Foxgrove!" Ollie exclaimed as he ran in from the other direction, stopping first to hug his mother's legs. "Did you see my foxes?" He accepted a kiss from Maddie before turning wide eyes to his father.

"I didn't buddy," he ran his hand over the mass of blonde hair on his son's head. Settling Lilli back on the ground so she could run to her mother, he pulled Oliver into a hug. "I was really just there to sleep." Glancing up, he met Maddie's eyes, winking as she hugged their daughter hello, his mind drifting for only a second to their night at Foxgrove.

"Well can we go check on my foxes soon?" Ollie was focused as he stepped out of his father's embrace.

"Yes!" Harry clapped his hands together. "We're going this weekend after the polo match."

"Polo, polo, polo, polo, POLO!!!" Malcolm's voice boomed out in an echo as he hurried into the room, his chubby little legs moving at full speed.

"There he is!" Harry scooped him up into his arms, tossing him up into the air as Malcolm let out a loud squeal that quickly dissolved into giggles all around them. "How was your day little man? Did you break anything?" He pulled him close, examining him as he placed kisses wherever he checked. "Your arms look good..." A warm, fuzzy kiss rubbed against his little arms. "Your legs are still there..." Harry kissed his knees. "And your head...is still attached..." Blowing a raspberry to his cheeks, Malcolm laughed again, warming the room even more.

"Welcome home," Greta's voice called out as she followed behind Malcolm, a smile on her face and his little stuffed bunny in her hand.

"Thank you," Harry smiled in greeting, shifting Malcolm's weight in his arms. "How was today?"

"Wonderful," Greta nodded, placing the bunny into Malcolm's outstretched arms. "School went well for Lilli and Ollie and Malcolm had zero tie incidents this afternoon."

"Good boy!" Harry chuckled as he kissed Malcolm's cheeks again.

"Lilli's reading is caught up for the night and Ollie has been working on a new magic trick..." She met Maddie's eyes with amusement as Ollie perked up at mention of his name.

"Oh!" He bounced on his feet, his eyes wide as he looked up to his parents. "I played my disappearing ball trick on Uncle Will and he totally fell for it!"

"Is that right?" Maddie suppressed her laughter seeing just how proud he was of himself.

"It is!" He nodded his head, looking up to his father. "He had NO idea it was in my sleeve!"

"Yes well, your Uncle Will hasn't always been the brightest..."

"Harry," Maddie scolded sweetly, her eyes glancing around them. "Now tell me, you three. What have you done with Ms. Maude and Oscar? Did you scare them off? Lock them up somewhere?" She glanced around for traces of their second nanny and their 8 month old baby.

As the kids giggled, each of them settling just a little bit, all happy to have their parents home, it was Greta who answered. "Oscar needed a quick changing. They're both upstairs."

"Good, good," Maddie nodded, turning her smile down to the kids. "Now. I hear that Bernard is making pizza for dinner..."

"PIZZA!!!" The kids rang out in chorus, Lilli and Ollie doing their own little dance as Malcolm clapped his hands, all of them making Harry's head toss back in laughter.

"You're all so much like your mother..." He shifted Malcolm and looked to Maddie. "You want to grab Oscar and I'll get hands washed?"

"Yes," Maddie nodded, leaning in to kiss Malcolm before turning to kiss Harry. "We're happy you're home Daddy..."

"Not as happy as I am," he winked, kissed her once more and then they pulled apart.

As Harry ushered the three children towards the bathroom sink and soap, Maddie made for the stairs and Greta, who had essentially just been relieved of duty for the night, had to take just a second to appreciate the lovely scene that had just unfolded before her.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Secretly, Maddie loved that Harry chose to take the division of labor that he had. She loved that she got this quiet little moment with their quiet little boy. But she guessed he knew that when he suggested it. With a soft knock, she stepped into the room.

"Hello, hello..." Her smile slipped higher the second she saw them. Maude had finished changing him and he was sitting up as she finished putting on his clothes.

"Look at that, Oscar," Maude lowered her voice warmly, leaning closer to him with a wide smile as she called him a nickname she had reserved just for him. "Your Mum is home."

"Mum mum mumumumum..." He clapped his hands as he turned a goofy, toothless grin up to his mother.

Who was grinning right back down at him. "Hello my baby boy..." Her hand was soft on Maude's back as she stepped up next to the woman, offering her a smile before she lifted Oscar up into her arms. "And how was your day, love?"

"Quite well," Maude answered, tidying up as Maddie kissed him and hugged him close. "We're very nearly walking though, so look out for that."

"Walking are we?" Maddie lifted her eyebrows to her son, making him squirm and smile in her arms. "My, my that's early."

"It is," Maude agreed, coming up next to them. "But I suppose he has more drive to do it, what with all the others running circles around the place."

"Makes sense," Maddie answered, adjusting him in her arms as she turned back towards the door. "He can't wait to run with the other wild animals, no?"

"That's exactly it," Maude nodded, following along with Maddie and Oscar as they left the room. "You're off to the country this weekend Ma'am?"

"Yes," Maddie answered as they took to the stairs. "Saturday after Harry's polo match."

"And you're sure you don't need us to come along?" Though Maude knew the answer to that, she had to ask.

"Of course," Maddie smiled up at her. "You know the deal, Miss Maude. When we're not travelling or working...the weekend is yours."

"Yes Ma'am," she nodded, leaning in to tickle Oscar's tummy as he smiled wide and turned to hide in the safety of his mother's neck. "Well you all have a lovely evening. We'll see you tomorrow."

"Goodnight Miss Maude," Maddie turned Oscar to face her. "Tell Miss Maude goodbye..."

She waved her hand and thanked her. "Now my little man. Should we go see Daddy?"

"Da da dadadadadada...." Oscar's hands clapped together as he began his new mantra. He, just like the others, was over the moon to see his father.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

It was hours later before Maddie and Harry were alone together again. It was mouthfulls of pizza and bubbles in chocolate milk. It was exaggerated tales from their day and tamed down versions of the trouble they found. It was Ollie and his jokes--told halfway correctly but with full spirit. It was Lilli with her slight eyerolls and her simple sighs. It was Malcolm trying to sneak bites of salad from his mother's plate when she wasn't looking. And it was Oscar, the happiest, smiliest baby Maddie had ever seen; content to watch it all unfold.

They made it through dinner and the action shifted back upstairs. The older kids were negotiating exactly which toys they wanted to take to the Bishop's the next night while Maddie and Harry managed to wrangle both of their younger sons into the bathtub.

"Look at you!" Maddie exclaimed as they finished putting jammies on Oscar and Malcolm, her eyes wide as she took in her husband. "You have completely dry pants!"

"Well that's because I'm becoming a pro at this..." He waggled his eyebrows at her, making her laugh--making the boys laugh more.

Harry gave Oscar his last bottle for the night, rocking him to sleep while Maddie tucked in Malcolm and read him his favorite book "Timothy Tunny Swallowed a Bunny". They had read it for the last 73 consecutive nights but it always made him laugh and it always settled him down. And whenever Harry read it to him, he would pretend to swallow Malcolm's bunny, stuffing it into his shirt and making noises and  _God_...Maddie could tell exactly why all of their children were so in love with their father.

She knew for sure why she was.

But tonight was her night and Malcolm, thankfully, would settle for her calm quiet voice, slowly lulling him to slumber. And, after he snuggled in with his bunny--safe from his father for the night--Maddie slipped from his room and headed towards the older children.

"Round two..." She sighed to herself. In one minute she wondered where she found the energy and in the next she was remembering to be thankful--for all of the help she had, not just when Greta and Maude were there, but in her husband.

While Harry raced Ollie to the shower, Maddie helped Lilli into a bubble bath. As she rinsed the shampoo from her long locks, she listened to Lilli recount her day, listened to her go over her plans for the next one.

"Can I tell you something Mum?" She twirled her bath toy around in the bubbles as Maddie scooped fresh water, pouring it over her hair.

"Of course."

"I kind of wish..." She sighed, an overly-dramatic move that always made Harry laugh. Then, with wide, innocent eyes, she lowered her voice. "I kind of wish that Baby David were a girl."

"Oh?" Maddie bit at her lip to keep from laughing, images of the youngest Bishop boy floating into her mind. "Why is that love?"

"Because..." She sighed again, this time more dramatically. "Because I am the only girl around here, Mum. And sometimes...sometimes it's really hard."

"Ah," Maddie nodded, amused to no end. "That's true munchkin. You know...I remember growing up with all my cousins being boys. And sometimes it was just that...really hard." She gave it a beat before she took a breath. "And sometimes it was really, really great."

"Really?" She looked up at her mother, suspicious.

"Yes, absolutely!" Maddie laughed lightly. "And I know that you'll have those times too..."

"Some day?" Lilli looked up to her, the look on her face nearly taking Maddie down.

"Yes darling. Someday." Trying her best to remain as serious as Lilli thought this should be, she took a breath and leaned in. "And...in the meantime...you have me and Aunt Kate and Aunt Ella..."

"That's true."

"And us girls..." Maddie bent to kiss her daughter's nose. "Us girls just have to stick together."

It was hours later before Maddie and Harry were alone together again. Baths were taken, books were read, stuffies were distributed and all four children were tucked in their beds and asleep. And any parent would know that  _that_ , was just near miraculous. Having just slipped into her pajamas, Maddie watched as Harry finally joined her, barefoot with drinks in hand.

"What a night," he sighed, a great, wide smile on his face.

"I suppose this is the closest we'll ever come to understanding what assembly line work must be like," Maddie laughed, appreciating how sexy he looked, even after a night with the kids.

Harry, taking a sip from his own glass of scotch, nodded and held out a glass of wine to her. "It's not entirely unlike the army though."

"Is that so?" Even Maddie's eyebrows were tired as they lifted. "Thank you," she smiled, taking the glass from him and taking a sip; her eyes closing as she did.

"Mmm," he nodded, his free hand reaching out to rub at the back of her neck. "Or growing up with Bishop."

"Ha!" Maddie's eyes pulled open, her head moving to the side as his fingers worked warm and strong against the tension from the day. "Speaking of the Bishops..."

"Yeah?" Harry took another sip.

"Lilli told me that she wishes that David would have been a girl." That made the both of them laugh. Pulling his fingers from her neck, she turned to kiss them before releasing her hold on him and moving into the bathroom to wash her face and ready for bed. "She says sometimes it's really really hard to be the only girl around here."

"Well I suppose that it is," Harry nodded, his eyes beaming as he thought of his daughter. "You know...there is one way we could remedy that..." Following his wife to the bathroom, he stopped in the doorway and leaned against frame; watching her with soft eyes.

"Oh yeah?" She turned to look at him, pulling her hair up onto her head, securing it into a messy bun with a rubber band. And then she caught the look on his face. "I don't even want to KNOW what you're thinking, do I."

"Maybe," his eyes lit up as he met her gaze. "I was thinking we could always try again...for a girl this time."

"HA!" Maddie's head tipped back, her laughter loud. "And how exactly is trying for a girl different than trying for a boy?"

"Well..." Harry's voice dropped low as he pushed away from the doorframe and took a step towards her, his eyes drifting lower, taking in the curves and turns of her body.

"You know what, no." She held up her finger to him, her eyes shooting him a warning through the mirror. "You just stop right there. Oscar is only eight months old..."

"We had less time between Lilli and Ollie," Harry retorted, moving in closer, his hand reaching out to trace along her shoulder. "AND between Malcolm and Oscar."

"Yes, I know," Maddie bit her lip as she shook her head, trying to tamper down the way her body responded to his touch. "And the only thing THAT tells us is that we suffer in our ability to effectively use birth control."

"Or we suffer in our ability to keep our hands to ourselves..." He moved in closer behind her, his hand sliding down her back and around to her hip, his eyes flashing warm.

"Well," she met his gaze in the mirror with a smug grin. "At least one of us does."

"I have zero problem pleading guilty to that one..." He bent to kiss her shoulder, his lips moving hotly over the soft marks left from his teeth, his fingers on her hip tightening their hold.

"Harry..." She moaned, pushing back against him, seeking the heat that came with him.

"God you're gorgeous," he kissed up her shoulder.

"I mean it Wales," though her voice carried a serious tone, she was softening under his hold, under his touch. "I just got my body back to where it was before..."

"And what an amazing body it is..." He shook his head, smiling against the hot skin of her neck.

"And my boobs hurt forever after my milk dried up with Oscar."

"I know, I know," he kissed her again, his hand teasing up towards her chest.

"And do you have any idea how much running I had to do..."

"But you love to run," he couldn't help it. Even in the seduction, he had to take his shot.

Snorting, Maddie pushed lightly at his hand. "Back it up soldier." Though he didn't move all the way away from her, he did drop his hand, watching her with adoration through the mirror as she messed with her hair. "Can I ask you something?"

"Mmm," Harry nodded, taking a sip from his glass as he moved around her. Leaning back against the counter next to her, he looked up into her curious face. "What's on your mind?"

"I was just...thinking..." She shrugged, her eyes shifting from him to the mirror. "Did you...I don't know. Did you like the brown hair?"

"Sorry?" He blinked.

"Last night..." She took a drink of her wine. "When you took me against the door at Foxgrove. Did you like the brown hair?"

"Ha..." Color rose to his cheeks as he crossed his arms over his chest. "First...I feel like there's no good answer to this question and second..." He met and held her eyes, his lips curling higher. "I think I've taken you against a door more than once as a blonde."

"You have," Maddie nodded. "I was just thinking...maybe I'd play with it a little bit, for real. I mean...not with a wig. But what if I wanted to dye it?" She took another drink, her fingers walking up and over his crossed arms. "Brown or red or pink..." She snickered. "Would you still want to take me against the door?"

"Madeline, you could be bald and I'd still want to take you against the door."

"Is that so?" Maddie laughed, her eyebrows raising.

"You know it is," he watched her as she watched him and he could see the look in her eyes, the twist of her lips. Lowering his voice, he flashed that charming smile up to her. "Would you like me to take you against the door right now?"

"Hmmm..." Maddie sighed, leaning into him, her hands sliding up his arms. "Maybe not against the door..." She nodded towards their bedroom. "How do you feel about taking me in that bed?"

In answer, his hands moved around her, bringing her to him. In response, his lips lifted to hers; hot and firm and already communicating the great love and desire he still held for his wife. Even after all these years, even after all these children, even after this long, crazy day.

"Mmmm..." Maddie moaned into his mouth, arching her body towards his as his arms tightened around her. "Captain..."

"Ha..." Harry's body sparked, waking up with want for her. "Works every time."

"Like a charm," Maddie smiled wide, kissing him once more--long and slow--before she pulled his hand into hers and tugged him along with her as she moved backwards out of the bathroom heading right to their bed.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Maddie was well beyond amused when the whole lot of them went out for the night. The amount of bags they had to pack, the extra clothes and snacks and stuffies and blankies...it always made her chuckle. And that was even before they got to the actual logistics of going out; the transportation involved, the royal protection. It was quite a show to get the Sussexes all out of the house at the same time.

But they managed; with great humor and a lot of help, all six of them were delivered safely to the Bishop home. There was a moment of near chaos in the large front lawn as they disembarked, pouring out into the long gravel drive, the well-manicured turf. While the protection detail made a quick sweep of the house, Buckie and Michael, unable to stand still and wait any longer, made a dash for it--running straight into the red-headed huddle of Sussex children skipping about the lawn. With Oscar in her arms, Maddie laughed as the children swarmed around Harry, gathering around him as they laughed and caught each other up on all the wonderful occurrences that had happened in their lives since they last saw each other.

Ollie's new magic trick.

Michael's new bright green cape he was showing off with a dramatic flourish.

Lilli's new book she was reading.

Jim stepped out the front door, nodding to Maddie and Harry who began to usher the gaggle of children back inside. Ella was waiting for them in the foyer, a tired look in her eyes but a wide, easy smile.

"Come in, come in," she laughed as they all filed into the house. Her grin spread wider when she saw Maddie. "I thought maybe I'd just bring the wine out to the lawn..."

"Ha!" Maddie shut the door behind the group. "That's not a terrible idea."

"Dada! Dada!" Oscar bounced in Maddie's arms, his own tiny hands stretching out to Harry.

"Such a fan of your father's," Maddie shook her head in amusement, handing him over to Harry.

"Well, who isn't?" Harry joked, blowing kisses to his son's cheeks.

"I know I've always been," Bishop's voice teased as he joined them all in the entryway holding David in his arms.

"Of course you have," Maddie tossed him a look before she moved to hug Ella, holding her tight and kissing her cheeks. "It's good to see you."

"You too," Ella turned from Maddie's embrace to look at Oscar, blissfully happy in Harry's arms. "Look at you! You're so big! Is he walking yet?"

"Nearly," Maddie groaned playfully. "Maude says it'll be soon."

"Goodness!" Ella shook her head at the smiling boy.

"But would you look at this guy..." Maddie moved right over to Bishop, kissing his cheek as her eyes stayed trained on the tiny bundle in his arms. "Hello David Bishop..." In a sing-songy voice, she smiled wide. "Do you want to come visit Aunt Maddie?" The expression on his face didn't change but, when she lifted him up from Bishop, he let out a soft coo and he didn't scream.

"There we go..." Bishop handed her the burp cloth he had draped over his shoulder and took a breath.

"Oh my gosh..." Maddie pulled him to her, nestling him close as she beamed down at him. "He's so tiny. Ha! It's only been eight months but you forget just how tiny they are..."

When she glanced up at Oscar, she caught the twinkle in her husband's eyes and knew instantly what he was thinking.

"You know..." He started, his smile pulling higher as Oscar made faces at Ella.

"No," she shook her head, already laughing at him. "No Harry."

"I was just thinking..."

"Stop thinking," Maddie's gaze narrowed playfully.

"You look amazing with that baby in your arms."

"Stop it." She tried her best at a glare. "Stop it right now."

"What the hell?" Bishop glanced between the two of them. "Am I missing something?"

"Nothing. You're missing nothing," Maddie shook her head at him before turning her attention to Ella. "How are you feeling? You doing okay?"

"Mmm," Ella nodded, smiling across to her husband. "It's taken a little longer to get moving after the c-section, but he's been a really great baby and I'm getting some sleep. So that helps."

"Good," Maddie leaned in to kiss David's soft patch of brown hair. "You're letting your mommy sleep sweetie? That's very sweet of you....yes it is. What a beautiful little baby. Just like your beautiful mommy...Honestly Ella. You look fantastic."

"Thanks," Ella sighed. "But what about you? You look amazing. I would never even guess that you just had one."

"That's very kind of you," Maddie rolled her eyes slightly.

"Not just kind," Ella shook her head. "You look amazing. I mean Jesus...look at that ass."

"Ha!" Maddie laughed as Bishop took a step forward, his mouth opening to speak.

"Don't." Harry held up his hand, halting the words before they even had a chance. "Don't even think about looking at that ass."

As the ladies laughed, Bishop shot Harry a look and continued on. "I was going to say..." He nodded towards the living room. "Why don't we come in? Have a drink? The kids are already off to the playroom, we have a little bit of time before dinner..."

"Excellent idea," Maddie nodded. "Come on Mum..." She grinned to Ella. "Wine?"

With a deep, heavy, happy sigh, Ella nodded and followed along. "Wine."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

They were halfway through their first glass of wine, watching as Oscar played on the floor in front of their couches, laughing as they caught up with each other and Maddie cuddled David, when Malcolm's tiny little voice called out from behind them.

"Daaaaaaaaaddy..." They could hear his feet shuffling as he hurried towards them. "Help me pwease!"

"Sure thing buddy," Harry glanced over the back of the couch, fully expecting to see his son holding out some toy or contraption he needed assistance with. But what he saw instead, pulled a loud laugh from deep inside of him. "Whoa..." He turned to face him completely. "What do we have here?"

"Help. Pwease." Malcolm, with his soft blonde curls pinned back with sparkling barrettes and a long necklace hanging from his neck, smiled up at his father--with what appeared to be red lipstick smeared across his sweet little face. With big, bright eyes, he held up the remnants of a lipstick tube, nodding to Harry as if to say... _Here. Go ahead._

"Yeah. Okay." Rising from his seat, he shot his wife a smirk and rounded the couch.

"What is it?" Maddie's lips curled up, confusion and amusement in her eyes as she stood up, shifting David in her arms so she could look.

"Why don't you give me this..." Harry took the lipstick tube from Malcolm and pulled the little boy up into his arms.

"Oh wow..." Ella's eyes widened with her smile as they all got a good look at his face.

"Very pretty," Bishop nodded with a smirk.

"Malcolm..." Maddie's voice shifted serious. "Where did you get all of this?"

"Willi," he shrugged, giving up his sister without so much as a second thought.

"Lilli," Harry nodded, fighting his laughter. "Alright buddy. Let's go find your big sister."

When they found Lilli, they found that the makeover did not end with Malcolm. In fact, each and every one of the boys wore traces of the bright red lipstick along with some form of jewelry or adornment.

"Lilli Sussex." Maddie was trying her best not to laugh as she went for stern.

"Mum!" Lilli turned wide, too-innocent, eyes up to her mother.

"You want to explain to me what exactly is going on in here?" Maddie crossed her arms and looked down at her daughter, the look on her own face very much like the one her mother had given her numerous times over the years.

"We were having a tea party," Lilli smiled sweetly.

"Can boys go to a tea party?" Michael asked from the side, scratching at the place where one of his mother's scarves was draped around his neck.

"My dad goes to tea parties," Ollie answered, turning his own bright red smile up to Harry. "Don't you dad?"

"I do," Harry nodded, biting at his cheek to keep from laughing. "I go to lots of tea parties. But..." His eyes shifted to his daughter. "I don't think that's what mum's asking about."

"No," Maddie shook her head. "It's not. Maybe you want to tell me why you have Aunt Ella's jewelry and why her makeup is...all over the boys?"

As Lilli's eyes shifted away from her parents, Buckie Bishop cleared his throat and took a step forward. "It was my fault."

"What?" Maddie blinked.

"What?" Bishop stepped forward.

"I took the makeup and jewelry from mum's room," he explained, his cheeks flushing the slightest bit pink.

"But why?"

"Because Lilli said..."

"Lilli," Maddie narrowed her eyes at her daughter but Buckie continued.

"She was tired of always having to play with boys. She said she wanted to play with girls."

"So you made them dress up as girls?" Maddie asked, waiting for Lilli to respond.

"They didn't care," she crossed her arms over her chest, her chin rising defiantly.

"Hold on," Bishop stepped forward, lowering down to his son's level. "Lilli told you she was tired of playing with boys and that she wanted to play with girls. So...you went to your mother's room to get stuff so that all of you boys...could dress up as girls?"

"Sure," he shrugged his shoulders, looking up at his father with a helpless sort of look--one they had all seen on Bishop's face a time or two. "Why not? If it makes her happy..."

"Oh wow," Harry muttered under his breath, turning his face away from the children in hopes that they couldn't see his delight at the answer.

"Well okay..." Bishop clapped his hands together and stood tall, turning to the other three parents in the room. "I can't really argue with that so..."

"No, no, no," Maddie shook her head, dipping down to meet her daughter's gaze. "Lilli, I understand that you want to play with girls and...and I think it's great that the boys are so willing to help you out with that," she smiled to the pack of boys with done up hair and lipstick smiles. "But darling, you cannot just use Aunt Ella's makeup and jewelry without asking. That's not very polite and if somebody had done that to you, you would be very upset right now."

Lilli thought it over for a moment, her foot twisting and turning as she mulled it over. And then, with sigh that carried a hint of drama, she met her mother's eyes. "I'm sorry"

"Good," Maddie nodded, softening as she reached out to pat her daughter's shoulder. "But don't tell me."

Lilli held her mother's gaze and swallowed before taking a deep breath and stepping around her parents. Walking right over to Ella who was holding David as she watched the circus unfolding around them, she stood tall and faced her. "I'm sorry Aunt Ella."

"What are you sorry for?" Maddie encouraged her.

Sighing, Lilli put forth a smile. "I'm sorry for using your makeup and jewelry without asking."

"That's okay sweetheart," Ella was kind and gentle as she reached out to stroke Lilli's cheek. "I accept your apology."

"Thank you," she moved to hug her legs, looking up at her as she smiled. "I really like the red color though. It's my favorite."

"Mine too," Ella laughed. "And the boys all do look mighty pretty."

"They do," Lilli agreed, the tension slipping from her face.

"They do," Bishop chimed in, making them all laugh.

"Alright," Maddie softened. "Now...Lilli, how about you come with me and Aunt Ella and Oscar and David. We can help get drinks ready for dinner...and boys..." She turned a smile to the two fathers in the room. "Why don't you all go with your daddies and wash up?" She narrowed her eyes at Bishop, leaning in to pinch his cheek. "I know they both know how to get lipstick off their faces..."

"On it." Harry nodded, clapping his hands together and rounding them up. "Come on boys...let's go!"

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"Do you remember..." Ella spoke softly to Maddie as she laid stretched out on one couch with David snuggled and asleep against her chest.

"I don't remember much," Maddie shook her head with a muffled laugh, trying not to jostle Oscar who was passed out next to her on the couch opposite Ella's.

"Ha...tell me about it," Ella sighed, carefully taking another sip from her glass.

"Do I remember..." Maddie waved an encouraging hand to her friend.

"When it used to take more than a glass to make me tipsy and tired?"

Snickering into her glass, Maddie nodded. "I remember when it used to take more than a bottle to get you tipsy and tired."

"Me too," Ella sighed heavily, her eyes closing as her head tipped back. "Me too."

"Hey..." Maddie's head tipped to the side thoughtfully. "Are you okay over there?"

"Mmm," Ella nodded, her eyes staying closed for a long moment before she sucked in a breath and turned her head to look at Maddie. "Yeah...I'm okay." Though she had a smile on her face, it didn't quite reach her eyes and her voice wavered into a whisper.

"Ella..." Concern slipped into Maddie's eyes. "Hey..."

"It's okay," Ella laughed at herself, a hint of tears gathering in her eyes. "I really am okay. I'm just...tired and...lumpy..." She laughed, wiping at her eyes and taking a deep breath. "And I'm just...all mom, all the time."

"Ah..." Maddie nodded, understanding the feeling, knowing the struggle. "It's always so hard right at the beginning."

"It is," Ella nodded along, taking deep breaths and swallowing back tears. "Ugh. I'm sorry..." She pushed a breath out through her lips.

"Don't apologize to me. I get it." Maddie shook her head.

"I know," Ella smiled. "But look at you. You pull it together so well. How do you do that?"

"I have help," Maddie shrugged. "Greta and Maude are miracle workers."

"I have help too," Ella answered. "Angelina's here four days a week. I have a housekeeper. I have all of those things. I just..." She ran her hands lovingly over the little baby who slept against her.

"And when I go out in public, like...really go out in public, I have a team of people who help put me together."

"That's fair."

"Ella, honey...."

"Do you think..." Her voice dropped so quiet that Maddie had to lean in to hear her. "Do you think Bishop would ever..."

Maddie felt a nervous sort of anxiety rising in her gut, her eyes glancing instinctively towards the back of the house where the boys had gone to watch a movie with the kids for a bit before they left. "Do I think Bishop would ever..."

"Come on Maddie," Ella's eyes narrowed across the room at her best friend. "I'm tired all the time. I'm moody and...fat and covered in spit up from David or glitter and glue from Michael..."

"Okay first." Maddie leaned forward. "You are not fat. You gave birth to a baby less than two months ago...to your third baby mind you. You had a pretty serious operation and you're recovering. And even if that weren't the case, you would have a difficult time convincing anyone that you're fat. AND..." Maddie took a deep breath. "Even if you were...my answer is no. No. I do not think that Bishop would ever..."

"Okay," Ella whispered.

"Ella..."

"Maddie..."

"You don't believe me?"

"I just...I know him," Ella shrugged. "I know him well and..."

"And he's the most loyal person in the world Ella."

"To Harry." She nodded, taking another sip from her glass.

"Not to you?" Maddie challenged her with one lifted eyebrow. "Is that what you're saying?"

"I don't know what I'm saying," Ella sighed again, thinking for a moment as she adjusted there on the couch. "You know our story, Maddie. Bishop and I. We were on and off, up and down. We were crazy and wild and we had this...whirlwind of a time. And we were pregnant before we were married. And when we DID get married, we eloped. At the drop of a hat, we were off. Running away on his private jet and it was...gorgeous and romantic and HUGE. And life with him has been that...crazy and spontaneous and...wonderful." She sighed.

"Okay..." Maddie watched her friend closely, trying to be there without judgment, trying to hear what was lying underneath and around her words. "So..."

"So nothing about our life is like that anymore," Ella's voice was quiet, laced with tears. "At least nothing about  _my_  life is like that anymore."

"Hey..."

"And he's off on trips, meeting clients at these wonderful locations; having drinks and staying up late and...and women love him."

"Women have always loved him Ella," Maddie cut in softly. "And he's always loved you."

"Please..."

"Please! He chose YOU Ella. You. He avoided tying himself to one woman for years and then he met you and he was done." Maddie snapped her fingers. "He married you."

"Yeah," she rolled her eyes. "Because I was pregnant."

"Bullshit," Maddie shook her head.

"Maddie, we both know..."

"That he would have married you long before that if you would have wanted him too."

"No..." Ella shook her head, sitting up. "I don't know that."

"I do." Maddie was quick with her response. "Listen...Bishop is not that guy. He's loyal to a fault. He's...steady and strong and Jesus Ella...that man loves you."

"Yeah..." She whispered, her uncertainty clear in the tone of her voice. "Maybe..."

"Maybe?" Maddie lifted her eyebrows, sympathy strong in her smile. "Honey. Has something happened to make you think that he might be cheating?"

"No. Not really."

"Not really? Ella, have you talked to him about any of this?"

"Ha!" Ella's head tipped back as she laughed. "Talk to Bishop about my worries that he might find somebody more attractive?"

"Yes," Maddie smiled at the astonished look on Ella's face. "Have you asked him about any of this?"

"No Maddie," Ella shook her head at her best friend. "Question Bishop's loyalty to me? Question his honor....his head would burst."

"Well maybe you should take that as a sign..."

"Take what as a sign?" Harry's voice called out as he stepped into the room. Maddie's eyes flashed up to him, her grin right on cue.

"I..." She took a quick sip from her glass, giving herself a moment. "I was just suggesting to Ella that we have a spa day. You know...massages, nails, hair...I've been thinking about dying mine."

"Oh really?" Ella's eyebrows lifted, her focus changing. "What color were you thinking?"

"I don't know," Maddie shrugged. "Maybe red. Maybe brown. Harry's been a bit fond of the brown lately..." She couldn't help it as her eyes swung up to him.

"Easy," he warned her, leaning over the back of the couch to kiss her. "I'm fond of so many other parts of you before I even get to your hair."

"Is that right?" She grinned against his lips.

"Mmm..." He pulled back from her, reaching to smooth light fingers over Oscar's hair. "It might be time to get you and your parts back home, to bed."

"It might be," she nodded, turning watchful eyes back to Ella. "I meant what I said though..."

"I know you did," she smiled, meeting Maddie's gaze with a sigh.

"Spa day?" Maddie suggested, rising from the couch, her mind already moving to the logistics of getting her massive family home.

"You know what...yes. I think a spa day would be lovely. Next weekend?"

"Works for me," Maddie nodded. "We can finish our conversation then?"

Ella looked up to Maddie, a moment of hesitation and doubt flashing across her face before it was quickly replaced with a smile. "Sure," she nodded. "Sure."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Harry couldn't stop chuckling as he finished up in the bathroom and flipped off the light, stepping back into the bedroom.

"What's so funny?" Maddie called out to him from where she was already snuggled into their bed. With all the children nestled and sleeping, she was about five minutes from slumber herself.

"Ha..." He sighed, checking the alarm on his phone one more time before pulling back the blankets and climbing into bed next to her. "I can't stop thinking about all of those boys in that red lipstick."

"Oh my goodness..." Maddie laughed, shaking her head as she remembered. "I can't believe she got them all to do it."

"Are you joking?" Harry shot her a look, adjusting his pillow and laying down, turning to look at her. "She couldn't have been more your daughter tonight if she tried."

"MY daughter?!" Maddie blinked, pressing her hand to her chest in surprise.

"Yes!" He nodded with a smug grin. "Bossing around her brothers and the Bishop boys?! That's all you love."

"No, no, no," Maddie shook her head. "If she had MADE them, I would agree with you. But she didn't..." Maddie moved in closer to him. "She convinced them, they were happy to do it. That's...charm. That's...that's all you, Captain."

"Hmmm...maybe." His hands reached out for her then, wanting her nearer. "Though I will say, Buckie stepping up and taking the heat off of Lilli..."

"Oh God, I know," Maddie chuckled.

"Dressing up in lipstick and jewelry just to make her happy..." He sighed, deep and heavy. "I didn't even know what to say to that."

"Please. As if he hasn't learned from the best of the best..." She ran her hands up over his shoulders. "Watching the two of you..." She sighed and smiled. "That boy is all Bishop."

"Yes, yes he is." Harry nodded, his arms moving around her, settling in as she settled against him, his eyes getting heavier and heavier.

"Hey Harry..."

"Hmmm?"

"Can I ask you something? Something I want you to tell me the truth about?"

"Sure," Harry's forehead furrowed as he looked down to her.

"And you...you won't say anything to Bishop?"

"To Bishop?" His eyes opened up a bit more, his head turning so that he could really look at her. "Why would I say anything to Bishop? What's going on?"

"Okay." Maddie took a deep breath and let it out. "Do you think there's a chance that Bishop's...cheating?"

On reflex he pulled back from her, shocked by the question. "On Ella?"

"No Harry. On you." Maddie's lips twitched into a smile. "Do you think there's a chance he's hanging out with another Prince behind your back? Yes. On Ella."

"Funny," he narrowed his eyes at her. "And no. No of course not. Why would you even ask me that?"

"I don't know," Maddie sighed, relaxing a bit. "Ella just said..."

"She said Bishop's cheating on her?" Harry's concern and confusion deepened as he sat up halfway.

"No, no," Maddie shook her head, her hand reaching up to pull him back down to her. "She's just...she's feeling a little off and a little...I don't know...not as attractive as she used to..."

"Maddie..." Harry began. She knew he was ready to tell her how crazy that was and she loved him more for it.

"I know. I know." Maddie cut him off. "I told her she was off base but I don't know. I thought I would ask."

"No," Harry laid back down, pulling her back to him. "My answer is no. I don't think Bishop is...cheating on Ella."

"Okay," Maddie nodded, accepting his word at that.

"I mean it Maddie," he tightened his hold on her. "Even if things are a little...slow at the Bishop house right now, he's not the guy who cheats. He's just...he's never been that guy."

"Okay," Maddie's hands slid over the arm he hand wrapped around her. "I believe you."

"Okay..." He sighed, his voice lowering as he leaned to kiss her shoulder. "Do you want me to talk to him..."

"No, no," Maddie was quick to shake her head. "I told Ella to talk to him. I just..."

"Do you want me to talk to Ella?" He pressed his cheek to hers. "I can tell her how much Bishop loves his life...I can tell her how beautiful she is..."

"No," Maddie turned a sweet smile up to him. "That's very sweet of you but no. I think we should let the two of them figure this one out." Though the last five years had been full of blessings and a great amount of joy, there were still strains, there were still bumps and the Bishops were going through one of them.

"Yeah, okay," he kissed her again, snuggling closer, settling further.

"Okay..." Maddie's voice was beginning to fade, her eyes growing heavier and heavier. "I love you Harry..." She patted his hands.

"I love you too..." He muttered, drifting along with her. "Oh and Maddie..."

"Hmm?" Her eyes blinked and stayed closed.

"I'd do anything to make you happy too..."

"Hmmm..." She smiled. "Red lipstick?"

"Any time Mum...anytime."

With a sigh of contentment and only a hint of worry for her best friend, Maddie tucked herself into her husband's warm, strong arms and allowed herself to be lulled to sleep. In the morning they had polo and family and a trip to the country.


	4. Chapter 4

If there was one thing that hadn't diminished over the years, it was Maddie's intense attraction to her husband. As he aged, as the years passed and fatherhood settled over him, he had only become better looking. Though his hair had thinned only slightly, it had maintained that infamous red color, the carefree, wild fluff. There were a few more lines around his eyes and he had a pair of glasses that he wore late at night in his office. He still worked out nearly every day, running and lifting and his body was still tall and lean and strong And he was, without a doubt, more gorgeous now than he was on the day they married.

And he had been _unbelievably_  handsome that day.

So, as Harry and Maddie and all of their children unloaded at Beaufort Polo Club that sunny Saturday morning, she didn't even try to hide the way her eyes were drawn to him. He was walking ahead of her, holding onto Malcolm's hand while Lilli and Ollie ran ahead of him and she followed behind with Oscar. And when he turned around to check on her, when he caught her clearly ogling his ass in the white polo pants she loved, Maddie didn't even pretend to be looking at something else. She just bit her lip as she smirked and offered him as much of a shrug as she could muster.

"I see you Sussex," he called back to her.

"Ha!" Maddie's head tipped back in laughter. "I see you too Captain!"

"Yeah, yeah," he shook his head as they walked down the hill, spotting the rest of his family; Kate and Arthur just arriving and getting settled. "I hope you still like what you see."

"Oh I love what I see," Maddie giggled, holding tight to the baby in her arms as she followed behind him. With a shared laughter between them and their children running full speed for their cousin, they joined their family at the tent.

With a kiss to Kate and Arthur, Harry called out words of loving warning out to his children, he kissed his wife a little longer than normal, his hand resting on her ass--as it nearly always did--and he was off to see his brother, to get ready for the match.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"Oh hey..." Maddie's voice lowered as she leaned closer to Kate who sat next to her on a blanket as they watched the kids run around, intermittently watching their fathers play polo. "I wanted to warn you."

"Warn me?" Kate glanced over at her as she held Oscar up by his little hands, letting him walk about and bounce on the blanket. "About what?"

"There are most likely going to be some articles about the two of us fighting."

"What? Why?" Kate blinked, her lips curling up at the corners. "What are we fighting over now?"

"I'm thinking of dying my hair brown," Maddie's smirk matched Kate's, their shared understanding and amusement at the way they were both portrayed evident in their eyes. "So I'm sure that will ignite something about me wanting to be like you and...you know the rest."

"Of course," Kate nodded, leaning in to make a face at Oscar, making him giggle and bounce even more.

"Though I DO want to be like you."

"Ha!" Kate snickered at that. "Of course you do." Her smile moved from laughter to interest. "You're going to dye your hair?"

"Mmm," Maddie shrugged. "I'm thinking about it. Just...wanting to try something a little new, something a little different."

"Yeah?" Kate lifted her eyebrows. "What does Harry think?"

Maddie's eyes immediately shifted out to the field, honing right in on him as his horse ran the length of the field. "Oh I don't think Harry will mind." Her lips curled up higher, her eyes dancing behind her sunglasses.

"Mummy, Mummy, Mummy..." Lilli came running over to the blanket, a polo mallet in her hands and her older cousin right on her heels, her younger brothers right behind him. "Mummy..." She sighed heavily, wiping a mess of red curls from her face.

"Yes Lilli?" Maddie chuckled as she turned her attention to her daughter.

"May Arthur come stay with us at Foxgrove tonight?" She pressed her hands together in front of her pleadingly.

"Please?" Arthur looked adorably hopeful.

"Yeah, can he?" Ollie piped up. "Please, please, please..."

Glancing at Kate for that silent question and answer they had perfected, she turned a smile to the children. "I think you'll have to ask Arthur's mom and dad first. But...if it's okay with them, then it's okay with me."

"Yaaaaaaay!!!" The children let out a chorus of celebration before they tamed it down and turned to Kate.

"Aunt Kate," Lilli spoke up, clearly the group's representative in this matter.

"Yes Lilli?" Kate answered, endlessly amused with her niece's quirky ways.

"May Arthur please come stay with us at Foxgrove tonight?"

"Hmmm..." Kate pretended to think about it, watching them all grow antsy as they waited. Leaning to Maddie, she whispered. "You sure you want all of them?"

"All of them?" Maddie laughed. "What's one more when you already have a circus."

"Fair," Kate nodded. "Okay. Yes Lilli. Arthur may come stay with you at Foxgrove tonight." As applause broke out all around and dancing commenced, Kate spoke up. "But only one night. We have to get ready for school on Monday and, I think...your grandma Hannah is coming to town."

"She is," Maddie nodded.

"One night then, Arthur?" Kate looked to her son, reminding him that he would need to come home the next day; no matter the fun he was having at the House of Sussex.

"One night," Arthur nodded.

"Well then," Kate grinned. "Looks like it's date night for me."

"Well then," Maddie matched her grin. "Looks like it's slumber party for me."

"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!"

And just like that, images of the children dancing and clapping and laughing were all over the internet, the next generation of royalty living it up at the Polo Match. Just as it had always been, just as it would always be.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

When Harry made his way off the winner's podium, sweaty and smiling, he walked right into the crazy mess of children, clapping and dancing--this time for him and his team.

Though there were plenty of adoring fans watching him closely with hidden giggles and whispered appreciation, he saw none of it. Instead he went straight for his wife, kissing her before he kissed Oscar bouncing in her arms.

"Dadadadadadada!" Oscar called out, stretching his arms out until Harry pulled him from Maddie's grasp. As Oscar let out a squeal of delight, the crowd let out a few ahh's and Harry laughed, kissing his chubby little cheeks.

"Great job daddy," Maddie reached to wipe lip-gloss from his face.

"Thank you," Harry smiled at her. "Come with me?" He nodded towards a group of players laughing and talking off to the side.

"Sure," she smiled, glancing back at the other children running and playing and teasing Uncle Will. "Where are we going?"

"I wanted to introduce you to Cauã."

"Ah yes!" Maddie remembered the name of the polo player who would be out to Foxgrove the next day to start as Lilli's riding instructor. "Oh! The kids wanted Arthur to come out to the country with us for the night. I said it was fine. I hope that's okay."

"Of course," Harry shook his head. "The more the merrier. Alright..." As they approached the group, Harry called out. "Cauã!"

Maddie watched as a tall, sun-kissed tan man turned at the sound of his name. He had broad shoulders, a mass of wavy hair and bright eyes that seemed to be glimmering.

Seeing Harry approach, he stepped away from the group, a wide, perfect smile spreading across his face.

"Harry!" He called out, his accent was heavy. "Beautiful match! Parabéns!"

"Thank you, thank you," Harry shook his hand, adjusting Oscar in his arms as Cauã leaned in to smile at him.

"Is this your son?"

"It is," Harry nodded. "This is Oscar, my youngest."

"Bonito!" Cauã waved his fingers at him. "Nice to meet you Prince Oscar."

"And this..." Harry turned a wide smile to Maddie. "This is my wife, Maddie. Maddie, this is Cauã Veloso, arguably one of the best polo players in Brazil."

"Ah, you're too kind," Cauã pressed his hand to his chest, shaking his head at Harry before turning his wide, intoxicating grin to Maddie. "Your Royal Highness."

"Good to meet you," Maddie slipped her hand into his, slightly taken aback when he bent his head in a bow, kissing the top of her hand that he was holding warm between both of his.

"Boa tarde," he held onto her hand. "The pleasure is all mine."

"Oh well thank you," Maddie, despite herself, felt a slight flush rise to her neck. "I have to tell you, our daughter Lilli is beside herself with excitement over starting lessons tomorrow."

"Wonderful!" He released her hand, clapping his together with a wide smile. "I'm looking forward to working with her. It's been awhile since I've taught a lesson. I've missed it."

"Good..." Harry spoke up, looking from Cauã to Maddie and back again. "Good then." His smirk pulled a little higher. "We should probably go wrangle up the children. Madeline?" He lifted his eyebrows to her.

"Hmm?" She turned to him, catching herself, catching her reaction and instantly blushing. "Sorry. Yes. We should go get the children. It was nice to meet you Cauã. We'll see you tomorrow at Foxgrove."

"Yes," he nodded, his eyes fixed on her for just an extra beat before he turned to Harry. "I'll see you tomorrow Harry."

"Yes," Harry nodded with a deep chuckle. "Yes you will."

As Cauã excused himself, stepping away from Harry and Maddie, Harry's eyes stayed glued on his wife. As soon as he was out of hearing range, Harry took a step closer to her, his voice lowering in amusement. "I saw that."

"Saw what?" She didn't miss a beat as she blinked her eyes, turning to walk towards the children, ready to gather them and head out.

"You know what..." He shook his head, chuckling as he followed her. "I've seen that blush on your face before."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Maddie called back to him.

"Madeline Sussex," Harry stopped in his tracks. Maddie slowed to a stop, took a big, long deep breath and turned to face him.

"Captain?" She lifted her eyebrows, biting back laughter.

"Don't you Captain me," he moved to stand right in front of her, wanting his body close to hers as he looked down at her, narrowing his gaze as he fought a smile. "I saw your cheeks turn pink."

"Is that right?" She crossed her arms over her chest defiantly.

"It's okay," he reached out to smooth a wayward hair from her face. "You can find another man attractive..."

"Oh is that so?" She challenged.

"Of course," he shrugged. "Cauã is a good looking man. I am...man enough to admit that. AND I'm confident enough to be completely fine with you...ahem...blushing around him."

"Ahhh..." Maddie nodded, taking a breath and moving a step closer. "You know...maybe, maybe Cauã is a good looking man. And maybe I have eyes enough to see that. But..." She cleared her throat and moved even closer. "While I appreciate your confidence, I think that maybe you should know that there's a chance, a really, really good one..." She reached out to run her finger down his flat stomach. "That that blush...was for you, in these white pants...riding that horse..." With a big grin, she tipped up on her toes to kiss him and then, with a ruffle to Oscar's hair, she stepped away, leaving him momentarily speechless. "Come on Captain. The circus performers are running loose."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The caravan of young royals was quite the sight to be seen, singing along as they drove away from the polo match, marching in a straight line hilariously lead by Lilli when they stopped at The Royal Oak for lunch, and giggling happily as they all piled into a large, rounded booth in the back and ordered their food. Before long, they were back in the cars and driving the rest of the way to Foxgrove. The second they pulled through the gates, winding up the long drive, the kids were alive with excitement. They were ready to run free and yell and scream and laugh and do all of it with the kind of reckless abandon they didn't always have at home.

So the children unloaded and ran straight into the back lawn, towards the treehouse Harry had built when Lilli was young, towards the swing set they had installed. And as Harry went in to shower and change, Maddie opened up the large glass doors on the back of the house and, while listening to the children play, she gathered vegetables from their garden and she began chopping and cooking ingredients for dinner.

It was a scene so domestic; warm and tranquil and easy. There had been a time in her life when she hadn't been able to imagine this sort of normalcy for her and her family, a time when she had been afraid that they would be raising their children behind a tall, thick, impenetrable wall. But here they were, at ease in the country. They had land to work with; a garden growing and a blooming landscape in progress. They had finished their own greenhouse where they nurtured plants and, occasionally each other. They had trees and woods and water. And she loved it--Harry and the kids and Maddie--they loved this little home they had built out in the middle of nowhere.

There was a lot of laughter that night as they ate dinner in the kitchen; jokes and silliness all around. Bath time was eventful as always but eventually--not too much later than normal--all of the children were bathed and dressed and tucked into beds. Maddie knew it would take the older ones a while to calm down and to fall asleep but Malcolm and Oscar were exhausted and were out nearly before she could lay them down.

"Okay now..." She stood at the doorway to the room where Ollie, Arthur, and Lilli were sleeping, all tucked into sleeping bags on air mattresses, their own flashlights tucked close by. "We have a busy day tomorrow. Lilli's riding lesson, Grandma Hannah is coming to town with..."

"For my birthday?" Oliver lifted his head to look at her.

"Yes, for your birthday this next weekend. Now. I'm turning off the lights. I expect excellent behavior and lots of sleeping children." She began on her way out. "Good night darlings..."

"Good night mother!" Ollie called out.

"Good night Mum!" Lilli echoed.

"Good night Aunt Maddie!" Arthur was sweet.

"Goodnight," she smiled again, stepping from the room and pulling the door halfway closed. Though she could hear muffled laughter and their best try at a whispered conversation, she let it slide and started down the stairs towards the back patio where she knew her husband was waiting with, hopefully, freshly poured drinks.

She wasn't disappointed. Harry was sitting at the long table, his legs stretched out in front of him as he flipped through some paperwork, topped off glasses atop the table.

"Hey there..." Maddie ran her fingers into the fluff of red hair that started at the nape of his neck. "What are you reading?"

"Hello," he turned a smile up to her, waiting as she took a seat next to him, selecting one of the glasses on the table as her own. "Stuff from Thomas for our meeting this week."

"Looks like a lot of stuff," Maddie took a sip.

"Plans for the Jubilee," Harry nodded, turning his eyes back to the stack of documents. "Trooping the Colour, the concerts, the parades...our big trip."

"Oooh." Maddie's eyes lit up. "I'm excited for our big trip."

"Me too," his smile pulled higher.

"And I love that we get to take all the children. They'll have such a great time."

"Agreed," Harry chuckled, tossing the papers down onto the table and relaxing back, his eyes turning to her. "Though, Lilli might be ready to take on duties all her own."

"Ha!" Maddie's hand slapped against her leg. "Honestly though, eventually we're going to have trouble on our hands."

"Eventually," Harry grinned, taking a big drink from his glass and setting it down, shrugging his shoulders as he bent to pull her feet into his lap. "But we have a little bit of time before that."

"Just a little," Maddie held her fingers about an inch apart, adjusting in her seat so that he could rub her feet. "I'll have to take your father aside next time I see him, solicit some tips."

"Tips?" Harry lifted his eyebrows.

"On raising a strong-willed, slightly unruly Windsor."

"You're talking about Will?" His smile was smug, his fingers pulling at her toes.

"You know who I'm talking about," she nudged him with her foot and sighed. "I just meant that I really like how you turned out. I want to make sure she turns out just as well."

"Lovely save darling," he laughed, reaching for a quick drink before returning to her feet.

"I try," she shrugged, letting her head tip back and her eyes close. "Busy week."

"Mmm," Harry agreed.

"I have a meeting with the board for The Prince's Trust later this week...Jubilee planning with Thomas...Ollie's Fourth birthday..."

"Working on baby number five with your husband..."

"What?" Maddie's head pulled up, her eyes opened.

"What?" He met her gaze, a wide, steady smile in place. "I saw you holding David last night and I saw you with all of the children today. Now..." He pulled her foot a little closer to him as he leaned in closer to her. "I know you want eight..."

"Harry..." She warned.

"And I know that you know how to count..."

"Harry Wales," she laughed, swatting at the smug look on his face.

"I'm just saying," he laughed along with her, easing up. "We have four left. We might as well start."

"Might as well," Maddie rolled her eyes at him. "If only WE had to be pregnant for nine months. If only WE had to grow a person. If only WE had to deliver them. All this...WE talk."

"You know WE would do it in a heartbeat if WE could," he sighed and Maddie knew--he would if he could.

"I know," she pulled her feet from his lap and rose from her seat. "How about this..." She smiled down at him as she crawled into his lap. "Let's get through Oscar's first birthday..." She settled in close to him, loving the smile that spread across his face as his hands moved over her, drawing her in. "Let's get through the summer and jubilee and all of the travelling and then, then we'll talk?" She leaned in to kiss him, long and slow. "Or...not talk."

"Mmmm..." Harry moaned against her lips, leaning up in his chair to kiss her better, his arms wrapping tight around her. "You, my darling....you have yourself a deal."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Sunday at Foxgrove was a frenzy of excitement. After a big breakfast, the kids took to the outdoors. Arthur and Ollie went 'spying' on the family of foxes Ollie liked to keep track of while Malcolm and Oscar played in the greenhouse as Maddie milled around. When Cauã arrived for Lilli's lesson, Harry met Maddie's eyes with a smirk and a wink.

"I'll take this one," he bent to kiss her and then, with a rumble of laughter, followed along as his daughter nearly skipped out to the barn and arena, overjoyed to begin her lessons.

It was later in the afternoon when the day began to settle. With the riding lesson over and lunch in their bellies, the older kids were enjoying some indoor playtime while the younger ones napped. And when Will and Kate arrived to pick up Arthur, they happily stepped into the chaos, easily agreeing to watch the run through of Ollie's newest tricks and treats. But in the end, nothing--nothing--stirred the children up quite as much as the sound of the tires on the gravel drive did that afternoon.

They all knew that grandma was coming, they had been anticipating her arrival for weeks. So despite all of the playing and all of the noise, the second that car pulled into view from the house, the whole lot of the children--including Malcolm who was now awake--came thundering down the stairs, twisting around corners. With great excitement and even greater volume, they chorused "Grandma!!!" while nearly trampling over Maddie and Harry who had come to answer the door and help with bags.

Of course Hannah's face was an identical match in excitement and joy as she immersed herself in hugs and kisses, dancing along with them there in the foyer.

"Maybe we should let Grandma make it in the door before we riot, hmm?" Maddie giggled at the scene.

"Ugh..." Hannah sighed blissfully. "This is the BEST kind of riot though..."

"Ha!" Harry laughed, looking out the still-open front door. "Where's your boyfriend mum? Didn't leave him behind this time did you?"

With a groan, Maddie narrowed her eyes at her husband. "Do you really have to call him her boyfriend?"

"Well that's what he is," Harry countered, amusement tracing over every corner of his face. "And he's been around for years now, love. Maybe it's time you come to terms with it?"

"He's here," Hannah laughed at the two of them, her face softening as she nodded towards the door. "He's just finishing with..." As she caught sight of him, her entire face lit up. "There he is."

As he stepped into the doorway, the children turned to see him and the frenzied sort of chaos that had begun to dwindle peaked again. With wide, bright smiles and happy dances, they ran straight to him, their loud voices in chorus as they called out, "COLLINS!!!!"


	5. Chapter 5

As he stepped into the doorway, the children turned to see him and the frenzied sort of chaos that had begun to dwindle peaked again. With wide, bright smiles and happy dances, they ran straight to him, their loud voices in chorus as they called out, "COLLINS!!!!"

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The flavor around the dinner table that night was full of warmth and laughter. It was easy and familial. The stories flowed freely with updates on Isaiah's schooling, hilarious tales about the younger children, all interspersed with Ollie's entertaining jokes. As Harry watched Maddie from across the table, smiling happily at her mother, tossing barbs back and forth with Collins, he could see that she was happy for the two of them; thrilled in fact. This relationship had been unexpected to say the very least; surprising. Shocking. Stunning really.

For the rest of his life, Harry would never forget the look on his wife's face that warm summer morning in Colorado, when Collins crept up the stairs from Hannah's room and unwittingly dropped the news right into their laps.

It had been very early in the morning and Maddie was barely pregnant with Malcolm. Ollie was one and had been having a hard time adjusting to the change in time. So they were up. With Lilli snoring away in her room, Maddie and Ollie were snuggled up on the couch reading one of his favorite books while Harry made a pot of much-needed coffee for the start of their day.

When Maddie had heard the sound of her mother's door opening followed by soft footsteps, she had been expecting a sleepy grandma to make an appearance. But instead, when she glanced up from the pages of Ollie's book, she was looking right into the wide, dark eyes of a man she had known for years, a man who had become family to her.

A man who stopped dead cold in his tracks at the sight of her.

A man who didn't bat a lash, didn't turn away, even when Hannah moved up the stairs behind him, stepping into the mix of things just as Harry stepped back into the room with two mugs of coffee at hand.

And, if there was ever any doubt about what had been going on, the look on Hannah's face--the wide, warm smile and the breathy sigh she let out as she passed Collins, her fingers tracing along his well-muscled arms--well that doubt completely flew from the room.

Along with Maddie's self-control.

"Oh...my...God..." Maddie struggled to speak the words, her throat having gone dry. With eyes growing wider and wider with every blink of her eyes, she sucked in a breath. "Mother!"

The smile faded from Hannah's face--but only barely. Her hand pulled away from Collins and her arms crossed over her chest, pulling her robe along with it. "Maddie..."

"I..." Maddie blinked, her head shaking in disbelief as her mind tried to register all of the more-than-apparent messages it was receiving. "I don't even..." She looked from her mother to Collins. "What are you doing coming out of..."

"Gramma!!!" Ollie, stuffing his book aside, jumped from the couch and ran towards Hannah, his arms up and outstretched, effectively breaking the trance the adults seem to be in.

"Ollie!" Hannah recovered with a warm smile as she lifted him up into her arms. "What on earth are you doing up so early my love?"

"Pamcakes?" His eyes were wide and sweet as he grinned up at her, his hands patting together. "Pamcakes pwease?"

"You want Gramma to make you some pancakes?" Hannah softened, so in love with her grandson.

"PWEASE!" His voice lifted as he bounced in her arms.

"Of course darling," she kissed his cheeks and turned her attention to Maddie, still stunned on the couch. "If you could somehow manage to lift your jaw from the floor, maybe you could help me with the pancakes and we can..." Her gaze shifted reflexively to Collins, her face flushing pink as it did. Looking back to Maddie, she cleared her throat and smiled. "Talk." Without another word on the matter, Hannah adjusted Ollie in her arms and turned from the room.

Maddie's eyes turned to Collins, fixating on him for nearly a full minute as her jaw clenched and her breathing steadied. And then she was up, following her mother to the kitchen; her head high and her pace quick. Serious.

Harry, having not moved a muscle since it all began, stood still in the middle of the living room, tipping one of the mugs of coffee to his lips for a drink. As a muffled chuckle rose up from his mug, he shook his head.

And Collins, tense and on alert, relaxed. "You think this is funny?"

Harry's laughter only increased as his head nodded. "I've been up for hours with an unruly toddler, Collins. I think this is hilarious."

"Brilliant." Collins folded his arms across his chest, glancing in the direction where Hannah had disappeared, his facial features softening. "I suppose you want some sort of explanation..."

"None needed." Harry pulled the mug away from his face, his grin wide and full of smug. "I'm married to her daughter, remember? I've seen that exact expression on Maddie's face before...I KNOW what it means."

"Lovely," Collins groaned, looking down at the ground as he took a deep breath and blew it out.

"Though...without any judgment whatsoever," Harry shrugged, his voice lowering a bit. "I am dying to know how it happened."

Harry watched as that warm, easy smile spread across Collins' face, as his mind drifted back to a place in time that made his whole body relax and his eyes light up. Lifting his eyes to Harry, he swallowed back a bit of emotion and began. "Honestly...it all began in Bendal."

With a nod and a smile and a deeper understanding than most, Harry sighed. "Of course it did."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

It was years ago, nearly another lifetime, when Hannah and Collins had flown with Maddie and Harry to Bendal. They were there on official business, opening the newly built Community Center. Hannah was along for the ride, wanting to see for herself this place that met so much to her daughter and her son-in-law. And Collins--Collins had always had a part of his heart that called Bendal home. When they had landed in the consuming heat, there was great joy along with mild sadness and a healthy dose of nostalgia that had swept over nearly everyone in their group.

But when Maddie had stepped up to him with that bright smile of hers and reminded him that he was, in fact, responsible for her mother for the day, he had snapped back to the moment and he had moved forward.

It seemed to be a theme for the visit; moving forward.

This was the first time he had been back to Bendal since he had been there for Khenda's service, since he had said goodbye to his one and only soulmate. This was the first time he had been back with Isaiah at an age where he could be immersed in this rich culture, where he could remember the wonderful details, where he could commit a part of this to his memory, to his heart.

And while he could have easily been caught up in the overwhelming significance of it all, he was distracted by this woman who had the eyes of an explorer, an open heart and a willingness to jump in and try things, experiencing things. She wanted to see everything. She wanted to jump into all of it.

This was Hannah's first time in Bendal. Period. And, because he had promised Maddie, because he had agreed easily, because it elevated his own excitement--he was going to show her everything he knew, everything he loved, about this beautiful place that had captivated so many.

So he did. He and Isaiah took Hannah on the most complete tour of Bendal that anyone could have ever asked for.

And though Collins would never say that it was then that he fell in love with Hannah, he would absolutely confess to feeling...something.

A bond, a friendship, an automatic kinship. As they traversed the country, taking in the city and the nowheres, taking in the food and the music and the children and the art and the beauty of it all, he found something in this woman. She was sweet and funny and understanding. She was bright and happy and so easygoing that she didn't seem at all pulsed by his son who occasionally needed extra time to play or some help managing his behavior. She didn't seem at all put out when they came upon a place that had been so overwhelmingly reminiscent of Khenda that Collins needed a moment alone. Instead, she would take Isaiah's hand and go exploring, offering him the time he needed and the understanding he craved.

He found something with her on that trip--she met a need inside of him, he wasn't even aware he had.

And she did it all with this great big, wide laughter that drew him to her instantly.

For Hannah, it all felt very much like falling. Or flying. The trip to Bendal had been magical in every way she looked at it. She had gone wanting to see this place where Maddie had found solace time and again, this place that had drawn both of them back--despite the dangers they might have faced while there. She had gone seeking understanding and, hopefully, appreciation.

And instead she had found love.

Not with Collins. Not yet. At least not in the most basic sense of that word. She had found love in the people, in the landscape, in the rituals and traditions. She found love in the way she had been welcomed, the way she had been embraced. And she found a great amount of love in the way this place seemed to adopt each and every one of the people who had come along with her.

Yes, the food was amazing.

Yes, the people were wonderful.

Yes, the music was warm and trancelike, the drinks even more so.

But that wasn't it, that wasn't what did it for her.

It was the look on her daughter's face. It was the ease of tension in Harry's shoulders. It was the laughter from Lilli. It was this lively spirit that came from Collins, the matching joy that was in Isaiah. It was how being here seemed to only increase these wonderful traits of the entire group; the Bishops included.

But beyond even that, it was this understanding, this appreciation that had settled deep inside of her; warm and genuine--just like Bendal.

She had been so happy she had decided on this, so happy that when Harry and Maddie had offered her a trip anywhere, she had chosen this. There wasn't a single other place on earth that could have offered her what she was gifted on this trip and for the rest of her life, she would count that decision as one of her biggest, one of her best.

And all of that was before that night of the party. All of that was before she had sipped on two too many of the native cocktail, before she had let the sway of the music lull her to dance, before Collins had flashed that bright white smile of his and offered his hand.

All of that was before he had pulled her to the middle of the makeshift dance floor, before he had pulled her into his arms.

Before his kindness and his charm and his innate sensuality made her feel amazing.

Like she was falling. Or more accurately, flying.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"You hooked up with Collins in Bendal?!" Maddie's voice, though soft, was full of the incredulity she felt racing through her veins. "But that was YEARS ago! How am I just now finding out about this?! How have you been keeping this a secret ALL of this time?!"

"Maddie please," Hannah narrowed her eyes at her daughter, smiling at her grandson who happily devoured the pancakes in front of him, oblivious to the conversation around him. "I did not hook up with Collins in Bendal. I have never hooked up with him..."

"Oh really?" Maddie's head cocked to the side. "Because that half naked man sneaking up your stairs this morning seems to indicate otherwise."

"Madeline," Hannah's voice lowered as she leaned closer to her daughter, wanting to move the conversation between just the two of them while Ollie worked on his breakfast. "Collins and I are both adults. We've been married before, we've said goodbye to our one-true-loves. I have grandchildren..." She took a breath and smiled, a sweet, wistful turn of her lips. "We don't hook up."

"Mom..."

"He's full of this charm and wisdom and this..." She sucked in a breath and let it out in a blissful sort of sigh. "We don't hook up Maddie. What we do is so much closer to..."

"Oh my GOD!" Maddie's hands moved over her ears, her eyes narrowing at her mother. "Stop it. Stop it right now! You are my mother and he is my...he's..." She couldn't find the right word for what Collins meant to her. "Stop!"

"Oh Maddie really," Hannah rolled her eyes, reaching out to pull her daughter's hands away from her ears. "You wanted to know how it happened and I respect you enough to tell you. But if you're going to behave like a child, maybe you should share some pancakes with Ollie and let this one just be."

"I'm sorry," Maddie felt instantly embarrassed. Sitting up taller, she cleared her throat. "I'm sorry. It's just....so new and it's truly blowing my mind just a bit. I apologize. Please...please continue."

Hannah watched her daughter for a second, sipping her coffee as she gauged her reaction, as she thought back over the history of it all and then, taking a breath, she went on. "When we came to London when Ollie was born..."

The gasp that came from Maddie's lips surprised them both. But she clapped her hands over her mouth and tried for a smile. "I'm sorry. I couldn't help it."

"Relax," Hannah chuckled. "We just...we spent a little time together, we caught up on our lives. And I thanked him, for everything he did in Bendal; showing me around, making me feel at home. And I offered the same in return, if he ever came to Colorado, I would show him around; give him the tour, help him feel at home..."

"You know," Maddie leaned forward with a sigh. "It's a good thing that it's just you and I in here because I'm not sure my husband would be able to resist taking THAT completely wrong."

"Ha!" Hannah laughed louder. "I suppose you're right."

"So this is...new?" Maddie lifted her eyebrows.

"Yes Madeline," Hannah's entire face lit up. Even as she tried to hide it, Maddie could see just how happy she was. "This is incredibly new."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"I knew it!" Harry clapped his hands together before pointing an accusing finger at Collins. "I knew it. Last night when we went to bed and the two of you stayed out on the deck...I TOLD Maddie that Hannah was flirting with you and she told me I was full of shit."

"Because you are full of shit." Collins blinked, his eyes narrowing as his grin widened.

"Maybe," Harry shrugged. "But not about this. I saw you coming up those stairs my friend."

"Maybe not," Collins admitted with a shrug. Looking down at his hands, he pulled in a deep breath. "Listen Harry. This thing with Hannah. This isn't just about..." He shook his head, almost unable to finish the sentence, feeling suddenly shy and uncertain about a many number of things.

"I know it isn't," Harry cut in, his joking nature slipping to allow in a moment of seriousness. "I mean...I don't know what's going on between you two or what will go on between the two of you. But. I know you both...fairly well and never in my wildest imagination would I ever think that this was just about..." He waved his hand into the air, amused at the way neither of them could really say the words.

Collins nodded, quiet for a long moment before he looked up at Harry, a mixture of great happiness and great sadness in his eyes. "Harry..." He swallowed back a lump of emotion and blinked at the tears suddenly welling up. "About Khenda."

Harry felt her name slam into his chest with a thud. "Hey..." He leaned forward from his spot on the couch.

"No," Collins held up his hand. "I have to say it. She will...God, Harry. She will always be my...one. She'll always be the one I was meant to be with. And this, this in no way diminishes any of what I still feel for her."

"I can't imagine that it would," Harry spoke softly; heavy.

"And the beautiful part about it being Hannah..." He smiled as he said her name, his voice wrapping around it in a way that made Harry wish Maddie were there to hear it. "She doesn't need me to explain that to her and she doesn't feel threatened by it or scared of it. She's right there with me. Because she feels the same way about her husband. And she always will. It's...it's an understanding, a completeness, that I didn't know was an option for me. I didn't know I needed."

Before Harry could swallow back his own emotions enough to respond, their moment was interrupted by the bubbly burst that was Lilli Sussex. Skipping into the room with her red curls bouncing, she was rubbing her eyes and yawning wide as she called out.

"Daaaaaaaaaaaaddy. DAAAAAAAAAAAADDY."

Both of the men turned smiles to her as Harry opened up his arms just in time for her to jump right into them. "Good Morning Lilli-bean." He kissed her cheeks, nuzzling into her neck, making her giggle.

"I'm hungry daddy."

"Well you are in luck, lovely." Harry pulled back to look at her. "Your grandma is in the kitchen feeding Ollie pancakes and..."

"Pancakes!!!" She clapped her hands together, dancing there in Harry's lap.

"And I think, if we go in and ask nicely, she just might feed you some too."

As Lilli jumped from Harry's lap, tugging on his hand to follow along with her, he turned a sympathetic smile to Collins. "Are you coming in with me or..."

Collins took a deep breath, letting it out with a sigh. "I think I'm going to go with the 'or' for a moment. I want to give them their time."

"Okay," Harry nodded, reaching out to pat his shoulder. "Breathe easy Collins. It'll all settle the way it's supposed to."

Collins offered him a smile and a small nod before he settled back onto the couch, watching as Harry and Lilli disappeared into the kitchen. When they stepped around the corner, Lilli easily broke the ice, running to hug her grandma, begging for pancakes Hannah was all too happy to provide.

Harry, moving slowly into the room behind her, had a smile that was smug; amused.

"There is a man in the living room who MAY need to talk to...at least one of you Forrester women." Leaning to kiss his wife warm on the lips before he rose and pressed a sweet kiss to Hannah's cheek. "You can decide which one."

The two women looked at each other over the table, over the joyful chaos of the children, past the entertained grin from Harry. With a slight lift of Hannah's eyebrows and a quick nod of Maddie's head, it was the younger of the two who rose from the table and left the room.

Clearing her throat, Hannah took a deep breath and looked to Harry, her mouth to speak without any idea what she was going to say. "Listen, Harry..."

"Oh hey," Harry held up his hands in surrender. "You don't need to feel like you have to say anything." He shook his head and tossed her a wink. "If anyone understands falling in love with a Forrester in the heat of Bendal...it's me."

"Ha!" Hannah laughed, her shoulders easing. "Though nobody said a word about love."

"Yeah," Harry laughed, shrugging his shoulders. "Nobody has to."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

When Maddie stepped back into the living room, Collins rose to his feet. Standing tall before her, he met and held her gaze, he offered her a smile and he waited. He waited for what felt like an eternity as Maddie struggled with the words she wanted to use. When she finally spoke, it wasn't with anger or upset. It was calm and thoughtful and laced with love.  
"She's my mother," she said it matter-of-factly; plain and simple.

"I know," he nodded, his voice soft; understanding.

"She's my mother." Maddie repeated, her voice growing heavy on the word, on the title. Taking a few steps into the room, her posture eased just a bit, her voice softening further. "And you...you've saved my life; in so many ways."

Swallowing back a lump in his throat, Collins struggled internally; wanting to say something, wanting to hug her--and wanting to give her the time and space to say what she wanted to say. So instead, he blinked and nodded and waited.

"I just...I can't imagine losing you, Collins." Maddie felt a sudden, unexpected rush of emotion as she said the words out loud. "You're such an important part of my life, such a BIG part of my life and I just...I love you so much..."

"I love you too," he spoke up, having no other choice but to speak his mind, his heart.

"I know you do," she smiled at him, moving in closer, taking a long cleansing breath. "You and my...my mother." She let out a puff of a laugh, a shake of her head as she thought it over again in her mind.

"You should know," his head tipped thoughtfully. "I have zero intention of...causing your mother any amount of pain or heartache."

"I guessed as much."

"And...and this didn't happen without careful thought. This didn't happen in absence of feeling. This wasn't some drunken whim."

"Yeah..." Maddie sighed. "I know."

"Okay," he watched her for a moment. "Come on Doc...ask what you want to ask. Say what you want to say...you've never held back from me before..."

"She's my mother Collins," Maddie shrugged her shoulders. "And...and as much as I love you and as much as I owe you and as much as I think of you...." She trailed off and let out a small laugh, her head shaking. "I know that I don't need to worry about you and I know that you simply wouldn't be walking up the stairs from my mother's room if this didn't mean something to you..."

"I wouldn't," he stood taller as he said it, a sort of seriousness shading his eyes. "It means a great deal."

"I know." Maddie whispered, caught up in the sentiment of it all for a moment before she cleared her throat and crossed her arms over her chest. "That being said. If this ends with my mother heartbroken because of you, I won't hesitate to kill you."

Fighting the grin that pulled at his lips, Collins nodded. "Of course."

"With my bare hands," she arched an eyebrow, her own mouth curling into a smile.

"Well sure," he shrugged. "What other method is there?"

"Just so we're clear." Maddie relaxed even further.

"Just so we're clear." Collins repeated.

And then, allowing the shock and surprise to drift away, allowing the happiness and the emotion rush forward, Maddie let loose a bright, wide smile, and she moved right into Collins' arms, hugging him tight. With his arms wrapped nearly all the way around her, he let out a breath he had been holding since he saw the look on her face that morning, and he kissed her cheek, laughing along with her.

The absolute truth of the matter, the truth nobody had begun to say out loud at that time, was this. Hannah would have never invited Collins to her room, to her bed, had she not intended for this to be something bigger. And Collins, he had too much respect for her, for her daughter, for the memory of his wife to ever go to bed with her unless it already meant something more.

He had felt something with her that he hadn't felt since Khenda.

And when he had kissed her, when he laid his hands on her, Hannah had felt things she had never felt before. She had been madly in love with Jay and every single part of her had been his, till the day he died. But being with Collins, she felt herself come alive in ways she didn't even know were possible.

That spark had ignited something inside of her that allowed her to shed nearly all of her previous inhibitions, to shrug off any last bit of timidity or fear she held onto. And she began to live life in a way she hadn't for a very, very long time.

When Collins followed Maddie back into the kitchen, there were smiles of relief all around. As he walked passed Hannah to pour himself some coffee, his hand graced over her shoulder, his eyes meeting hers with a look that nobody in the room could have missed. A look that never left his face whenever he looked at her.

Not through that entire trip, through the entire summer. It never disappeared.

It was there every time they were together, every time he saw her.

It was there when they all returned to Colorado for New Years. It was there when they were in London together for the birth of Malcolm, for the Christening. It was there when they sat together, explaining their relationship to Isaiah in the best way he could understand.

And it was there the day Hannah left Colorado, the day she turned over management of the farm to Gary and Jenna and packed up her things and moved to France. Though they would return to the big house throughout the year, vacationing and visiting family, her home became him.

They would probably never marry and they would most assuredly never stop loving their spouses. But he was in love with her and she, very much in love with him.

And that look on his face, in his eyes, that never disappeared. Not once.

 


	6. Chapter 6

This was the year of the Platinum Jubilee. Her Majesty Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, and of Her other Realms and Territories Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith had been standing at the helm for a record-breaking 70 years. It was momentous, it was historic and, for the members of her family, it was a great call to duty beginning in the month of June.

And it was a call to duty that nobody shied away from, a call they were more than ready to answer.

A multitude of overseas trips were planned throughout the summer, spreading the family all over the commonwealth on behalf of The Queen. On top of that, there were celebrations lined up across the United Kingdom. And, at the heart of it all was this glorious week of festivities at center stage in London.

Kicking it all off was a trip to the Epsom Derby on the first Saturday in June. The following Sunday there would be a Luncheon hosted at Buckingham Palace where foreign royals and dignitaries would come to celebrate with and congratulate the Queen. That afternoon, members of the Royal Family would join Her Majesty The Thames Platinum Jubilee Pageant, a display meant to outdo that of Diamond Jubilee fame. That Monday would see a Concert in front of Buckingham Palace and the lighting of the National Beacon, followed the next day by a service at Saint Paul's Cathedral. After the church service, the family would be dispersed to a reception and a carriage ride back to Buckingham Palace where they would appear on the balcony to receive a fly-over. The week of events would culminate that next Saturday with a Trooping The Colour and a family celebration at Buckingham Palace. And thus, interspersed with a handful of personal celebrations--not the least of which was the Sussex's anniversary--the summer of the Platinum Jubilee would begin.

But first, before all of the festivities could begin, there was a Friday full of nothing but meetings; the first of which would bring about great change.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

After an all-staff rundown of the upcoming events, Maddie and Harry hung back at the long meeting table in Harry's office as Thomas dismissed the rest of the staff. Waiting until they had all shuffled out, returning to their work for the day, he shut the door and turned back to the Duke and Duchess.

He was slow, thoughtful as he moved back to the table, watching with a warm smile at the two of them engaged in their easy banter. He had been working for them for years, for Harry even longer, for The Royal Family even longer. And it gave him a great deal of enjoyment to see Harry with Maddie; solid and happy.

Returning to his seat at the table, he waited for them to finish their conversation, their voices fading out as their eyes turned back to him; waiting for his next direction, waiting for the next item on the itinerary.

With his hands folded in his lap, he didn't reach for his portfolio, he didn't glance down at his notes. Instead, with a bittersweet smile and slightly teary eyes, he let them in on his next direction, the next item on his itinerary. It was time for him to retire; he was ready to move to the country and enjoy his new grandchildren.

"I can't believe Thomas is leaving..." Maddie sat stunned, still in the same spot she had been since Thomas had issued his resignation, since he had laid out his plans to find, hire, and train his replacement.

"I..." Harry blinked, swallowed at the dryness in his throat and shook his head. "Wow..." He exhaled, leaning back in his chair as he ran his hand back through his hair. "Wow."

"I mean...I understand it," Maddie sighed, leaning forward, her arms resting on the table. "I'm just going to really, really miss him."

"Yeah," Harry nodded, his smile faltering for a moment. "Me too."

"He's been with you forever..." Her attention turned to him, noticing the catch in his voice.

"Nearly."

"Are you going to be okay?" She reached out to him, her fingers soft on his arm.

"Of course," he smiled, patting her hand with his. "I'm happy for him and for his grandkids. They deserve to have their grandfather with them, playing and spoiling them rotten instead of here with us....you know, in the pomp and the parade." He met her eyes, a shared puff of laughter passing between them.

"He said he had three options for us for his replacement," Maddie shook her head, finding it hard to imagine anyone else in Thomas' role in their lives. "And that he'd bring them each in tomorrow after the derby for an interview with us and that whoever we pick will start training next week during the Jubilee."

"Talk about an intense training," Harry smirked, thinking ahead. "Doesn't get any more pomp and parade than that."

"It's true," Maddie laughed. "It's true. But if anyone deserves an infinite amount of pomp and an everlasting parade...it's Gran."

"Also true," Harry nodded, his smile pulling wider.

"Okay my darling..." Maddie rose from her seat with a sigh, her smile slightly sad as she thought of venturing on without Thomas who had been there when she had joined this particular journey. "I'm heading across town to meet your father."

"Lunch?" Harry teased, knowing her daily agenda nearly as well as she did.

"Board meeting for The Prince's Trust," she reached to take a sip of her water, her free hand smoothing down over her skirt. Over the years her role with The Trust had grown, taking on more and more responsibilities and patronages. After her work with The Delphinium Project, it had been a natural transition--one that Charles cherished.

"Ah yes," Harry nodded, clapping his hands together as he stood from his chair, watching as she gathered her bag and moved towards the door. "Well, be sure to tell your boyfriend hello for me."

Catching that strain in his voice, mostly sarcasm with a hint of well-veiled jealousy, Maddie shot him a smirk, her eyebrows lifting higher as her head cocked to the side. She knew he was speaking of Ethan, the President of the Board who he swore had a thing for her no matter how ludicrous she knew that was. "Which boyfriend is that?"

"Ha..." Harry shook his head, biting at his lip. "It's a good thing your husband has a sense of humor."

"It's also a good thing he's completely secure with exactly where he ranks on my list..."

"Which list is that?"

Maddie walked right up to him, standing tall as she pressed her body flush against his, her fingers reaching up to scratch at his beard. "A list that has only one name on it..."

"Awww...." He leaned in to kiss her, softening up instantly. "Look at you."

"I love you Captain," she kissed him again, smoothing her thumb over his lips before she stepped back and out of his arms.

"Have fun at your meeting," Harry watched her walk away from him, wishing he was going with her. "Tell my father hello."

"Will do," she reached for the door handle, turning a wide smile back to him. "And what shall I tell Ethan?"

With a devilish glint in his eye and a smug smirk on his face, he shrugged his shoulders. "Ethan who?"

"There he is," Maddie sighed happily, pulling open the door. "That's my man."

"I'll see you tonight!" Harry called out to her as she stepped from his office and out of his vision.

Turning back to his work, he already missed her.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"Your Royal Highness," Maddie's smile was as warm as her voice as she rose from a curtsey and leaned in to kiss her father-in-law.

"My Darling." As they had all grown older, Maddie saw more and more of the same gleam in his eyes in her husband's. "I'm so happy you're here, that you were able to join us today."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," Maddie tucked her hand into the arm he offered, following along as they moved inside through the side entrance. "Harry says hello, sends his love."

"Wonderful," Charles smiled, his fingers patting over hers. "And my grandchildren?" His face lit up as he leaned in closer. "How's Lillibet?"

"As sassy as ever."

"Good, good," Charles chuckled, forever amused by his only granddaughter. "And Ollie?"

"Wonderful," Maddie nodded. "He's been practicing a magic trick just for Gran's big day."

"She'll love that. And the babies?"

"Malcolm has taken to hiding Harry's running shoes..." Maddie shook her head with a sigh. "And wearing mine up and down the hallway..." Charles did his best to bite back his laughter. "And Oscar, thankfully, is content to watch the show, to take it all in."

"What a delightfully sweet little man he is."

"Yes," Maddie agreed easily. "They're all very excited to see you again."

"Oh my dear," he paused outside the door to the board room, standing aside as the door was pulled open for them. "Not as excited as I am to see them. Shall we?"

"Absolutely," Maddie nodded and, with a squeeze to his arm, she slipped through the door and into the room. As everyone rose from their seats, Ethan stepped forward; a wide smile and an extended hand, ready to greet them and pull them both into the room.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The Epsom Derby was an unmitigated success. Dressed in tophat and tails, Harry kept the smile that came so easy on his face throughout the day--even when his wife picked a horse racing opposite his. Even when his wife's pick came through an entire length ahead of his. Maddie, wearing a new dress and a wide smile, didn't even pretend to be humble as she threw her hands in the air in victory, laughing wildly as Harry shook his head at her. The celebration and revelry in the Royal Box made for some amazing pictures. But the brightest part of the day was The Queen; bright and bubbly as her horse finished first in the big race--a perfect start to her week of celebrations.

After the Derby was over, Maddie and Harry went to gather all of their children before meeting Thomas at the office to begin the interviews.

"Are you sure it's fine that they're all here?" Maddie looked down at the rambunctious masses of red and blonde scurrying around their father's office before turning uncertain eyes up to Thomas.

"Of course," he nodded with a smile. "Whoever we hire to handle you, handles them. I think it'll actually be quite telling, don't you?"

"Wonderful," Maddie nodded, her own smile curling higher. "I love your tactics Mr. Smith."

"I thought you might Ma'am."

And so it began. With the children taking over the room, Thomas laid out the agenda for the day. They looked over the three dossiers in front of them and then geared up for an afternoon of interviewing.

In the end, they saw three people; two men and one woman. Maddie realized exactly the kind of genius Thomas was. With Ollie performing magic tricks and Lilli sighing dramatically, with Malcolm sneaking pens off the table and Oscar happily tossing his pacifier at each of them, the applicants for the job were put through an entirely different trial by fire. Though Maddie wasn't entirely sure it was fair--it was most certainly amusing.

And in the end, it gave them the answers they couldn't see in their reputable qualifications and mass of experience.

They were all more than qualified for the job, all three of them having held positions in the Royal Household at one point or another. So in the end what it came down to was whoever fit the best.

And fitting in with the Duke and Duchess most certainly meant fitting in with the children.  
At the end of a long afternoon, Maddie and Harry took a moment together to discuss the three of them before Maddie gathered up the children to head to Foxgrove and Harry and Thomas settled in to make the final decision.

"Alright Captain," Maddie leaned in to kiss his cheek. "We're meeting Ella and all the Bishop boys out at Foxgrove for Lilli's riding lesson. I think we're going to stay for dinner..."

"I'll head out once I'm finished in here," he turned to kiss her lips.

"Perfect," Maddie smiled and took a step back, reaching for her bag before turning to Thomas. "Thank you for everything today."

"My pleasure Ma'am," he kissed her cheek and said good-bye to the children, watching as they all filed out with their mother.

As the door shut behind them, Thomas and Harry turned to each other, the remnants of the Sussex Chaos scattered throughout the room.

"Well then..." Harry sighed heavily, moving over to the bar in the corner, pulling out two glasses. "Care to tell me who you would hire?"

"No sir," Thomas shook his head with a smart grin. "They all exceeded my pre-qualifications. The final decision lies with you and the Duchess."

"Mmm..." Harry smiled, turning to offer one of the two glasses of Scotch to him. "Speaking of the Duchess..." He lifted his glass to clink against Thomas'. "You couldn't find at least one potential replacement who wasn't enamored with my wife?" With a teasing grin, he lifted his eyebrows to the man who had been like a second father to him. "I saw the way they looked at her, the way they spoke to her..."

With an easy smile and a small shrug, Thomas sighed, knowing exactly the look Harry was referring to. "Honestly, Sir, no. I've scoured the land and have found it impossible to find one potential replacement who isn't enamored with your wife. Perhaps if she were nastier to the people she met..." He took a drink from his glass.

"Alright," Harry laughed, shaking his head at him. "I spoke with Maddie and...we liked Isaac. He handled the children running around with the most ease, he knew everyone's names without a cheat sheet, and he stood when my father stopped in and didn't flinch at all. He even held onto Oscar's pacifier without question and Maddie...Maddie thought he had the kindest eyes." Harry huffed a laugh into his glass. "Though, I will talk to her about being a bit nastier to the people she meets."

"Very well Sir." Thomas nodded. "I'll put the hiring process in motion. We'll start training this week."

"Thank you," Harry smiled, leaning back against his desk. "And thank you. For..." He was at a loss in the emotion of it all. "Thank you."

"It has been my pleasure Sir." His face and his voice mirrored the feelings in Harry's.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

When Maddie had arrived at Foxgrove that afternoon, three of the four children were passed out around her. Meeting Arthur's eyes in the rearview mirror, they shared a chuckle and reluctantly woke them up. As they all came back to life, Maddie unloaded, unpacked and sent Lilli upstairs to change into her riding gear.

The Bishops weren't far behind her at all. As soon as they were settled, their car rolled up the long gravel drive and the Bishop boys were bounding out into the yard. Maddie smiled and followed her mass of children out to greet them. They were all in good spirits, even Ella who was laughing at something Bishop had said on their way out of the car. As Lilli came back out of the house, dressed and ready to ride, her instructor was pulling up the drive.

"Mr. Veloso!" Lilli called, jumping up and down as she hurried towards him, the boys following along as he stepped from his Range Rover with a wide, bright smile; laughing as the kids gathered around.

"Holy..." Ella breathed, looking at him over the rims of her sunglasses. "Who. Is. That?"

Maddie chuckled, following along behind the trail of kids with Oscar in her arms. "That's Cauã, Lilli's riding instructor."

"Jesus..." Ella shook her head, leaning in closer as her voice lowered. "I think I might need some riding lessons."

Maddie nearly snorted as she laughed, glancing back at Bishop who was following not so far behind them, David tucked up sleeping against his chest. "Ella, behave...." Maddie narrowed her eyes at her best friend before stepping up to the group surrounding the tall, handsome man there for his weekly lesson with Lilli. "Cauã! Welcome back to Foxgrove. Thank you for coming all the way out."

Turning his bright smile to Maddie, he pressed a hand to his chest. "My Pleasure, Lindeza." Taking a step towards her, he reached for her outstretched hand, holding it in both of his as he leaned in to kiss both of her cheeks. "Your Royal Highness..." With a small bow of his head, he squeezed her fingers and let her hand go. "Is your husband here in the country with you?"

"Not yet," Maddie shook her head. "He'll be out soon. But I would love to introduce you to our friends. Cauã Veloso, this is Jamie and Ella Bishop."

"Ah! Good to meet you," Cauã reached to shake Bishop's hand, meeting his eyes, nodding hello. "Mrs. Bishop," he turned to Ella, bringing her hand up to his lips for a kiss that was quick and chaste, though Maddie swore she saw Ella blush. "Wonderful to meet you."

"Likewise," Ella watched him step away from her, watched him release her hand and turn his attention to the children.

"Ms. Lillibet," he clapped his hands together, looking down at her excited smile. "Are you ready for your lesson?"

"YESSSSSSSSSSS!" She threw her hands in the air, her feet doing a little dance in the gravel. "Can we go now? Please, please, PUH-LEASE?"

"If it's alright with your mother," he turned raised eyebrows and a smirk to Maddie who nodded.

"Of course darling," she grinned down at Lilli. "Remember to pay attention and to listen to whatever Mr. Veloso says."

"Yes," he nodded. "Perfeito. And you?" He looked to Maddie. "Will you be down? To watch?"

"Oh no," Maddie shook her head. "I'll be up at the house with all the boys though I'm sure Harry will be down once he arrives."

"Wonderful," he accepted that with a smile and turned to Lilli. "Shall we go?"

"Yes!" She clapped her hands together and followed along next to him as he stepped away from the group, already mesmerized in what he was telling her.

Maddie, leading the group of boys and the Bishops back to the house failed to see the way Bishop was eyeing Lilli's new riding instructor; failed to notice the mental notes he was taking. She was much too caught up in the passel of boys and in the mental planning of dinner.

She had been right. As soon as Harry arrived at Foxgrove, as soon as he had cleared the roar of excitement from the boys, he kissed his wife and changed his clothes and, taking along Bishop and a few beers, he made way for the stables, wanting to say hello to Cauã, wanting to check in on his daughter's progress. Moving to stand along the fence line, he waved to Cauã and Lilli and settled in to watch the end of the lesson.

"Did you find somebody to replace Thomas?" Bishop took a drink from his bottle.

"Mmm," Harry nodded, swallowing. "His name is Isaac. He's young, sharp. It'll take him years to replace Thomas but we have to start somewhere."

"Yeah..." Bishop's eyes followed Cauã and Lilli, focusing more on the former. Taking another drink, he had a quick internal debate and shrugged. "You know that man is hitting on your wife, right?"

"What?" Harry struggled to keep from spitting his mouthful of beer out. "Thomas?"

"No not Thomas," Bishop shot him a look through his sunglasses. "THAT man," he nodded into the arena.

"THAT man has been playing polo with me for years," Harry laughed. "And he's Lilli's riding instructor."

"Sure," Bishop nodded, his lips curling up. "Whatever he is, he was hitting on your wife."

Harry laughed again, shaking his head and taking another drink, not sure how to respond to that. "Okay."

"Okay?" Bishop turned to face him. "That's it? Okay."

"What do you want from me?" Harry couldn't keep the grin from his face, the look of amusement from his eyes.

"What do I want from you?" Bishop's eyebrows shot up. "I'm telling you that that man..." He waved his hand out towards him. "Was hitting on your wife."

"Says who? You?" Harry nodded his head to him, smirk already in place. "The man who is  _constantly_  hitting on my wife?"

Blinking, Bishop's voice lowered and he leaned in, taking a moment to counter that. "I am not constantly hitting on your wife. And when I do, we all know that I'm joking. You know it. I know it. And most importantly, Maddie knows it." Shaking his head, he looked out to Cauã. "But that's not what this was. This was...different. He's hitting on your wife. I know what I saw. The way he spoke to her, the way his hands lingered..."

"Ah come on," Harry groaned. "He's from Brazil Bishop. As a culture, they're less...formal then we are. Less rigid. They don't...have a stick up their ass..." Harry laughed into his bottle, taking a sip as his eyes shifted out to Cauã and his daughter.

"Excuse me?" Bishop tugged his sunglasses from his eyes, the smallest hint of offense glinting across his mostly humored face. "You're talking to me here. I am not formal nor am I rigid and I do not have a stick up my ass." He shook his head at his best friend. "Now I know you have to keep yours because you're royal and all but let's put that aside for a moment." Harry laughed into his drink. "This was more than just cultural warmth and ease. He called her Lindeza for God's sake..."

"Yeah, I don't know what that means."

"It's...it's a term of endearment is what it is, one you don't call your boss..."

"Maddie would slap you for calling her his boss."

"Yeah well she should slap him for calling her..."

"And since when do you speak Portuguese?" Harry chuckled, amused at how this was unraveling Bishop.

"I've always spoken a little...listen." Bishop brought it back to focus. "Why the hell don't you believe me here? I am your best friend and your wife is gorgeous. You don't think it's remotely possible that this guy might find her attractive?"

"No," Harry shook his head. "Of course I think it's possible that he finds her attractive. In fact, my bet is that he finds her incredibly attractive but Jesus Christ Bishop, do you have any idea how many men find my wife attractive?!" He watched the smallest curl of Bishop's smile and smacked his shoulder. "I fucking saw that."

"Yeah well you should have seen the way your buddy out there looked at her."

With a long, heavy sigh, Harry groaned. "I just find it a little hard to believe that he would hit on my wife at my house...right under my nose. That's all."

"That's fair," Bishop shrugged, quieting down as Lilli rode over to them, her instructor following behind her. "Just know that when he did it...your nose was nowhere around." He turned a wide, easy smile to Lilli as she gained on them. "Your nose was all the way in London."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Harry waved to his daughter.

"It means keep your eyes open my friend. Stay awake Wales." And just like that, the conversation slipped away as Lilli joined them, ready to tell them the details of every single second of her riding lesson.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"So..." Maddie sank onto the couch next to Ella as the kids ran around upstairs and Harry and Bishop poured drinks out back, everyone relaxing after dinner, before the trip home. "How are things at home?"

"Fine," Ella shrugged, a tired smile on her lips.

"Ella..." Maddie narrowed her eyes. "How are things with Bishop?"

"Bishop?" Ella lifted her eyebrows. "You mean Bishop who was in Spain all week? Bishop who leaves for China in a few days? I suppose things are fine with him. But you could ask him yourself if you want. He's outside playing with Harry."

"Wow..." Maddie sat back, her eyes flashing wide. "That bad?"

Ella took a deep breath, letting it flow from her lungs slowly. "No. Not bad. Just...not. Not home, not around....not anything."

"Ella."

"Maddie."

"Have you talked to him about it?"

"When?" Ella smiled. "He's been gone...so much. And when he's home, he's with the kids and you know, that's good. He's...he's an amazing father. Who knew, right?" She laughed into her glass, her eyes welling up just a bit.

"Hey..." Maddie softened, her hand patting Ella's knee. "Do you want me to kick you guys out? Send you home early?"

"No," Ella shook her head. "The kids are having a great time and he hasn't seen Harry for awhile."

"He hasn't seen you in awhile. And Harry would understand..."

"No. Really. Let's just...let's have wine and relax. It's nice to see you too."

"Okay..." Maddie sighed and eased up. "You sure there's nothing I can do for you?"

"Aside from hooking me up with some riding lessons?" Ella couldn't help the smirk on her face, the flash in her eyes.

"Aside from that," Maddie narrowed her gaze.

"Then no....no, Madeline. There's nothing you can do."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"You were remarkable today," Harry's voice was soft as he slid into the backseat of the car next to Maddie, leaving Buckingham Palace after the luncheon only to go home and change in time for the The Thames Platinum Jubilee Pageant.

"At the luncheon?" Maddie turned surprised eyes to him, her smile softening as she reached for his hand. "All I did was sip water and hold conversation. I think our bar for remarkable needs recalibration."

"That's not all you did," he laughed at her, pulling her fingers to his lips for a kiss. "You made the rounds like a professional. I saw you speaking with Queen Rania. You seemed deep in discussion."

"We were," Maddie's eyes shifted thoughtful as she looked out the window. "We were talking about her work as a UNICEF Ambassador."

"Oh?"

"Now that's a good use of the word remarkable," Maddie snapped back to the moment. "She's a pretty amazing woman."

"She is," Harry agreed easily.

"In fact..." Maddie turned to face him. "There were quite a lot of remarkable women in the room."

"Absolutely," Harry nodded. "You know I've always thought that it will be the women who change the world."

"You've  _always_  thought that?" Maddie's eyes narrowed skeptically.

"You've met my Grandmother?" He lifted his eyebrows.

"Point taken," she gave in with a sigh. "She is quite amazing. I can't imagine how much it would take to be half the woman she is."

"Madeline..."

"Don't come in with some cheesy line Captain," she shot him a warning glance. "We're honoring Gran this week. Let's just...do that."

Blinking, his smile shifted, his mind altering course. "I love you."

"I know you do," she tugged his hand into her lap, stifling a surprising yawn.

"Tired?" His hand rested on her leg, their fingers tangled together as his thumb stroked over the fabric of her dress.

"A little," she admitted. "Yesterday was a long day with the Derby and the interviews and the Bishops at Foxgrove..."

"Mmmm," Harry nodded, looking down at his tie as something caught his mind. "Speaking of the Bishops at Foxgrove..."

"Yeah?" Maddie asked.

"I was talking to Bishop...when we went down to watch Lilli's riding lesson..."

"Sure."

"And...ha..." Harry laughed and shook his head, turning a humored warning to his wife. "This is going to sound crazy. But Bishop..." Harry exhaled. "He was pretty certain that Cauã was hitting on you."

"What?!" Maddie sat back, her eyes widening with her smile.

"You heard me. He seemed pretty intense about it."

"Cauã?! Hitting on me?! Hahahahahhaha...." She shook her head, sighing as she looked out the window. "Please."

"Please?" Harry watched her closely, a chuckle on his lips. "You seem a little shocked by that."

"And you aren't?" She turned confused eyes to him. "What? You think Cauã is hitting on me?"

"I think Bishop thinks Cauã is hitting on you and..."

"And I think maybe Bishop should worry more about his own wife before he worries so much about yours." The snap in her voice couldn't be missed.

"Whoa!" Harry's eyes flashed wide in surprise. "Whoa...what's that supposed to mean?"

Taking a breath, taking a beat, Maddie eased up, her shoulders releasing tension as she exhaled. "Nothing," she shook her head. "I'm sorry. I meant nothing just...Harry..." She tugged his hand closer to her, her eyes soft as she looked to him. "Cauã was not hitting on me."

"Okay."

"Look at me," she leaned in closer, her fingers moving to scratch his beard. "He wasn't. He's warm and friendly but that's it. You know him, you've seen him around me before. Nothing's different."

Nodding, he leaned in to kiss her. "Okay."

"Bishop was just...misreading things."

"Okay," Harry shrugged his shoulders as he nodded. "Okay. You want to tell me what's going on with Bishop and Ella?"

Maddie sighed, thinking it over for a minute before she shook her head. "Nothing is going on with them, nothing more than was before. She just...I think she misses being the center of his world a bit. It's easy sometimes to lose grounding, you know? With work and the kids and all of it..."

"Ah," Harry nodded. "Well, to be fair, I can't imagine that she's moved too far from the center of his world."

"Yeah," Maddie agreed, knowing that Bishop adored Ella, even if Ella didn't quite know it as much right then. "She just needs to talk to him. And I told her to talk to him."

"Think she will?" Harry asked. "Before it explodes?"

"Ha..." Maddie's eyes grew sad. "It's Ella, Harry. I have no idea."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The Thames Platinum Jubilee Pageant easily became one of Maddie's Top Ten moments in her royal adventures. From the moment they stepped from their car, they were swept up in the electricity of it all. The cheers that came from the awaiting crowd when Harry emerged from the car only increased when Maddie and Lilli stepped out to join him. With wide, bright smiles, the three of them stood to wave to the throngs of people gathered to see all of what was about to unfold. The pride in Harry's eyes as he watched both of his girls stand tall next to him, was something that would go noted in more than one commentary on the day. With Lilli placed between them, they made their way to the fence line, joining Will and Kate and Arthur in greeting those who were lucky enough to secure such close spots.

After one spectacular photo of the six of them, the adults followed behind the two remarkably well behaved children as they crossed the bridge and boarded the boat to await the arrival of the most Senior Royals.

Maddie had initially been a little unsure about having Lilli and Arthur with them on the main boat, knowing that it was a long haul and that the best of behaviors would be expected. She had initially thought that maybe they should be with all the other children on one of the other boats also carrying the staff Nannies and the collective of other grandparents. But, when the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh boarded, both of the children fell quickly into their roles; lining up with their parents, bowing and curtseying in what quickly became one of the most adorable and favorited photos of the day.

It was a beautiful afternoon, just enough sun that they weren't battling a chill, just enough breeze that they weren't breaking a sweat. The Queen, still bright and chipper, was moved by the show of love and support and Maddie felt a deep-seated honor to be in her front row seat to witness such a momentous occasion.

And the children did amazingly well. They stood at the edge of the railing, in awe of their surroundings, of what was passing before them; each of them pointing out one wonderful site after another. They shared jokes and laughed and when the boat with the rest of the Sussex broad aboard passed by, they jumped up and down and waved excitedly. There were moments when they needed a break, when Arthur would tuck close to his mother, holding her hand in his for comfort. Moments when Lilli would crawl into her daddy's lap and run her hands and eyes over the ornaments on his uniform. One of her most favorite things to do was to count the buttons and inquire about the medals. She did it every single time he wore the uniform.

No matter how many times she asked, Harry would never tire of explaining it all to her and Maddie would never fail to grow soft at the site of it.

"Daddy, what's this one for?" She ran her little fingers over the wide, smooth cross that hung close to his neck.

"That one is of the Royal Victorian Order..." He was smiling down at his daughter as he explained yet again how and when and why he was awarded it. Maddie, reminding herself of the watchful eyes of the world, had to turn her gaze away from them, thinking it not entirely appropriate for everyone to catch her swooning over her husband.

About midway through the pageant, when it was time for the children to de-board and join the rest of the Sussex children with their nannies, Maddie laughed as Lilli and Arthur each kissed Gran and Grandpa and waved to their own bevy of fans before heading back to Kensington for the night. And then, with a sigh of relief at how successful that had gone, she joined her husband and brother and sister in law to watch the rest of the impressive flotilla.

"Lilli did really well," Maddie smiled as she took her spot next to Harry.

"Yes she did," he agreed, his fingers stretching to squeeze her hand for the briefest of moments.

"She has her father's grace in front of the crowds..." She squeezed his hand back before pulling herself taller.

"And her mother's obsession with my uniform," he couldn't help but wink at her, couldn't help the cheeky grin.

With a low, soft chuckle, Maddie shook her head. "The world is watching Captain," she shot him a warning glance. "Don't provoke me until we're behind closed doors."

"You have yourself a date," he laughed along with her, sharing as much of a moment together before they were drawn back to the group, back to the festivities; smiling and waving as boats rowed past.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Maddie's sigh was long and heavy when she finally slid into the backseat of the car next to Harry. And blissful, her sigh was blissful.

"That was..." She sank into her seat, letting the door shut behind her as she turned tired eyes to her husband. "That was amazing."

"Yes it was," he agreed, humored by the way she let go once they were in the car.

"Gran looked like she enjoyed herself," Maddie straightened up a bit as the car rolled into motion.

"She absolutely enjoyed herself," Harry grew warm as he thought of his grandparents. "Everyone had a wonderful time."

"Yes."

"You too?" He smiled across the darkness, reaching for her hand.

"Of course I did," Maddie squeezed his fingers, her eyes catching the surroundings as they drove through the city. "Wait. Where are we going?"

"Foxgrove," Harry answered with a shrug of his shoulders, a curl of his lips. "The children are fine at home with Greta and Maude. I thought we might sneak away to the country..."

"Ahhhh..." Maddie's voice lowered, her eyes shifting darker as she leaned in closer. "Were you hoping to spend some time with Cheri?"

Though his eyes flashed at the memory, he gathered her hand tighter into his and he shook his head. "No, no. Just my wife. I was hoping to spend some time with my wife."

"Harry..." Maddie's heart warmed in her chest.

"I thought about what you said this afternoon..."

"About?" Her eyebrows lifted, her eyes searching his.

"Well..." He took a deep breath. "You were saying just how easy it is sometimes, to forget. You know, with the children and the jobs and..."

"I was talking about Bishop and Ella, Harry, not about you and I..."

"Yes I know," he leaned in to kiss her, his lips brushing back against her cheek, her jaw, just under her ear. "But I thought it wouldn't hurt to spend a night reminding you..."

"Reminding me?" She breathed, her face turning so she could look in his eyes.

"That you're the absolute center of my world." He was so serious and so sweet and so sexy that Maddie wished they were alone in the backseat of that car.

"Wow..." She breathed, her eyes raking down over him as her heart pounded in her ears. "And you're going to spend the night reminding me?"

"I am," he leaned in to kiss her neck.

"But we have events tomorrow..."

"A concert," his lips moved down her neck. "In the evening."

"Are you..." She took a breath, her hands resting on his shoulders unsure if she should push him back or pull him closer. "Are you going to... _remind me_  in that uniform?"

With a low, deep chuckle into her sensitive neck, Harry nodded his head. "I think I just might..."

"Oh God," she groaned, deciding that it was in all of their best interests to push him away.

"How long till Foxgrove?"

"Entirely too long," Harry shook his head, the look on his face dripping with want, even as he calmed himself and returned to his seat.

When they arrived at their home in the country, they hurried from the car. They moved through the house, dropping off their luggage quickly and moving to collect a few necessary items. A bottle of champagne, a couple of glasses, and one large, fluffy blanket later, they were slipping out the backdoor into the night, hurrying hand in hand towards the greenhouse they had built.

As Maddie shut and locked the door behind them, Harry moved further inside, winding around some planters and plants, into the center of the warm secluded space. Sitting his hat and his gloves aside on one of the tables, he laid down the blanket and went to work on the bottle of champagne as Maddie hurried to join him.

She couldn't help the giggle that burst from her lips at him standing there in his uniform, hidden behind the foliage.

"What?" He looked up at her with a grin, twisting the cork from the bottle with a pop.

"Just...you..." She waved her hand at him, slowing her step as she grew closer. "In that uniform."

"To serve and protect..." He laughed at his own cheesy line, reaching for a glass to pour for her.

"Lovely," she snickered, her head bending so that her eyes could focus on his ass. "You really don't think they're coming for that uniform?"

"Nah," Harry shook his head. "They took the medals, that's what they're really concerned about." He held out a glass to her. "Besides. When I asked if I could keep it a little longer, I'm pretty sure they knew why."

Maddie laughed, taking a sip from her glass. "I'm not even going to be embarrassed."

"I wouldn't," he shook his head, taking a long drink from his own glass before he sat it down and everything about him shifted to her. His eyes grew heavy, darker. His voice lowered as he stepped in even closer to her, putting himself into her space. "Hi."

"Hi," she smiled up at him. "So I was thinking..."

"I was too..." Harry didn't even blink as he moved in. With his hands on her face and his fingers pushing back into her hair, he tipped her lips up to his and he kissed her.

There was no slow tease, no soft dance of lips and tongue. His mouth was hot and insistent over hers, pushing the kiss and the heat in the room deeper in an instant.

Moaning into his mouth, Maddie's body pulled into his, her fingers wrapping around the front of his uniform and tugging him to her, wanting him closer. And as much as she wanted to stare at him in that uniform for just a little while longer--she also wanted him out of it.

Harry's hands were hot on her body, sliding the belt from around her waist without a second thought. Working over the buttons and ties, he pushed into the folds of her shirt dress, moving it aside and pushing it back, exposing the delicate lingerie she wore underneath.

"Jesus Christ." His chest was heavy with his breaths, with the way his heart was pounding in his chest.

And his hands were back on her, followed closely by his mouth. It was so hot, so fast, so intense that Maddie barely had time to react and when she did, all she could really do was brace herself and give in. Her head tipped back and her hands wrapped around his arms and she gave in.

To the way his tongue moved hot over her skin.

To the way his hand wrapped around her, sliding down over her ass.

To the way the fingers of his other hand moved up and over her chest; rough and hot and full of want.

"Oh God..." Maddie gasped when hand slipped into her silky boy-shorts, when his fingers slid around and stroked against her, when his mouth dipped down to suck at her chest. And when she opened her eyes to look hazily down at him, when she saw that he was dressed in that uniform that drove her mad when he was standing across the room--she felt her insides turn to mush. Her hands moved up to his shoulders, into his hair and she pulled. "Please. Now."

With a smirk on his face, he rose up to meet her. Licking and kissing his way up her chest, up her neck, his mouth returned to hers and he pressed forward. Backing her up against the table behind her, his hands tightened on her hips and he lifted her up, his fingers scooping her boy shorts down and off of her. Tugging her ass to the edge of the table, he nudged her knees apart and stood tall between them.

Maddie, with a frustrated frown on her face, fumbled at his pants to no avail. "Harry..." She groaned against his lips. "I can't figure out how to get your pants off..."

"I got it baby," he cupped her face in his hands, kissing her long and slow. His hands moved away from her face, down to where her hands were tucked up under the top of his uniform. Pulling them out from underneath, he nodded to the stack of condoms on the table next to her. "Can I have one of those?"

"Oh God yes," she pulled one up, handing it over to him as she looked down at the small stack he had brought with him, momentarily distracted from what he was doing. With a snicker, she held them up to him. "How long do you think we're going to be out here baby?"

"Oh you think that's funny?" He lifted his eyebrows, moving back between her legs, finished with what he was doing.

"I do," she nodded, her well-kissed lips smiling wider, her breath sucking in as his hands moved to her hips, positioning her for him. "I mean...how many times are we going to...."

Harry pushed into her and a gasp fell from her lips. With his smirk still firmly in place, he stroked out and back in; a long, slow, deep move that made her eyes roll back into her head. "Still funny?" His voice was strangled, tempered by the effort to restrain himself from driving forward with the maniacal need he had for her.

"Yes," she sighed, her legs moving to wrap around him, her hands reaching up and holding tight to the uniform he was still fucking wearing. "Please don't stop Harry..."

"Ha...." His breath was hot against her ear as he moved out and back in. And then, with a nip to her neck, he groaned. "Call me Captain..."

And that was the beginning of the end of Maddie Sussex.

 


	7. Chapter 7

As Maddie stepped back into their bathroom to check her makeup one more time before the evening concert, she reached for her glass of champagne resting on the dresser. "If you would have told me--ever--that someday I would be drinking champagne before an event with The Queen...I would have laughed in your face."

With a chuckle Harry looked up from where he was trimming his beard, his eyes finding her reflection in the mirror. "And now?"

Meeting his gaze with a smirk, she lifted her glass to him in the mirror. "Cheers."

"Lovely," Harry shook his head, setting his trimmer aside and running his fingers through his neat, red beard.

"Hey, hey. No judging," she wagged her finger at him, leaning in to look over her face in the mirror.

"No judging," he echoed, reaching to take the glass from her fingers, taking a sip despite her groan of protest. "Not bad." He handed it back, his head tipping to the side as he looked over her scantily clad ass. "Perfect."

"Henry Charles," she turned to swat at his arm, a slight blush tinted her cheeks. Truth was that she loved that her husband still felt compelled to check out her ass--no matter how blatantly obvious it was.

"Madeline Jae..." He followed her from the bathroom into their bedroom where both of their outfits for the night were hanging ready for them to dress.

"Isaac is going to be here soon," she reminded him with a stern eye as she bent to pull on her stockings.

"You're telling me I can't look at your ass when Isaac is around?" His face screwed up in disapproval as he pulled on his white button down shirt. "Because I think if we asked Thomas, he would say he caught me looking at your ass more than once."

"No," Maddie laughed. "That's not what I'm saying at all." She crossed over to him, helping him finish up the buttons on his shirt. "I'm saying that maybe on his first day on the job, Isaac doesn't want to catch us half-dressed."

"Well maybe not me," Harry smirked, leaning in to steal a quick kiss from his wife before she stepped away from him and returned to her dress. "But he'd be a fool not to want to catch you."

"Easy soldier," Maddie rolled her eyes, sighing as she slipped into her dress, turning her back to him as she glanced back over her shoulder. "Zip me up?"

With a nod, Harry moved towards her. "Sure. Though it does go against all of my instincts..." He pulled the zipper up and leaned to kiss her neck. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you," she smiled back at him, moving to step into her heels as he finished up with his pants and reached for his suit coat. "You're not so bad yourself."

"That's very kind of you," he laughed as he tucked and pulled himself into order. "Now, should I be at all concerned that I haven't heard a peep out of even one of the children?"

With a slight snort, Maddie laughed. "They're at the park with Greta and Maude. They should be back just in time for good-byes."

"And should I feel guilty that we haven't seen them much today?" He moved to stand next to her, his eyes glancing at her in the mirror as they both checked for any last minute touches that needed to be made.

"No," she shook her head, turning to face him, her hands moving on reflex to his shoulders, down his arms; smoothing over the fabric, appreciating the feel of his muscles beneath her fingers. "After the church service and reception tomorrow, we're all heading out to Foxgrove for a few days. You'll get more than your share of quality time with them then."

"Perfect." With a blink of an eye, he let the thoughts of their children slip from his mind for only a moment. His hands moved to her waist and he took a step forward, his voice dropping low. "You know what tomorrow is?"

"Hmmm..." She grinned, her eyes shining as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Tuesday."

With a gleam in his eye and a smirk on his face, he nodded. "Tuesday." Bending to kiss her, his hands tightened around her waist and he drew her in. And just as her lips parted under his, just as they were about to get a little bit of a head start on their celebrations on the eve of their anniversary, a soft knock came to the door.

"Sir? Ma'am?" The voice called from the other side.

"Mmmm..." Maddie groaned against his lips. "That's Isaac."

"Go away!" Harry called out, leaning back in to capture her mouth once more.

"Harry!" Maddie swatted his arm, laughing as she stepped back and away from him. "Come on in Isaac!" Maddie moved to open the door to their newest addition to the staff. "Good evening."

"Good evening Ma'am," he nodded to her with a smile, working a little harder than normal to keep his eyes from lingering as he turned to Harry. "Sir."

"I was trying to hit on my wife, Isaac," Harry gave him a look as he slipped items from his dresser into his pockets; his wallet, his phone.

"Yes Sir," Isaac smiled. "Would you like me to step back out?" He pointed his thumb towards the door.

"Would you?" Harry lifted his eyebrows.

"No!" Maddie laughed, shaking her head and glancing to Isaac. "If you have to step out every time he hits on me, we'll never see you..."

"True story," Harry nodded, not even trying to hide his smirk as his eyes travelled down to her ass.

"Come on in," Maddie ignored her husband and reached out to Isaac, her hand soft on his arm as she tugged him further into the room. "We're just finishing up. You go ahead and do your thing."

"Wonderful," he clapped his hands together and cleared his throat. "The children are on their way back from the park right now with an arrival under five minutes. Cars leave for the concert in just over ten."

"Great," Harry adjusted his watch on his wrist.

"Tomorrow morning we have The National Service of Thanksgiving promptly at ten-thirty with cars leaving at ten, followed by the luncheons and ending with the balcony appearance for the fly-over."

"Will you be with us tomorrow as well?" Maddie asked as she stepped into her shoes, finishing up her outfit.

"Yes Ma'am," Isaac nodded with a smile.

"And did you take care of my...special assignment?" Harry asked with a cheeky grin.

"Yes Sir," Isaac turned his nod to him.

"Special assignment?" Maddie glanced between the two men. "What kind of special assignment?" Her eyes settled on Isaac first who dutifully lifted his hands in surrender, shaking his head. "Harry."

"I don't know Darling," he leaned to kiss her cheek, the sounds of their children arriving home drawing up from downstairs. "A Special...Tuesday assignment." He kissed her once more before their oldest child burst into the room and cut their conversation short.

"DADDY, DADDY, DADDY!!!"

"Lilli-Bean!" Harry managed to pull his eyes from his wife just in time to catch his daughter who hurled herself into his arms. With only minutes before they had to be in the car, their focus turned to their children and their wild tales from their trip to the park.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"There they are!" Bishop's voice boomed out over the noise that surrounded them as Maddie and Harry made their way to the back corner of Leo's bar after the concert--where their friends were waiting to continue celebrations.

"Bishop!" Maddie grinned as he came around the table to greet them, hugging and kissing both of them.

"Did you get our beloved Queen tucked safely into bed?" He joked as they fell in with the group.

"With a bedtime story and all," Harry nodded, bending to kiss Ella as he pulled out the chair next to her for his wife. "What would you like to drink?"

"I think I'll stick with champagne," Maddie beamed as he stepped away, Bishop following along. "Thank you!" With a wave of her fingers, she turned her smile to her best friend. "Well hello there. How's your night been?"

"Just fine," Ella shrugged, her lips curling up into a smile as she nudged Maddie's shoulder with her own. "I would ask you the same though I think I already know."

"Oh?" Maddie lifted her eyebrows in surprise.

"We saw the footage," Ella nodded towards the televisions posted around them. "You and Harry dancing there in the stands," she took a sip from her glass. "I'm not sure the two of you could get any cuter. People would probably start to get sick around the kingdom."

"Please." Maddie rolled her eyes.

"Please." Ella mimicked her, her eyes flashing wide as she remembered something. "Oh! Tell me. Who was the new guy?"

"The new guy?" Maddie's eyes narrowed. "What new guy?"

"He was with you at the beginning of tonight. Closely shaved head, gorgeous, these blue eyes that could pierce your soul..."

"You mean Isaac!" Maddie pointed at her with a soft laugh. "He's Thomas' replacement."

"Of course he is," Ella sighed dramatically. "Jesus Maddie. All of these men! Cauã the riding instructor. Ethan with The Prince's Trust. Now Isaac your own personal god-like assistant. How do you keep yourself together?" She shook her head and reached for her drink. "And clothed?"

"Easy," she giggled, nodding her head to Harry who was returning with their drinks. "Look at the one I get to sleep with."

"Fair point," Ella sighed again, her eyes growing wistful as she looked up at the two men. "And look at the way he looks at you..." She blinked, looking down into her glass, her entire face growing sad. "The way he always looks at you."

"Hey..." Maddie's voice softened. "Ella..."

"It's hard to miss," she shrugged, pulling her shoulders back and her chin up, struggling for a moment with her smile. "If I can't see it in person, I can look at any number of blogs or magazines or..."

"Come on," Maddie shook her head. "You know your husband looks at you the same way."

"My husband?" Ella laughed, glancing up to where Bishop stood chatting with a handful of people, all of them engrossed in whatever he was saying. "You mean that man there? Entertaining all the beautiful women?"

"Okay listen," Maddie turned to face her friend. "Whatever it is that's going on with you and Bishop, you need to get it out on the table because this is just crazy; you thinking he cares more about, well...anyone really."

"It's not that I don't appreciate what you're trying to do..."

"Ella. That man loves you. If you're having a hard time seeing that, then you need to tell him so he can, I don't know. So he can make it a little more clear."

"Maybe..." Ella smiled; tired and uncertain. Before Maddie could insist, before she could pull out her more forceful tone, the men were returning to the table with drinks in hand.

"Here you are," Harry sat the glass of champagne down in front of his wife.

"Thank you," Maddie smiled up at him, taking a quick drink before she held out her hand to him. "Come on."

"Come on?" He looked to her hand, sighing as he sank into a chair across from her. "Come where?"

"Come dance?" She nodded to the dance floor, wiggling her fingers in the air, wanting to give Ella a minute with her husband who was just stepping up to the table.

"No way darling," Harry shook his head. "I've been dancing all night. Take Bishop with you. It's been awhile since I've caught up with Ella."

"But..." Maddie started to protest, started to explain, but she was too late.

Bishop was snatching her fingers out of the air and pulling her from her seat. "Come along Duchess...I'd be happy to sweep you off your feet."

"I've got my eyes on you!" Harry called after them, tipping his drink to his lips.

"I've always loved an audience!" Bishop called back as they reached the dance floor, stopping and making a flourish out of pulling Maddie into his arms. "Well good evening Doctor."

"Bishop," she gave in and moved in closer, watching over his shoulder as Harry and Ella slipped into conversation.

"Having a good evening?" He asked her as they moved around the dance floor.

"Absolutely," Maddie nodded; she was. She had been enjoying every regal moment of this week's celebrations, the same was true for the concert. "Yourself?"

"Always," he grinned. "Big day tomorrow."

"You mean the service bright and early?" Maddie chuckled, images of her hungover husband playing in her mind.

"Well there is that," he laughed along with her, shaking his head. "But I meant the other cause for celebration."

"Ah yes," Maddie blushed, her eyes shifting over to her husband who was laughing along with Ella. "It is a wonderful coincidence that we'll be in St. Paul's tomorrow."

"Mmm," Bishop nodded, his own gaze following hers. "And Buckingham Palace."

"Yes," Maddie's smile pulled higher as she looked to him. "An important day for you too, Bishop?"

"Most definitely," he nodded, blushing only slightly as he remembered how his own life had changed that night. "God, who knew? The night you stole away my best friend..."

"Stole?!" Maddie laughed, pulling back a bit.

"You also gave me the greatest gift..." His eyes drifted back to Ella and Maddie could feel the warmth and love exuding from him. And in that moment, she couldn't help herself, couldn't keep her mouth shut.

"Hey Bishop?"

"Yes love?" He pulled sweet, happy eyes back to her

"Can I give you some very well intentioned advice?"

"If this is about my hair, you can forget it. I love it like this."

"No," Maddie laughed with a shake of her head. "It's not about your hair."

"Well then go ahead," he spun them around. "I'd be a fool not to heed the words of our lovely Duchess."

"Go ask your wife to dance." Maddie came to a standstill.

"My wife?" His smile pulled higher, glancing at her over Maddie's shoulder. "But she's busy with your husband and I'm..."

"Bishop." Maddie cut him off, her eyes flashing serious for a moment. "Ask your wife to dance. Trust me. Just...do it. Right now."

"Okay..." He nodded, glancing to Ella before he focused on the look on Maddie's face. "You want to tell me where this is coming from?"

Maddie swallowed and shook her head, her smile wavering just a little. "No?"

"Hey." He leaned back, his hold on her slipping. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Maddie shook her head again, this time more convincingly. "Nothing's going on Bishop. We're remembering the night of my wedding, the night you two made Buckie...and, I don't know. I think you should ask her to dance. I think you should be having this moment with her."

Bishop watched her for a long moment, his eyes scanning her over as he read all of those subtle, intrinsic clues he had picked up on over years of reading people, of knowing her. And then he took a deep breath and nodded. "There's something more to this..."

"There doesn't have to be..."

"But there is." He nodded, smiling down at her as his hands moved to her shoulders, patting her softly. "I'll go. But I know there's more to it than this. I can tell."

Maddie took a breath and shook her head slowly, her shoulders shrugging as she smiled up at him. "I just think that she...she could use a little extra attention, a little more affection and who better to give it to her than you?" Maddie lifted her eyebrows and hoped he would take her at her word, hoped he would heed her advice.

And he did.

"Okay," he nodded and leaned in to kiss her cheek. "I'm going to ask my wife to dance. And you?"

"I'm going to go whisper dirty things in my husband's ear."

"Ha!" Bishop clapped his hands together, laughing as the seriousness slipped away from them for a moment, falling into step with each other as they returned to the table. "I'm sure he loves it when you drink champagne."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The next morning came much, much too early--especially for Maddie who felt every single year of her age when she woke to the alarm. She shut it off with a groan and reached for her husband, ready to shake him awake to share in the discomfort she felt from the night before.

But he was gone. "Harry?" She pulled her eyes opened and looked to his abandoned side of the bed. Taking a quick glance around the room, she found no sign of her husband but there on her nightstand was a small vase with a few sprigs of cut delphinium with a note propped up against it.

With an easy smile on her lips, she sat up in bed and reached for the note. "Happy Anniversary Love," Harry's handwriting scrawled across the paper in loops and twists. "Sir Walter Scott is quoted as saying 'If you keep a thing seven years, you are sure to find a use for it.'. Thank you--for finding a use for me. H."

With a laugh full of humor and sweetness, Maddie pressed the note to her chest and leaned in to sniff at the flowers by her bedside. Before she could spend too much time wondering where exactly her useful husband had disappeared to, the door to their room pushed open and there he was.

Mussed red hair, scruffy beard, t-shirt and boxers, and that wide cheeky smile she so adored. And in his hands was a tray.

"Good Morning darling," he called to her, kicking the door closed behind him.

"Captain," Maddie grinned, sitting up taller in the bed, checking out the tray in his hands. "Do you have coffee on there?"

"I do," he nodded, proud of himself. "And..." He moved to her side of the bed, setting it on the bed before her.

"Red velvet cake," Maddie sighed the words. "You're the most amazing husband in the entire world."

"Well I've certainly learned not to argue with you," he chuckled and looked up to her. "Happy Anniversary love."

"Mmm," Maddie smiled as she turned her lips up to meet his. "Happy Anniversary Captain."

"Now..." He crawled into bed next to her, reaching for his own plate of cake. "Care to tell me what use you've found for me?"

With a snicker, Maddie took a bite of her cake. "Mmmm..." She smiled around her fork, her eyes pressing closed as she sighed. "Let me finish this cake and I'll show you."

"Ha!" Harry laughed loudly, his head tipping back in amusement. "Deal."

"I cannot believe that you're up before me," Maddie shook her head at him. "You were worse for the wear than I was last night."

Harry shrugged. "I must rebound easier."

"You must."

"Would it be okay with you if I gave you your gift?" He took another bite of his cake and sat down his plate, leaning over to the drawer of his bedside table.

"Oh it's always okay to give me a gift," Maddie sat her cake aside and took a sip of coffee before sitting taller and clapping her hands together.

"Here you are..." He handed over a small velvet box with a bright red bow on top. "Seven years."

"Seven years," Maddie sighed, staring at him for a long moment before her focus shifted to the box in her lap. Opening it up, she smiled as she looked down at the contents. Inside was a thin, flat bracelet made of hammered copper--a traditional seventh anniversary element. "Harry..." She pulled it up from the box, her eyes squinting as she studied it. Stamped on one end of the bracelet was the date she married him. But on the other end was another set of numbers she wasn't quite sure about. "Are these...coordinates?" She looked up to him with confusion in her eyes.

"They are," he nodded eagerly, leaning in to run his fingers over the numbers. "For Saint Paul's cathedral. They're as close as I can get to the altar, to the place where you were standing when you said I do..."

With a sigh of bliss, Maddie dropped the bracelet from her fingers and moved her hands to his face. Tipping his lips up to hers, she kissed him. "This is wonderful," she smiled against his mouth. "I love it so much..."

"Good," he kissed her back. "And thank you..." He pulled her hand from his face, kissing the top of it softly. "For saying I do."

"Oh Harry," Maddie sighed with a slight roll of her eyes. "As if I had any choice in the matter."

"Oh really?" He laughed, watching as she slipped from the bed and hurried over to the closet.

"Of course!" She called from inside. "We both know I'm helpless against that smile and the promise of unmitigated access to that tub."

"Ha!" His laugh echoed throughout their room, his smile reaching his eyes as she returned, dropping a gift bag in his lap as she moved onto the bed next to him.

"Now," she folded her hands in her lap as she explained her gift. "I was doing some research for our trip to Scotland this summer for the Jubilee celebrations."

"Oh?" Harry's eyebrows drew together, confused and intrigued.

"Mmm," she nodded. "I wanted to know more about the roots of our titles...Duke of Sussex, Earl of Inverness and then..." Her eyes lit up. "I ran across the Sussex tartan."

"Oh..." Harry followed along, curious and drawn to her amusement.

"And it's really beautiful," she grew soft. "And I thought you should have something..." She shook her head and waved her hand at the bag, indicating he should open it.

Plucking tissue paper from the bag, Harry tossed it aside and his grin stretched further. "Maddie..." He reached inside and pulled out a wool neck tie. "Is this it?" His fingers ran over it. "The Sussex tartan?"

"It is," Maddie nodded, leaning forward. "In wool. I thought you could wear it when we go to Inverness."

"Absolutely," Harry nodded. "I love it."

"Good," she sighed. "Oh! And..." She pointed to the tie pin he had yet to see.

"What's this?" He pulled it closer, focusing in on the copper pin bearing their intertwined initials. "Would you look at that?" His eyes lifted to meet hers. "You're nearly as sentimental as I am."

"Well now," Maddie's voice was soft as she leaned in closer. "Let's not get carried away."

"Aw come on," Harry leaned up to kiss her. "We have a little bit of time before the children are awake and on the loose. Maybe we do get carried away?"

With a sigh and a laugh and a gasp, Maddie let her husband pull her to him while all thoughts of the day's list of events drifted from the room.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The very next day, they were on their way to the country. After they had attended the Church Service, after they had attended the luncheons and the flyover, after they had celebrated their anniversary over pizza and movies with the children, they had woken the next day to a few down days. As pictures of the two of them made news--holding hands for a brief moment in St. Paul's, keeping in contact on the balcony, a shadow of a private kiss barely caught by a camera as they stepped back inside Buckingham Palace--they packed up their family and they made the trip to Foxgrove. Though they had Trooping The Color in two days, they were going to disappear from the city until then.

They arrived mid-morning and as the younger children settled in for naps, the older ones set out to play and Maddie and Harry unpacked and made lunch and let their hair down. It wasn't until after lunch had been eaten and playing had resumed that Foxgrove came alive with action again. The Bishops had come out for the afternoon and as Lilli went down to the stables for her riding lesson, the rest of the children ran about the backyard, climbing on the play equipment while Harry and Bishop minded their youngest inside the house.  
It was an afternoon full of sun and energy and a lot of laughter and everyone seemed to be teaming in happiness--even Ella. As Maddie sat stretched out in a lounger on the back patio next to her best friend, she couldn't help but remark on the noticeable change.

"Would it be okay if I said something a little inappropriate?" She looked over at Ella through her sunglasses.

"Inappropriate?" Ella grinned into her glass of tea. "Of course."

"I couldn't help but notice the smile on your face," Maddie watched as that very smile deepened. "And you seem to be breathing a little easier and walking with a little more..."

"Swagger?" Ella offered with a snicker.

"I was going to say confidence," Maddie shrugged with a giggle. "But swagger would do." Her voice shifted lower as she grew a little more serious. "You look mighty smiley today Ella Bishop. Is something going on?"

"Mmm..." Ella twirled the ice around in her glass, sighing as she stretched her legs out further in her chair. "Maybe."

"Maybe," Maddie shook her head, catching the devilish glint in her friend's smile. "This is about Bishop isn't it."

Sighing, Ella's grin stretched even further. "Maybe."

"Enough with the maybe!" Maddie laughed, turning to face Ella. "When I saw you at Leo's two nights ago you were sad and stressed. What happened? What's changed?"

"Well," Ella's cheeks flushed just a little bit as memories of the last two nights pulled to the forefront of her mind. "After you and Harry left Leo's, Bishop and I...we danced until they closed it down. We danced and we laughed and we went home and..." Her lips curled even higher, her eyes drifting to a far off place. "And last night we celebrated your anniversary in our own way."

"Ha!" Maddie clapped her hands together, catching every single bit of the tone of Ella's voice, of her meaning behind her words. "Nice."

"It WAS nice," Ella nodded, taking a sip of her drink, her mind thinking over all of the confusion she had had over the last few months, all of the uncertainties. "I mean, it's not the end of it all, it's not like there was this quick fix," she snapped her fingers. "But it was...wonderful to have his attention back, to have all of his attention back."

"I bet it was," Maddie nodded, happy for her friend. "I bet it was. God Ella, I'm so glad."

"I've missed it," Ella sighed, her head tipping back, her eyes closing. "My marriage has missed it."

"I know," Maddie turned her eyes out to the lawn, watching as the children played. "I was really worried about the two of you for a minute there, you and Bishop. And I'm just so happy that you're feeling better about him, that you're feeling better about your marriage and..."

"Feeling better about your marriage?" It was Bishop's voice that repeated Maddie's words, Bishop's voice that came from behind them, startling them both. Ella's eyes snapped open and Maddie sat up and when both of them saw the look on Bishop's face, their words seemed to fail them. "Ella?" He looked to his wife, his eyes dark and full of curiosity. "What does she mean you're feeling better about your marriage? About me?" A flash of hurt crossed his face. "Have you not been feeling good about me?"

"I...no. No," Ella could barely speak as she shook her head, moving in the chair to sit up, to face him. "No. I..."

"I didn't mean that," Maddie spoke up, her throat dry and her mind completely thrown as she tried to step in, to intervene.

"What did you mean?" His heavy gaze turned to her.

"Nothing," her voice came out in a whisper, her nerves frazzled, like she had been caught doing something terrible. And she supposed, in Bishop's eyes maybe she had. "I meant nothing."

"Don't tell me nothing," he shook his head at her, his voice clipped and angry. "You just told her you were happy she was feeling better about her marriage and you were relieved. And the other night at Leo's when you told me..."

"The other night at Leo's?" Ella's eyes whipped over to Maddie. "What the hell did you tell him the other night at Leo's Maddie?"

"Nothing," Maddie looked to her best friend, her heart hammering in her chest at the accusatory glare on Ella's face. "Ella, I..."

"What did you say to my husband?"

"What do you think she said to your husband Ella?" Bishop stepped forward, everything about him focusing in on his wife. "What all IS there to SAY to your husband Ella?"

And though Ella knew she should be focusing on the man standing next to her, for a reason that was probably steeped in fear and self-preservation, her attention was locked on the woman in front of her. "You went to Bishop." Her arms folded over her chest.

"No I didn't Ella, I..."

"You went to BISHOP!" Her voice was loud and surprised all three of them. "What in the hell did you say to him?"

"Nothing," Maddie's voice wavered as she shook her head, as she reached out to her. "I just, I told him he should ask you to dance, that he should..."

"Oh!" Ella's eyes went wide with hurt as she jerked her arm out of Maddie's reach. "Oh I see!" With fire in her gaze, she looked to her husband. "So you had to be told to dance with your wife, is that it?! You had to be told to pay attention to me?!"

"Of course not," Bishop shook his head. "And that's not what this is about..."

"It most certainly is!" Ella yelled, tears welling up in her eyes. "You can't be bothered to take me in your arms and spin me around unless the Duchess tells you to! You can't let ME be the focus of attention unless SHE pushes you to!" She wiped at her eyes in frustration.

"Ella, that's not what happened," Maddie felt her own emotions welling up as she reached for her again.

"No!" Ella whipped her pointed gaze back to her best friend. "Don't touch me! You are my BEST friend Maddie and I told you things because I trusted you! And you went to my husband! Behind my back!"

"But I didn't!" Maddie shook her head frantically. "All I did was tell him that he should dance with you instead of me! All I did was turn him in your direction! I didn't tell him any of the stuff that you've told me!"

"What else did you tell her?!" Bishop stepped forward, just as angry, just as emotional as the two of them. "Ella?! Why in the hell does Maddie know things about our marriage that I don't know?!"

"I don't know Bishop!" Ella turned to him, her hands balled into fists. "Maybe because I see her more than you! Maybe because when I DO see her, she's not so caught up in the kids that she can't take TEN MINUTES to ask how I am! Maybe..." Ella's rant faltered as her emotions got the best of her. "Maybe because she cares enough to pay attention..."

"Ella..." Maddie's voice was soft, her heart breaking for her best friend.

"No!" Ella spun to point her finger at her, shaking her head. "No. Don't talk to me. Don't...just don't!" With not so much as a look to either of them, Ella pushed past them both into the house, the door slamming shut behind her.

"Oh my God," Maddie whispered, her fingers pressing to her lips as she watched Ella walk away from them.

Bishop, still very much confused, still very much upset, turned to Maddie. "What in the hell is going on?"

"What?" Maddie blinked at the tears in her eyes, shaking her head as she looked to him.

"What has she been telling you? Why is she unsure of me? Of our marriage?!"

"No," Maddie shook her head again, her mind pulling back from the crazy place it was drifting.

"Madeline," Bishop pushed forward. "You need to tell me..."

"No I don't. No I don't Bishop. If you want to know anymore, you need to talk to your wife."

"She won't talk to me!" His voice exploded around them as he threw his hands up in the air. "She won't tell me what the hell is going on so you're going to have to!"

"I don't have to do anything!" Maddie spun around to face him, tears in her eyes. "I've already done too much Bishop! If you want to know what's going on with Ella, what's BEEN going on with Ella, then you march in that house and you ask Ella!" As Maddie spun around to leave him, to escape the moment, she tripped on her own feet and standing there to catch her was her husband.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," he reached out and steadied his wife, his eyes widening at the sight of the tears in her eyes, at the look on his best friend's face. "Whoa. Hey. What's going on out here? Is everything okay?"

"No," Bishop answered in a short, harsh clip. "No. Nothing is okay." With no more response than that, he moved past them both into the house, hoping to find his wife, to get some answers.

And there, on the back porch, with the children laughing and playing in the background, Maddie looked up at her still confused husband and she began to cry.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Maddie didn't sleep at all that night. She woke the next day with an upset stomach and an ache in her chest. From the moment the Bishops left, the abundance of tension evident to everyone including the children, all through the night into the next day--Maddie hadn't stopped thinking about the way it all unfolded. She hadn't been able to forget the look on Ella's face or the sense of betrayal in her voice. She hadn't been able to move past the hurt that had taken over Bishop.

She had no idea what happened between them when they left and, despite her numerous attempts to contact Ella, she still had no idea where everyone stood even well into the next afternoon. Lilli's riding lesson was over for the day and she had just returned to the house. While she played with her brothers and Harry waited for Isaac to show up with a few quick items for him to look over, Maddie tried dialing Ella once more.

With no response, she tossed her phone to the table in front of her with a frustrated huff. "Damn it."

Harry, looking up from the memo he was reading, focused across the table at his wife. "Still no answer?"

"No," Maddie groaned, leaning back in her chair. "She's not talking to me."

"Maybe she just needs a little time."

"How much time?"

"I don't know darling. Some time."

"Have you heard from Bishop?"

"No. But that's not terribly surprising. He's apparently got a lot going on at home."

"I can't believe she's so mad at me. And Bishop too! The look on his face..."

"Well sure," Harry shrugged. "I mean of course he's mad. The two of you were out there talking about Ella's lack of faith in their marriage, in him."

"What? No we weren't. I said nothing of the kind."

"Listen Maddie, Bishop holds loyalty high on his list of qualities, in himself and in others. The fact that you questioned that..."

"I'm sorry, that ** _I_** questioned that?"

"It doesn't matter which one of you put it out there first. The two of you were right there talking about it, about him."

"I was talking to my best friend about her marriage. You never talk to your best friend about his marriage?"

"No, not really."

"Bullshit."

"I don't!"

"You never talk to your best friend about YOUR marriage?"

He at least had the decency to blink before he answered. "No. Not really."

"Ha!" Maddie laughed in his face.

"Ha?" Harry lifted his eyebrows to her. "I don't. If I have a problem with you, I talk to you about it. Not Bishop. And that's exactly what Ella should have done."

"That's exactly what I told her. And that's exactly what I told him."

"And all that time you were telling her and telling him, maybe you should have just been minding your own business."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me," he shrugged his shoulders, his attitude more flippant than Maddie was reading it. "If you would have just stayed out if like I told you to do, none of this would have happened."

"Oh." Maddie tone shifted in a way that made Harry feel leery. "Oh I see."

"Maddie..."

"No, no," she shook her head, pushing back from the table and rising to her feet. "This is all my fault."

"That's not what I said."

"Well you said if I had just listened to YOU than none of this would have happened so clearly you feel that the responsibility lies with me." She was tired and upset and couldn't help but take everything to heart at this point.

"No," he shook his head at her. "But you know just as well as I do that had you just stepped back, things would look a lot different this morning."

"Had I just stepped back," Maddie nodded, her arms crossing over her chest defiantly. "You mean like I am right now?" She moved towards the door.

"Aw come on Maddie..."

"No Harry. I don't think I will." She stopped for a moment to smile at him. "I think I need to take a break, take a walk, get some fresh air."

Just as Harry rose to his feet to reach for her, the soft knock came on the door and Isaac stepped into their space, into the moment.

"Good Morning," he looked to the two of them, his eyes settling on Harry who had straightened up, standing tall. "Sorry. You told me to just come in..."

"You're fine," Harry waved his hand at him.

"Did I walk in on you hitting on your wife Sir? I can step back out..." He pointed towards the hall from where he had come.

"No." Maddie's voice was hard and cold. "He's not hitting on his wife." Reaching for her sweater draped over the back of her chair, she turned a very small smile to Isaac. "He's fighting with her. No worries, you'll walk in on that a few times as well." Her eyes slid to Harry for a blink before she moved to the door. "I'll leave you two to business. I'm heading outside for a while. The kids are outside and Oscar is napping."

"Where are you going?" Harry called after her, not at all bothered by Isaac watching the two of them.

"I don't know!" She called back without turning around.

"When will you be back?"

"Don't know that either!" Her voice grew quieter as she put distance between them and then, with the sound of the door shutting behind her, their conversation was over.

With a huff of a laugh, Harry shook his head and looked to Isaac, gesturing for him to take a seat. "Alright. What do you have for me?"

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

With every step Maddie took across the lawn, she felt her anger pushing from her in huffs and puffs. The mangled tension in her shoulders was built from so much; confusion, upset, misunderstanding. She was mad at Ella and she was mad at Bishop and she was mad at Harry.

And she was sad about Ella. And Bishop. And Harry.

But most of all, she was tired and confused and desperately needed to clear her head so she could think things over, so she could sort things out. So she could make amends where it was needed. These were the three people she hated fighting with the most and in that moment, she was fighting with all three of them.

Moving past the perimeter of the lawn, she started down the gravel and dirt roadways and paths, heading towards the barn and beyond that the miles of land they had stretched out around them. Wearing her sweater and her sunglasses, she wrapped her arms around her middle and rounded the side of the barn.

"Oh!" She gasped, coming to a quick stop when she ran nearly head first into Harry's longtime friend and Lilli's riding instructor. "Cauã!" He was dirty and sweaty and pulling his riding gloves from his hands and when he looked up to her, his face brightened with that wide smile of his.

"Lindeza," he stuffed his gloves into his back pocket and took a few steps towards her, wiping his hands on his pants. "I didn't mean to startle you."

"No, no," she shook her head, her cheeks flushing a bit as he moved in closer. "I was just taking a walk, clearing my head."

"Everything okay?" His head tipped to the side, his eyes looking her over.

"Yes," she sighed, waving her hand dismissively. "A little disagreement with Harry, nothing to worry about." She laughed and shook her head, looking past him to what he had been doing. "I thought you had gone already."

"Oh no," he shook his head, chuckling as he followed her gaze, turning back towards the horse that was saddled up behind him. "After I finish with Lilli, I like to take them out and give them a good ride around the property, let the wind blow through their hair..." As he ran a hand down the strong neck of the horse, he looked to Maddie and nodded a smile to her. "You want to come along?"

"For a ride?" Maddie moved in to stroke her hand down the horse's back.

"Why not?" He chuckled. "I could saddle up one of the others really quickly. It will help you...what did you say? Clear your head?"

"I did," Maddie nodded, spending a moment of thought on his proposal. It would be nice to get out on the property and she would love the feeling of flying through the air on horseback and, glancing back up at the house, it might do her some good to focus elsewhere. "You know what, I think I'll go."

"Sim? Yes?" Cauã's smile brightened, his hands clapping together in front of him. "You'll come along?"

"Yes!" Maddie nodded. "You're sure it won't be too much trouble to saddle up the other horse and..."

"No, no," he shook his head quickly, his hand warm and strong as it patted hers. "No Lindeza. No trouble at all." And just like that, he was moving around her, readying the other horse.

As Maddie twisted her hair up into a bun on the back of her head, as she buttoned her sweater and climbed up onto the saddle, she could feel the strangest mix of something in her stomach; nerves, excitement, and the slightest tinge of warning.

But she was tired and frustrated and desperately wanted to be somewhere doing anything other than fighting with the people she loved, she wanted to be with somebody who wasn't looking at her with hurt and accusation.

And, as Cauã climbed up on his horse and waved at her to follow him out through the fence line, he was nothing but smiles, nothing but comfort and ease and sunshine. And it felt wonderful.

 


	8. Chapter 8

When Maddie returned to the house after over an hour of riding, she was tired and mud splattered and walking with a little less tension in her shoulders. When she stepped in the back door, she was greeted first by Malcolm wearing a Batman costume and a peanut butter outlined smile.

"MUMMY!!!" He ran full speed at her, jumping up into the air as she reached out to catch him.

"Hi Baby," she kissed his cheek, rubbing at the peanut butter on his face with her thumb. "Are you protecting the city from the villains?"

"Arrrgghh!" He held his hands up in the air, squirming to get back down on the floor, to run back outside to his brothers and sister.

"Have fun," she sat him down and watched as he scurried away, his black cape flapping behind him. And when she stood up her eyes met those of his father's.

Standing in the doorway, Harry's arms were crossed over his chest, his gaze locked on her.

Taking a seat on the bench, she unzipped her boots. "How did the meeting go with Isaac?"

"Fine." Harry answered shortly. "He's still here. There's something he wanted to meet with you about."

"Oh," Maddie blinked. "I didn't know he wanted to talk with me."

"Well you left too quickly to find out," Harry's eyes stayed glued on her.

"I'll just run up and change out of these muddy clothes and then I'll be right back down..."

"You were with Caua?" Harry jumped in, unable to restrain his curiosity any longer.

"Mmm," Maddie nodded her head, pulling her boots from her feet, her defenses perking up.

"What were you doing?"

Looking up to him from where she was sitting her boots down, her eyes narrowed. "Riding."

"You were gone for a long time. Where did you go?"

"Excuse me?" She stood tall, crossing her arms over her chest. "Where did you go? What were you doing? Who were you with? You have something you really want to ask me?"

Harry knew an invitation to battle when he saw one and though he normally ducked out, normally backed down, something in the back of his mind made him step right into this one. "I saw the two of you out there; talking and laughing and..."

"Ha!" Maddie shook her head, turning away from him and walking towards the back stairs to their room. "I don't believe this."

Harry followed behind her, the heat rising in his ears. "You know Bishop said he..."

"Bishop?!" She spun around, a look of incredulity taking over her face. "Oh I see! I need to stay the hell out of HIS marriage, but he can sure as hell step into mine whenever he likes, laying down all kinds of doubt in YOUR mind!"

"I don't have doubt, I just..."

"Come to think of it," Maddie was barely even listening to him. "Maybe we should sit down sometime and take a look at just how many times your best friend has intervened..."

"Maddie..."

"I would say there have been quite a few!" She moved closer to him, fire in her eyes. "I would say that the amount of times Bishop has stepped in to save your ass far outweighs this one time I messed up and tried to help his!"

"To save my ass?!" Harry followed her as she walked away from him.

"And now what?" She threw her hands in the air. "He tells you that you should watch out for Caua, a man who YOU hired, a man who YOU've known for years and all of a sudden I can't be trusted to go for a horse ride with him?!"

"Maddie, I didn't say that."

"No?" She spun around to look at him again. "Because when I walked in the door, the line of questions that you were tossing at me, the tone of your voice and the look in your eyes...loyalty, was it? Is that what Bishop places at such a high priority? This morning you were telling me how I insulted him by questioning his loyalty but here you are. Seven years of marriage and one comment from your meddling best friend and you have no problem questioning mine."

"Maybe we should both take a deep breath and sit down and talk about this."

"I don't want to talk to you, Harry. I have nothing at all to say. I'm going to freshen up and then I'm going to go in and meet with Isaac about next week. Unless of course you want to call Bishop and see what he thinks of him too?"

"Jesus Christ would you calm down for just a minute so that I can..."

"MUMMY, MUMMY, MUMMY!!!" Lilli's voice called out she bounded up the stairs towards them. "DADDY!!!!"

Maddie felt steam in her ears as she glared at Harry for just a moment longer before she blinked her eyes and pulled her attention away from him, just as Lilli came upon them. "My goodness Lilli," a smile pulled to her lips. "What on earth is going on?"

"A dog!" She clapped her hands, doing a little dance. "We found a dog!"

"You found a dog?" Harry's eyebrows rose.

"We found a DOG!" She bounced on her feet. "Can we keep him?! Please, please, PUH-LEASE???"

"Okay, hold on," Maddie couldn't help but laugh at the excitement on her daughter's face. "Where did you find a dog?"

"He was down by the pond drinking the water," she pointed in the direction of the pond.

"And where is he now?" Harry glanced to Maddie and back to his daughter.

"Ollie has him outside," she pointed down the stairs. "He's thirsty and hungry and he's so NICE. Can we keep him?"

"I don't know baby," Maddie shook her head, looking to Harry with a question in her eyes. "He might belong to somebody already and just be lost."

"Why don't you take us down to him Lilli-bean? Let Mum and I take a look?"

"Okay," she nodded happily, reaching for his hand and tugging him behind her. As Maddie took a step along with them, the soft cries from Oscar's room alerted them that his nap was over. Harry stopped and looked up to her.

"I'll go get Oscar and be right out?" She met his eyes, a momentary truce falling into place.

With a nod and a slight smile, he agreed. "We'll see you outside." As Harry followed Lilli down the stairs and Maddie followed Oscar's cries up them, they were distracted by something bigger and more important than all of it; their family.

When Maddie stepped out onto the lawn with a freshly changed and quite happy Oscar in her arms, she was gifted with a sight that brought fresh laughter from deep in her soul.

With Harry and Isaac in the middle of the swarm of giggling and squealing children, was a big, shaggy dog; wet and soapy in what Maddie assumed was their very best effort at cleaning him up. Off to the side was a bowl of water and some food.

"Oh wow..." She called out to them, shaking her head as she moved cautiously closer. "Look at what you have going on out here."

Harry looked up from where he was scrubbing the dog and smiled. "You want to get in on this?"

"No thank you," Maddie laughed with a shake of her head. "I think I'll stay over here with Oscar. What do you think buddy?" She bounced him in her arms. "Do you see daddy with that dog?"

"Woof!" Oscar clapped his hands together.

"That's right!" Maddie nodded. "Woof!"

"Woof! Woof!" He clapped his hands again, sending the children laughing and mimicking him. Riled up by the excitement around him, the dog began to shake, spraying everyone around him in water and soapy bubbles.

And the laughter and squealing increased.

"Okay, okay," Maddie moved in closer, the mud splatter on her clothes now matched by the soap suds. Looking to her husband who was infinitely wetter than she, she couldn't help but smile. "Does he have a collar or tags?"

"No," Harry shook his head, glancing up at her through his sunglasses. "He's quite skinny too. I don't think he's eaten in awhile and he was dirty and matted. I doubt he belongs to somebody, at least anyone who's looking for him."

As if on cue, the dog moved forward, hesitant as he nudged his nose against Maddie's leg.

"Well hello there," she smiled down at him, reaching to scratch the top of his head. "You're a mangy little muttley aren't you?" Smoothing the long hair back from his eyes, she looked at her kids dancing around as they washed him and cared for him and then she looked to Harry who seemed just as into the moment as they were. With a low voice, she spoke only to him. "We're going to end up with a dog, aren't we."

"Your call Mum," he shrugged his shoulders with a grin, his hands patting the very dog in question.

She held his gaze for a minute before she looked to the children, down to the dog and then up to Isaac. "You picked quite the day to come to Foxgrove, no?"

"Ha!" He laughed with a nod of his head. "Never a dull moment."

"Never indeed," Maddie agreed, taking a deep breath and sighing as she looked back to Harry. "Would he stay here or would we take him back to Kensington?"

"Depends," he shrugged, his lips curling up higher. "We'll get him cleaned up, see how he behaves and go from there? I think he'd probably be fine out here. We can ask the groundskeeper down the way to check in on him. But he's been great with the kids, even with all the dancing and tugging and you know...Batman." Both Harry and Maddie laughed at that.

"Okay," Maddie adjusted Oscar in her arms and looked to her children and the now nearly clean pooch at her feet. "Now everyone listen closely. If somebody turns up looking for their dog, we're going to have to give him back..."

"Okay," the kids chorused along, trying their best to contain the excitement that was bubbling up.

"And we're going to have to watch him before we decide where he will live..."

"Okay..."

"And if he bites anyone unprovoked then he might not get to stay..." Maddie took a deep breath and looked at all of the anxious faces around her, Harry's included. "But for now...maybe we should start brainstorming names for him."

"We get to keep him?!" Ollie jumped up and down.

"We get to keep him," Maddie nodded, watching with love and amusement as the lawn erupted into a wet, soapy celebration around her.

After they cleaned up the dog who seemed to know he was being adopted by the family, Harry took him down to the barn and the kids helped make him a home in an empty stall with blankets, food and water. As the family headed back to the house, Harry took the children inside to get them cleaned up and turn their attention to dinner and Maddie walked Isaac to his car so he could return to the city.

"You've sure had a day of chaos with the Sussexes," Maddie's smile was tired as she walked Isaac down the walk.

"It's been great," he laughed easily.

"And you'll see all of us again in the morning," Maddie sighed, thankful for the crazy crew she called her family.

"Yes," he nodded. "Would it be okay if I scheduled some time for Monday morning to talk to you about..."

"Oh!" Maddie pointed at him, her eyes flashing wide. "You had something new you wanted to discuss! I'm sorry! I completely forgot, with the dog and...well, everything."

"Of course," he shook his head softly. "We can meet Monday?"

"We can," she agreed. "I have the event with The Prince's Trust first thing but after that."

"Perfect," he smiled and turned towards the car.

"Hey Isaac?"

"Ma'am?"

"You want to tell me what the idea is? Give me a little preview?"

"Sure," his smile pulled higher as he turned back to face her. "UNICEF Ambassador. That's the idea."

"UNICEF..." Maddie's eyes blinked. "You mean me?"

"I mean you."

"You think I should be a UNICEF Ambassador?"

"I do," he nodded. "And I'm not the only one."

"Who?"

"UNICEF of course."

Maddie let out a laugh; shocked and incredulous. "UNICEF? They want me to be an Ambassador?"

"Yes Ma'am," he smiled at the surprise on her face.

"But...why?"

"Why?" He took a step back. "You want reasons?" He lifted his eyebrows to her and she nodded, a quick bob of her head. "Okay. Well. Since you've become Duchess, you've devoted your time, energy and patronages among many things but the highlights include children, soldiers, the Prince's Trust programs," he counted off on his fingers as he went through the list. "And the mental health initiatives that this generation is championing. You're articulate and kind and genuine and people love you."

"Ha!" She shook her head, her cheeks blushing slightly.

"It's true." He pointed his finger at her. "At home, you're often polling closer to the Queen than your husband. And abroad...your time in Bendal, the fact that you are an American..."

"Were," she cut him off.

"Were an American," he corrected with a grin. "I know you spent a great deal of time talking to Queen Rania about her work with UNICEF at the luncheon. They've contacted our office to gauge your interest. Would you like to sit down Monday afternoon and discuss it?"

With a breath, her smile deepened. "Yes. Yes, let's sit down on Monday afternoon and discuss it."

"Fantastic." He clapped his hands together. "And now, I'll leave you."

"Until tomorrow," she nodded, watching as he opened the car door and slid inside. "Bright and early for Trooping The Colour."

"I'll meet you all at Kensington in the morning."

"Goodnight Isaac," Maddie took a few backwards steps towards the house.

"Goodnight Ma'am," he waved back at her and closed the door to the car.

Standing outside for just a moment, Maddie watched the car drive away from her, watched the dust puff up as it navigated down the gravel drive and then she turned to look at the house, at her home. With a deep breath, she made her way up the walk, back towards her family, towards all that had bubbled up over the course of the day.

"Mum!" Ollie bounced in his seat as Maddie joined them all in the kitchen to eat an easy dinner before bathing and getting to bed for the early morning.

"Yes Oliver?" She ran her hand through his fuzzy hair and moved to fix herself a plate.

"I think we've decided on a name for the dog!"

"Oh really?" Maddie couldn't help but meet Harry's eyes over the table and smile, even if she was still mad at him. Looking to the children, she sat down in her chair. "And what is the name we've decided on?"

"Well," Lilli spoke up, her hands folding in her lap as she tried her best to look prim and proper. "Malcolm wanted to name him Batman." Her eyes shifted to her younger brother across the table.

"Batman huh?" Maddie looked to Malcolm who raised his hands in the air.

"Aaarrrggghhhh!"

"Does Batman say argh?" Maddie did her best to keep her smile tamed.

"Apparently he does," Harry offered, amused at his children.

"But," Lilli continued. "We decided that since Ollie found him then Ollie should get to pick his name."

"Well that's very thoughtful of you Lilli," Maddie smiled at her daughter, loving the moments when Lilli decided to be graceful and magnanimous instead of bossy and stubborn.

"Thank you," she smiled and reached for her food.

With a chuckle, Maddie turned to her oldest son. "So Olli, what did you decide?"

Swallowing a bite of his food, he fidgeted excitedly in his seat and leaned forward. When he spoke, his voice was low, as if they were all conspiring together. "I decided on...Hairy Houdini."

"Harry Houdini?" Maddie's eyes brightened at her little magician.

"Yes," he nodded happily. "But not Harry like daddy. Hairy like the dog is...hairy."

"Oh!" Maddie laughed, clapping her hands together. "Hairy Houdini! I get it! How very clever of you Ollie!"

"Do you like it?" He grinned up at his mother.

"I love it," she reached out to stroke his cheek and then lifted her glass. "A toast. To Hairy Houdini Sussex."

As the children giggled and reached for their glasses, Malcolm hoisted his in the air and called out, "AAARRRGGHH!!!" Bringing the laughter and the excitement up one more notch.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

It had been a long day, one of the longest she had had in awhile. The fight with Harry had effectively pulled her mind from being wrapped up in Ella and Bishop and the discovery of Hairy Houdini had pulled her from her fight with Harry Sussex. But now that the kids were fed and bathed and tucked into bed, the events from the morning were coming back to her.

And she was exhausted.

Stepping into their room, she shed what she could from the day, plugging her phone into the charger--not even bothering to check for messages. She pulled off her rings, pulled her messy hair from what was left of the bun on her head and she stretched her arms up into the air. Moving into their bathroom, she gathered her towel, her soaps, her oils and she began working on the buttons of her sweater. As her eyes lifted to look into the mirror, she found her husband in the reflection. Leaning with one shoulder against the doorway, his eyes met hers and his eyebrows lifted--along with the corners of his mouth; a smile. A peace offering. Pushing away from the doorframe, he pulled his t-shirt up and over his head, tossing it to the floor.

Maddie blinked, considered it for a minute and then stood tall. Pulling her eyes away from his, she cleared her throat and turned to face him.

"If you'll excuse me," her hand moved to the door, pushing it closed, pushing him out of the room.

"So that's it?" He stood up, his hand pressing against the door as he looked down at her. "One high-fevered fight and now what? You're kicking me out for the night?"

"I decided a long time ago that I wasn't going to kick you out of our bed," she shook her head, reaching to remove his hand from the door.

"But?"

"But if you think you get to question my loyalties..."

"Oh God, Maddie, I didn't question your loyalties..."

"And then join me in the shower?" She ignored his protests and stood her ground. "Then you are out of your mind." With a glare and a shove, she pushed him from the bathroom and shut the door in his face.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

It was Harry who didn't sleep much that night. When Maddie came out of the bathroom, she was dressed and intent for bed. Because he was covered in wet dog from the bath he had orchestrated on the front lawn, he had no choice but to take a shower and, by the time he was out, she was asleep.

Or at least intent on pretending to be.

Fine, he had shrugged. She could be stubborn, but so could he. So he had set his mind to it and crawled into bed next to her. He was going to hold his ground too.

She was out of bed before he was the next morning, rounding up the children to head back to the city before he had even had breakfast. Passing by her in the kitchen on his way for a cup of tea, he let his guard down for just a moment, his finger reaching out to stroke her arm. Clearing her throat, Maddie pulled just out of his reach.

"So we're not speaking today, is that it?" He kept his voice low, his conversation away from the children.

"I don't know," Maddie shrugged. "Maybe call Bishop and check with him?"

With a sigh and roll of his eyes, Harry finished pouring his tea and put a smile on his face, stepping over to the table full of children, ready to face their duty for the day.

It was a long, long day for the both of them. Hurrying back to the city to dress and head right out for the parade and then to the balcony for the obligatory flyover. Only those who knew them well could see the tension between the two of them. Thankfully, everyone was too busy with all that was happening around them, that nobody really had the chance to push for an explanation.

In all honesty, Maddie was better at this than Harry. She could hold her ground longer than he could. She could keep her silence easier and she--he guessed--felt more strongly about her stance than he.

So at the end of the day, when they were finally back at Kensington, when they were finally alone and the children were off with Maude and Greta, Harry was the first to blink.

The first to step in.

He followed slowly behind her as they stepped further into their home. His steps were heavy as they moved upstairs, both of them more than ready to be rid of their uniforms, ready to get into something more comfortable, something easier.

Maddie pulled off her jewelry, depositing it onto the dresser as Harry shed his uniform and handed it over. As the door closed to their bedroom and Maddie kicked off her heels, Harry--clad in his boxers and a t-shirt--leaned back against his dresser and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I'm sorry." His voice was low and heavy and drew her to a pause. Turning to face him, she met his gaze for what felt like the first time in days. And she saw how tired he looked, how honest he was trying to be. "I don't want to fight with you. I hate fighting with you." He let out a deep breath and shook his head. "And over this? Over Caua? And Bishop and Ella? God Maddie..." He ran his hands back through his hair and looked right at her. "If we're going to fight shouldn't it be over something bigger than all of this?"

She stood tall for a moment, weighing her decision carefully. Her arms crossed over her chest and she held her ground. "You were wrong."

Harry blinked and then nodded. "I was wrong."

"For coming at me about Bishop and Ella..."

"Yes," he agreed.

"And for even hinting at anything untoward with Caua yesterday."

"Especially for that," he nodded his head, his hand pressing to his chest. "I'm really very sorry for that. We had been fighting and things were heated and I hated that you left and hated even more that you had been out there with him and...and I was wrong."

"Okay," Maddie felt her shoulders ease, felt the tension begin to slip away. "Okay."

"Okay," he exhaled, pushing away from the dresser and standing tall. "Now will you start talking to me again?"

Maddie swallowed and nodded. "The first time I really remember was when we were dating and those photos came out of you and some girl from the summer before. They made a big story about it all, like you had been cheating on me and I wanted you to address it with the press and you wouldn't and we had this fight and..." She ran out of air and took a deep breath. "That was the first time I really remember."

"The first time..." Harry waved his hand, asking for more.

"The first time Bishop stepped into this relationship," she held his gaze as she said the words, watched as they hit him and prepared for any sort of rebuttal he might come up with.

But all he could do was stare at her.

"He sent me back to you that night. He explained something to me that you couldn't. He took me under his wing and brought me inside this group that surrounded you and..." She laughed with a shake of her head. "And that wasn't the last time that happened. That wasn't the last time there were more than two of us in this relationship."

"Maddie..."

"So stop pretending that I stepped over some sacred line that night at Leo's."

"I don't even know what happened that night at Leo's," Harry shook his head.

"No you don't." Maddie took a step forward, looking down at her fidgeting fingers. "For a while Ella's been feeling down about Bishop. He's been gone a lot and when he's home he's all about the children and she just felt...a little unwanted."

"Maddie, we don't have to..."

"Yes we do," she cut him off. "Every time she said something to me, I would tell her to go to him, tell him how she felt. I told her that there's no way Bishop didn't love her more than anything else in this world but she was feeling down and upset and she couldn't do it. And I let it go. I did nothing. Until that night at Leo's when I'm dancing with Bishop and he's fluffy and misty about the night they made Buckie so I pushed him in her direction. I told him to go to her, to give her some attention, some affection and I gave him a nudge. And you know what? It worked! He danced with her and loved on her and when we saw them two days later, she was happy again. So when we were out on the porch talking about Bishop it was about how they had come together..." Maddie shook her head and took a step back. "I DID mind my own business, as much as I could, until they FORCED it to be my business and even then, I did as little as possible and I did it to help. Not to question Bishop's loyalty." She felt the emotion of it all bubble up. "But to show that there simply wasn't reason to..."

"I'm sorry," his voice was whisper soft as he watched her.

"Ella stepped in then too," Maddie looked up to him. "With the photos of you and that woman. She told me not to get ahead of myself, that it couldn't be you. She stepped in when we went to Bendal after the earthquake and you sent that phone with her. They stepped in when you were deployed. Both times. They stepped in when the press came after me. I can't even count how many times it was Bishop who I was meeting, who I was negotiating with when we were dating and even after that, when we were married..." She shook her head and let out a soft laugh. "And don't even pretend that his hands weren't all over the Cassandra chapter of our lives."

Harry's eyes darkened as he flinched back, as he remembered Bishop's involvement there, as he remembered the time he had asked Bishop to run interference when he was avoiding telling Maddie the truth, as he remembered the time Bishop brought the news of Cassandra's pregnancy to them. She was right. The times Bishop and Ella had stepped in and nudged far outweighed the times the reverse had been true and two nights ago at Foxgrove, she had taken the brunt of a hit that really hadn't been hers.

"You're right," he whispered, his head hanging in shame and exhaustion. "I'm sorry Maddie. You're right."

"Not that it matters," Maddie shook her head, shrugging her shoulders helplessly. "Ella won't return my calls. Bishop was so angry with me and here we are, a day in a half wasted because you think Caua has a thing for me."

"I don't," Harry shook his head, holding up his hands. "Bishop...Bishop does. Or did. And though he's never been wrong about this sort of thing, I'm going to just...I'm going to take a step back and I'm going to let it go." He let out a deep breath. "And I'm going to apologize. Again. Please forgive me Maddie?"

With a sniff and a sigh, Maddie nodded.

"Thank you," relief soaked up his words. "And tell me, what can I do about the other stuff? Do you want me to call Bishop? Do you want me to track him down? We can go over there and talk to them and..."

"No," Maddie shook her head, a small smile tugging at her lips even as her eyes grew sad. "The things they have to work out together are bigger than the things they need to work out with me."

"Okay," Harry nodded. "Then what? What would you like me to do, to make it up to you?"

"Nothing," she moved then, bending to pull at her stockings. "I just want to relax for the rest of the weekend. I have The Prince's Trust event first thing Monday morning and then a meeting with Isaac in the afternoon about..." She looked up to Harry. "Did he tell you about UNICEF?"

"UNICEF?" Harry's eyes narrowed, his head shaking. "What's going on with UNICEF?"

With a slight blush to her cheeks, Maddie shrugged. "They want me to be an ambassador."

"Maddie." His entire face light up with pride, his smile taking over. "I mean...of course they do darling. Of course they do."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"I'm coming!" Maddie called out to her phone as she hurried from their bathroom to their bedroom, knowing exactly how ridiculous it was to be talking to her phone. With one towel wrapped around her body and another hastily thrown into her hair, she hurried to the bedside table. The kids were all in bed and Harry, who was just finishing up downstairs, would be coming to bed any minute. It had been a long day and it was with tired eyes that she glanced down at the screen of her phone. With a lump in her throat, she answered.

"Hello?"

"Maddie. It's Ella. Please don't hang up."

"I...I wouldn't," sitting down on the edge of the bed, she adjusted her towel. "Ella, I know you're mad but..."

"I'm not mad," Ella cut her off. "I wasn't mad when I left, not really."

"But you haven't returned any of my calls or texts."

"I know." Ella took a breath. "It was crazy when I left. I was fighting with Bishop and making some decisions and then I was in the air..."

"The air?" Her heart jumped into her throat.

"In a plane," Ella corrected. "I, I left. I'm in Brazil."

"Brazil?!" Maddie sat up straight, her eyes blinking. "You left?! But what about Bishop. Ella, you know that he..."

"He's here with me," Ella cut in, letting out a long breath before a small laugh. "Or more rightly, I'm here with him. The boys and I. When we left Foxgrove, we spent the night fighting, well into the morning and then, in the end, we decided that it might be best for both of us if I just went with him. So I did, we did. We're in Brazil."

"Brazil," Maddie echoed.

"As a family."

"As a family," Maddie felt her emotions stir. Ella and Bishop were traveling together with their family. She couldn't think of a better resolution than that.

"Next we'll be in Japan and then France and..." She trailed off and sniffed. "I love you Maddie. I'm sorry we fought before I left."

"I love you too," Maddie pressed her hand to her chest, tight and full of emotion. "You have to know I never meant to intrude. I just..."

"I know," she laughed lightly. "And I know that I was wrong to jump on you like that. I just reacted. And I'm sorry I reacted to you."

"It's okay," Maddie shook her head. "It's fine. Are you and Bishop..."

"We're good," she could almost hear her friend smiling over the phone. "We have some work to do but we're good and we're together. And you were right. I should have told him sooner. I should have given him the chance to...to do what he did the other night, to pull the family closer. I should have listened to you. You were right."

"Well," Maddie sniffed and shrugged her shoulders. "I usually am."

"Ha!" Ella laughed. "You usually are."

"Will I see you again?" Maddie whispered, noticing Harry stepping quietly into the room.

"Of course," Ella's voice cracked. "We're not moving. We're just traveling for a little while. Bishop and his father are doing business and the boys and I are hanging out with Michael. We'll be home and, hey! Maybe you could come and see us. Maybe we can all meet up and spend some time on the beach."

"I would love that," Maddie looked up at Harry who, though keeping his distance, was watching her closely. "We'll have to do that."

"Okay."

"Okay." Maddie smiled. "Hey Ella?"

"Yeah?"

"Be sure to tell Bishop the truth," she sucked in a breath, knowing this was most likely a touchy subject. "Tell him everything and tell him the truth. It'll only work if you're completely honest."

"I know," Ella exhaled. "I know and I will. I am....I am."

"Okay," Maddie nodded, looking down at the edge of the towel that was wrapped around her. "Give my love to the boys?"

"I will. You'll do the same to Sussex Nation?"

"Absolutely," Maddie smiled. "I love you Ella Bishop."

"I love you too Maddie Sussex."

As the phone went dead in her hands, the relief she felt at the end of this fight with Ella, at the end of this fight with Harry, rushed forward and tears filled her eyes. Sitting the phone on her bedside table she looked up to Harry with watery eyes. "I think they're going to be okay."

"Good," Harry nodded, moving in closer, moving to her side. "And us?"

"You and me?" She lifted her eyebrows and he nodded. "Always," she answered, reaching for his hand. "We'll always end up okay."

 


	9. Chapter 9

It was the summer of travel for the Sussexes. As the entire family scattered throughout the depth and breadth of the kingdom, Maddie and Harry were taking their clan of children along with them. Their first trip was towards the end of June and found them going not too far from home to their namesake of Inverness, Scotland.

As they left their offices following the last of their pre-trip meetings, Maddie held onto Harry's hand and smiled wide in anticipation. With tiny little bursts of laughter falling from her lips as they made their way from the building, Harry was giving her the side eye with every step they took.

"You care to tell me why you're laughing?" He tightened his hold on her fingers as they stepped out into the sunshine, his eyes squinting as he looked over at her.

"Because," she sighed happily. "That was the third time this week that Isaac suggested you wear a kilt."

His eyes narrowed even as his smiled deepened. "And that's the twelfth time you've busted out laughing about it."

"Aw come on baby," she tugged him to a stop just beside the waiting car. Leaning closer, she smiled up at him. "You won't wear a kilt?"

His hands moved easily to her waist, drawing her closer as his voice lowered. "I'll wear one for you."

Maddie felt her cheeks warm at the implications of his tone. Clearing her throat, she tried to stay focused. "But not for your fans?"

"Well now," he chuckled as he leaned around her, intent on opening the door for her despite the driver's plan to do so. Pulling it open, he stepped closer to her. "There's a great number of things I'll do for you that I won't do for my fans Madeline." Without so much as a glance around them, his hand moved to slap her ass. "Come on. We have children to feed and bags to pack..."

"We?" Maddie patted his chest but stepped into the car. "Since when do we pack anything for any of our business trips?"

"Since I started having to worry about somebody slipping a kilt into my luggage." With a pointed grin and a wink, Harry could hear her laughing as he shut her door and rounded to the other side of the car, thanking the driver as he slid into the open car door.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

It was an early wakeup call the next morning, pulling Maddie from a deep, heavy sleep next to her equally knocked out husband. Very quickly the to do list that awaited her began to run through her mind and she was up and out of bed. With four children and a grumpy husband, Maddie would never forget to thank all of the fates for the massive amounts of help that surrounded her. The nannies, the chef, the assistants, and at the heart of the operation, Isaac. Following the Jubilee week, Thomas had phased out of rotation and now it was Isaac alone who would call to wake them. It was Isaac alone who would show up before the cars, who would direct the circus that surrounded them. It was Isaac who would direct them--the main act in the craziness.

With all hands on deck and a mostly compliant group of young Sussexes, they were all fed, dressed, and out the door ahead of time.

Lilli, the closest thing to a morning person under their roof, skipped down the walk to the car. "Mummy?" She called out as her red curls bounced.

"Yes darling?" Maddie reached out, smoothing down Oscar's hair as he nestled close to his father's chest.

"Do you know how to play the bagpipes?"

"No," Maddie shook her head as Harry snickered next to her. "No baby I don't know how to play the bagpipes."

"I think that somebody should learn how to play the bagpipes," Lilli was thoughtful as she reached the car, smiling up at the driver who opened the door for her. "Thank you."

"Oooh! Ooh!" Ollie jumped up and down, his hand shooting into the air. "Me! Me! Can it be me?"

"Can what be you Ollie?" Maddie's attention shifted to getting everyone loaded and buckled and settled into the cars.

"I want to be the one to learn to play the bagpipes," his eyes were wide with excitement as he climbed into the car. "Can I learn how to play the bagpipes?"

"Sure buddy," Harry chuckled as he buckled Oscar into his seat and handed him his stuffie. "Do you think we should let your big brother play the bagpipes?" Oscar smiled around the pacifier in his mouth and clapped his chubby little hands. And that was more than enough for the rest of them. "Looks like you're good to go Ollie."

"Yay!!!" He thrust his hands in the air as Maddie checked his seatbelt, meeting Harry's eyes over the backseat of the car.

"Bagpipes?" She lifted her eyebrows.

"To go with the kilt," he winked at her and stepped back and out of the car.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

It was a quick flight from London to Inverness, just over an hour. There was just enough time for the children to board and disperse, just enough time to expel some energy before they would be asked to 'behave'. As they all climbed up the steps onto the plane, they were met with the smiling faces of their staff for the trip.

At the top of the stairs was Isaac, ready with a wide smile and high fives for each of the passing children. Much to everyone's amusement, when Harry stepped aboard, he stretched his hand higher in the air.

"Sir?"

"Lovely," Harry met his grin, shook his head, and gave him a high five as the children giggled around them.

"What's this?" Maddie blinked wide eyes at him. "No high five for me?"

"Sorry. Of course Ma'am," he lifted his hand and offered her a high five which she met with a laugh. "Very well. Welcome aboard. After we get in the air, we'll run through a few last minute details and then have a bit of time to rest before we land."

"Thank you," Maddie smiled as Harry handed a giggling Oscar over to Maude and moved to join them.

"Who else do we have with us today?" He glanced up towards the front of the plane where the additional staff was usually stationed.

"Normal crew," Isaac's eyes shifted to thought. "Libby is on board to assist the Duchess. Tara is along for hair and makeup."

"Thank God," Harry joked.

"Maude and Greta for the children," Isaac nodded to the two women behind them with the kids.

"The true heroes of the day," Maddie sighed.

"No doubt," Harry easily agreed.

"Oh! And Andrew Bradley." Isaac clapped his hands together. "He'll be with us on both tours this summer for documentation."

"Andrew's with us?" Maddie's face lit up at mention of his name.

"He is," Isaac nodded, pointing his thumb behind them. "He's up front and ready to go. If you would like, I could have him come back for a bit?"

"I would," Maddie nodded, always happy to have a familiar face aboard, happy to have somebody they trusted along with them. "After we've finished going over final details?"

"Of course," Isaac nodded, stepping aside as a member of the flight crew stepped into the cabin, announcing their fast approaching departure and requesting they all take seats.

Settling in next to Harry, Maddie quickly took count of their children, taking note of where they were, what they were doing and then, with a sigh, she reached for her husband's hand. As the Captain's voice came over the intercom and the plane surged forward, she was ready for the first trip in their summer of travel.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The arrival of The Earl and Countess of Inverness was marked with great celebration. Droves of people had shown up to greet them, to wave and smile and cheer as they passed. Local leaders were there to officially welcome them, along with bagpipe and drum players--much to the delight of the children.

"Oh man," Harry chuckled softly in Maddie's ear. "Ollie is hooked."

As her eyes shifted to their oldest son, completely engaged in the entertainment, Maddie knew that it was true. With a shake of her head, she smiled to their hosts for the afternoon and sighed. "I think we have a future piper in our ranks."

Warm laughter surrounded them as everyone looked to the young boy with his father's red hair and his mother's inability to hide excitement. His toes were tapping and his smile had completely taken over his face. And the host made a mental note to see to it that they left with a set of pipes for the boy.

After another round of music and some very impressive dancers, the family took part in a whisky toast and a boisterous welcome from local political leaders and then they were ushered off to their hotel suites where they would unpack and rest up before Maddie and Harry would dress and be off to a black tie dinner that evening.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"Mummy?" Lilli sat at Maddie's feet as Tara curled and twisted and turned the strands of her hair, readying her for the night's events.

"Yes Lilli?" Maddie smiled down at her daughter, watching as she mimicked the motions on her doll's hair.

"You look very beautiful," she sighed happily as she stared up at her mother. "Just like a princess."

"Well thank you very much," Maddie couldn't help but warm to the compliment from her daughter. "I hope you know just how hard Miss Tara has to work to make me look like this."

"Mmm Hmm," Lilli nodded.

"And I hope you know that a princess is a princess even in her jammies and a ponytail." Maddie's smile was soft and sweet.

"Jammies and a ponytail," Lilli giggled at the image in her mind. Maddie watched as Lilli braided her doll's hair, as her little mind went to work. "Mummy?"

"Yes love?"

"Would you tell me the story of how you became a princess?" She glanced up at her mother, her eyes wide and full of expectation and delight.

Maddie's heart warmed, her smile tipping higher as she thought of Harry. "You mean the story of how I married your daddy?"

Lilli nodded her head, her hands stalling on her doll's hair as she hugged her close and looked up to her mother. "Yes please."

"Well," Maddie cleared her throat, adjusting in her chair as Tara worked to finish up her hair. "A long, long time ago..."

"Once upon a time," Lilli corrected with a tone that was not so unlike Maddie's.

"Ha!" Maddie laughed, catching the look in her daughter's eyes that she guessed her own mother had seen many times over. "Once upon a time, I was working as a Doctor in Bendal..."

"As a smile Doctor," Lilli corrected again, this time with a sweet, soft smile.

"Yes," Maddie sighed, thinking of Harry, of how many times he had told their daughter his own version of this story. "As a smile Doctor. And on one hot, dry day, I was unloading a truck full of food and who did I meet?" Her eyes flashed wide for dramatic effect but Lilli was already two steps ahead of her.

"A prince!" She clapped her hands together, making even Tara chuckle. "A prince with a broken smile!"

"You know," Maddie crossed her arms over her chest, grinning down at her daughter. "It sounds like you've heard this story before."

"And then you fixed his smile," Lilli sighed and Maddie bit the side of her mouth, trying not to dissolve in laughter. "And he fell in love with you."

"So he says," Maddie nodded.

"And then you married him," Lilli nose scrunched up just a bit, her own mind having a hard time wrapping around the idea that her mother wanted to live with a boy--herself being so incredibly tired of living with boys.

"I did."

"And you became a Princess."

"I did," Maddie nodded, looking up in the mirror as Tara finished up and reached for the spray.

"And then one day I was born," Lilli rose to her feet, pulling her doll up with her as she stood on her toes to look at her mother in the mirror. "And I was born a princess?"

"Yes you were," Maddie smiled at her daughter's reflection, wondering what it must be like to be in the stage she was in, young and infatuated with the Disney version of princesses all while being an actual princess.

"Can I still be a princess if I don't want to wear dresses and crowns?"

"Yes of course," Maddie tried her best not to laugh, loving the way her mind worked.

"Can I still be a princess if I want to wear a uniform like daddy's?"

"Would you like a uniform like daddy's?" Maddie met Tara's eyes in the mirror, sharing a quiet laugh between them.

"Mmm," she nodded her head vigorously. "But only if it comes with a sword. I think I would very much like a sword."

"Very well then," Maddie laughed. "I'll see what I can do."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

When Maddie and Harry finally left the event that night, it was later than they had planned. But the music had been great and the conversation had been engaging and the whisky had been flowing. Walking into their suite, they had to muffle their laughter as they quietly crossed over to their own room. Maddie let out a sigh of relief as Harry locked the door behind them.

"Well done tonight Countess," he tossed his coat onto the chair, his fingers already working over the tie at his neck.

"Why thank you," she smiled across the room at him, her hair falling loose and her cheeks rosy. "I think today was a success all around..."

"Agreed," Harry nodded, pulling off his tie and laying it with his coat.

"And the children," Maddie laughed. "I'm not sure they could be any cuter than they are." Stepping out of her shoes, she bent to pull off her stockings as Harry laughed along with her.

"Are you talking about Ollie the bagpipe player or Lilli, our very own diplomat?" His eyes caught on her and he moved towards her, finished with his own shirt.

"Yes!" Maddie nodded her head, standing tall as he approached. "Or Malcolm the tiny little flirt..."

"Poor Oscar," Harry shook his head as his hands moved to her waist, drawing her close. "With all of those others running crazy around him, he doesn't stand a chance."

"Oh I don't know." Maddie sighed, stepping into his space, her hands working up over his half unbuttoned shirt. "He was more than a little intrigued with Andrew's cameras. Maybe we have a future photographer among us."

"Maybe," Harry shrugged, his gaze growing thoughtful.

"Oh! Did I tell you? What Lilli told me while I was getting ready tonight?"

"No," he shook his head, his chest warming under her fingers.

"She wants a uniform just like yours," Maddie was beaming with pride as she said it.

"A uniform like mine?" His voice cracked just a little, his heart swelling up in his chest.

"Yes," Maddie nodded, her finger stretching to stroke at the strong angle of his jaw. "She wants to be just like her daddy. Sword and all."

"Oh wow," Harry laughed, sucking in a deep breath. "You know, my entire life, I've questioned the public's fascination with me but when I see the kids doing their thing with their own little personalities...I get it. They're adorable."

With her head tilted to the side and her bottom lip pulled between her teeth, she smiled. "You're adorable."

"Ha!" Harry's head tipped back with laughter, his hands sliding up over her back as he gathered her closer. "That's the whiskey talking."

"Maybe," she shrugged her shoulders, leaning her body closer to his.

"Maybe," he echoed, his eyes dancing as he looked her over, as he planned his next move. "You were amazing tonight."

"You said that already," her fingers danced over his chest, up to his shoulders.

"It warrants repeating," he leaned in, bending to kiss the skin just below her ear. "You know tomorrow, first thing, we're inspecting the troops."

"I know..." She exhaled, her eyes fluttering closed as her head tipped back. "That means I get you in that uniform."

"Yes," he chuckled into her neck. "Yes you do. And then tomorrow afternoon..." His mouth moved slowly, hotly across her collarbone to her shoulder. "The garden project..."

"Yes," Maddie nodded slowly, softly, not wanting him to stop what he was doing; loving the feel of him against her skin.

"And that means I get you..." His hands tightened around her, bringing her body to his. "With your hair pulled back and dirty hands and..."

"That's how you want me?" Maddie pulled back, her eyes scanning his as her lips curled higher. "With my hair pulled back and dirty hands?"

"Right now..." He moved back in, his lips hot as they brushed over hers. "Right now I want you in a ball gown and tipsy from whisky."

"Oh well," Maddie's voice shifted, her hands moving up over his shoulders, her fingers stretching into his hair. "You have that right in front of you Captain."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Their second day in Inverness was spent first with the troops and then in the garden and their third consisted of a family trip to church for the Sunday service followed by tours of the places that made Inverness famous; castle grounds, the ruins of St. Andrew's Cathedral. And on their fourth and final day, they visited a local school, sat in on a forum on Childhood Mental Health Issues before closing out their time in the Highlands with a celebratory farewell dinner.

When they left Scotland that night, they left with unbelievable memories and a fondness for Inverness that the citizens wholeheartedly returned.

And a small set of bagpipes for Ollie that absolutely made his year.

"Oh my goodness," Maddie's voice was soft as she sat next to Andrew Bradley on the plane, looking through the files of photos on his laptop that he had taken on the trip. It was late at night and she didn't want to disturb the children as they slept. "Harry..." She stretched out her leg and nudged him with her toe. "You have to see these."

"Yeah?" He smiled as he looked at the two of them, closing his folder and setting it in the chair next to him before moving to join them. "What do we have here?"

"Look at the kids..." She pointed to the screen, to the shots of Lilli standing tall and perfect and serious as she walked next to Harry to inspect the troops, to the shots of Malcolm dancing with one of the older women at the farewell dinner just that night, to the shots of Ollie wide eyed and blissful when he was presented with the bagpipes.

"Ha! Look at the smile on this guy," Harry pointed to the next of the photos, one of Oscar right in front of the camera, his smile wide and his fingers stretched out, as though he were trying to reach into it.

"He's a big fan of the camera," Andrew commented, smiling at the smiles on Maddie and Harry's faces.

"We noticed," Harry chuckled, glancing at Maddie as she scrolled through the photos.

"Oh now..." She bumped her shoulder against his and pointed to the screen. "Look at the smile on this guy."

There on the screen was a beautiful shot of the two of them. Maddie, dressed down as she worked in the garden; her hair pulled back, her hands covered in dirt and a wild look of laughter and joy on her face. And Harry, looking at her with unabashed adoration.

"He's a big fan," Andrew offered, feeling only slightly out of place there with the two of them.

"That he is," Harry agreed, leaning to look around Maddie to Andrew. "Can we request copies of these?"

"Of course," Andrew nodded. "When I email you the files, just make note of the numbers and I'll have them printed and sent over."

"Thank you," Harry smiled, his arm moving around Maddie, turning to kiss the side of her head as she continued to flip through the pictures. With pride and joy, he settled in next to her and watched as these beautiful images of his family filled the screen. "Thank you." His smile was genuine, his words sincere, as he looked to Andrew, the photographer and reporter that they had trusted and relied on for all these years. "For these amazing images, for documenting them for us."

"Absolutely," Andrew nodded, slightly shy as he smiled at Harry, as he glanced at Maddie. "It's a privilege."

"Yeah," Harry nodded, watching him for a moment before turning his eyes to the screen. "I can't wait to see what you'll come up with when we're in Africa next month."

"Ha!" Andrew clapped his hands together with a laugh. "And I can't wait to see what you all will give me to work with when we're in Africa next month."

As an image of the four children passed across the screen, Harry couldn't help but laugh, knowing what Andrew meant. This crazy little family of his brought such joy, such humor to his life and he loved that they had somebody they trusted with them on this journey, somebody there to capture all of it. And he couldn't wait to see what else this summer held for all of them.


	10. Chapter 10

From the mild, misty trip to Scotland in June, the Sussexes travels took them to lush lands of Nepal in July. This trip was scheduled to be a whirlwind, taking the young family across the countryside; from the city of Kathmandu to small rural villages. Their itineraries were rich with events for both the adults and the children. Neither Harry nor Andrew were disappointed in the images that came out of this particular leg of the Jubilee Celebrations.

It was warm and beautiful and fun and so incredibly touching. There were moments for just Maddie and Harry, moments for the children and moments meant for the entire Sussex Clan.

They were quite the scene, arriving at Tribhuvan Airport in Kathmandu. With Harry smiling wide and Maddie walking tall next to him, they looked young and refreshed and genuinely happy to be bringing their slew of children to this beautiful country. As onlookers waved and snapped photos, Lilli's professional side kicked in and, watching her father closely, she mimicked his actions. Bringing her palms together in front of her chest, she gave a warm smile and a soft nod of her head.

And just like that, Andrew had his first priceless snapshot of the trip.

As all of her younger brothers followed suit, copying their sister as best they could, he was handed his next.

Their first day was spent meeting and greeting and getting settled into the hotel suite where they would be stationed for the trip. Though Maddie and Harry would be trekking into a hamlet in the hills where they would spend a night with a family at a Gurkha homestay, the children would be staying behind with the nannies.

It was late when Maddie and Harry returned from their reception hosted by Foreign Minister Kamal Thapa but the children, recovering from the flight, from the jetlag, were still up, still riled and unable to settle. With a shared look of bemusement, they had a quick silent conversation between them and split up. Dismissing the nannies for the night, it was time to divide and conquer.

Harry, tugging off his tie and rolling up his sleeves, made way for the two older children, knowing Lilli would be easier, he mentally prepared himself for the convincing it was going to take to get Ollie to remove his magician's cape long enough for a bath. Maddie, slipping out of her heels and pulling up her hair, went for the younger two; Malcolm, usually the most unwilling in the group, was at least ready to play in the bathtub. And poor Oscar, suffering from a few stubborn teeth that chose now to try to break through his gums.

After dressing Malcolm for bed, Maddie crawled in next to him with Oscar in her arms. As the baby gnawed on the knuckle of her finger, apparently the only thing he thought would bring relief, she read a book to the boys while Malcolm proudly assisted in the turning of pages. Not too far away, Harry had managed to wrangle the other two. After promising Ollie he could put the cape back on when they visited the hospital (a visit for which he had prepared magic tricks), the young boy climbed into the bathtub after his sister and Harry went to put Lilli in bed.

"Come on darling," Harry sat down and the bed and drew back the blankets.

Crawling into her daddy's lap, Lilli let out a sigh and ran her hand absentmindedly up and down over her father's beard, a motion that comforted her and amused him. "Daddy..." Her voice was soft as she settled back against his chest.

"Yes Lilli-bean?" He smiled down at his daughter, who seemed lost in deep thought.

"Can I tell you a secret?" Her wide eyes looked up to him with such trust that it warmed his heart.

"Sure thing love. What's up?"

"I miss Buckie." It was so soft, nearly a whisper, but it was clear.

"Buckie Bishop?" Harry adjusted on the bed, his eyes widening just a bit. "Aw honey. You miss Buckie?"

"Yes." Her sigh was heavy and dramatic and he had to stop himself from laughing. "But please don't tell him."

"I won't baby," he shook his head and hugged her close. "I won't. Now come on. Climb into bed, I'm going to go get your brother out of the tub before he turns into a whale and swims away."

Giggling, Lilli did just that, scrambling under the covers and laying back against her pillow with a sigh. "Everyone was so nice to us at the airport today. I think I already like Nepal. Very very much."

"Me too Lilli-bean," Harry chuckled. "Me too."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"Is it strange for you?" Harry looked across the bed at Maddie as he finally shed his clothes. Despite the time difference, he was sleepy and well beyond ready to go to bed, to rest before the second day in Nepal--one that would be decidedly busier than the first.

"Hmm?" Maddie glanced up at him through half open eyes, pulling a t-shirt on over her head, sending her hair spraying out wildly.

Chuckling, Harry moved around to her side, his hands smoothing over the wayward strands. "Is it strange for you?" His voice was soft and warm and full of the affection that still ran heavy between them. "Tomorrow we're going to be surveying the damage from the earthquakes, the reconstruction efforts. I thought it might hit a little close to Bendal for you."

"Ahhh..." Maddie sighed, nodding her head thoughtfully. "I'm sure that tomorrow will be reminiscent of those two weeks..." She reached out towards him, her fingers scratching the scruff of his beard. "And how crazy you were..."

"Crazy?!" He cut her off, pulling back with a smirk on his face. "Me?"

"Yes," she giggled, tweaking his nose before she went back to readying for bed, pulling her hair up and preparing to wash her face, to brush her teeth. "Crazy. I'll never forget the way you paced at the airport before we left, the way you slipped that phone to Ella..."

"Ha!" He laughed along with her, nodding his head. "I suppose I was a bit crazy."

"A bit?" She shot him a look in the mirror. "A bit crazy?"

"A bit crazy over you," he replied, his smirk was smug and even he knew how cheesy he sounded.

"Oh wow," Maddie snickered, moving into their bathroom. "You're losing your touch Sussex!"

"I know, I know," he laughed at himself, pulling back the blankets and climbing into their bed; exhausted. "I'll work on it. I promise."

"See that you do!" She called back to him. "Bishop would be disappointed."

"It's true," Harry laughed again. "Oh hey, speaking of Bishop...Lilli told me tonight that she misses Buckie."

"No she didn't!" Maddie's head poked out of the bathroom, a toothbrush in her mouth and her eyes wide in surprise.

Harry nodded with a grin. "Swore me to secrecy but yes. Your daughter misses Buckie Bishop."

"Oh wow," Maddie shook her head, pulling the toothbrush from her mouth and looking at him pointedly. "We might just have our work cut out for us someday Captain."

"Ha!" His head tipped back as she slipped back into the bathroom. "I was thinking the same thing."

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It turned out that Day Two was very reminiscent of Bendal. It started out grand and impactful, meeting Nepal's first female President Bidya Devi Bhandari and touring Patan Durbar Square and the Golden Temple. Both Maddie and Harry were impressed with the coordinated efforts to rebuild these amazing sites, to preserve their history and beauty.

From there they moved on to Bhaktapur where they visited the facility run by the Nepal Red Cross with funding from the DFID. They met with the staff who facilitated assistance to an abundance of households in the immediate aftermath of the quake. Harry could see the change on his wife's face, the way she could relate to what they were saying, to the feelings they were having. And he knew she was having them too.

But the most amazing part of the day, the part that would stick with them both for many more days to come, was when they toured the temporary camps for displaced families. Maddie instantly liked the young man who served as their tour guide, finding Purushottam Suwal kind and thoughtful and strikingly funny as he took them from camp to camp, telling them his story as he did.

As they went through the camp, just as they had gone through the day, they met men, women and children who were kind and humble in their words and their actions. They were greeted with such sincerity and welcome that both of them were moved to silence more than once. And, as Maddie and Harry walked with the same humility and grace they always had, the locals grew to love them, to embrace them. With soft smiles and the cultural greeting, they went from home to home. They stopped to meet people, stepped inside to spend time with families and they never said no to requests for photos or for a few minutes of conversation.

At the end of their second day, their very long second day, Maddie, heavy with the emotion of it all, from the heat of it all, was more than happy to be shedding her clothes, to be stepping into the hot steam of the shower. And she was more than ready to crawl into bed and catch the sleep she was going to need to prepare her mind for another long day tomorrow. No sooner had she stepped into the shower and shut the door behind her, her half-naked husband stepped into the bathroom.

"You know," He pulled his t-shirt over his head and tossed it to the ground. "There's a global water crisis."

"Is that right?" Maddie chuckled, looking at him through the fogged up glass.

"It's true," he continued to undress. "I'm spending part of the day tomorrow talking about the impact of..."

"Captain?"

"Yes?" Her tone shifted his smile.

"You know you can just join me in the shower," she swiped her hand over the foggy glass, smiling at him on the other side. "Impending water crises aside."

"Yeah?" He wagged his eyebrows at her, stepping out of the remainder of his clothes. "You don't even want to hear my line about conservation?"

"Maybe another time," she rinsed her hair and moved aside as he opened the door and stepped in. "Though your pick up lines are improving. And I think your father would be very proud of how you incorporated in environmental concerns."

"He would," Harry laughed, stepping into the wide shower stream with her, one hand rubbing up over his face into his hair, as the other reached for her. "How are you doing? After today?"

"I'm okay," she nodded, handing him the soap. "It's still in my head, in my thoughts. You?"

"Same," he sighed, closing his eyes and tipping back his head. "And I am continually impressed by the things that people can do when they come together."

"Better together than we are apart," Maddie's voice was soft and far off as she smiled. Leaning to place a kiss to his wet, soapy chest. "Seems like the spirit of Ubuntu lives in the hills of Nepal as well."

Harry looked down at her through half open eyes, rinsing his soap from him hair with the hand that wasn't clinging to her. "Yes," his voice heavy with memories, with emotion. "It does."

"Hey Harry..."

"Come to bed with me?" He asked before she could finish her sentence, her thought. "I'm sorry. You were saying...."

"No, no," she shook her head, shaking it off with a sweet smile. "Bed..." She ran her hand down his chest, his stomach. "Is there maybe a clothing crisis I was unaware of?"

"Maybe?" His entire face lit up as he nodded and reached to turn off the water. "Absolutely."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Day three's itinerary was rich with experiences meant to display the country's heritage, tourism appeal and the conservation efforts Harry had wooed Maddie with the night before. Having had a great night's sleep, both of them were in top form that morning.

"You know," Harry's voice was low in her ear as they had breakfast with their children before heading out. "You should be especially careful today when we're in Bardia National Park."

"What? Why?" Maddie turned to look at him, her forehead pinched together.

"Because," he moved in closer, his hand snaking around her waist as he drew her to him, his voice dropping even lower. "I hear they're trying to keep people from trapping cougars."

Maddie's expression quickly shifted to a glare, "it's tigers you ass." Her hand slapped at his chest as she pushed away from him. "And I'm only a few weeks older than you."

"Aw, come here," he reached for her, grinning as she slipped out of his grasp.

"Maybe you should be especially careful on the Khauraha," she scooped a fussy Oscar up out of his seat and took him to Harry, his arms stretching out towards his daddy. "You might just find yourself pushed from the raft." With a kiss to his cheek and one to Oscar's soft head, she left Harry to soothe the baby while she went to spend time with the older crowd, wanting a bit more quality time before they left them for twenty-four hours.

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Day three would probably end up being one of Maddie's favorites, despite being spent without the children. After many hugs and even more kisses, they left the Sussex clan in the hands of the nannies with a fun-filled itinerary and they set out to their own exciting day. Full of nature, full of people and incredibly full of laughter from the moment they met up with Isaac and their PO team to begin. And everyone in their entourage seemed to be ready for the merriment that came with them.

"Watch out for him," Maddie had joked with the raft guide, nodding her head towards Harry with a grin. "He's a little off balance most days, a little...tippy." She waved her hands in the air in demonstration and the guide laughed along with her.

With a shake of his head Harry wagged his finger at her, knowing without hearing her words that she was poking fun at his expense.

Not that he cared, not that he minded at all; not that it in any way waned his adoration for her. In fact, as the day continued on, anyone with the ability to see could see just how enamored he was with his wife.

"My God..." Harry's voice was full of love and laughter as he and Isaac watched Maddie pretend to be a tiger when they were learning about the tiger camera traps in the jungle. "I didn't know it was possible to simultaneously look so utterly ridiculous while looking so bloody gorgeous."

"I didn't either," a smile spread across Isaac's face as he watched Maddie laugh at herself. Catching himself, and Harry's arched eyebrow, he cleared his throat and pulled his eyes away. "Sorry."

"That's okay," Harry chuckled, amused at the sudden nervous discomfort in the younger man. "She is a gorgeous woman. Don't think I don't know that."

"Yes," Isaac nodded, keeping his face serious, his eyes away from her. "Yes sir. You're a lucky man."

"Oh believe me Isaac, I know that too." Harry laughed then, patting the young man on the back before he made his way towards his wife, ready to continue on to Dalla.

The day remained the same; stunning moment after stunning moment. From the helicopter ride into Pokhara, to the moment Harry was reunited with Gurkha Major Prakash Gurung. Maddie watched with pride as the two men caught up, as they shared stories and laughter.  
The trek into the foothills of the Himalayas was most remarkable. She had always felt an enormous tie to the land, to the environment and seeing this stunning landscape before her, and she was blissfully happy to be working up even the slightest bit of a sweat as they navigated into the remote hamlet in the hills where they would stay the night. It was just what her soul needed.

They were rewarded for their trek a thousand times over; with remarkable food, unbelievably kind, welcoming people, and a view that was second to none. The cultural festivities made Maddie's heart soar and dancing with the locals made her spirit sing--even as Andrew Bradley recorded it all for posterity.

But Maddie could barely contain herself when the locals wrapped Harry's head and declared him King of this beautiful Nepalese village. She would have rolled her eyes, but they were so serious and he was so wonderful with the children and the smile on his face was so wide and so beautiful that she managed to control her urges.

"Oh man," Maddie shook her head, speaking to Isaac as they watched it unfold. "Was this your idea? Declaring him King of the Village?"

"No," he laughed. "It was all theirs. Not that you can blame them. He's quite the persona, don't you think?"

"He is," Maddie beamed with pride. "A bit larger than life."

"He really is," Isaac nodded, watching with the same kind of awe she saw on the looks of the crowd.

As Harry's eyes lifted to hers, as he flashed her that million dollar smile and that wink that usually got them into trouble, she felt such an overwhelming surge of warmth and love and affection for him. And she was quite certain that she had the same kind of awe written all over her face.

"Tell me Isaac," Maddie's voice lowered as she moved closer to him, watching as the evening began to wind down, as Harry talked with a local woman, his eyes focused on the chubby little baby in her arms. "Here in the shadow of Everest...can I ask you a question?"

"Of course," he nodded his head, turning his attentions to her.

With a smile and a shrug, she went for it. "Rumor has it that before you came to us, you were on the fast track to staffing my father-in-law."

There was a flash of surprise on his face before he quickly schooled it and nodded, a tad sheepish. "Yes Ma'am. That's the rumor."

"You know," she took a breath. "Someday he'll be King."

"Yes Ma'am." With his arms crossed over his chest and his gaze set out over the peaks and valleys, he nodded.

"And staffing a future King, that must be...big?" Her eyebrows lifted.

"It is."

"So then what made you request an interview with us?"

"A spirit of adventure?" He turned his wide smile to her which she returned with a nod.

"Are you talking about all the children?"

"Ha! Them too!" He laughed, shaking his head. "In all honesty, it was your husband who grabbed my interest." His head nodded towards Harry who, not surprisingly, now had the chubby baby in his arms.

"Harry." Maddie breathed his name.

"Mmm," he nodded. "I like what he's about, I like the way he's taking his leadership, the issues he chooses to focus on. He's found a way to harness his uniqueness, his energy and he's making enormous strides in the areas he's concerned with; children, the military, mental health."

"You're absolutely right," Maddie's face was bright and happy as she watched her husband cuddle the baby.

"And," Isaac watched with her. "And I like what the two of you do together. I felt like, with the two of you, I could be creative, like I could contribute something."

"You do Isaac," Maddie turned her gaze to him. "You do contribute something. This trip to Nepal has been amazing and we've loved the things that you've added."

"Even the part where they declared the Duke the King of the Village?"

"Oh especially that," Maddie snickered. "Honestly though, we're very happy to have you aboard."

"Thank you Ma'am," she could see his humble nature in his eyes. "I'm incredibly happy to be aboard. Especially when we're standing...in the shadow of Everest."

"Especially then," Maddie agreed.

After all of the festivities had died down, after their bellies were contentedly full, after the conversations had drifted and the stories had ended, after they had said goodnight to their beautiful, gracious host Mangali Tamang, Maddie and Harry retired for the evening. Laying side by side in separate sleeping bags, on separate mats, they felt closer to each other than they had even that morning.

Turning her head to watch him, Maddie couldn't help the flush of warmth that ran through her body. And when he turned to watch her, when his gaze caught hers, she couldn't help the smile that slipped higher.

"It was a beautiful day," Maddie's voice was whisper soft.

"It was," Harry agreed, just as quiet as she was. Letting his mind wander for a moment, he blushed slightly and admitted, "I missed the children though."

"Oh me too," she turned onto her side, tucking her hands up under her cheek. "And they would have loved this day. The ceremony, the dancing...."

"The food," Harry chuckled lightly, thinking of Malcolm diving into the feast they were presented. "Though I'm sure they'll love everything they're a part of tomorrow and the next day." Maddie nodded her agreement, the next two days would mostly include all of their children.

"We're so very lucky, you know," Maddie felt a tug of emotion in her chest. "To get to come to these places, to meet these people..."

"We really are," Harry agreed wholeheartedly.

As the silence settled back over them, Maddie watched him watch her. With a soft, slow breath, she reached out her hand and wove her fingers into his. "I love you Harry Wales."  
Squeezing her hand in his, Harry swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. "I love you too Maddie Forrester."

When they woke the next morning, in the chill of the Himalayan dawn, they were still snuggled up. Still in their own separate sleeping bags. Still on their own separate sleeping mats. Still holding hands and closer than ever.

 


	11. Chapter 11

The chill in the air was dense and heavy and when Maddie woke from a most restful night of sleep, she could see her breath in puffs of white before her. In the quietest of moments before the world began to wake around them, she longed to climb into Harry's sleeping bag, to tuck in close to him and curl up along his side and bury her cold nose into his hot neck, to rub her cheek against the soft of his beard.

As Harry stirred next to her, the world stirred around them and in a blink of an eye her fantasy of Harry and warmth drifted away. But they woke and they rose and they were moved.

Bundled up against the chill, they took a small walk to look over the massive beauty that surrounded them. With the Himalayas sprawled and stretched around them, they were allowed a few moments to be together in the quiet, in the peace and calm. Though photos were snapped and comments were made, they had become accustomed to finding each other even in the crowd.

Sitting there next to him as they looked down at the tops of peaks, at the wonderful display of color and depth, Maddie felt moved on so many levels. But it was almost time to start their day; Isaac and Libby were on their way and they had an entire day ahead of him. So they took one last minute of solitude, trying their best to commit this view to memory and then they rose their feet.

Sliding up close to him, Maddie's arms moved around his waist, tucking inside his jacket as she cuddled close in these last minutes before duty began. Without question, he wrapped his arms around her, smiling as he kissed the top of her head. It was soft and chaste and in keeping with the expectations around them--but it was theirs.

"You know..." Her voice was soft as she looked up at him, her chin resting against his chest. "I was thinking...."

"About?"

"About how you looked last night holding that baby." Her smile rose as her voice dropped.

"Oh?" His eyebrows lifted and, when he looked down at the grin on her face, his smile stretched wider. " _Oh_?"

"Hmmm," she nodded, speaking volumes between them with the looks in their eyes. Moving closer, her hands slid up his back and the slightest of flushes ran through her cheeks. "I was thinking about how you looked holding all of our babies and how...maybe when we get back to London..."

"You tell me this now?" He tried to look stern but failed miserably. "Here? With all of these people around us and me...completely lacking the ability to do anything about it..."

"Lacking the ability?" She bit her bottom lip, unable to keep herself from teasing him as the crew began to close in on them.

"Madeline Sussex, I swear to God..." His voice was low and his eyes were narrowed but in them she could see a threat he intended to make good on.

"You swear to God what, Captain?" She leaned in close as her hands moved away from him. Just moments before Isaac stepped up to them, her lips brushed his ear and she whispered. "Swear to God you'll get me pregnant again?" As Isaac stepped up, Maddie stepped away. Though he reached for her, her fingers slipped through his and instead he watched her walk away from him.

"Good Morning Sir," Isaac smiled, none the wiser as to their conversation. "How was your night?"

"My night?" Harry's head snapped back from Maddie, turning a wide grin to Isaac. "My night was..." He let out a laugh and shook his head. "Life changing Isaac. My night was life changing."

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With tikis on their foreheads and garlands and scarves draped around their necks, Maddie and Harry made their way down from the mountain and into the village of Okhari to meet up with the children and head to the school that was undergoing reconstruction from the damage made by the earthquake. As they stepped into the clearing and spotted their kids, Maddie wasn't sure who was more excited; Harry or the children. Regardless the reunion was sweet. With Lilli jumping up into his waiting arms and Oscar already stretching, trying to break loose from Ms. Maude in efforts to be closer to his father. The other two boys went directly for their mother. Ollie hugged tight around her waist, standing on his tiptoes to kiss her hello while Malcolm ran laps around the both of them chanting "mum, mum, mum."

It took a few minutes for the children--and Harry--to settle. But after hugs and kisses and a multitude of photo opps, the Sussex Clan moved together into the school. Lilli and Ollie lead the way while Maddie held tight to Malcolm's hand, knowing he had the desire to run like the wind. Oscar, still battling a stubborn tooth, had tucked in close to his father, curling up against his chest and turning his pink cheeks into his shoulder. Though he offered his small, sweet smiles, both of his parents could see that he wasn't feeling well. So Harry didn't even think twice about holding onto him, didn't even blink when his youngest reached for his fingers and began to gnaw gently on his knuckle. Nobody seemed to be the least bit bothered by it. In fact, when one of the guides turned a curious smile to Oscar, Harry explained, "He's teething." His answer, and the sweet act of fatherhood was met with sympathy and compassion.

The only time Oscar moved from Harry's arms was to go straight into Maddie's where he, along with his mother, watched as his father took the other three children and jumped into a most amusing game of volleyball with the school children. Maddie cheered along as she stood next to Andrew Bradley who snapped away, capturing moment after moment.

Harry jumping up to spike the ball.

Lilli being lifted up into the air by one of the other children so she could take a hit.

Ollie laughing hysterically when Harry fell into the sand.

And Malcolm, adorably wild little Malcolm, running back and forth under the net with no semblance of propriety at all.

It was light and it was jovial and when the game finally drew to a close, nearly everyone was laughing and breathless.

As they moved on in the tour, finishing up and moving on, Maddie passed a sleeping Oscar back to Ms. Maude and, after kissing his soft little head, she took her place at Harry's side and helped him usher the other children off to the holi festival which was an enormous hit with the young Sussexes.

Maddie was so proud of all of them; kind and respectful of the traditions as they jumped right into the merriment. Ollie was in from the beginning, ready and eager to participate. Lilli, with wide, curious eyes, watched as Harry swiped a finger down the slope of Maddie's nose before she decided it was okay to engage. And Malcolm? Malcolm loved the holi festival the most. Covering his father and his siblings in red paint? As far as his two year old wild side was concerned, they could move to Nepal and stay there forever. But this too must end and before too long, it was time to head back to their hotel, time for the adults to clean up and head on to the next item on their itinerary.

Emerging from the festival with red faces and wide smiles, the Sussex family made their way towards the cars with waves and bows, easily solidifying a place in the heart of the Nepalese people.

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Later that evening Maddie and Harry returned to the hotel. They had laid a wreath, they had planted a tree and Harry--in all of his royal splendor had awarded the MBE to Captain Bhaktabahadur Rai for the work he'd done in bringing safe running water to 39 districts of Nepal. And then, as normal parents do all over the world, they returned home from a day of work to their children who had already been fed, bathed and were dressed for bed.

Though Maddie was thankful to the nannies for all of their work, there was a small part of her that missed it. This was the second night they had missed out on bedtime routines and for as much effort as it was--both she and Harry loved the time with their children.

As Maddie rounded up all of the children, gathering them into their big bed for family storytime, Harry stepped out to talk for a moment with Isaac. When he came back in, Maddie was in pajamas and cuddled up at the center of all of their children, a small stack of books on the stand next to them.

"Daddy!!!" Chorused from the masses, drawing Harry's grin even wider.

"Come on Daddy," Maddie met his eyes, patting a spot next to her on the bed. "Put on your jammies and read us a story!" As the children clapped and cheered, Harry shook his head with a chuckle.

"My jammies?" He lifted his eyebrows at his wife, pulling off his button down and reaching for a clean, soft t-shirt before moving to step out of his pants, into some shorts for bed.

"Was everything okay with Isaac?" Maddie spoke above the heads and voices of the children as they sorted the pile of books, deciding which should go first, second and so on.

"Absolutely," Harry nodded, scooping Oscar up from Maddie's arms, nuzzling in closer as he kissed his chubby flushed cheeks. "He has a proposition for us."

"A proposition?" Maddie's forehead drew in. "What is it?"

Glancing at the children, he sat down next to her, adjusting Oscar in his arms as he spoke quietly. "Stay behind another six days to help rebuild a school with Team Rubicon."

"Oh..." Maddie's lips curled up at the corners, the thought of staying even longer making her heart warm. "All of us?" Her eyes shifted to the children.

"All of us," Harry nodded. "What do you think?"

"I think..." She shrugged her shoulders, her smile curling even higher. "I think we ask them."

"We ask them..." Harry repeated, chuckling as Oscar reached up to pat his cheek.

"Ask them what?" Lilli turned to look at them, the books stacked in order.

"Okay," Harry smiled at Maddie, adjusting in his spot as Ollie and Malcolm turned their attention to them. "Isaac asked me tonight if we all wanted to stay a little longer here in Nepal and help the people with something important."

"What something important?" Ollie asked, curiosity registering on all of their faces.

"You know all the children we've met so far?" The children nodded along. "Well, some of those children lost their schools to the earthquake."

"Like the school we were at today?" Lilli asked.

"Exactly." Harry nodded. "But there are some schools that haven't been repaired yet."

"So the kids have no school to go to?" Ollie asked, his eyes distant and thoughtful as he sorted it all out in his head.

"That's right," Maddie replied.

"That's sad," Ollie frowned.

And Harry smiled. "It is sad. So, Isaac told me that we were invited to stay a little longer and, with a team of other people, help rebuild the school...what do you think?"

As Harry leaned back next to Maddie, he watched as the three children turned to each other. Drawing Oscar closer, he ran his finger along his gums and grinned at his wife, both of them amused by the meeting that seemed to be happening at the foot of the bed.

"Okay," Lilli turned a slightly serious face up to her parents. "We talked about it and we voted..."

"And?" Maddie bit at her lip to keep from laughing.

"And we voted yes," Lilli smiled, her brother's nodding happily next to her. "We would like to help rebuild the school."

"Fantastic," Harry beamed at them, turning his eyes to Maddie. "And you?"

"Oh you know my vote," she shook her head at him. "I would love to stay and rebuild the school."

"Wonderful," his eyes were bright with pride as the decision was made. "I'll let Isaac know right now." Rising from the bed, he adjusted Oscar in his arms and grabbed his phone.

"Daddy?"

"Yes Lilli-bean?" Harry turned back to his daughter as he dialed the phone.

"Does this mean we get to use hammers and saws?"

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Their fifth and final day of official duty was full of moments that moved each and every one of them. Both Maddie and Lilli watched with great delight as Harry spoke at the opening of the Nepal Girl Summit. Lilli was crawling with excitement as she was introduced to the first female President and was overjoyed when she followed her father around on the tour, meeting everyone along the way with an easy smile and a gentle bow that had become second nature to her on the trip. And Maddie was touched when during his speech, he looked right out to her, calling her "first in the long line of women his daughter had to look up to, to admire and strive to emulate."

All of the children were impressed and inquisitive when they toured the Samo Thimi Technical School. Many of the training programs were reminiscent of the work of The Prince's Trust and Harry could see Maddie's mind at work as they moved about, no doubt taking notes for upcoming projects or cooperatives. And, as was always the case when he saw her like this, he couldn't be more drawn to her.

But the highlight of the day--for Harry, for the children, for anyone who saw the photos coming out of Nepal--was the family's visit to the Kanti Children's Hospital in Kathmandu where they met young people being treated in the hospital's Burns Unit. It was here that the family shined the most. Harry had always, and probably always would, come absolutely to life when he was around children and this was certainly no exception.

And all four of his children--from sweet and certain Lilli all the way down to shy and quiet Oscar--seemed to respond with grace and enthusiasm when they were with the other children. As Lilli made her way from bed to bed, she would introduce herself simply as "Lilli." She would ask their names and the names of their dolls or their trucks. Following in her father's footsteps, in her father's shadow, she didn't miss a bed, didn't miss a child.

Maddie walked along with Oscar in her arms and Malcolm at her heels. Their joined mission was to hand out the small gifts and toys they had brought with them to distribute to the patients. Malcolm was full of excitement as he pulled toy after toy out of the bag and Oscar was full of joy when the recipient smiled happily at their new gift; smiling wide and clapping his hands despite the tooth that had been causing him trouble throughout the trip.

But at the center of it all, at the middle of the mayhem and excitement was Ollie. Used to following behind his sister in more ways than one, this was a moment for him to shine. Taking center-stage in each of the larger rooms, he would swoosh his cape with a flourish and perform his act of magic tricks he had been practicing over and over.

And he was rewarded for his efforts, for his time. With every trick, the children would gasp, would clap, and would laugh with delight. Standing at the back of the room next to her husband, Maddie could see the pride and confidence in her son's eyes and it warmed her heart.

"My God," she whispered to Harry, not daring to turn to look at him for fear her giddiness would explode. "Would you look at him."

"I know it," he chuckled, low and deep. "You know I heard he learned how to do that when he was part of the circus...just like his mother."

Biting her lip to keep from bursting out in laughter, she hugged Oscar closer, kissing his cheeks as he clapped for his brother and she said a quick prayer of thanks for this family, for this moment.

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At the end of their last official day--at the end of their very long last official day--Harry watched as Maddie stepped from the bustling reception out onto a balcony for what he guessed was a quick breath of air. And without another thought to the matter, he followed quickly behind her.

Without turning to look, Maddie knew in an instant who had stepped through the door behind her; she had known him long enough to know his footsteps, the way he walked. She smiled warmly at the security she felt, the assuredness that settled in, knowing Harry as she did.

"Want to guess what I'm thinking?" His voice was low as he came to stand beside her, looking out over the night as she did.

"Hmmm..." Maddie laughed lightly. "Could be anything really...maybe..." She tapped her finger to her chin, looking up at him through the corners of her eyes. "Maybe you want to move to Nepal."

"I do want to move to Nepal!" He nodded eagerly.

"Well for what it's worth, I think they'd have you," she turned her smile up to him, her eyes taking in his easy, impressive presence. "The people adore you and did you hear the excitement when you announced we were staying longer?"

"Ha!" Harry laughed, his hands clapping against the railing. "I did. Though I think that excitement had more to do with the children's presence than with mine."

"The children," Maddie sighed with a heavy warmth, a sentiment Harry echoed wholeheartedly.

"The children," he leaned in closer, bringing their circle tighter. "Honestly Maddie, I don't think I've ever been more proud to be their father and I've  _always_  been proud to be their father."

"I know it," Maddie shook her head, beaming with matching pride. "Did you see how excited they all were to help rebuild the school?!"

"Well of course they were," he moved in closer to her, his fingers soft as they brushed hers. "Seems the drive to rebuild after earthquakes runs in the family." He nodded knowingly to her.

"Hey now," Maddie leaned into him, her fingers turning to take his hand into hers. "That spirit of service is in their father's blood."

"And their mother's soul." He knew exactly how cheesy he sounded and he really didn't care.

"Wow..." Maddie breathed. "Your lines have really improved since we've arrived." And she was falling for them; hook, line, and sinker.

"I'm so glad you've noticed," he pulled her fingers to his lips. "But. None of that was what I was thinking."

"What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking maybe it was time for you and I to slip out of here," he nodded his head towards the night, away from the party. "The children are probably passed out after today and tomorrow we get right to work but tonight..."

"Tonight..." She leaned into him then, her fingers sliding inside his suit coat, walking up the length of his tie.

"I don't know," he shrugged. "After what you said to me on that mountain...maybe..."

"Maybe we don't have to wait to get back to London?" Maddie finished his sentence, her eyes wide with innocence as Harry's face lit up.

"So you do know what I was thinking."

"Please," she tugged him closer. "I knew it the second I heard your footsteps." Releasing her hold on him, she took a step backwards, her head tipping suggestively to the side. "Come on Sussex. I heard you swear an oath to God on that mountain."

Harry's head tipped back with wide laughter and then, with the same steady gate he had walked with on his way out onto the balcony, he followed her back inside. Tomorrow was going to come early and it was going to bring with it some hard work but tonight, he was taking his wife home. To bed.

Maddie felt young and giddy as they snuck into their hotel suite, not wanting to wake a single one of the several people who slept. Slipping out of her shoes, she walked with soft steps to their room, her husband following slowly--and quite amusedly--behind her, his eyes sneaking down to focus on her ass more than once along the way.

The second she stepped through the door, the second she heard it close, she tossed her shoes to the side and her hands moved to the zipper of her dress, tugging and pulling until the material slacked enough that it fell to the floor around her feet. Hearing the breath suck into Harry's lungs, hearing the stall of his footsteps, brought a wide, easy, pleased grin to her face.

She felt flirty and hot and wanted. And when she turned around to face him, she moved purposefully slow and the look on his face didn't disappoint. She was right; he wanted her--so much so that he seemed a bit lost in it.

"Harry?" She called out to him.

"Hmmm?" Her voice drew his eyes up from where they were moving over her body and the desire in his gaze brought a slow shiver to her skin.

"You okay?" She laughed lightly, feeling a little exposed standing in only her undergarments and the pink flush of her cheeks.

"Oh baby..." He shook his head as he pulled it together, tossing his suit coat casually to the side. "I'm way past okay."

And quite suddenly, Maddie couldn't seem to breathe normally, couldn't seem to control her heart rate.

It was an easy thing to happen when Harry was looking at her like that.

Moving in closer, his eyes never left her. Not once did he glance away as he rolled up the sleeves of his crisp white button down, as he regarded her with a look in his eyes that flushed desire through her body from head to toe. When he came to a stop right in front of her, Maddie could feel heat radiating from his body and she could feel the sexual tension between them boil higher.

And in the same moment that she wanted to reach out and pull him to her, she also wanted to wait; to make him come to her. This funny little game they sometimes played with each other--one where both of them ended up winning; over and over again.

And he did come to her. With one arched eyebrow and the corner of his mouth curling up in a smug smirk that he knew made her want to slap him, he leaned in and he kissed her. Without touching her anywhere other than her lips with anything other than his--he had this way of drawing lust through her veins. And he knew that too.

When those lips moved from hers, when they worked their way methodically, steadily across her jaw, past the softness under her ear, down the length of her neck, that lust pooled hot and heavy at the very core of her and she knew--even if she wanted to throw in the towel and give in to this little power play they had begun--it was too late now.

He was coming for her.

Harry pulled his mouth back from her neck and in the second that their eyes met, the fire in his awoke the fire in her and when his mouth returned to her skin, when it found a hot, welcome home on her chest, her head tipped back and without shame she moaned.

God how she wanted him. How she needed him.

"Harry..." It was a breathless plea and she meant it.

"Open your eyes," he commanded softly, licking and sucking the peaks of her chest before he pulled away. "Look at me Maddie."

When she did, when she pulled her head up and met his gaze, she watched the smile stretch across his face. She watched as he stood tall, as he pushed up his rolled up sleeves, as he tossed his tie back over his shoulder.

And, with a deep, primal groan, she watched as her still neatly dressed husband lowered to his knees before her.

And when his lips returned to her body, they were hot and heavy and insistent, right at that pool of lust he had been drawing from her all night.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Staying longer in Nepal to help with the rebuilding efforts had been an excellent idea for the entire family. The first day had come early and not without a few slight groans from the younger Sussexes but they were swiftly reminded of their unanimous vote and their inherent sense of duty spurred them up and out of bed. Once they were out on the hills, once they were meeting the new team and seeing what laid ahead of them, everyone was bright and chipper and completely on board.

And everyone had jumped on board. Isaac had left his suits behind and, in t-shirt and jeans, had joined in the efforts. The POs were there to offer their assistance with some heavy lifting and a few quick redirecting moments with Malcolm. Even Andrew Bradley put down his camera to help out. The people around them were thrilled to have them, welcoming and pleasant. The new team was excited to have the extra help and Harry and his enormous family seemed to be right in their element.

By day three, they all had the hang of it, they all knew what their specialty was, what they could help the most with. Even the children had settled in to assist in the least dangerous aspects of the build. But on Day Three, the children had stayed behind. The weather was rainy and the plans for the day involved heavier work and everyone had agreed it might be best to give them a down day in the middle of it all.

It had worked out well, actually. Because when the men went up to the roof to finish up and the rain started to fall, pooling into mud around them, Maddie felt much better knowing that the kids were safe and clean and out of the way. When the rain picked up, the leader of the team called for a timeout, moving them all under the tent that had been set up for just this occasion. While they waited, they ate food that had been prepared for them by the locals and they sipped on this amazing concoction Maddie was instantly in love with. With mud splattered clothes and paint stained cheeks, the conversation and laughter flowed around them and, as Maddie watched Harry across the tent, she was reminded of their earliest of days. She remembered how it felt to meet him, to fall in love with him, to watch him across the way--just like she was now--wondering what it might be like to kiss him.

A flush rose to her cheeks and she had to look away. She knew all too well what it was like to kiss him.

"Ma'am," Libby's voice was calm and steady in her ear but, as Maddie's mind came flying back to the present, she knew instantly that something was amiss. Swallowing back the sudden rush of nervousness, she sat down her glass and Libby continued. "As normally and as calmly as possible, I need you to stand up and follow me out of this tent." Maddie kept the emotion from her eyes but she couldn't help the way they flew up to meet Libby's.

"The children?" Her first concern, her constant concern.

"The children are fine. Safe and happy with Maude and Greta," she was quick to reassure her but firm in her insistence. "Ma'am."

"Yes. Okay." Maddie nodded, glancing back up at Harry across the tent, seeing Isaac making his way to him, her heart beginning to thump in her chest like the rain that pounded against the heavy canvas above them. As her mind began to run through the myriad of possibilities. Bringing a smile to her face, she very easily, very casually rose from her chair and turned and followed Libby from the tent, Arthur following close and tight behind her, the canvas sides flapping behind them. As the three of them stepped out into the rain, Maddie's facade let loose just a bit. Turning to Arthur, she shielded her eyes with her hand and moved in closer so she didn't have to yell over the rain. "You're sure the kids..."

"It's not the children," he shook his head, giving nothing more of a hint than that. But that was enough. Maddie let out a breath and followed Libby as they moved through down the muddy embankment towards the roadway where the cars were lined up.

"Wait a second..." She paused, more confused. "We're leaving?" But before either of her accompaniments could answer, she could hear Harry's muffled voice in the distance as he stepped out into the rain with Jim and Isaac right along with him.

He hurried down the embankment but the second he saw Maddie and the waiting car, his expression hardened. Something inside of him shifted. Squaring his shoulders, he moved quickly to Maddie's side, his hand on her back as they all moved towards the car.

"Harry?" She felt nervous, afraid. Even as they stood still, everything around them seemed to be moving so fast; too fast

"Something's wrong," he shook his head, forgetting about everything happening behind him as he focused on the unknown in front of him. "Come on," his voice was low as he nodded towards the open door, encouraging her to get in the car,

And she did. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she stepped in and he followed; along with the group of people with them. Spackled in paint and mud and each and every one of them wet from the rain, the feeling in the car was ominous and all of Maddie's red flags were flying up.

As soon as the doors were closed, as soon as they were in motion, Harry wiped the rain from his brow, looked right at Isaac and with an authority Maddie rarely saw him exert, he nodded to him. "I think you should bring us in on what's happening right now."

"Yes," Isaac nodded, a shaky hand running back over the slight buzz of hair on his head. Maddie could tell he was nervous, could tell that he was pulling himself together. "I want you to know that if it were at all possible for anyone else to deliver this information to you, Sir, I would make that happen."

"What information?" Maddie asked, reaching for Harry's hand, trying not to focus on the patter of rain pounding against the windows.

"Just spit it out," Harry was tense, on edge, but his hand brought Maddie's closer to him.

"It's the Queen sir," Isaac sat tall in his seat, his own emotions betraying him for a blink of a second. "Your grandmother...she's dead."


	12. Chapter 12

7th of July, 2022. 10:45am.

The news anchor, visibly shaken and saddened, spoke in the softest of tones, his grief clear in the gruff of his voice.

" _It is with the greatest of sorrow that we make the following announcement. It was announced from Balmoral at 8:30am today, the 7th of July, 2022 that Queen Elizabeth the Second passed peacefully away in her sleep earlier this morning. The Duke of Edinburgh was at her side along with her beloved corgis and, we imagine, fond memories of her time spent at Balmoral._

_Queen Elizabeth the Second was 95 years old and celebrated the Platinum Jubilee year of her reign just this summer. She was the longest living and the longest reigning Monarch in the history of the Commonwealth and the entire world is feeling the enormous impact of her loss._

_A meeting of the Accession Council was held this morning to proclaim the accession of Prince Charles as the new Sovereign. He was at home at Highgrove House with the Duchess of Cornwall when the news was delivered. He travelled immediately to Balmoral with the Duchess at his side and he, along with his brothers and sister will travel with the Queen's coffin back to London and to The Queen's Chapel at Saint James Palace._

_The Royal Family, on jubilee tours throughout the commonwealth, have all cancelled the remainders of their trips and made immediate plans to return to London. The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge along with Prince Arthur are in route from India while the Duke and Duchess of Sussex along with their children have left their extended stay in Nepal to join with other Senior Royals, the Royal Family, and a nation already deep in mourning._

_The procession from St. James Palace will begin tomorrow morning promptly at ten. From there the Royal Procession will go to Westminster Hall where Her Majesty will lie-in-state for three days, just as her father before her and his father before him. At the end of the three days, the country and most likely the world, will pause for Her Majesty's funeral procession and service at Westminster Abbey. Immediately following will be a private service and internment at St. George's Chapel at Windsor Castle, the final resting place of ten British Monarchs._

_Prince William, the Duke of Cambridge is now heir to the throne and his son, Prince Arthur becomes second in succession with Prince Harry, the Duke of Sussex third._

_The Proclamation of Accession to be read this afternoon was signed by members of the Privy Council at St. James Palace just this morning. The text is as follows:_

_'Whereas it hath pleased Almighty God to call to His mercy our late sovereign lord Queen Elizabeth the Second of blessed and glorious memory by whose decease the Crown is is solely and rightfully come to the High and Mighty Prince Charles Philip Arthur George: we therefore the Lords Spiritual and Temporal of this Realm being here assisted with these her late Majesty's Privy Council with representatives of other members of the Commonwealth with other Principal Gentlemen of quality with the Lord Mayor, Aldermen and Citizens of London do now hereby with one Voice and Consent of Tongue and Heart publish and proclaim that the High and Mighty Prince Charles Philip Arthur George is now by death of our late sovereign of happy memory become King Charles III by the grace of God. King of this realm and of his other realms and territories, head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the faith to whom his lieges do acknowledge all Faith and constant Obedience with hearty and humble Affection beseeching God by whom Kings and Queens do reign, to bless the Royal Prince Charles the third with long and happy years to reign over us. God save the King.'_

_We here at the BBC offer our profound and deepest sympathies to His Majesty the King and the Royal Family. As this news descends on the world, we see an outpouring of love and condolences from other countries, we see flags flying at half-staff both at home and abroad. Crowds are already beginning to assemble outside the gates of Buckingham Palace, Windsor Castle and at the estates of Balmoral and Sandringham. Further announcements and details will follow as they are released to us. Until then, God Save the King_."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
By the time the announcements were read, by the time the world was being let in on the news that would bring tears to their collective eyes, Maddie and Harry and their sweet, somber children were in the air--an abrupt return to London.

Isaac's words that afternoon had struck Maddie in the pit of her stomach, just as though he had struck her. And beside her in the back of that car sat her husband, just as stunned, just as breathless. Her heart was racing and his mind was reeling and neither of them would really be able to recall the exact specifics of that car ride from the rebuild site back to the hotel.

But they knew that Ms. Maude had the children in her room for an afternoon tea while Ms. Greta went about packing up their things, readying them for a trip they didn't yet know they were taking.

They knew that they had a few private moments to change from their mud and paint caked clothes into something more presentable. They knew that the second they stepped into their rooms, that Isaac and Libby were going to pack them up and whisk them away.

They knew that Isaac had told only the Site Director who was most likely filling everyone in at the moment, giving them the explanation for their disappearance.

And they knew the horrible, heartbreaking truth. The Queen...Gran...was gone and the impact of her passing was going to reverberate around them for a very long time.

When they arrived at the hotel, they were easily and willingly swept up in the tide of duty, eager to grasp onto something other than this new truth. Hurried to their suite, rushed to their rooms, pushed into the showers. As the staff buzzed around them, gathering together the details of their lives, Maddie and Harry both did what they were told.

As Libby went through their clothes, laying out the most somber outfits they had with them, Isaac went about organizing the massive logistics of the turnaround trip home.

And before they had a chance to speak to each other, before they had a chance to breathe in the sorrow the other felt, Maddie and Harry were standing in the living area of their suite wearing dark blue and sorrow as they waited for their children to return. Waited to break their hearts.

"Mummy?" Ollie's voice was soft and stoic as he tugged on the hand of Maddie's that he had been holding onto since the flight from Nepal had taken off. There she sat on the private plane between Ollie and Malcolm, both boys holding onto her, both struggling with their own understanding of what was happening. And across from them was Harry with Oscar nestled to his chest and Lilli tucked into his side; his eyes focused somewhere far off.

"Yes baby?" She looked down at Ollie with tired eyes, giving him as much of a smile as she could manage.

"I feel...I feel so sad." So sweet and so sincere, his sentiments brought tears to Maddie's eyes, tears that had been gathering and building since this had begun.

"You feel sad?" She repeated, her own voice cracking. She ran her free hand through his red hair and it reminded her so much of the man who sat across from her.

"Yes," he nodded as he looked down at her fingers, playing with the rings she wore and Maddie waited for him to lead the conversation. He took a deep breath and laid his head back in her lap, next to his sleeping brother's blonde head. "I'm going to miss Gran."

"Oh baby, I am too," Maddie's voice wasn't much more than a whisper, her own emotions and heartache too much to keep at bay.

"And I'm really sad for Papa Charles..."

"Yeah?" Maddie swallowed and watched as his head turned in her lap, as his big blue eyes looked up at her; sad and loving and much too innocent for this grief.

"Yeah," he nodded. "She was his mum. It would be really sad not to see your mum anymore..." As his hand tightened its hold on Maddie, she had to bite her lip to keep from sobbing. And her eyes lifted across the aisle, meeting the dark, heavy, grieving ones of her husband.

Nodding, she gulped at the lump in her throat and she pressed her eyes tight and she asked for the strength and the grace to be able to carry this man, these children through the next few days without breaking.

To be able to carry herself through the grief that continued to wash over them.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

They arrived back in London a little after six in the evening and in the nine hours they had been in the air, the entire world had changed around them. The sun was beginning to slip towards the horizon but, having been in Nepal for days, their bodies were convinced it was much, much later and it was a struggle for the both of them to keep it together. With sunglasses to hide their grief, their exhaustion, they de-boarded the plane each of them responsible for two of the children--who weren't nearly as good at hiding how they felt.

Harry went first--with Oscar in the crook of his arm where he had drifted off, his own fingers tucked halfway into his mouth. Lilli holding onto her father's free hand, her tired eyes seeking and finding the crowd that had gathered at the airport; watching silently and somberly to catch a glimpse of the returning family.

Behind him was Maddie--with Malcolm passed out over her shoulder, his mouth wide open as though he couldn't care less who was watching. Ollie, shy and sleepy and clutching his mother as they moved quickly down the stairs, to the awaiting cars.

As they flew through the streets of London, Maddie could see how the world had already shifted. Already darker, already more sullen, already gloomy--despite the lack of the nearly ever present clouds and rain. The Union Jack was flying everywhere she glanced and those flags that could be lowered to half-staff were. As they drew closer to the Palace gates, she could see that mourners were already several people deep, that flowers were beginning to collect in quite the numbers.

Looking across the car to her husband, she could see that he was already drifting into his own head, he was already slipping away from her. It made her ache, made her tears threaten to turn to sobs, as she thought of just how much mourning this man had done in his life. She wanted nothing more than to put herself between him and the pain he must be feeling, wanted nothing more than to wrap herself around him and hold onto him for dear life.

But before she could be his wife, before they could be Maddie and Harry, there was a long list of duties that awaited them and at the top--for the moment--was their children. When they pulled through the gates of Kensington, when they slowed to a stop outside their home, Greta and Maude offered to take the children to bed, but Harry insisted he and Maddie do it. Both women would be need back first thing in the morning, so he sent them home to rest right away. Besides. He wanted to take care of the children himself.

And Maddie knew--Lilli, Ollie, Malcolm and Oscar--were the only thing holding him to the ground, the only thing keeping him from slipping completely away.

When they stepped into their home, the sense of relief they all felt was palpable, their lungs letting out a breath they were collectively holding. Back in familiar surroundings, with familiar faces, there was a comfort to be felt there.

Bernard was the first to step forward, sadness etched into the lines of his face as he performed a quick bow of his head. "I have a warm meal waiting for you in the kitchen," he looked from Harry, to Maddie, to the children all in various states of sleep. "For whomever cares to have a bite."

"Thank you," Maddie's voice cracked as she spoke up. Clearing her throat, she offered him a smile, taking a step forward to pat his shoulder. "Thank you very much Bernard. I think we're going to get the children to bed and then we'll be down for some food."

"Yes Ma'am," he nodded to her and took his leave. As Bernard stepped out of the entry way, it was Thomas who stepped in and Maddie watched as Harry's eyes filled with emotion. She knew the comfort he must have felt having him there, this man who had been at his side years longer than she had.

"Thomas," his voice was small, on the verge of cracking she guessed. "It's so good to see you." With Oscar still asleep in his arms, he moved to hug the older man, to kiss his cheeks.

"I hope it's okay that I came," Thomas hugged him back, his hand smoothing sweetly over Oscar's hair as he stepped away from him.

"Of course it is," Harry shook his head.

"I only thought, with all that was going on," he swallowed back the sadness building in his throat and glanced to Isaac who stood quietly off to the side. "I thought I might be able to offer my services, in whatever way Isaac saw fit." The two men, young and old, who had served at Harry's side, met eyes there in the entryway and Isaac nodded, welcoming the gesture and the help. The sense of duty and obligation and service that collected there was nearly too much for Maddie. And she knew that it was merely the beginning.

"Very well," Harry nodded, adjusting his son in his arms and looking around over his older children. "We're going to take the children up and then we'll be back down. The three of you should have some food with Bernard if you'd like."

"Yes Sir," Isaac took a step forward, glancing back at Libby who waited there with them. "We'll wait for you in your office?"

"Okay," Harry agreed and took a deep breath. "Okay everyone...up we go." With his hand soft at the back of Lilli's head, they took to the stairs, Maddie and the boys following along.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

When Maddie stepped from Ollie's room, the two boys under her charge in pajamas and tucked into bed, Harry was waiting for her in the hallway. Leaning back against the wall, his head bowed with the heaviness he was carrying, he looked up to her.

"I think they're all sufficiently passed out," he nodded his head towards the doors around them.

"I think so too," Maddie blinked, her hand rubbing at the back of her neck. "I was thinking...maybe I would call my mother."

"Yeah?" Harry's voice lifted in a way that touched Maddie's heart.

"Yeah," she smiled at him, despite the sadness that reigned over them. "I thought maybe she could come be with the children over the next few days. I would imagine we're going to be..." She trailed off, shaking her head as tears rose to the surface--faster now that they were back in London, now that they were facing it all head on.

"We are," Harry agreed, his head tipping back, his eyes focusing on the ceiling for a moment before they moved to meet hers. Pushing away from the wall, he stood tall, took a few slow steps towards her. "This, these next few days, are going to be...bigger than anything we've ever seen."

"I know," she whispered, her heart already aching at the enormity of it all.

"Bigger than the wedding, bigger than the jubilee," he let out a sound that was half a laugh and half a sob and it made Maddie want to hug him to her. "I've marched in funerals. For my great-grandmother, my mum..." He swallowed and shook his head and scrubbed his hands back over his face, into his hair. "This is going to be bigger."

"Harry..." Maddie's voice cracked, just like her resolve, her vision blurring there in that hallway as she reached out to him, her fingers barely grazing over his shirt before his hand closed over hers.

Pressing her palm flat and tight to his chest, his fingers stroked over hers. "Later," he whispered and she knew exactly what he meant. Any personal grieving, any momentary breakdown had to happen later. First, duty. And downstairs they had people waiting for them, waiting to tell them the details of their long lists of duties that awaited them. Pulling her hand to his lips, he kissed the back of it, soft and slow before he gave it a squeeze and let her go. "I'm going to go kiss Ollie and Malcolm and then we can head down."

"Okay," she whispered, clearing her throat as she watched him walk away. "You know they were both asleep before they hit the bed. They'll never know you were there."

"True," he managed a smile and half a shrug. "But I will. Call your mother, would you?" His eyes met hers as his hand reached for the knob to Ollie's room. "It would be really great to have her here with us."

Wordlessly Maddie nodded and she could see, this request for her mother's presence, for her caring, maternal instincts--it wasn't just for the best interest of the children.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

After grabbing a quick plate of food, Maddie and Harry sat down at the large table in Harry's office, both of them taking mental and a few physical notes of the information Isaac relayed to them. Having spent a great deal of time on the phone with The Palace, he knew the essentials about how the week would work.

First was the procession the next morning from Saint James Palace to Westminster Hall where The Queen would lie in state for three days. Harry would be marching in the procession with the men in the family, Maddie following along in the first carriage with Camilla and Kate. In preparation. Harry's uniform had gone directly from the plane to be cleaned and pressed and would be ready for him first thing the next morning. Ms. Ellis was having a selection of dresses sent over in a few hours for Maddie to choose from and she would be by in the morning to make any last minute alterations along with Tara for hair and makeup.

"And Mrs. Forrester?" Isaac looked between Maddie and Libby.

"I spoke with her right after we put the children to bed," Maddie spoke up. "She's already packing."

"Yes," Libby spoke up softly, taking notes in her notebook. "I've arranged for her travel. She should be here first thing in the morning, long before the two of you leave for the procession."

"Thank you Libby," Maddie smiled sweetly across the table as Harry reached for her hand underneath it. She knew that her mother coming made him feel better, that being surrounded by family was exactly what he was craving.

"Of course," Libby returned a small smile. "Greta and Maude will also be back in the morning to be available for the children and Mrs. Forrester as needed."

"Great," Isaac checked the next item off his list, setting down his pen and looking up to Harry. "That's all I needed to cover for now Sir. We're ready for the Procession tomorrow, for the Prince's Vigil in three days and then for the services, both at Westminster Abbey and at Windsor Castle. You can rest assured that everything will be taken care of on the official end..." Clearing his throat, he folded his hands on the table before him, leaning in and lowering his voice. "If there is anything at all that I can do for either of you personally, please don't hesitate to tell me. I am...at your disposal and I would be more than happy to make any arrangements that need to be made."

"Thank you Isaac," Maddie was soft with him; her voice, her smile. She felt very fortunate in that moment to be surrounded by such support, appreciating the way the three of them--Isaac, Thomas, and Libby--were working together and making the arrangements that made this whole thing as easy as it could be for her husband.

Squeezing Maddie's hand in his, Harry sat up in his chair and spoke with a gentle softness. "I would like to go to St. James. Tonight." His eyes glanced down at Maddie's fingers tangled up in his and then back up to those who were watching him. "To see her."

"Yes of course Sir," Isaac nodded, reaching for his phone as his eyes turned to Maddie. "Will you be joining him Ma'am?"

"I..." She looked up towards the second floor to where the children were asleep.

"I would be happy to stay here with them, Ma'am," Thomas spoke up from his chair next to hers, his soft, quiet presence warming the room. "If you would like to accompany the Duke and you don't mind me being their sitter for a while."

"I don't mind," Maddie choked on her own voice, her heart swelling at the gesture. "And they would love it, not that they'll wake up to know it but...I...thank you Thomas. That's terribly kind of you."

"Very well then," Thomas smiled as he reached to pat Maddie's hand, turning a nod to Isaac who instantly turned to the phone, already making calls; lining up a car and POs.

"Thank you," Harry's voice was heavier as he nodded first to Thomas, to Libby, to Isaac before he turned his attention to Maddie. With tear filled eyes and shaky fingers, he held on tighter. "Thank you."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

After changing their clothes once more, into something a little more formal, a little more stately, Maddie and Harry made their way back out onto the streets of London. Despite the hour, despite the darkness, despite the light drizzle of rain that blanketed the city, the mourners had grown since they had passed by the gates earlier. The history of it all was unavoidable, the weight of it growing heavier and heavier the closer they got to St. James Palace. There were people waiting there too; mourners with umbrellas and candles and a sadness that enveloped them. Maddie knew they would be watching when they stepped from the car, craving a look, a connection. But her mind and her heart were focused on Harry.

Her tall, stoic husband who reached for her the second she stepped from the car behind him, taking her hand into his as they stepped forward. Keeping her close and tight to him, he nodded his hellos to the guards who stood watch. Quietly, softly, they stepped into The Queen's Chapel.

It was soft and dim, the room lit only by low lights and candles and though there were silhouettes of people in the room, Maddie's eyes moved past them and focused to the display at the altar.

And there she was.

The coffin that seemed almost too small for such an enormous figure, draped in the Royal Standard, flanked by candles and flowers.

Next to her she heard and felt her husband suck in his breath and slow to a stop. Her eyes pulled from the altar to look at him and as they moved, she made out the figures. Philip at the front of the Chapel, standing tall and steady despite his age, despite his health--as though he himself were standing guard for her. Charles in a front pew, his head bowed, his shoulders heavy. And there was Anne--Maddie smiled through her tears--always Anne.

With her hand still tight in Harry's, he lead the way as they took a step forward down the aisle. Maddie was struck by just how normal this was; how humble and non-showy. How sad and soft and ordinary it all seemed.

A family grieving the loss of a beloved matriarch.

It was all such a contrast to the pomp and pageantry that laid before them.

Charles was the first to turn and see them, sad eyes lifting to look at them as they approached. Though his mouth curled up slightly at the sight of them, it was grief that held hold of him.

"You made it," his voice was deeper than normal, softer than normal, as he rose to his feet to greet them.

"Father," Harry's voice cracked as he dropped Maddie's hand and moved to embrace him. Kissing first one cheek and then the other, a son holding onto a father for an extra long beat before he stepped back. And then, there in the most hallowed of places, with the most sacred of witnesses, he stood tall and bowed his head. "Your Majesty." With tears in his eyes and a shake in his voice, he greeted the King.

Watching that happen, watching this moment that was so private and personal, this moment that was so big and historic, it was all a little too much for Maddie's sleep-deprived mind, for her jet-lagged body, and the tears couldn't be held back any longer. With a sob, she began to cry.

Both men turned to look at her, their own grieving waning for just a moment. As Harry's hand stretched to her, Charles took a step towards her. In that great, wonderful way he had, his hands laid on her shoulders and his head tipped to the side and even though her tears were reflected in his eyes, he seemed to be comforting her.

"I'm so sorry," she shook her head, her fingers wiping at the tears on her cheeks.

"No, no, dear," Charles pulled her into his arms and hugged her close--every single bit the father figure he had been to her since day one. "It's okay. It's okay."

Unable to speak for a moment Maddie simply nodded, hugging him back as she got herself under control. When she stepped back out of his arms, she sniffed and wiped at her eyes and offered him a sweet, sympathetic smile. With sincerity, she pressed her hand to her heart. "I am so very, very sorry for your loss."

"Thank you my dear," he nodded his head, his eyes growing softer; sadder. "I am too."

Together they moved to greet the other family members there in the Chapel with them. Harry went to Philip's side first, embracing his grandfather who couldn't seem to take his eyes from the coffin for more than a quick half-glance. And then he went to Anne, the most stoic of the group, holding her head high--just the way her mother would have. Charles, standing tall and stately in this new unfamiliar world where he was the King and his mother was gone, held tight to Maddie's hand, making sure she was okay, making sure she felt his support. And Maddie realized that, in that moment, she couldn't have summed up him--or this family--any better than this.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

When Maddie and Harry finally returned to their dark, quiet home, it was well past late, even later in their minds, still fixed on Nepal time. And grief often did funny things to time; stretching it out or speeding it by.

By the time they were stepping back into their entryway, Maddie was functioning on less than half her usual speed. But they managed to make it inside, they managed to thank Thomas and send him home in a car--reinforcing the welcome Isaac had extended. And somehow, somehow, they managed to make it up the stairs to their room.

It was a comfortable silence between them as they moved about, shedding their clothes, putting on pajamas. There was a great sadness between them but it was finally between  _them_. It was finally just the two of them, there in their home, in their space, with their family.

It was here that Harry felt safe.

Here that he felt welcome and comforted.

Here that he felt content, that he felt the allowance of absolute joy and absolute sorrow.

And it was here...after the lights were out, after heads were on pillows and bodies were covered.

It was here...in the arms of this woman whom he had been married to for only seven years, this woman he had only known for a handful longer, this woman who he couldn't imagine walking through life without.

It was here that he ultimately turned, here that he let down his duties and responsibilities and his walls of reserve.

It was here that he buried his face and his sorrow and his overwhelming grief.

Before he had to stand tall, before he had to face the masses, before he had to share with the public this immense loss he felt.

It was here that he fell apart.


	13. Chapter 13

It was a perfect cadence, those next three days. Perfectly timed, meticulously choreographed and expertly executed. Just as it had been during the life and Reign of Queen Elizabeth the Second, it was so in her death. It was so prophetic how it all unfolded, how the family, the nation and the world--when faced with exactly how to move on through this immense grief, when faced with exactly what to do next--it was her they turned to for guidance.

Her Majesty. Gran.

Even in her passing, her life was the model for what it meant to carry on. So often she had been the strength of the family, of the commonwealth, holding everyone together when crisis struck. In her overwhelming absence a natural fear would be--would it fail? Would it shake and shatter and crumble to the ground without her? What was to become of this family without her? What was to become of the commonwealth?

But it was in this time, in these moments, that her work and her devotion and her spirit reigned highest.

Following her example, the family stood strong.

Following her lead, the Kingdom stood tall.

Together, in the great, wide shadow she cast, they gathered their sadness and they acknowledged the loss. Together they waded through this enormous grief and marched on.

To the grand cadence she had called them to.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Harry was the first to wake in the House of Sussex that next morning. He was up before the children, up before Maddie, up before the sun--but only barely. With a soft kiss to Maddie's shoulder, he slipped from their bed; careful not to wake her, wanting her to get the sleep she needed, the sleep he couldn't seem to grasp.

Pulling on a t-shirt and some long sweat pants, he moved quietly through the house; down the stairs, to the kitchen. It was a unique occurrence, to be the only one up and about. Usually there were at least two children running around his feet or climbing up into his arms. The stillness was a little unnerving, but he set the kettle on for tea and he reached into the bowl of fruit and he took the opportunity to just breathe. Soon enough the day would begin and this day was going to be a big one. Soon there would be staff surrounding them, preparing them for public presentation. Soon the day would give way to pomp and circumstance, to duty and responsibility--to the weight of emotion that still carried heavy on his shoulders.

As the kettle began to whistle, he turned to snatch it up--not wanting to wake anyone--and he poured his cup. Taking a seat at the long counter in the kitchen, he closed his eyes and took a sip and he let his mind run over all that laid ahead of them for the next few days. As he drank his tea and stared out into the kitchen that was becoming brighter and brighter with the rising sun, he wondered what this might be like if he were normal, if he weren't royalty. What it might be like if he weren't preparing to attend the State Funeral of a Monarch but instead a normal service for his Gran. One where he could just wear a black suit and a furrowed brow. One where he could show up in a car on the day of the service with his whole family along with him. Where he could sit in a pew and hold Maddie's hand and cry without having to think about the millions of people who were going to look at the handful of photos of him from this day--of the conclusions they would draw about his 'expected' level of grief and sorrow.

He wondered what it would be like to not have to dress in full military regalia and march out in front of the world, what it might be like to not have to shoulder their grief as well as his own. But his thoughts, like the fantasies they painted, drifted away just as easily as they had arrived. That wasn't his life, it had never been his life, and he had no earthly idea what it might be like to be that person.

It was the soft patter of tiny feet that drew his attention away from this alternate version of reality, back to his own life--which he loved immensely.

"Lilli-bean," his smile brightened as he turned to find her shuffling into the room, her red curls a mess and her eyes still heavy from sleep. Bending to lift her up into his arms, he hugged her close, making her laugh softly as he kissed her cheeks and tickled her skin with his beard. "Good Morning."

"Morning daddy..." She stretched and yawned and finally pried her eyes all the way open. "What are you doing?"

"Having some tea and fruit," he nodded to his cup behind her. "Would you like some?"

"Mmmm," she nodded, climbing from his lap into the chair next to him. "Yes please."

Harry was up then, moving about the kitchen, called to a duty he cherished more than anything--being her father. "Tea?"

"No," she giggled with a shake of her head. "Can I have juice instead?"

"Of course," he nodded. "Cereal?"

"Yes please," she nodded more excitedly as she woke up even more. "Can I have the kind with the marshmallows in it?"

"Sure thing," Harry chuckled softly as he finished up, bringing her food to her before he slipped back into his chair beside her. "Here you go darling."

"Thank you daddy," she reached for her spoon and settled in.

"You're very welcome," he reached for his cup of tea. "How did you sleep?"

"Good," she sighed in a dramatic way that made Harry laugh. "I was SUPER tired."

"I know you were," he chuckled. "I'm glad you got some rest."

"Me too," she nodded along with him, her eyes wide as she took another scoop of cereal.

The room grew quiet for a moment as Harry sipped his tea and Lilli ate her cereal. This was the normal part of his life, the sweetest part. "Daddy?" Lilli looked up to him thoughtfully, both of her hands holding onto her cup of juice.

"Yes?" He took a sip.

"I know that I should only be thinking about Gran right now..."

"Oh," Harry stopped what he was doing, his cup returning to the counter, his eyes turning to study his daughter. "I don't think you have to only think about Gran right now, love. I think it's perfectly alright for you to think of other things too."

"Really?"

"Of course Lilli," he offered her a smile, touched by her sweet innocence. "We do it all the time. We think about the food we're eating while we're having a conversation, just like we are now."

"Oh," her lips curled up, visually letting go of her assumptions. "I guess we can."

"I guess we can," Harry agreed. "Lilli-bean, you want to tell me what else you're thinking about?"

"I was thinking about the school in Nepal."

"The one we were rebuilding?"

"Mmm Hmm," she nodded, looking down at her bowl as she played with her spoon. "I was thinking...since we left so quick and so early and we had to stop rebuilding...are those children not going to have their school now?"

His heart warmed and ached, his pride in her soaring. "Oh baby. You're worried that since we left that the school won't be completed."

"Yes," she nodded, biting her lip in a way he had seen her mother do so very many times. "And at the same time that I feel sad for Gran, I feel sad for those children."

Moved by her concerns, Harry reached for her. "Come here." Pulling her up from her chair and back into his lap, he smoothed the mess of hair away from her face and smiled. "You are very sweet to be thinking about the children and about the school. I am...so proud of the way you think of others and think of how you can help." Leaning in to kiss her cheek, he sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "The good thing is that there was a team of people there to help rebuild the school. It wasn't just us, remember?"

"Yes," Lilli nodded. "The other soldiers."

"That's right," Harry nodded along with her. "And they are still there, still working on the school, even while we're here."

"So the kids will still get their school back?" She lifted her eyebrows, looking up to him with such faith, such trust--knowing his answer would be the absolute truth.

"Yes," Harry smiled. "I promise you that the kids will still get their school back. Okay?"

"Okay," she nodded, taking a breath and smiling as she let it go. Her hands reached up to rub at his beard. "Can I eat my cereal now?"

"Ha!" Harry laughed. "Yes baby. You can eat your cereal now. Here you go." He helped her back into her seat just in time for the call that came across the landline. "Ohhhhh...." Harry's smile pulled higher, moving around the counter towards the phone. "I have a surprise for you."

"Really?!" Her eyes were wide as she watched his every move.

"Really," he pulled the phone to his ear. "This is Harry."

"Good Morning Sir. Mrs. Forrester just came through the gates. She should be at your home momentarily."

"Thank you very much," Harry hung up the phone and waved for Lilli to join him. "Come on. Come with me. Your surprise is being delivered to the door right now."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Maddie stood in the doorway to their bedroom, watching as Harry finished up. Completely dressed and ready for the car that was waiting, she took just a moment to watch him do up the last few buttons, make small adjustments. When he stood in front of the mirror, checking for anything he missed, she took a breath, pushed away from the doorframe and stepped into the room.

"You know..." Her voice, though soft, startled him and his eyes darted over to her. "I think that it's a testament to just how sad I am..." Her hands lifted to smooth over the Grand Cross hanging from his neck, the one his grandmother had bestowed upon him years ago. "I'm not even going to comment on the uniform."

"Oh?" His eyebrows rose as his eyes met hers, sad and amused at the same time. "Wow..." His hands covered hers softly. "That's pretty serious."

"It is," she nodded, blinking at the threat of tears already building. "I think you should know that I'm probably going to cry."

"I know," he tried to offer a smile but his own emotions stunted the effort. "I'm probably going to cry too."

Maddie gulped at the sadness that had gathered in her throat, nodding her head as she tried to breathe through the urge to sob. "I wish I could be with you today."

Harry let out a long, shaky breath, his hands moving to her; wiping at her eyes, tugging at her waist. He needed her closer to him than this. "I wish you could be with me today too." His voice was heavy with emotion, his eyes dark with the same as he bent to kiss her. "And you will be. Once we get to Westminster Hall. I'll be standing right next to you."

"Good," she nodded, sniffing as she tried to pull herself together. "Are you ready to go? The cars are downstairs and my mother has the children already drawn in..."

"Hmmm," Harry smiled at that. "I'm really glad she's here."

"I know," Maddie agreed. "I am too."

"And Collins is following behind tonight?" Harry welcomed the distraction as he smoothed his hands over his uniform one last time.

"Yes. After Isaiah is out of school. They'll come for the weekend."

"Good," Harry sighed, clapped his hands together and turned to face her; tall and regal and ready. "Let's go?"

"Let's," she nodded her head and held out her hand.

Without another thought, he took her hand into his, holding her close as they stepped out of their room, out of their own private fortress and out towards this day full of enormity and expectation.

"You look beautiful by the way," his lifted her hand to his lips, offering her a genuine smile, a heartfelt look. "Even in the sadness, you're stunning."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

It was the music that ultimately did her in. It was always the music that did her in.

The air had been still around them, silent and heavy as they sat together in the carriage; Camilla, Kate and Maddie. Nothing but the sound of shuffling, of people moving into their spots, the occasional neigh of a horse or clomp of a hoof. The soft sound of boots against the pavement, the jangle of a metal hitch or buckle. All was silent as the funeral procession came to order.

Naturally her mind drifted to the men who were marching--the men and Anne.

All of the Queen's children were there. Harry and William, Peter and James.

And then there was Philip.

Maddie's head bowed and her eyes closed as she thought of Philip. Her heart ached in her chest knowing that he had been offered a carriage, knowing that the offer had probably sounded more like an insistence. He was older and his health wasn't the best and his family was worried about him. But Harry hadn't happened upon his stubborn nature by accident. That was part of his bloodline, part of his DNA and every single one of them should have known before the conversation even started.

Philip would be marching behind the coffin. Philip would be walking just a step behind his Lillibet--just as he had for as long as he could remember. Until he could no longer walk.  
When the loud voice came from the commander outside it jarred Maddie from her momentary heartbreak. With her hand pressed to her chest, she lifted her head, opened her eyes and listened. Calling attention from marchers and mourners alike, his voice boomed out the commands that would move them all forward.

As the first steps were taken, as the first thump of the drums sounded out, with the first hum from the band, the procession began.

The bells rang out and the cannons boomed and Maddie wiped at her eyes.

Just as easily as the carriage lurched forward into motion, Maddie's resolve gave way and she began to cry. It was quiet and soft and it was completely outside of her control. But she wasn't alone. Around the world, on the streets of London, even there in that carriage--Maddie wasn't the only one crying. As she looked out the windows of the carriage, as she watched the mourners hang their heads and wave their flags, as she looked across to the new Queen as she sat beside the next one.

This was big; so much bigger than anything she had ever been a part of and even though she knew both of these women there with her on a very personal level, even though one of them was very much a sister to her, though the other was absolutely a mother figure--she couldn't escape the historical reality that surrounded her.

Listening to the cadence that surrounded them, that drifted with the wind, that flowed into the carriage with these mourning women, Maddie had to take a moment and honor the significance of it all, the surreal way she felt knowing that she was sitting right in the middle of history.

She was  _surrounded_  by history.

Her eyes pulled away from the throngs of people who lined the streets, back into the carriage. When they lifted and meant Camilla's, she offered her a warm, simple smile and just like that, drew her back to the moment. Through her teary eyes, Maddie smiled back and turned to look at Kate who reached out and squeezed her hand.

She was surrounded by family.

She was surrounded by this enormous, amazing family. Full of warmth and loyalty and a strength that was massively underestimated in the tales that were told. She was surrounded by love and sadness and something so much more real than people would ever really believe.

"I wish I could be with him right now," she whispered to the two other women, daring to break into the silence with even the slightest of sounds.

Next to her, Kate swallowed and nodded her head. "I do too."

And across from them both, Camilla sniffed and sat taller. "I do too."

And there it was. Warmth and loyalty and strength--these women grieving their own loss, mourning this woman they all loved, a woman they all looked up to--all while wishing they could be with the men they loved. Wishing they could shoulder some of the grief, some of the burden. Wishing they could stand tall with them while they marched.

She was surrounded by the Queen's legacy.

The music continued as they made their way into the massive space of Westminster Hall, the choir's melody filling the sky-high ceilings and reverberating into Maddie's soul. Finally standing next to Harry, she felt some semblance of comfort; knowing he was there. Though looking up at his sorrow-filled face, she knew he was battling the same emotions she was and that he needed her just as much as she needed him.

Everyone stood at attention as the Queen's coffin was arranged and adjusted and secured into place.

Everyone stood at attention as the first of the guards took their posts.

But as soon as Harry's hand left the proper form of salute, it reached for hers, seeking her closeness, needing her touch. Holding onto her with sure, steady fingers, they stood side by side as the ceremony began.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

It had been a long day for the Duke and Duchess, even though in actual time it was not very long at all. But after the quick turnaround the day before, with the time difference, with the sheer emotion of it all, they were drained of energy and emotion. The relief that washed between them when they were finally back in the car bound for Kensington was palpable. As the car slipped further and further away from the masses of people, Harry's head tipped back against the seat and he turned soft, tired eyes to Maddie.

"Are you okay?"

"Hmmm," she smiled over at him, reaching to stroke his beard, his chin. "I'm okay. I'm sad and upset and...worried about the lot of you. But yes. I'm okay." Her hand moved down to take hold of his. "And you? Are you okay?"

"Ha..." He laughed, shaking his head as he looked down at their fingers tangled together. "I don't know." Sucking in a breath, he let it out slowly and glanced out the window. "There's still the vigil in two days, the funeral in three..." His mind drifted for a moment until a thought crossed his mind and pulled him back to her. Turning to face her, he drew her hand closer. "While we were waiting to line up, we were talking--Will, Peter and I..."

"Sure."

"They're going to Balmoral," Harry's lips curled up at the corners as his eyes welled up. "The cousins. It was Bea's idea, of course it was Bea's idea." He shook his head and laughed a little. "They want to head up to the Highlands and remember her."

"Harry, that's..." Maddie swallowed back the words she couldn't find. Touching, amazing, sweet and sad. Perfect.

"I know," he nodded, sighing. "Anyway. They're heading out tomorrow morning, they're staying the night and coming back in plenty of time for the vigil and..."

"You should go," Maddie cut him off, squeezing his fingers as she pulled his hand towards her. "You should absolutely go with your cousins to Balmoral tomorrow."

" ** _I_**  should go?" His eyes flickered with a life she hadn't seen in them for a while. "Not just me, love. You too."

"Me?" Maddie's eyes blinked wide. "But if it's a cousin's thing..."

"It's not," he was quick to shake his head. "I mean it is. But everyone's coming. Autumn, Mike, Kate...you." He bent to kiss her hand. "Do you think your mother would mind staying with the children for the night?"

"Mind?" Maddie laughed at the notion. "No. I think she'd probably jump for joy. But just to be sure, I'll check when we get home."

"So you'll come?" He lifted his eyes to her, sweet and excited.

"To Scotland for a night? With you?"

"And all of my cousins," he smirked. "Yes."

"Oh absolutely." That was just what they needed, some family time in the middle of all of the public intensity.

As their car pulled up outside their home, Maddie was already mentally preparing for the trip. Though they had a quick meeting with Isaac, a few more things to do, they could have some great time with the children and her mother and Collins that night and then in the morning, they could go to Balmoral and while the rest of the world mourned The Queen, they could remember Gran.

It was a beautiful sentiment, one that occupied Maddie's mind so much that she didn't even notice something was different, that something was off until they were in their home and surrounded by a swarm of excited children.

And she noticed the head full of brunette hair dancing among the blonde and red that were her own.

"Wait..." Her eyes narrowed and blinked and when they looked up, her confusion was answered. "Oh my God." Dancing around with her overly excited children was none other than Buckie Bishop and standing there in her living room were his parents. Already full of emotion, her eyes were quick to tears, her voice quick to crack. But her feet were the quickest, moving through the sea of children, her arms opened up and she went right for her best friend. "Oh my God. Ella..."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

It was an absolute blur of activity in the Sussex house that evening with children running and playing and giggling, blissed out at finally being back with their friends. And the adults, most of them exhausted, sprawled out throughout the house, having food and drinks and catching up. Collins had arrived with Isaiah adding even more to the merriment. As Maddie sat curled up on the couch next to Ella, drinking wine while they talked with her mom and Collins about holiday plans, her eyes drifted out across the room. Seeing Harry with Bishop, relaxed in a chair with a glass of scotch in his hand and a genuine smile on his face, she was so unbelievably grateful for this moment of reprieve from the grief that had surrounded them.

Harry needed it, the children needed it, and--as Ella reached out to squeeze her hand for the fifth time that night--Maddie knew that she needed it too. Tomorrow they would take off for Balmoral, leaving the children with Hannah and Collins for the night as they joined the family in what would most certainly be an emotional journey and they still had yet to say their final good-byes to The Queen. But for this night, for this moment, they were happy and they were laughing and it felt good.

"Excuse me," the voice behind her was a surprise, she had been so caught up in her mind's wanderings that she hadn't heard or seen Bishop move in beside the couch. Sitting up, she turned to look at him. Though he had a smile on his face, there was something serious in his eyes. "I'm wondering if you might join me for a moment?"

"Join you?" She smiled up at him, confused. "Where?"

"Your office?" He suggested. "Or Harry's? Or even the library..." He let out a breath he had been holding. "I wanted to talk with you privately for a minute, if that would be okay?"

"Sure, sure. Of course." Maddie nodded, not sure where this was coming from, but happy to follow along. Excusing herself from the conversation, she took her glass of wine with her and nodded for him to lead the way. As they passed by the couch, she saw Ella smile up at him, watched as his hand squeezed hers before they continued on. Just before they disappeared down the hallway, she glanced back at her own husband who was watching from where they had left him. With a smile and a wink, he waited until they were gone before he moved to join the conversation on the couch.

Taking a sip of wine, Maddie followed behind Bishop as he moved into her office. He waited for her to step inside before he shut the door behind her and motioned towards the two soft sofas situated next to them.

With a light laugh, Maddie took a seat, watching him with curious eyes as he took his own seat on the sofa across from her. "I have to tell you, Bishop. I feel like I'm about to be interviewed..." Her lips curled into a smile. "Or chastised..."

"No, no," he shook his head quickly, leaning forward so his elbows rested on his knees. Clearing his throat, he met her eyes with a steady, serious gaze. "I believe I owe you an apology."

"An apology?" Maddie blinked, surprised by this turn.

"Yes," he nodded. "An apology."

"For what?" She shook her head, her mind too caught up in the present to think too deeply about the past.

"For what happened between us before we left." Just as he said it, as he sat up tall and held her gaze, Maddie remembered.

"Oh," her voice was small as her eyes shifted down to her glass. That night on the patio at Foxgrove, the night he had overheard her and Ella talking, the night the Bishops exploded, the night of yelling and fighting and hardly any sleep for any of them.

She had almost completely forgotten about it.

"Yes, oh." Bishop nodded, moving to the edge of his chair. "Maddie I am really sorry for the way I spoke to you that night. I was upset and caught off guard and I just...I reacted." He exhaled. "Poorly, I might add. I should not have come at you like I did and I hope you'll accept my apology..."

"Of course," Maddie cut in, leaning forward with a smile. "We all have our moments of frustration, Bishop."

"We do," he agreed. "But it wasn't fair for me to direct mine towards you. And I know now you were...you were just trying to be a friend to both of us. And I, of all people, should have recognized that and known better."

"Well," Maddie thought for a moment, smiling as she shrugged her shoulders. "I think that we can probably put it behind us now, don't you think? You and Ella seem happier..."

"We are," his mouth pulled into that wide smile she knew well. "We are very happy. And a lot of that is due to you..."

"Hardly," she shook her head and took a sip of her drink. "But I'm glad to see it all the same."

"Me too."

"So there you go," she waved her hand. "You two are doing well and with all that's going on maybe we can just take a deep breath and let this one go?"

"Maybe," he sighed, reaching for his glass and taking a long slow drink of scotch. "But there's one more thing I wanted to talk to you about, one more thing I wanted to clear up. If it's okay with you?"

"Sure," she nodded. "Though I'm really not sure what else we have to clear up..."

"Well," he sat his drink down and met her eyes and the seriousness she saw there surprised her. "I suppose it's more something I think you should know, something I want you to hear from me."

"Okay," her voice lifted up at the end, as though she were pausing; waiting.

"Okay," he cleared his throat and took a deep breath and, with one hand pressed to his chest, the sincerity in his voice hung heavy in the room. "In all the time I have known you I have never--not once--questioned your loyalties to Harry."

"Whoa. Hey..." Maddie breathed in the intensity that settled between them.

"I haven't," his eyes were wide as he shook his head. "I've never doubted your love for him--or his for you for that matter. From the moment I saw the two of you together in the pub that night...hell, who am I kidding?" He chuckled. "From the moment he sent me that text from Bendal, I have known,  ** _known_**  that this was something big, something important--you and Harry. Please, please know that."

"Bishop, I..." She shook her head, completely unsure what to say. "Why are you..."

"Because," his mouth curved down into a frown, his eyes softening as he looked at her. "I realize that there have been times when I've said things--to you or to Harry--when I've only thought I was being a good friend, looking out for his, or even your, best interests--times when I maybe should have stayed out of it. Times when maybe it seemed like I might...like I might doubt those things..."

Maddie gulped, adjusting nervously in her seat. "Did Harry say something to you?"

"No," he shook his head, a knowing smile replacing his frown. "No he didn't. But you know what I'm talking about, don't you?" He pointed at her, his grin pulling even higher.

And Maddie couldn't help but smile too, her cheeks flushing as she laughed and shook her head. "I didn't say that."

"You don't have to," he laughed along with her, easing back in his seat as they both breathed a little easier. "I know that I have put myself into your relationship more than once and only after this happened with Ella did it occur to me...that maybe you might have felt the same way I felt that night. And God, Maddie, I don't want you to feel that way. I really don't want you to think for a second that I have EVER thought you were anything but one hundred percent perfect for my best friend."

"Bishop..."

"Madeline," he cut her off, moving in closer. "I love you very much, very much--more because of the way you love him. And I have nothing but the utmost respect for you and I just think it's really important that you know that and I'm very sorry for anything I've done to make you question that. Or that have made you think that I'm questioning that." He let the moment sit heavy between them for a beat before he took a breath and smiled. "Okay?"

"Okay," Maddie whispered, her eyes half full of emotion as they met his. "Okay." Looking down at the glass in her hand, she tried to fight the smirk that teased at her lips. "Tell me...does Harry know that you brought me back here to tell me you loved me?"

"HA!" Bishop's head tipped back with a loud, boisterous laugh. His hands clapped together and he shook his head. "You mean does he know that after all this time I've been 'looking out' for the two of you that it's really been my secret plan to get you to myself?" He sighed, appreciating the way she could joke with him more than she would ever really know. "No. He doesn't know that."

"Okay," Maddie laughed and, just like he was, she let it all go. "Hey Bishop?"

"Hmm?" He lifted his eyebrows.

"You should know that I've never doubted your loyalties either," she shrugged with a grin. "Not to any of us."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"I can't believe the Bishops just...poof...appeared," Maddie laughed softly later that night as she and Harry finally retired to their room, after all of their friends and family had dispersed or gone to bed.

"Yeah," Harry laughed, leaning back against the dresser, watching her move as she readied for bed. "It was quite the surprise."

"Did you know they were coming?" She glanced over to him, pulling out her pajamas, rubbing at her neck, her shoulders.

"No of course not," Harry shook his head. "I would have told you."

"It was great timing nonetheless," Maddie shrugged, stretching her arms up over her head as she headed towards the bathroom. "The kids were ecstatic."

"They were," he nodded, following along behind her thoughtfully. "Hey. Any chance you're going to tell me what you and Bishop were talking about in there?"

"In the office?" Maddie glanced back at him as she moved towards the tub, gathering up bubble bath and towels.

"Yes in the office," his arms crossed over his chest, his eyes narrowing at her, that slightly possessive smile taking over this face. The one that brought great amusement to Maddie.

"Oh," she turned back to the tub, her eyes lighting up as she shrugged. "He wanted to confess his love for me."

"Nice," Harry laughed. "Come on. What were you talking about?"

"I told you," Maddie turned to face him, laughing as she moved in closer. "He told me he loves me. That he has for a while. Very very much."

"Madeline," his tone moved to warning though his smile showed otherwise.

"Aw come on Captain," she tipped up on her toes to kiss him. "Bishop and I are friends again. Isn't that what you wanted?"

"Yes," he eased up, kissing her back. "I suppose it is."

"I suppose it is," she reached around to pat his ass.

"You're taking a bath?" He nodded towards the tub as she moved back to it.

"I am," she sighed. "I think maybe I'm getting my period. I'm a little achy, a little sore." She turned back to him, rubbing absentmindedly at the top of her chest.

Harry's eyes zoned right in on her actions and his eyes hazed over. "Need any help with that?"

"Ha! Stop it right now!" She swatted at him. "I'm going to take a bath and some medicine and crawl into bed. What are you going to do?"

"Other than help you massage away your aches and pains?"

"Other than that!" She turned on the water and poured in some bubbles.

"Actually," Harry broke free of his trance, smiling as he patted the pocket of his shirt. "It's Friday night and I have a few cigars I thought I might share with your mother."

"Harry..." Maddie's head tipped to the side, regarding him with such sweetness, such adoration. "You're just so..."

"Yeah?" He wagged his eyebrows, waiting. "You kind of want to let me massage away your aches now don't you."

"You know I really do," she sighed. Reaching out to his shirt, she tugged him in for a kiss. "Have fun with my mother. I'll see you in bed later."

"Mmmm," he smiled against her lips, kissing her once more before taking a few steps back towards the door, watching her as she shed her clothes and climbed into the hot tub. "Hey Maddie?"

"Captain?" She turned to look up at him, already feeling better.

"Is there any chance those aches and pains could mean something else?" He bit his bottom lip, his eyes full of hope.

"Like what?" She watched him, knowing exactly what was going on in that mind of his.

"Like maybe...a baby?" He whispered the word, not wanting to jinx himself.

Maddie's lips pulled into a wide grin. "Well....I suppose I don't know. Yet."

"Yet." His grin pulled higher. "When might you know?"

"Three days," she held his gaze. "In three days my period should be here or..."

"Or not?" He could barely contain the giddiness in his eyes.

"Or not," she laughed at him. "Now go. Go smoke cigars with my mother. I'm going to take a bath and get to sleep. Don't stay out too late. We're leaving for Balmoral in the morning."

"Okay," he nodded, struggling to tear his eyes from her, struggling to leave the room. "Okay. I love you Maddie."

"Love you too baby," she called after him, her head leaning back and her eyes closing. "Love you too."

 


	14. Chapter 14

"I'm sorry but..." Maddie glanced to the group of cousins gathered together there on the gravel drive. "Is that a van?"

"Sharp as ever," Mike had to tease, even in the pre-dawn hours of the day, even though they were all preparing to embark upon a trip centered around mourning the Queen. He couldn't help himself.

Maddie glared at Mike for a blink of an eye before looking to Bea, who had been instrumental in organizing the trip. "Who decided on a van?"

"Peter," Bea's voice was soft, her gaze was steady, but Maddie swore she could see the hint of a smirk. All of the Windsors had a remarkable way of hiding it when they wanted to.

Turning to look at Peter, Maddie's forehead pinched together over her nose. "You want us all to travel to Balmoral...by van."

Though there were snickers coming from the family standing around her, nobody spoke up but Peter. With his arms crossed over his chest, he lifted his eyebrows. "What if I did?"

"I..." Maddie let out a puff of a laugh. "I don't know. It's just...it's like a nine hour drive and that's a fourteen passenger van and..." She let off with a shake of her head, amused at the notion of this family of royalty packed into this enormous white van like they were heading off to summer camp in the Rocky Mountains.

"What's the matter?" Peter stepped closer to her. "Not fancy enough for you Duchess?"

"Easy," Harry warned with amusement in his eyes and a grin on his face.

"She knows I'm joking," Peter looked around Maddie at Harry.

"About the Duchess part or the van, because..." Maddie waved her hand at the monstrosity.

Having enjoyed enough of the back and forth, and not quite the morning person, Will stepped forward. With his hands on Maddie's shoulders, he leaned in with a smile. "We're just taking the van to the airport."

"Ahhhhh...okay." Maddie nodded as everyone began to move about; loading bags, finding seats. "Peter's my favorite again."

"What?" Mike glanced up, from where he was picking up his bag. "I thought I was your favorite."

"Yeah? I thought _I_ was her favorite," Harry mumbled under his breath, bringing a round of laughter to the group as they all piled in, ready to start what would most certainly be an emotional trip. "Come on Duchess, if you move fast, you might be able to sit next to Peter on the way to the airport."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Arriving at Balmoral, particularly in the cool, dewy morning, was like arriving in a fairy tale. The ride from Aberdeen Airport to the historical home had been more jovial in nature. With a handful of cousins trying to squeeze in the last bit of sleep they would most likely see before they returned to London, the others tossed around itinerary ideas for the day.

But the second they pulled onto the property a hazy sort of hush settled over the group and Maddie could almost see the memories of their grandmother float to the surface. She could see the love and affection and warmth cloud their eyes with tears and emotion. And she only assumed she looked the same, thinking of her own handful of trips to the castle. Remembering her own treasured interactions with the family matriarch. As the van pulled to a stop on the gravel drive and the group began to disembark, it was Harry who brought a bit of levity to the moment.

With his hand on Maddie's shoulder and a far off look in his eyes, he smiled. "I feel like maybe we should have brought the corgis."

Maddie's hand moved over his, a smile moving over her lips. "We could always send Peter back with the van to collect them?"

"Ha, ha." Peter tossed a half grin in her direction.

"But really," William spoke up, pulling his duffle bag up over his shoulder. "What do we do first?"

Beatrice cleared her throat and stepped forward. "I thought maybe I would pack a picnic? We could head down to the water before the rain inevitably comes?"

"That's perfect," Zara smiled at her cousin. "I'll help you."

"Me too," Mike stepped in.

"But maybe first..." Peter's arms crossed over his chest as he shrugged. "A drink?"

"A toast?" Eugenie grinned.

"I love it," Harry nodded towards the castle. Everyone reached for the bags, for the few items they had brought with them for the quick overnight stay.

"I think..." Kate spoke up as they all made their way inside. "Maybe we should be drinking Gran's favorite drink?"

Zara let out a soft laugh, the corners of her mouth twisting in amusement. "Gin and Dubonnet." As a handful of Windsor heads nodded in agreement, Harry's smile turned to a frown.

"Ugh. God. I'm going to have to get drunk on gin?"

"And sweet, sweet, French wine," William patted his shoulder, stepping around him and into the house. "Come on soldier. You've done worse."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"A toast," Autumn lifted her glass to the others sitting around her on various blankets of plaid. "To Bea and Zara and Mike...for this amazing spread they put together..." She gestured over the food before them.

"You're drunk," Harry snickered, lifting his glass high in the air.

Autumn met his gaze and her grin slipped higher. "A drunken toast then," she corrected to the laughter of the group.

"A drunken toast!" Chorused around her as heads bobbed in slight bows to their picnic 'chefs'. The meal had been fabulous, just what they needed to satisfy their stomachs and ease the effects of the gin and dubonnet they had been imbibing since they had arrived earlier.

"So..." Eugenie let out a long, slow breath. "What do we do now?" As glances were tossed between the family, Zara rose to her feet and dusted her hands off on her pants.

"Well, one of my favorite things to do here has always been riding..." Her eyes shifted off to somewhere in the distance, her heart tugging as she pulled forth memories of her time there with her grandmother.

"So you're headed to the stables," Peter smiled up at his sister with a warm smile. "I think I'm going to take a walk, see what birds I might spy."

"Can I come with you?" Autumn's hand was soft on his back, her smile sweet on him.

"Of course," he nodded to her before turning back to the group. "Anyone's welcome."

"I think..." Will finished the last bit of his drink and cleared his throat. "I think I'm going fishing. Anyone want to head down to the water with me?"

"You know..." Maddie smiled, glancing from her husband to his brother. "I think I'd like that. Is that okay?" She looked to Harry who sat behind her, stretched out on their blanket.

"Absolutely," he nodded. "I think I'm going to go riding with Zara," he nodded his head up to his cousin. "If that's okay with you?"

"I would love that," she met his eyes as the emotions among the cousins continued to swirl and bubble.

As the group continued to make their plans; a few going on the walk, a handful heading back to the castle, they all rose and tidied up. As Kate fell in step with the York sisters to head back inside, Will waited while Maddie kissed Harry good-bye.

"Watch out man," he glanced to his brother. "She's quite the hustler."

"Hey!" She shot him a glare as she stepped away.

"And a killer with a rod and reel. If you're not careful, she'll take all your money," he grinned, gave her a wink and turned to follow his older cousin toward the stables, towards his own wonderful memories of his time there, of his time with Gran.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

They considered themselves fortunate, Will and Maddie. It seemed as though the clouds had parted over their path of the river, providing them a sliver of sunlight as they waded into the ice cold water. In tall rubber boots and adequately stocked fishing gear, they moved slowly through the current before they found spots that worked for the both of them. With the sun beaming down on them for the moment and a chilled wind at their backs, they began to fish.

It wasn't too long before Will glanced over to Maddie, casting his line and waiting patiently. "How are the children doing?" His voice was soft as he opened up familial conversation.

"Mmmm," Maddie smiled wide as she thought of them. "Wonderful."

"Lilli still riding?"

"She is," Maddie nodded. "And she just informed me that this year she would like to take ballet lessons."

"Ah," Will grinned. "Didn't she want to play rugby last year?"

"She did," Maddie laughed lightly, trying to keep quiet as she cast her line again. "And that hasn't waned in the least."

"She wants to do it all, then?" Will's eyebrow arched, finding great joy and amusement in his fearless, limitless niece.

"She does," Maddie agreed with a sigh. "You want to know what she wants to do the most?"

"Hmmm?" His hands paused, his fishing ceased as he looked back at her.

"Fly helicopters."

"Ha!" Will's head tipped back, his laugh louder than it should be given what they were trying to do. But neither of them cared. This was closer to the true reason they were there. "Of course she does."

"Of course she does," Maddie shrugged her shoulders.

"I suppose she could pick somebody worse to emulate," Will admitted, turning his attention back to his line.

"I suppose so," Maddie snickered, catching the easy, warm way he spoke of his brother.

"And the boys?"

"All good," Maddie thought of them. "Of course Ollie's still practicing his magic."

"Wonderful."

"And after our trip to Inverness, he's taken a liking to playing the pipes."

"Really?" He turned back to face her, the corner of his mouth twitching up. "I suppose I should do the Uncle thing and get the boy his own set."

"You're too late," she narrowed her eyes at him. "They sent some with us when they left." She tossed her line again. "And don't pretend that wasn't more about harassing your little brother..."

"What?" He mocked offense, his mouth and eyes equally wide.

"That's right," she scoffed playfully. "I'm onto you."

"Fine," he shook his head, chuckling to himself. "I'll just be sure to check in on his progress from time to time."

"Of course you will," Maddie sighed. "And how's Arthur doing?"

"Arthur's great," Will literally stood taller as he spoke of his son. "Smart, determined...happy."

"Good," Maddie smiled, knowing all of those things to be absolutely true about him.

"And..." Will took in a deep, heavy breath. "And he misses Gran."

Just like that, with the smallest of words, the gravity of the world around them settled in. There was something about the tone of his voice, the way it gave way to his own personal heartache. There was something about the water twisting around them, the wind whipping their hair, the flaps of their coats, something about the sliver of sunlight.

Just like that, their minds moved to the Queen, to their grandmother, to this woman they were all there to mourn, to celebrate.

"I miss her too," Maddie offered in the softest of whispers, her eyes lifting up to look over the world around them, past the edge of the water, towards the hills of the highlands.

"Me too," Will whispered back, turning to face the oncoming current, casting his line into the quicker flowing water.

Maddie watched him for what felt like the longest time. She watched him cast his line, watched him collect it in; slowly and steadily. Casting and collecting, he stood tall and broad shouldered, sure and certain. He had done this before, hundreds of times. He had stood in these waters, battled these currents, cast these lines.

Her head tipped thoughtfully to the side, wondering what sort of peace his mind found while he was out here, wondering where his thoughts were drifting. Casting her own line out into the clear, crisp water, Maddie let herself sit in the truth of it all for just a moment.

She was fishing with the next British Monarch. At the fabled Balmoral Castle, in the mystical Scottish Highlands, she was thigh high in ice cold water with the next King.

With a thud of her heart, she pulled herself from that version of reality and swallowed at the lump in her throat.

She was standing next to...her brother. Her brother who was mourning his grandmother, and facing a new, enormous, call to duty.

And before she could help herself, before she had time to think over her words, she took a deep breath and asked, "Are you afraid?"

He looked back at her then, his mouth open and poised to ask her what she meant. But he stopped, his lips closing and his breath catching. He knew what she meant. With a long, slow, thoughtful pause, he met her eyes and nodded. "Yes."

The silence that flowed between them was filled with warmth. Nothing but the ripple of the water and the bristle of the trees, and this unmoving support, this unshakable love, that had bonded among them all. He was baring himself to her, laying out his most honest, vulnerable answer. And without words, she was acknowledging it, giving space and honor to it.

"I'm incredibly thankful, you know," he pulled his eyes from hers and looked back to his line. "As afraid as I am, I'm grateful."

"For?"

"Kate," he smiled wide and warm as he said her name. "And Arthur." He laughed and shook his head. "You and Harry. Lilli and Ollie and Malcolm and Oscar..." He shrugged his shoulders and turned back to her, his smile open and inviting. "I'm thankful that this is all in place...now. First. Before."

She didn't know what to say, so she swallowed at the tears that were building in her throat and she nodded. They would always be there for him, just as he had always been there for them. This was how this family worked.

"I'm so happy I have this group around me as we move forward into what feels like uncharted territory, you know?"

"Sure," she whispered, unable to completely find her voice. "You know...you're going to be remarkable. As the heir and someday..." She trailed off, not sure she could actually put words to the inevitable reality. Not yet. "You're going to be remarkable."

"Hmmm," he smiled. Taking a breath, his lips twitched up in a smirk. "I'm not sure if that's a hint of the hustle Harry warned me about...." They both laughed at that. "But thank you." His eyes met hers in shared sincerity. "Thank you."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

It was the rain the ultimately drew them all back indoors. Though they had prepared for cold and drizzle, when it began to chase after them sideways, they all began to trickle back inside.

"You cooked?" Maddie looked to Bea as they all assembled in the kitchen, pouring drinks to warm up with. "Surely you shouldn't be expected to feed us twice."

"I know," she smiled, shrugging her shoulders lightly, glancing up at Eugenie and Kate who had helped. "But it was my favorite thing to do at Balmoral so..."

"Oh, I see." Maddie smiled, tears filling her eyes as she leaned in to hug Bea. "Well then, thank you."

"Thank you Bea," Will's smile was just as warm, his eyes just as emotional.

"Thank you Bea..." A chorus followed behind them as the room set into motion. Gathering plates and cups and utensils---all that had been used for generation after generation. As a great big group, they gathered around the table--where they had dined with The Queen--and they ate this wonderful meal that Bea had orchestrated--using recipes from Gran.

As dinner finished up and the family moved into one of the sitting rooms, they lit a fire and poured more drinks. As the sky grew darker and darker still, the rain settled in for the duration of the night and their thoughts turned from light and laughter filled to the more serious, the more somber.

Gran was gone. This woman they all adored, this woman they all revered, was gone from the earth. The next morning they were all heading back to London to face the fallout of that great truth. Some of them would be standing in vigil, some of them finding a way to face the public the next day, dressed in black and heavy expectations.

And the sadness, the uneasiness that came with this moment in time, was pulling at their fears, at their hearts.

"What about grandpa?" Beatrice's voice was a soft whisper, uneven with the worry. "How long does he make it without her?" Her eyes were wide and shining with tears as she looked to them for an answer she didn't really want from them.

It was Harry, sitting next to Maddie with his right hand on her knee and his left wrapped around his drink, who swallowed a sip and stared off into the night as he answered, "not long."

Beatrice nodded her head, blinking as tears slipped down her cheeks. Her sister, a stern look in her eyes, reached out to comfort her. "Harry."

"I'm sorry..." He looked to his cousins, feeling his own wave of emotions as he shrugged his heavy shoulders. "But it's true. They were together forever. I can't even imagine him without her and watching him this week..." He shook his head and looked down at his glass, taking a long, big drink.

"But some people make it," Eugenie glanced up around the room. "Look around you. Victoria made it for forty years without Albert. And Gan Gan..."

"That's true. But..." Clearing his throat, he leaned forward. "If you look back through history, it's never the men who survive long after their wives. It wasn't Albert surviving after Victoria. It wasn't the King surviving Gan Gan..." His Adam's Apple bobbed as he swallowed at the lump building in his throat. "It's only the women who can make it that long without us. Without you...the men, we're doomed. Peter, Mike...especially Will."

"Hey." Will answered almost reflexively.

"And me too..." Harry turned a tired, emotion-filled smile to Maddie. "I don't make it without you. I just don't." He looked back to the crowd, faces somber with understanding and sadness. "And Grandpa...I can't imagine he wants to make it much longer without her. They were together for seventy years. That's...a lifetime."

"It's true," Zara spoke up from her corner of the room, her eyes focused on the glass in her hands. "They weren't just....a couple. They were...." She trailed off with a shake of her head, turning her head to the side as she tried to collect herself. "I can't imagine he wants to be here without her."

There was a long, heavy moment there in the sitting room, all of their minds drifting over the loss of their grandmother, over what that meant for their grandfather, for their family. Tears were wiped or sniffed away, hands were clutched, and as couples pulled together, Harry tightened his hold on Maddie, the mere thought of walking without her making his heart ache.

And it was Kate, sitting on a couch with her long legs tangled with Will's, who put a strong, simple voice to it all. "It's just...it's all so incredibly sad."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"This is...." Will stood tall at the top of the hill, his hands on his hips as the drizzle wet his hair, his shoulders.

"Genius?" Harry offered, wiping the built up moisture from his forehead.

"Ridiculous," Will replied, turning to look at his brother. "It's three in the morning and it's freezing. And raining. And you want to roll down this hill....Where do you even come up with these ideas?"

"I don't know," Harry laughed, nodding his head towards the group. "But every single one of you followed me out, so..."

"I think it's a great idea," Peter offered, clapping his hand on Harry's back in support. "Let's do it. Let's roll down the hill." A round of drunken, goofy laughter flowed around them.

"But first..." Harry lifted the drink he had brought with him, smiling as he turned to his cousins, to his family. "To Gran."

Drinks were lifted and memories were drawn forward, and as they all took a second to remember her, to think of their fondest moments with her, of their lifetimes with her, they toasted her memory and took long pulls from their glasses--draining them all.

"Now?" Will sat his glass on the ground, lifting his eyebrows to his brother.

With a cheeky grin Maddie hadn't seen for some time, Harry nodded. "Now."

There were peals of laughter and wild screams as the tired, tipsy group ran forward, as they all jumped head first into this ridiculous, wonderful idea Harry had come up with.

At the bottom of that hill they were wet, they were muddy and more than a few of them were rubbing at newly formed aches, but they were smiling and they were crying.

And this was exactly why they had come.

As they all moved together, holding hands or hugging shoulders, they looked up through the rain at the beautiful Balmoral and they fell into silence.

With her arm wrapped around Harry's middle and her head tucked into his chest, Maddie sniffed and cried and held on tighter. It had been a long night, a long week, and tomorrow it all only got longer. It was time for bed, time to take a few hours of rest before they all boarded a plane back to London, back to the big, long good-bye they were saying.

Without words to that effect, they all began back up the hill, back towards the castle. All at their own paces, all with their own thoughts.

But Harry stood still the longest, staying there in the rain with his arms around Maddie until they were the only ones left. Holding her tighter, he bent to kiss the top of her head, his hands warm and strong as they rubbed up and down her back.

"Thank you for coming to Balmoral with me," his voice was heavy and low with emotion and the late hour.

"Of course," she nodded her head, pressing closer to his chest. "This was a great idea."

"It was," he took in a deep breath, let it out slowly.

"Are you ready for bed?" She turned her face up to look at him. "You have a long day tomorrow..."

"I do," he nodded in agreement. "But I'm not ready for bed. Not quite."

"No?" Her face scrunched up in confusion. "Something else you want to do?"

"Mmmm," he smiled down at her, his eyes sparkling in the moonlight night. Nodding his head off to the side, he took her hand in his and took a few steps backwards. "Come with me?"

"Of course," she nodded. "But where?"

Pulling her closer to him, he turned and they began to walk, Harry leading her off towards the side of the castle, around to the back. "I'm wondering if you've ever been to the greenhouse at Balmoral?"

Maddie stopped in her tracks, her lips turning up knowingly, her eyes narrowing at him. "Henry Charles...

"Oh no."

"Are you suggesting...." His grin slipped wicked and Maddie let out a wide laugh. "Henry Charles!"

"Come on," he pulled her back into motion. "My grandfather would be proud."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Saying good-bye to The Queen was easy for no one.

Not for the thousands of mourners who had stood in line for hours to view her lying-in-state, to say their final respects.

Not for the millions of viewers who sat glued to the television in a state of awe and reverence to watch the final stages of this larger than life farewell.

The morning after their trip to Balmoral came much too quickly and was much too real.

With headaches and hangovers and heavy hearts, they boarded the plane and returned to London. They hugged and kissed and parted ways with a great deal of love. Some of them went home to their families, to a somewhat relaxed evening before the big day.

And some of them went to answer a call to duty--one they were ready and honored to answer.

Dressed in uniform, Harry--along with Will, Peter and James--waited in silence behind closed doors at Westminster Hall, waited to take their places at the corners of The Queen's coffin. Waiting to relieve Charles, Anne, Andrew and Edward--who were already standing their own vigil.

It was one of the saddest, one of the most beautiful 'Changing of The Guards' Maddie had ever seen in her life. Dressed all in black, Maddie stood next to Kate, three of their children between them--Arthur, Lilli, and Ollie--and watched first a vigil from the children, then a vigil from the grandchildren.

And she cried. Oh how she cried. Watching Harry with his head bowed and his heartache clear on his face was too much to handle without shedding a few tears. She loved him so much and taking on the weight of his sadness with her own--it broke her heart.

And looking just over his heavy shoulders, looking just past him at the coffin they were guarding, it flooded her mind and her heart with memories, memories laden with emotion.  
Saying good-bye to the Queen was easy for no one.

Not for Maddie who stood in the crowd, not for Harry who stood guard, not for the family who watched as these four paid tribute to their grandmother, to their monarch. Not for the children who watched their fathers, their grandfathers struggle with their grief, with their duties.

They made it through the vigils, through the length and depth of it all and eventually made their way home to the rest of their family. They had dinner with Hannah and Collins, they had drinks with Ella and Bishop and they bathed and tucked in each and every one of their children.

And this night they slept because the next day, much was being asked of all of them.

Saying Good-Bye to The Queen.

Through the streets of London, with the steady cadence of the drums, the clop of the horse hooves, the well-choreographed marching and moving. In the early morning of that crisp, cool day, with everyone dressed in black, with tears just behind the somber expressions they wore on their faces, the family gathered to do what they must.

Saying Good-Bye to the Queen was easy on no one.

Not on the Foreign Heads of State who came from all the corners of the Earth. Not for the citizens who lined the streets to catch a glimpse--some of them camping out the night before.

The march from Westminster Hall to Westminster Abbey wasn't a long one and Queen Elizabeth the Second's entire family marched behind her coffin. It was the only thing that had changed in tradition over the hundreds of years before them, the only thing different from the final procession of Monarchs past.

It wasn't just the men who marched. It was the women too.

It seemed only fitting, for the longest reigning, well-respected, much revered Queen.

The service was televised, the tears and the smiles of the family and congregation documented for the world to see and share, for history to hold. And then they stepped back out into the open air. They nodded to the crowd and adjusted their hats and they escorted the Queen to her final resting place.

Saying good-bye to The Queen was easy on no one.

Not on Charles who cried when they interred her coffin. Not for Maddie who couldn't see through the tears in her eyes throughout the entirety of the music that was played.

And not for Philip who stood at attention, who was the absolute last one to leave the chapel that afternoon. Who was visibly shaken at having to leave his Lillibet there.

It was easy for no one. Not for Ollie who asked that the picture that hung in his room of him and gran be moved to his bedside table. Not for Lilli who seemed to carry the same sort of melancholy as her father.

Not for Harry who--after the whole long week of it all--finally sank onto their bed later that night and let his head hang into his hands while he cried.

Not for Maddie who wrapped her arms around him and did the same.

Saying good-bye to The Queen was easy for no one.

But saying good-bye to Gran was far, far worse.


	15. Chapter 15

** SUNDAY MORNING **

Maddie wasn't entirely sure where the pounding in her head was coming from; the headache that had been building all morning, the rush of her pulse racing through her veins, the nervous tap of her toes on the hardwood floor. Or maybe even the clock ticking away the seconds as she waited.

There, on the stairs in the entryway at Foxgrove with her bottom lip tucked between her teeth and her eyes trained on the front door, she waited. He was expected to be there any minute now and as ready as she was to see him after his weekend away, knowing the look that she would soon put on his face made her stomach turn.

She couldn't remember the last time she felt so... _horrible_. With her shoulders slumped and her lips twisted into a frown, her eyes seemed to be...lost. The ache inside of her didn't stop at her stomach. In fact it seemed to radiate from her heart.

The children were gone--spending the weekend with her mother since both she and Harry had been working most of it. Taking a long, slow deep breath hoping to calm herself, her eyes pressed closed and she conjured up images of them. Running wild and crazy with popsicle stained smiles and masses of messed up hair. The thought of them was enough to tug her lips up. But only for a moment.

As her fingers lifted to trace her smile, her eyes flew open and her smile faded and her stomach turned. And memories of what had happened rushed forward, flooding out all the good and reminding her why she was sitting there, what she was about to tell her husband.

About him. About what had happened.

She could almost feel his hands on her from when he had held her, could almost feel the heat from his lips when he had kissed her.

And the pounding in her head grew louder.

Tears welled up in her eyes and she hated that she was nervous, hated that she was afraid. Taking in slow, deep breaths, she hoped to calm herself before he got there, knowing if he saw her like this, he would assume the worst.

And this wasn't the worst. Not even close.

The sound of the tires on the gravel outside made her heart leap into her throat, her eyes flashing wide as her pulse jumped. And she knew she was being ridiculous--that she had no reason to worry, no reason to be afraid.

She had done nothing wrong.

Nothing had happened.

And even if it had...it was most certainly not her fault.

But as she listened to doors opening and shutting, to the sound of his feet on the walk, her stomach churned tighter. Because all she seemed to be able to remember was years ago when they had weathered the storm that was Cassandra, when they had made it through the fallout, Harry had sworn to her that if anyone tried to come between them again, he'd kill them.

And a part of her--a small but very loud part of her--wondered if out there in the world ** _he_**  was living his last day.

She wondered if Harry really would kill him.

Suddenly she was mad. Mad that she was spending this Sunday morning worrying about this, mad that her reunion with Harry was going to be marred with this. She was mad about all of it. Mad that he had thought he could lay hands on her, that he had the audacity to kiss her. She was mad about what this was going to do to Harry.

And she was mad and so very, very sad that she hadn't seen it coming. And she hadn't seen it coming. Not at all, not in the least.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

** FRIDAY ** ****

Though Charles' coronation was nine months away, the Changing of the Guard began right away. With the shifting of duties, both from the loss of the Queen and the decreased demands on Philip, Maddie and Harry found themselves busier than ever. As they headed into their first big weekend, they were heading into it alone--or at least without each other.

Later that evening Harry would be boarding a plane with his brother and heading to Ireland for a full day of events on Saturday. Maddie had her own full event schedule, all centered around her newly expanded role with The Prince's Trust. Even before Charles had ascended the throne, Maddie had been groomed and readied to take over for him--and now she was.

First there was a gala on Friday night, a luncheon on Saturday and Sunday would round it out with a celebrity polo match, starring her husband and her brother-in-law.

With the children already off with her mother and Collins for the weekend, Maddie was sitting in a chair in their large bathroom, relaxing as Tara worked on her updo for the event that evening, her gown hanging in their bedroom waiting for her to slip in. Harry, already packed for his trip and full of unexpended energy, was there with them. With a drink in his hand and a smirk of a grin on his face, he was chatting with Maddie and Tara--entertaining them with his questions.

"I'm still amazed that you can get it to stay so...." He bit his lip and shook his head, his eyes dancing as they glanced at Maddie.

"Watch it," she warned with a laugh.

"Tame," he went for it, taking a step back and out of Maddie's reach. "I mean, you should see it in the mornings, especially on the weekends."

"Harry Wales," Maddie tried to kick at him.

"You know it's true," he winked at her, taking a drink as Tara shook her head at him.

"Maybe you should find something else to do," Maddie's eyes narrowed at him, a playful warning in her stare.

"But I want to do this," he leaned back against the counter.

"Of course you do," she rolled her eyes and met Tara's smile in the mirror. "Can you believe this guy?"

"Yes Ma'am," Tara nodded, amused by the both of them, by their interaction with each other. She always had been.

"Don't you have to pack something for your trip?"

"Nope," he shook his head. "All packed."

"Notes to study?"

"Nuh-Uh. It's all in here," he tapped his head with his finger. "And with the children gone, it's just you and me..." His grin widened as Maddie groaned. "And Tara."

"Well Thank God for Tara," Maddie sighed, her mind shifting just a bit, moving to her busy weekend. Harry caught the look in her eyes and his mind shifted with hers.

"Nervous?" They both knew what he was talking about. Her eyes lifted up to his and she let out a breath, shaking her head slightly.

"No. Not really, not about the events at least."

"What about?"

Her smile shifted soft. "You'll laugh at me."

"Swear I won't."

"I'm nervous about...I'm nervous that people will be...disappointed."

"What?!" He let out a puff of a laugh, his eyes flashing wide and incredulous.

"Yes!" She waved her hand at him. "Your father has been their person all of these years and now that he's moved on..." She swallowed and shrugged her shoulders, looking off to the side. "They have somebody new. And it's not even a Prince. It's not even you or your brother. It's me."

"Oh Maddie," Harry shook his head, his disagreement with her read on the situation evident in the tone of his voice.

"And you know...who am I?"

"Really?" Harry lifted his eyebrows. "We're going to get into this?"

"You asked!" She countered with her own raised brow. "And you said you wouldn't laugh."

"I'm not laughing," he pointed his finger at her. "But I do think you're being ridiculous."

"Oh well thank you for that."

"And I think if we polled all of those people who are going to be there tonight---who by the way decided to be there after it was announced that it would be YOU...they would say that they would much prefer you over me or Will any day."

"Harry..."

"I'm serious," he held up his hands and glanced to Tara who was finishing up Maddie's hair. "Tara, back me up?"

"Me?" Tara's eyes went wide, just like her smile. "Well I know that I've always had a preference. But you know...she's just has so much more hair to work with than you or your brother."

"Ha!" Maddie's head tipped back in laughter, her nervousness slipping away as laughter surrounded them.

"Very true," Harry pointed at Tara, appreciating her humor. As he opened his mouth to say something more to his wife, the landline rang out and drew all of their attention. "Excuse me," Harry moved from the room to take the call.

Maddie closed her eyes and held up the shield as Tara sprayed her hair one last time, spinning her around to check all the minute details before declaring her finished.

"That was the front gate," Harry announced as he stepped back into the room. "Isaac's on his way."

"Time for the dress," Maddie clapped her hands together, waiting for Tara to take back her smock before stepping from the chair. "Thank you," she smiled at her before moving back into their bedroom, Harry following behind her as Tara began to clean up. "And thank you..."

"For?" Harry stood to the side, watching her as she moved about the room.

"For letting me have Isaac this weekend," she pulled stockings from her dresser drawer.

"Of course," he shrugged. "You have a busy weekend...and I'm being staffed by Will's office which, since he's become heir, has nearly doubled in size."

"Really?" She glanced up to him with surprise on her face.

"Mmm," he nodded. "You should see all the new people following him around."

"Oh God," Maddie laughed. "I bet he loves that."

"You know he does," Harry laughed along with her. "Alright love. I'm going to go down and greet Isaac, remind him to look out for you this weekend."

"Look out for me?" Maddie turned and watched him step from the room.

"Yes, look out for you," he met her gaze. "I'm leaving for Ireland tonight and you're going to be all alone....and looking like that..." His eyes ran over her, still half dressed for the event. "And I know your boyfriend is going to be at every event this weekend."

"Oh yeah?" The corner of Maddie's mouth pulled up in half a smirk. "Which boyfriend is that again?"

"Exactly," Harry shook a finger at her. "Finish up...I'll see you soon."

As Harry stepped from the room, Maddie laughed at his words, at his jokes and as she reached for her gown, she could feel a tug in her gut. She was going to miss him. She knew this was strategic, that it was better for her to step out in her new role with The Prince's Trust without Harry at her side, she knew that it was meant to show that it was her not him who was heading the helm. But she was going to miss him--in all of his sassiness.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Harry had been right, Maddie thought as she finished her speech and made her way back into the applause of the crowd. Her lips pulled higher--the same lips he had kissed mercilessly before she left him that evening--and she shook her head slightly. He had been right and, though she would never ever admit it, he nearly always was.

The gala had gone on without a hitch and everyone around her seemed more than thrilled to have her there. In fact, a few had even told her that exactly. As she returned to her table, she was greeted with the wide, beaming smile of one of them.

"Wonderful job, Your Royal Highness," Ethan, the President of the Board, was on his feet clapping, beaming at her as she took her spot next to him. With the slightest bow of his head, he made her laugh to herself.

"Thank you," she was sure she was blushing from the attention and was thankful for the dim lights in the room. As the crowd began to disperse, to take in more drinks, to mingle, Maddie reached for her glass and took a long sip of water. It had been a long day and it was only about to get longer.

"May I escort you around?" Ethan offered her his arm when she finished her drink. "Introduce you to a few people? Watch as they all take photos with you?"

"Of course," she nodded her head. Smoothing her hands down over her dress, she took a breath and took his arm.

"Right this way," his fingers were warm on hers as he patted her hand, his voice low as he navigated them through the crowd. "I think it would be remiss of me not to mention how beautiful you look tonight."

"Oh would it?" Maddie spoke under her breath, facing forward as they walked, as they had this quiet, private conversation.

"Absolutely," he sighed, nodding towards the opposite end of the room, letting her know where they were headed. "Your dress is amazing and your hair is impeccable and your smile..." He turned his own gorgeous smile to her. "Well that's bright and beautiful. As always."

"Good lord," Maddie murmured, shaking her head at him. "It's no wonder Harry warned Isaac about you."

She noticed only the slightest hesitation in his step, only the briefest moments of pause. "He what?"

Maddie chuckled. "He told Isaac to keep an eye on my boyfriend." Her hand tightened on his arm, giving him a little squeeze.

"And that's me?" He stood taller, his eyes dancing.

"It would appear so."

"Wow..." Ethan stood taller, his shoulders squaring. "Well I can't say that I'm not flattered."

"Thank you for that," Maddie teased.

"But I'm guessing he doesn't know then?"

"He?" Maddie asked.

"The young pup," Ethan nodded to Isaac who stood off to the side, his gaze set easily on Maddie and where she was going, who she was with.

"I'm sure he'd be thrilled to hear you call him that," Maddie shook her head, muffling a laugh. "And he doesn't know what exactly?"

His eyes met hers and his lips curled higher as he leaned in and lowered his voice. "That I'd actually prefer your husband over you?"

"Oh." Maddie's grin widened and she glanced to Isaac who was steady as he watched them, keeping his eyes on them as he had his own conversations. "No. I'm pretty sure Harry left that part out."

"Your husband enjoys messing with him?" He chuckled as he thought of Harry, a friend of his for years.

"Maybe a little bit," Maddie nodded, meeting his eyes and matching his conspiratorial tone.

"Testing his loyalties?" Ethan began to slow down as they approached the group he was moving her towards.

"Perhaps."

"And you, Duchess?" He lifted his eyebrows to her. "Are you going to tell him? Isaac I mean?"

"About you?"

"Mmm."

"No way," Maddie shook her head, her eyes bright and full of laughter. "It's a little bit of fun for me too."

"Lovely," he shook his head at her. "Though I should tell you. If my powers of observation are what they used to be...and they are...then I would have to say that 'because your husband asked him to' is not the only reason Isaac has had his eyes on you all night." As his own eyes swept over her, Maddie caught his meaning and her eyes blinked wide with surprise.

"No way."

"I know what I'm talking about."

"Not this time."

"Yes." He laughed, nodding his head definitively. "Yes this time."

"No," she shook her head, her smile pulling higher as she dropped his arm, ready to meet the crowd. "You're wrong."

"I'm never wrong. Not about this stuff," he reiterated before clearing his throat and standing tall. With his hand at her back, he turned his attention to the people in front of them, both of them ready to continue their work.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

** SATURDAY ** ****

When Maddie woke on Saturday morning, she was well rested and ready for another long day. Because the luncheon that afternoon was closer to Foxgrove and the polo match on Sunday even closer, she had gone straight out to their country home. Rising from bed, she showered and dressed casually, knowing she had a little bit of time before her day officially began. And when Harry called for a quick good morning before he was rushed off, she was more than happy to hear from him.

"I saw coverage of the gala," he was smiling on the other end of the phone. "You looked amazing and it seems as though all was well."

"It was," she agreed. "And you'll be happy to know that Isaac took your orders very seriously."

"Ha!" He let out a loud, wide laugh. "Good! Good! I have to keep him on his toes Maddie."

"Have to?" She laughed along with him, rolling her eyes and sighing as she poured herself a cup of tea.

"Tell me what your day looks like?" He moved the conversation forward as his time on the phone with her grew shorter.

"Only the luncheon this afternoon," she shrugged and then remembered. "OH! And Andrew Bradley called."

"Oh?" Harry's voice lifted. "For?"

"He has photos from Nepal that we weren't able to review because...because we were rushed back so quickly," she explained with a small sad frown. "Anyway, he offered to bring them by so we could see them."

"Ah," Harry nodded. "That's great. I'd love to see what he ended up with."

"Me too," Maddie agreed, her gaze shifting towards the windows, looking at the beautiful day outside. "I invited him out to Foxgrove after the luncheon, so they'll be here for you when you get in tomorrow morning."

"Perfect." Harry took a breath. "Tell him I said hello?"

"Of course."

"Okay love, it's time for me..." She could hear the slight regret in his voice. "Enjoy your time alone in the country."

"I will," she grinned. "I actually think I'm going to go for a walk. It's gorgeous outside."

"I'm jealous," he offered.

"You'll be back in time for polo?"

"Just barely."

"Good luck today Captain," she took a sip of her tea and sat it down on the counter. "I miss you."

"I miss you too baby. See you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow."

As their phone call drew to a close, Maddie stuffed her phone into her pocket and went to collect her Wellies, a light sweater. It was a beautiful morning and, with no responsibilities for a few hours, she was going to enjoy the weather and the property for a little while.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

She should have known better. She had lived in England for years and before that in places where the weather had been nearly as unpredictable. She really should have known better than to set out for a walk in the English countryside without an umbrella--no matter how beautiful the day had seemed.

But there she was. Walking through the grass and the mud--and the pouring rain.

She was soaked. From head to toe.

Well, not toe, she laughed at herself amusingly. She had worn Wellies so it seemed as though her toes were the only part of her body not sopping wet.

With a huff of personal frustration, she picked up speed, needing to get back to the house to clean up before Tara arrived to help her prepare for the luncheon. Surely the mud caked mess she was dealing with now was enough to frustrate even sweet, even-tempered Tara.

Taking a shortcut around the back, she made way for the riding arena, intent on cutting across and through the horse barn to get back to the house faster.

Wiping the rain from her forehead, pushing her hair back out of her eyes, she reached up and wrapped her hands around the top rung of the fence surrounding the arena, wedging one of her feet onto the bottom. With a deep breath, she pulled herself up and began to climb.

Jesus, she groaned at herself as she moved up the rungs of the fence, swinging her leg over the top so she could climb down. Climbing a fence in the mud, in a downpour. She should have known better.

Just as she managed to get herself on the other side of the fence, just as she lowered one foot to start down, a flash of lightning lit up the sky followed by a clap of thunder that nearly stopped her heart.

And down she went. With a gasp and a scream, she fell back off the fence, her leg twisting up on the bottom rung and her ass landing with a thud in the mud below her.

"Fuck!" She yelled out into the rain, closing her eyes for a moment as she took a deep breath, needing to get it under control. Opening her eyes, she sat up and leaned forward, reaching to free her twisted up boot from the rungs of the fence.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw him, and it was a good thing because if it had been left only to her sense of hearing, she wouldn't have known he was coming towards her. The rain was too heavy. But as his horse drew closer, could feel her embarrassment taking over for her frustrations and she moved to stand.

But the mud was thick and her footing was loose and she slipped.

"Easy there Lindeza," he called out to her, his smile wide and his accent heavy. His horse slowed to a stop and he hopped down from atop it. "Here, let me help you up." He extended his hand out to her and with a flushed face and very little pride left, she reached out and took it.

"Thank you," she sighed as he lifted her up onto her feet, making sure she was steady before he released her. "I was trying to hurry back to the house because I have this luncheon I need to get to and I was out for a walk without an umbrella and..." She pointed towards the direction from which she had come and her words drifted off. "Surely you don't care about any of that."

"Ah of course I do," he smiled down at her, his dark hair plastered to his forehead. "But how are you? That was quite a fall, did you hurt yourself? Your foot or your..." He trailed off, his eyes glancing at the bottom half of her.

Maddie's face turned bright red at the thought of him thinking of her ass. "I'm fine," she shook her head. "I'm...embarrassed," she sighed. "And late. But I'm fine."

"Don't be embarrassed," he shook his head and leaned in. "It'll stay just between us, I promise."

"Ha!" She laughed. "Thank you. But...wait. What are you doing out here? Today?"

"I play polo tomorrow," he reminded her. "With your husband, remember?"

"Ah yes," she nodded, faintly remembering Harry having told her that he would be playing on his team. But she didn't have time to get into all of it. "Well listen, I should probably..."

"How about a ride?" He nodded his head back towards the horse without taking his eyes from her.

"Oh no, I..." She began her protest, but he continued.

"With all due respect, I can see that you're having...trouble."

"Excuse me?" Maddie couldn't help but laugh at that. It was true.

"And it'll be faster," he grinned, his eyes dancing as he leaned in even closer. "And we wouldn't want you to be late for your...luncheon?"

Maddie sucked in a breath, her eyes looking to the horse and back to him. He was right. It would be faster than her mucking through the mud and, if she was honest, her ankle was starting to ache a bit. "Fine." She agreed a bit reluctantly. "Fine. Thank you. That would be...a ride would be nice."

"Maravilhoso," he beamed as he brought the horse closer. Climbing up with absolute ease, he held a hand out to her, ready to help her up. "Lindeza?"

For the second time that day, she sighed, swallowed her pride, and lifted her hand up into his.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

By some miracle she had made it in and out of the shower in time to be ready for Tara, though only barely. She had taken something for her ankle, for the general way her body seemed to ache now, and she had greeted her friend and stylist extraordinaire with a smile.

The rain had settled in over her part of the countryside and it was still coming down quite steadily when Isaac arrived to travel with her to the luncheon.

"Is everything okay Ma'am?" He had asked her from across the backseat of the car.

"Mmm," she turned a tired smile and a nod to him. "I just...miss my husband is all."

"I see," he returned her smile. "Would you like me to see if I can get you a flight to Ireland for after the luncheon?"

Maddie's eyes blinked in surprise. "But...it would only be for like a few hours. We have to be back first thing tomorrow morning."

"Yes Ma'am," he nodded.

"You can do that?" She lifted her eyebrows.

"I can," he nodded, sure and certain.

Maddie's smile pulled high and warm, her gaze drifting off past the windows as she thought of it, surprising Harry in Ireland for a night. "It's wonderfully tempting."

"Just...say the word."

"Thank you. But...I think I'll stay." She let out a long, heavy breath.

"You're sure?"

"I think so," she nodded. "I'm meeting with Andrew Bradley this afternoon and Harry will be up early and on his way in the morning anyway..." She shrugged. "Thank you though."

"Of course," he nodded. "Anytime."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Though the luncheon was wonderful, Maddie had never been so happy to be back at home. She had enjoyed herself immensely. The food was wonderful, the event had been spectacular, and she had been able to spend more time with Ethan. But, after a quick meeting in the office with Isaac, she walked him to the door and let her work life fade for the rest of the afternoon. She pulled the pins from her hair, tossed the fascinator aside and stepped out of her dress. Changing into comfortable clothes, she pulled her hair up and back and she settled onto her comfortable couch with a senseless magazine and her first glass of wine.

By the time the doorbell rang a few hours later, Maddie had finished her second and any aches that she had been feeling were all but gone. With pink cheeks and a slightly hazy smile, she answered the door.

"Andrew!" She clapped her hands together, happy to see him. She truly enjoyed his company and she had been excited to see his photos from their trip to Nepal since he had called.

"Your Royal Highness," he offered her a small bow of his head.

"Please," she waved her hand, leaning in to kiss his cheek in greeting before pulling at his arm, bringing him into the house. "Come in, come in." And he did. With his bag over his shoulder, he followed her inside, waiting for her to shut and lock the door before he followed her into the living room. "Please have a seat. I was just reading and having a little wine. Would you like a glass?"

"Wine?" He smiled. "In the middle of the afternoon? With the Duchess of Sussex?"

"I thought we agreed you'd call me Maddie," her eyes narrowed at him as she poured herself half a glass, reaching for an empty one for him.

"Yes," he nodded, his smile slipping higher. "I would love a glass, thank you."

"Here we go," she finished his pour and handed him his glass. Picking up her own, she moved to sit next to him on the couch, tucking her feet up underneath her. "Well?"

"Well?" He laughed. "You think I've brought you something?"

"I know you have," she nodded her head happily. "Now are you going to show them to me or..."

"Or?" He laughed, sitting his glass aside, he reached for his bag, pulling it up into his lap. "Can I be honest with you?"

"Of course," she answered, watching as he pulled out a portfolio of prints.

"I'm about ninety-five percent certain that in here..." He sat his bag down and placed his hands on the folio. "You'll find some of your absolute favorite photos of your family."

"Really?!" Her grin pulled wide across her face.

"Really," he couldn't help but match her smile, match her excitement. "I know they're some of mine." With a deep breath and a sense of pride, he handed it over. "Here you are,  _Maddie_." She snickered at that. "Let me know what you think."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"Oh my God," with the portfolio pressed to her chest and her head tipped to the side, she smiled at Andrew with a look of sincere appreciation. "These are phenomenal."

"Yeah?" He lifted his eyebrows to her, relieved.

"Yes!" She reached out to him, her hand resting on his arm as she nodded her head. "You were completely right. These are my favorite photos....ever." She laughed and sighed and looked down at the book in her hands. "The ones of the children building the school. OH! And the volleyball game. Andrew..." She looked up to him. "The shots you took of Harry and I that morning..." Her hand pressed to her chest over her heart. "They're all so beautiful. I have no idea how to thank you for these pictures, for capturing these moments for us."

"No, no," he shook his head. "I'm just happy you liked them."

"I loved them," she corrected him, then herself. "I love them. Very much."

"Good," he patted her hand still on his arm. "Good."

"Good," Maddie nodded, squeezing his hand in hers before he let go of her hand.

"You'll show them to Harry?" He cleared his throat, moving back as he reached for his glass. "Let me know what prints you want to release? Which ones you want copies of?"

"Absolutely," Maddie nodded. "We'll look them over tomorrow after the polo match."

"Wonderful," he finished his sip and sat down his glass, still mostly full. "Well then, I think maybe it's time for me to excuse myself, head back to the city."

"Are you sure?" Maddie watched him as he rose to his feet. "You could stay and finish your drink? Or stay for dinner?"

Looking down at her on the couch with her easy smile and her welcoming nature, a great big part of him wanted to say yes, wanted to continue there in her presence, in her company. But before he could answer, her phone rang out into the room and her attention was diverted--thankfully--from him.

"This is Maddie," she smiled at him as she rose to her feet, pressing her phone to her ear as she lifted a finger to him, asking him to wait.

"I'm so sorry to bother you Ma'am," Isaac's voice was on the other end of the phone. "But I'm missing my cellphone and I think there's a chance I left it with you at Foxgrove."

"Oh..." Maddie smiled, moving from the living room on her way to retrace the steps they had taken that afternoon. "And where are you calling me from?"

"A booth Ma'am," he let out a slightly embarrassed sigh.

"A phone booth?" Maddie laughed, surprised. "I suppose I wasn't sure those were still operational."

"Well they are Ma'am," he laughed along with her. "Again, I'm really sorry to bother you."

"No, no," Maddie shook her head, her eyes scanning the entryway. "No bother. Let me just...Oh!" Her eyes focused in on the floor just next to the stairs. "There it is. I have your phone Isaac."

"Oh Thank God," his relief was evident even through the phone. "Would it be a terrible imposition if I came back for it? I'm not too far away and..."

"It wouldn't be an imposition at all," she shook her head with a soft smile. "I'm just going to sit it here on the stand and we'll both be here when you get here."

"Fantastic," he sighed. "I'll be there shortly."

"Looking forward to it," Maddie smiled, setting the phone on the table next to the door. As the rain began to fall again outside, she ended the call, stuffed her phone in her pocket and turned back into the entryway. Turning back towards the living room, towards Andrew, she realized that her afternoon had turned out so much more relaxed than her morning and for that she was thankful.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

** SUNDAY MORNING **

She hadn't seen it coming, not even close.

Even now, in those brief heart-pounding seconds before Harry opened the door, when she looked back over what had happened the night before, she had been clueless. Right up until the moment he had kissed her. She had been clueless. But her time for reflection was over. She couldn't think about it anymore.

Harry was home.

As the door swung open, she could barely breathe, could barely hear over the sound of her heart in her ears. And when he stepped through the door, with his wide, easy smile, she nearly started to cry.

"Hey!" His voice was bright and chipper, his eyes full of light and excitement to see her. He tossed his bag to the ground without thought as she shakily rose to her feet.

"Hey," she smiled despite herself, taking a deep breath as he moved towards her, his arms open and eager to have her in them.

"Hello," his voice was a low rumble as he dipped to kiss her, wrapping her up in him. "God I missed you."

"I missed you too," she whispered into his neck, her eyes pressing closed as she momentarily forgot what she was about to tell him.

He kissed her cheek, her temple, and then he pulled back, his eyes searching for hers.

And he saw it. The blink. The hesitation. He caught it and she knew it. The moment had passed and her heart was heavy again.

"You okay?" His eyes narrowed as he studied her.

She took a deep breath and held his gaze. "No." She shook her head. "Not okay. I...I have something to tell you. Something you should..." She shook her head again, her eyes rolling slightly. "Jesus. Something I suppose you should know."

"Oh-kay," his arms crossed over his chest and he watched; waiting, confused by her demeanor, by the way she was in the room. "Maddie, whatever it is, whatever this is about, you can tell me."

As her eyes welled up with tears and her throat grew tight, Maddie wished she could go back to last night, wished she hadn't decided to stay at Foxgrove, wished she had gone back to Kensington or gone to Ireland when it was offered. She wished she had made a different decision. For as much as what happened wasn't her fault--and it wasn't--she wished she could just make it all go away.

But she couldn't. So she sucked in a deep breath, opened her mouth, and let it all out.


	16. Chapter 16

"Oh-kay," his arms crossed over his chest and he watched; waiting, confused by her demeanor, by the way she was in the room. "Maddie, whatever it is, whatever this is about, you can tell me."

As her eyes welled up with tears and her throat grew tight, Maddie wished she could go back to last night, wished she hadn't decided to stay at Foxgrove, wished she had gone back to Kensington or gone to Ireland when it was offered. She wished she had made a different decision. For as much as what happened wasn't her fault–and it wasn't–she wished she could just make it all go away.

But she couldn't. So she sucked in a deep breath, opened her mouth, and let it all out, the anxiety flowing from her as the words did.

"You were right." It was soft and breathless, but it was the beginning and it was the truth.

"Yeah?" With an arched eyebrow, he studied her for a moment, the absolute sense of resignation in her voice amusing him just a bit. "I mean...I have been right before but you've never taken it quite this badly."

"Harry..." Her eyes welled up as a hint of a smile curled her lips.

Taking a step towards her, wanting to comfort her for whatever distress it was she was feeling, he asked. "What was I right about?"

"Caua," she hated the way his name felt on her lips. "You were right about Caua." In a blink of her tear filled eyes, she saw it hit him, she watched as an instant revelation washed over him. His jaw tensed and his eyes darkened and he knew.

He knew exactly what she was talking about. She reached out to him on instinct, even though she was nervous, even though she was afraid.

"What happened?" His voice was harsh and clipped and revealed only a fraction of the anger that was beginning to bubble up.

"Harry..." Her voice was soft, sweeter than it had been all day.

"Maddie," she could see the muscles in his arms tighten and tense. "What. Happened?"

"He..." Her stomach turned as she remembered it. Gulping, she tried to shake it off. But she couldn't. She had to tell him; now, here. So she nodded her head and took a breath and told him. "He kissed me. I...I didn't see it coming and I smacked him in the face when he did it but...he did. He kissed me."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

** SATURDAY NIGHT ** ****

It wasn't long after Andrew had left Foxgrove when Maddie heard the knock on the door. She had been a little sad to lose her company, but she understood. He had insisted on getting back to the city. So she had walked him to the door and hugged him good-bye and thanked him, again, for the beautiful photos.

She had thought she had a little longer before Isaac made it back for his phone so she poured herself another glass of wine and she turned on music and with the sound of rain in the background, she laid back on her couch and closed her eyes and let it all just...settle.

The heavy knock on the door drew her up from her moment of peace. Tossing aside her blanket and reaching for her glass, she hurried towards the door, ready to tease Isaac about leaving his phone behind. But when she opened the door, it wasn't the young man who she had been expecting.

"Lindeza," his voice was low and heavily accented, his smile wide and charming.

"Caua," Maddie blinked in surprise, glancing around behind him. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry to bother you," he laughed, wiping at the wet hair on his forehead. "I was just leaving for the day and thought I would come by and check on you." He leaned in towards her, his voice lowering even more so. "And your injuries from earlier." With a wink of his eye, he grinned down at her.

Caught off guard by the look on his face, by the tone of his voice, Maddie was sure she flushed red, sure her forehead crinkled in confusion. Seizing that opportunity, he continued on.

"Would it be okay if I came in from the rain for a moment?" He lifted his eyebrows and Maddie glanced back at the rain pouring down behind him and, even though in hindsight she would regret it, she stepped back and to the side, opening the door.

"Sure," she gestured for him to join her.

"Obrigado," he nodded his head to her, stepping through her open door, into her entryway. Into her home. Rubbing his hands through his damp hair, he turned to watch Maddie as she shut the door behind him. "How was your...luncheon?"

"It went really well, thank you," she smiled as she remembered. "And thank you. For helping me up and bringing me back to the house. I'm sure that without you I would have never made it in time."

"You're welcome," he shrugged his shoulders "Though it really was no trouble at all."

"Either way I appreciate it," she took a sip from her glass, "I'm sorry. That's terribly rude of me. I was just enjoying a glass of wine and listening to some music," she nodded towards the living room. "Would you care for a glass or are you heading back to the city..."

"I would love one," he answered her question before she was even finished. "I would love to have a glass of wine with you. Thank you."

"Of course," Maddie nodded politely. "Come on in, let me pour you a drink."

And just like that, with a familiar ease he seemed to always have, he followed her inside, through the living room and into the kitchen. Because in his own mind, he would have been a fool not to.

"Where is Harry this evening?" Caua asked casually, leaning back against the island in the kitchen as Maddie poured a glass of wine at the counter across from him.

"He's in Ireland," she turned back to him, holding out a glass which he graciously took. "Flying back in time for the match tomorrow morning."

"I see," he took a sip from his glass, smiling appreciatively. "And the children?"

"With my mother in France until Monday," Maddie softened as she thought of them. "We were both booked solid this weekend so they took in some grandma time."

"Wonderful," he nodded, relaxing back against the counter, watching as Maddie did the same opposite him. "So you're all alone then?"

"I suppose so," she shrugged lightly. "Though not right now..." She nodded to him.

"No," he shook his head, his eyes lighting up. "Not right now."

"You said you were just finishing up for the day?"

"Mmm," he nodded, taking another drink. "I ran a few of the ponies, cleaned them up. Trying to brush up my skills for tomorrow morning."

"Sure," she nodded.

"And as I was driving by, I remembered our... _meeting_  early this morning and I had to stop by and see how you were feeling."

"Oh I'm fine," Maddie waved it off though she could feel her cheeks blush from embarrassment. "I was a little sore earlier but in the end, all that was really hurt was my pride." Her eyes shifted away from his, only slightly mortified that he had witnessed her fall.

"No, no," his voice was soft as he moved away from the island, as he moved over towards her. "Don't do that Lindeza." He came to a stop in front of her, bending just a little to meet her eyes. "If you had any idea how many tumbles I've taken over the years."

"Is that so?"

"It is," he nodded with a chuckle. "So many. Thousands probably."

"Thousands?" Maddie snickered into her glass, her mind remembering several of Harry's falls, guessing that the professional in front of her had probably taken a few himself.

"Thousands," he grinned. "Here. Let me show you." Maddie didn't even think twice as he put his glass on the counter and rolled up his sleeve. "Here, see this?" He pointed to a scar on his forearm. "I was taking a swing and a tree branch caught me."

"Ow," Maddie grimaced.

"Yes," he laughed. "Ow. And this one..." He pointed to a rough line on the bottom of his chin. "My pony came to a complete stop." Maddie tipped her head to the side to see. "And I did not."

"Oh no!"

"That's right," he nodded with a loud, easy laugh. "I fell right over the top of her. Blood, everywhere."

"Oh God," Maddie giggled, taking another sip of her glass.

"That's right," he was happy she was laughing, pleased she wasn't so embarrassed any more. "And here..." He unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt, shifting it to the side, pointing to his collar bone. Maddie, setting her glass aside, leaned in slightly to look.

"What happened there?" She couldn't see anything.

"I wasn't even playing," his eyes lowered to look at her, his voice dropping. "I was brushing my pony's mane and I tripped."

"You tripped?" Her eyes turned up to him.

"On my own riding boots," he smiled, shrugging slightly, staying close to her. "And I landed on my tack box. Broke my collar bone." Maddie grimaced and Caua leaned in just a tiny bit more. "So don't be so hard on yourself Lindeza. We all fall down..."

"But," Maddie countered, pointing her finger at him. "Did you have witnesses for all of yours?"

"Every single one," he retorted, eyebrow arched. "Even the collar bone."

"Oh man," Maddie shook her head, amused at his admissions.

"And," he took a deep breath and sighed. "It just so happens that the witness to your tumble, only finds you to be...more charming."

"Charming?" Maddie repeated, her nose scrunching up in confusion, thrown by his comment, by his choice of words.

"Mmm," he smiled, leaning in just a fraction closer--a move she noticed this time. "And beautiful."

"Caua," she shook her head, every single one of her alarms sounding off at once.

"You're so beautiful," he smiled down at her, soft and sweet and it was the strangest thing when his hand lifted, his fingers wanting to touch her face.

And panic flooded her senses. She meant to move, she tried to back up but the counter was behind her and she wasn't fast enough. Seizing her moment of absolute shock, he moved in.

Before she could open her mouth to protest more boldly, he was there.

He was  _everywhere_.

His fingers reached her face just as his lips did.

In that split second of time that he connected with her, she could feel the heat in his fingers, the determination in his lips that were hot and wet on hers.

And it shook her. Snapping out of the shock at having somebody other than Harry move in on her, she put her hands in the middle of his chest and she pushed.

"No!" The word was muffled as she tore her mouth away from his. "What are you doing?!" She slid to the side, moving out from between him and the counter, wiping at her mouth with the back of her hand.

"No, no," he shook his head at her, reaching out for her again. "Wait just a second..."

"NO!" She shook her head, pointing towards the door. "No wait, no nothing. Get out. Get out now."

"But I thought..."

"You thought what?!" She demanded, tears rising in her eyes as fury filled her veins.

"I thought that you and I had something..."

"Wrong," she cut him off, her head shaking quickly. "Whatever it is that you thought, you thought wrong."

"Lindeza..." His voice softened as he took a step towards her.

"Don't call me that!" She yelled taking a step back. "Don't you fucking call me that again."

"Madeline," he laughed lightly and she felt sick at his casual use of her name. "I think maybe you're overreacting just a bit."

"You want to see an overreaction? Wait till I call for my PO."

"Now wait a second," he held up his hands. "I only thought that maybe you and I could..."

"No," she cut him off, the absurdity of the notion evident in her voice in her twisted up expression. "No. You and I cannot."

"Even if I promised you would enjoy yourself?"

Fighting back the bile that was rising in her throat, Maddie spoke through clenched teeth. "That will never, ever happen."

"But you and I, we have amazing chemistry, no?" He frowned at her, trying to be cute but only making himself appear more of an asshole.

"No!" Her eyes were wide, her head spinning at the craziness of this conversation. "We don't have amazing chemistry, we have no chemistry. And I...I am in love with my husband. I don't cheat on my husband."

"Your husband?" He laughed again, a noise that was beginning to piss her off. "I love my wife too but..."

"Wife?" Maddie hadn't thought she could be more shocked, but she was. She had had no idea he was married. "You have a wife?"

"Of course I have a wife," he tossed her that charming, disgusting smile of his. "And we've both taken lovers throughout the years. It's never been a problem."

"I..." She trailed off, stunned. "Well I don't, we don't. Harry and I we don't take lovers."

He nodded his head, smiling as he leaned forward. "You know, if it's secrecy you're worried about, I can guarantee you that he would never have to find out."

Maddie's gaze turned dark, even scary. Nobody came between her and Harry. Certainly not this guy. "Oh no Caua, that's where you're wrong. He absolutely will find out. About everything that's happened here tonight."

"Come on, don't be such a child, Lindeza," he took a step towards her, reaching out for her as though he actually believed he could still convince her.

When his fingers wrapped around her arm, Maddie felt a jolt of anger rush through her and without any sort of hesitation, she slapped him as hard as she could.

His hand pulled back from her, rubbing at the red print on his face as he mumbled something she couldn't understand, something she was sure wasn't sweet and charming.

"You're done here." She stepped back and away from him, her hand raised in warning. "Done. Fired. I don't want to see your face again and, if you're smart, you'll pack up and go far away before..."

"Before what?"

"Before my husband gets home."

He shook his head at her again, but he didn't move, didn't budge. "There's no need for him to..."

"GET OUT!" Her voice rang out into the room, cutting him off and making him jump. "No need for him to know?! You don't get to decide what my husband needs to know! Now get the HELL out of my house before I..."

"Ma'am?" Isaac's voice startled them both when he stepped into the room. "I heard yelling and let myself in..." He explained to Maddie alone and when she looked past Caua and saw his face, she felt calmer; safer. Lifting his hand in the air, he held up the panic button he carried when he was with them. Without even looking to Caua, he met her eyes and held them. "Do you want me to press this?"

"No," she whispered, shaking her head as her panic eased. Looking to Caua, she stood taller, pulled herself together. "Get out. Of my house, of my life. Get out now."

As Isaac stepped further into the room, he moved to stand next to her, his body between hers and Caua's. "You heard her."

Rubbing at his face, Caua appeared annoyed, irritated with them both, with the way things had gone. Mumbling something in Portuguese, he moved towards the doorway. Turning once, he looked to Maddie. "It's unfortunate that things had to be like this."

Saying nothing, Maddie stood tall and steady and held his gaze until he broke, turning and stepping out of the room.

Only when she heard the front door close did she let out the breath she was holding, only then did she let her guard down.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

** SUNDAY ** ****

Harry was very quiet as he watched Maddie tell the story, as he watched her go through the events of the night before. Almost too quiet. When she finished, she lifted tired eyes to his, she took a deep breath and she waited for his response, for whatever fallout came as a result of this. Though she knew it was right to tell him, knew it was right to tell him as soon as possible, she hated laying this down on him before he was meant to play a match, before they had to be out in public.

When Harry spoke, his voice was low and quiet. "Did he hurt you?" He looked her over, concern flashing across the anger that was etched in the lines of his face.

"No," she whispered as tears filled her eyes. "It wasn't like that. It was..." A chill ran through her as she shook her head. "It was...he was hitting on me. He thought we were...flirting, I guess." Her hand pressed to her stomach as it swirled, her lips turning down in a frown as she remembered. "God Harry, I should have known better than to let him in, to give him wine. I should never have gotten into that conversation and..."

"Stop," his eyes closed as he shook his head, his hand raising to halt her words. "Should have known better?" When his eyes open, they were wide. "How many times should you have to tell somebody  _no_  before they..." He sucked in a breath. "Before they fucking listen to you?"

"Once," she whispered, knowing he was right but feeling guilty anyway. "But..."

"No buts," he shook his head. "This isn't your fault baby." He moved then, his arms uncrossing as he reached for her. His hands were warm and solid on her shoulders. "Listen to me, this isn't your fault."

Something in his voice, in his words, in his kindness when she expected nothing but anger, brought a fresh round of tears to her eyes. "You're not mad?" Her voice cracked as she looked up to him with wide eyes.

"At you?" His head tipped to the side, his thumbs stroking softly on her shoulder. "No, love. I'm not at all mad at you."

"Oh thank God," she let out a breath she had been holding since the night before. Rushing forward into his arms, she hugged him close, pressing her face into his chest and thanking God for so very many things.

"But him," Harry's arms tightened around her, his jaw flexing as he thought of Caua, as he imagined him there, in his house with his wife. "Him, I'm going to fucking kill."

"You don't have to worry about him," she shook her head, pulling back to look up at him. "I sent him away last night. I fired him and told him to be far, far away from here." Wiping at her tears with the back of her hand, she sighed. "The way he looked when I slapped him, when he left...I don't think you'll ever see him again."

"All the better for him," Harry nodded, offering her a small smile, his hands rubbing up and down her back. "We should really get ready for the match. Do you need anything before we go?"

"I..." She blinked, a little thrown by his easy transition. "No, I guess I don't. I just have to get dressed. Harry are you..." She shook her head. "I don't know. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Me?" He pressed his hand to his chest. "I'm fine." He leaned in to kiss her forehead. "I'm glad you're okay and I'm sorry he did this to you...I'm really sorry that he's not standing here to face what's coming to him..."

"What's coming to him?" She repeated quietly.

"I told you before love. If somebody ever tried to come between us again..." He shrugged his shoulders. "I'd kill them."

"I..." Maddie blinked.

"Come on," he kissed her again and started for the stairs. "Let's get dressed. Isaac will be here shortly to take us to Beaufort and I think we're both a little underdressed."

"Sure..." Maddie watched him as he went up a couple of stairs before he stopped and looked to her, encouraging her to join him.

And she did. She followed behind him, ready to get dressed, to get to work. But for as calm as he was, as okay as he seemed, she knew there was something more. Something was off. His posture, his stance, the way the muscles in his shoulders, his arms, his neck, all seemed tighter, all seemed tense as if they were geared up and ready to strike at any moment.

And she knew better. Harry was focused, determined--nothing if not a professional. So he was going to get dressed and ready for the polo match. But the blue in his eyes was darker, the angle of his jaw sharper. This was far from over and God help Caua if he hadn't heeded her warning and left town.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

When they arrived at the polo field, they were both dressed to go to work; him to play, her to represent The Prince's Trust, to make a speech with Ethan and hand out the awards to the winners at the end. The two of them, along with Isaac, rounded to the back of the car so Harry could grab his riding gear.

"Listen Isaac," Harry spoke quietly to the young man standing tall next to him. "Maddie told me all about what happened last night..."

"Yes Sir," Isaac nodded as he moved in closer, spoke quieter--an instinct that had been trained into him.

"And there's something I wanted to tell you," Harry swung his bag up over his shoulder and glanced out over the polo field, nodding to where The Prince's Trust board was gathering. "Ethan..."

"Yes?" Isaac looked to the tall, handsome man, as inconspicuous as possible.

"Yeah," Harry let out a breath and shrugged his shoulders. "He's gay." Shutting the trunk of the car, he turned towards the field, following behind Maddie as they headed towards their day.

"I'm sorry..." Isaac shook his head with a small laugh. "Did you just say..."

"Yep," Harry nodded, the faintest hints of a grin peeking out through the somber expression he had carried all morning. "Gay."

"But you..." Isaac glanced back to Maddie who was just in front of them.

"I did," Harry shrugged again, his head kicking to the side with softer eyes.

"You were testing me," Isaac pointed to him.

"I was," Harry sighed. "But after last night..." He looked to Maddie and his jaw tightened. "Test over."

"Perfect. That's just..." Isaac shook his head, laughing slightly at the notion of the Duke testing him out, messing with him when he wasn't even there. But the laughter faded instantly when Maddie came to a complete stop in front of them.

"Maddie?" Harry's attention shifted instantly, his eyes taking in the look on her face before following her gaze out to the field.

And then he saw him.

"Oh my God," she whispered, completely stunned to see him there, just walking around with that damn grin, with that fucking swagger. It made her stomach turn.

"That's a hell of a lot of nerve," Isaac spoke under his breath before he could catch himself. But nobody seemed to care in the least about his slight slip in professionalism.

Especially Harry who, standing stock still and ready to strike, looked about as menacing as either of them had ever really seen him.

With his gaze fixed on Caua, he began to walk again.

With panic in her eyes, Maddie gulped and moved in next to him. "Harry..."

"Maddie..." His voice was steady, his focus unbroken even as his pace increased.

"Harry, please stop." Her voice was quiet and rushed and she glanced back at Isaac for what, she wasn't sure. Help maybe.

"Maddie, that man came into my house..."

"I know it," she whispered.

"And he cornered my wife..."

"Harry..." Her hand reached out to his arm and he flinched, as though she had struck him. Stopping, he turned to face her.

"And look at you!" Emotion took over his voice. "You're shaking and you're afraid and the look on your face when you saw him..."

"I know it," she shook her head, trying to shake it off. "But what can you possibly do about it right now?"

"What can I...Ha!" He let out an exasperated laugh, running his hands through his hair as he moved in closer to his wife. With Isaac standing just a bit away from them, his eyes up and watching for anyone watching them, Harry lowered his voice and reached out to stroke her cheek. "I love you..."

"I love you too," she reached up for his hand, but he pulled it back.

"And I told you what I was going to do," with a seriousness that made her heart drop into her stomach, he stepped away from her and was back in motion, back to his mission.

"Jesus..." She hurried after him, trying to keep her outward appearance from mirroring the panic that had taken over inside. "Harry," she caught up to him. "You can't kill him..."

" _Can't?!"_  He turned back to her then and if the look on his face weren't enough to make her see just how much he meant it, his words were. "I've killed men before Maddie. For reasons that some would say were less than this. I can't?"

Blinking at the tears in her eyes, tears of worry, tears of fear, she grabbed his arm and held on, not letting him move away from her. "Please." When he went to pull away, she tightened her hold on him. "We are in public, at a charity polo match. The media is here, the Prince's Trust...Harry. We have four babies at home and....please," she moved in closer, seeing his momentary lapse in determination. "Please. I know that you can...I know that you want to but you shouldn't. You shouldn't."

It took a very long time there on that hill. With his eyes closed and Maddie's hands on him, he took several deep breaths and he pulled up images of his children. And finally, with great reluctance, he opened his eyes.

"Fine." He could barely speak through his clenched jaw. "I won't kill him." Maddie felt her tension ease just a little. "But I swear to God, Madeline, if he comes near you, I'm going to tear that charming fucking smile of his right off his face."

As he turned towards the field, as he moved down the hill, neither Maddie nor Isaac had any sort of doubt about the sincerity of his words.

Maddie gulped, took a deep breath, and fell into step with her husband, hoping against hope that Caua didn't have a death wish and stayed far, far away from her.

And he did. Though he knew when they arrived, the buzz of excitement traveling through the crowd at the arrival of the Duke and Duchess. Though he absolutely looked over to where she was standing, where she was working with The Prince's Trust, Caua had enough sense about him to stay away from her.

But he couldn't avoid Harry. They were playing on the same field, on the same team, and the menace in his glare couldn't be missed.

As the players began to mount their horses, as they made their way to the field, Harry climbed atop his pony and adjusted the reins in his hand.

"Captain..." Maddie called up to him from where she stood next to his horse. And her soft, sweet voice was about the only thing that could pull him back from where his mind was at the moment.

"Yes?" He smiled down at her, a sight that made Maddie breathe a little easier.

Reaching up to him, she took his hand and pulled. Leaning up on her toes, she kissed him, warm and solid on the mouth. "I love you."

"I love you too," his eyes met hers and she could see her husband in there.

"Behave," she lifted her eyebrows hopefully.

Kissing her once more, he squeezed her hand and let go. Readjusting his grip on the reins, his eyes moved back to the field. "I always do." With a nudge to the pony, he was gone, out of her reach and out of her influence.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"So listen," Bishop's voice was low as he moved to stand next to Maddie. Having come to support his friends, to support the organization, he had been watching the first half of the match and he had noticed the way Harry was playing. And the way Maddie was watching him play. "I know that you and I recently made peace with our...involvement in each other's relationships..."

"Uh-huh," Maddie nodded, her eyes not moving from her husband who rode past them, charging down the field with an anger-filled determination.

"But I've noticed your husband playing a bit..." He frowned, thinking over his word options for a moment. "Reckless?"

"You think?" She turned wide eyes to him and in those eyes, Bishop saw it--a reason for concern.

"Yeah," he breathed. "He's riding harder than normal, playing looser than normal and twice he's nearly swung his mallet into Caua's face, and the guy's on his team."

"I know," Maddie's eyes closed for a minute as she swallowed back her nerves.

"So I had to ask," he looked apologetic. "I couldn't help it, it's in my nature..." Leaning in closer, he lowered his voice. "You two doing okay?"

"Harry and I?" She smiled, nodding her head quickly. "Yeah. Harry and I are fine."

"Okay," he nodded with a matching smile. "Good. Then listen, when this match is over, maybe you slip into the locker room? Check on the guy?"

"Ha," Maddie blinked, trying to keep her nerves in check, trying to keep from crying. But she was so tired and she had been on edge since the night before and the way Harry was playing, the way he was swinging, she really had no idea how all of this was going to turn out. "I think I'm the last person who should step into the locker room."

"Hey..." Bishop softened next to her. "You okay?"

She nodded her head, pulling herself back together. But when her eyes lifted to look at him, they were wide and pleading. "Maybe you should go check on him?"

"Me?" He smiled, pressing his hand to his chest. "I'm not sure how I could..."

"You were right Bishop," she let him in. "About Caua," she nodded her head to the field. "He wasn't just being friendly. He..."

"Jesus," Bishop exhaled the word, her words settling over him, the play on the field instantly making sense.

"Would you go?" She looked up at him, hopeful. "Would you go check on him? Make sure he's not...Jesus...make sure he's not going to kill him at Beaufort Polo Club?"

"Yes," Bishop nodded, his hand comforting on her shoulder as he moved away from her.

"Thank you," she called back to him, watching as he made his way towards the locker room. Her eyes shifted out to the field just in time to see the players round up and ride off for a break. With a deep breath, she pulled the smile to her face and she turned to find Isaac, to find Ethan, to do the work she was there to do while the riders took a break. And she hoped that Bishop would get to the locker room before any real damage was done.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Bishop had just found Harry in the locker room when Caua came in, a blaze of fury and anger and what Bishop instantly recognized as a mouthful of cursing in Portuguese.

"Cabrão!" His voice boomed as he stepped into the room, looking across the handful of men who were there, right to Harry who stood on the other side next to his brother. Will glanced up in confusion, looking between the two men just as Caua set out towards them. His eyes were blazing, his shoulders set. "Filho da puta...you son of a bitch!" He was heading right for Harry and everybody could see that.

"Me?!" Harry stood up, stood tall. With squared shoulders and a puffed up chest, it was clear to everyone in there that he was more than ready for this.

"Yes you!" Caua yelled out, the men around them moving into place, not sure what was happening, but ready to prevent it. "You've come within millimeters of my face with that mallet of yours, more than once. Damn near nicked me..."

"Is that so?" Harry lifted his eyebrows mockingly. "Maybe I should work on my aim."

"And maybe I should see if the lovely Duchess would take a look at it for me," Caua knew exactly what he was doing, exactly which buttons he would pushing. He had intended to spur him on and it worked.

All measures of reserve slipped away as Harry lunged forward and all the men around jumped into motion, holding the two of them apart. With Will on one side and Bishop on the other, Harry struggled to get to Caua--who himself was being deterred by two other men, all of them thinking this was about the play on the field.

"Let go of me!" Harry tried to jerk free from their grasp. "I am going to fucking kill him."

"I would love to see you try," Caua surged forward. "Desgraçado."

"What in the hell are you doing?" Will spoke low to his brother. "You need to back down off this right now. You're too old for this, too smart for..."

"He kissed Maddie," Harry's voice was low and dark, just like his eyes.

"What?" Bishop looked up at him, over at the tall Brazilian who seemed to be ready to spar.

"He cornered her in the fucking kitchen at Foxgrove and forced himself on her," Harry spoke to his friend, to his brother.

And Bishop, being who he was, nodded his head and released his hold on Harry. Because he understood completely and he wasn't going to be the one who kept Harry from taking a much deserved swing at this bastard.

"Seu merda," Bishop muttered, standing aside and watching as Harry went after him.

But Will was quick and had a cooler head than the two of them. Stepping right in front of his brother, he put his hand on his chest and very calmly, he told him. "Back up."

"I swear to God, Will if you..."

"Back up and walk out of here. Right now." He moved in closer, his voice lowering so this conversation was just between them. "Look at me. Listen to me." Harry's eyes snapped to Will's. "I know you want to hit this guy."

"I want to fucking pummel this guy."

"He walks out of here with a black eye? With a bloodied lip? You know what happens next." His eyebrows rose as his hand settled on his brother's shoulder. "People are going to wonder what in the hell happened in here. Then they're going to look over the footage of the match, of every swing you nearly took at his face. Then they're going to dissect the pictures of your wife and then...the rumors are going to start."

"God damn it Will," Harry was huffing, furious and upset and so full of anger.

"You know it's true," Will squeezed at his shoulder. "Don't do this. Don't make it worse for Maddie. Take a deep breath and turn around and walk out of here with Bishop." He looked to Harry's best friend who stood ready to go--no matter the decision that was made.

Harry looked past his brother's shoulder, looked right at Caua, wanting him to know that he wasn't afraid, wanting him to know that this was a line and if he crossed it again...

And then he closed his eyes and summoned up the one thing that moved him over everything else. Maddie.

"Fine." He breathed, turning away before he opened his eyes and stalked out of the locker room--Bishop right behind him.

The men holding onto Caua eased up as the man himself stood tall, his gaze watching where Harry had gone. "Covarde," he muttered under his breath.

And Will, the calm, cool, and collected one, moved right over to him. Standing tall, standing in his space, he put his hand on his chest and he offered him a warning. "Stay away from them, from my brother and his wife...or the next swing comes from me. And Caua," he moved to meet his eyes. "I don't miss"

Without giving him time to respond, Will turned around and left, going down the same path as his brother.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"Can I pour you a drink?" Harry was standing in the doorway to the office at Foxgrove when he called to Maddie. The match was over and they were finally home. With one more night without the children, they had gone back to the country, both of them hoping to relax from the stress of the day.

Maddie looked up from where she sat cuddled up on the couch, smiling at her freshly showered husband and nodding. "Please."

"You got it," he moved into the room, over to the bar, pulling out glasses and bottles.

"In fact, maybe you bring the bottle?" She suggested with a sigh.

"Done," he chuckled, tucking it close as he reached for a few glasses and moved to join her on the couch. Pouring himself a glass, he held the bottle out to her. "Here you are."

"Thank you," she smiled, taking it from him and taking a swig. "Ahh..." She sighed, settling further into the couch. As a soft silence settled between them, Maddie's eyes focused on him. Though the day hadn't completely eased from his shoulders, he did seem to be a little less tense. "And thank you."

"For?" He lifted his eyebrows, his eyes staring down at the drink in his hands.

"For not killing Caua today," she watched as he flinched at his name.

Moving forward, his arms rested on his knees and he looked over to her. "It wasn't for lack of trying," he admitted. "If it weren't for Will and Bishop in that locker room..."

"Then I'll be sure to thank them too."

"And you..." He was quiet as he continued. "Will reminded me that it would be you who ultimately paid for my actions in there." He took a long, slow drink. "And that was the last thing I wanted."

Maddie moved then, sitting up and moving to sit at his side. "I'm really sorry about what happened this weekend."

His eyes snapped up to hers. "You don't need to be sorry about what happened this weekend. Nothing about what happened this weekend is your fault Maddie. This guy is an arrogant, self-serving bastard who thinks that he can...ha...that he can have whatever he wants."

"Hey..." Maddie's hands were soft on him. Sitting her bottle on the table in front of them, she reached for him; his arm, his face. "He can't." Her voice was so quiet, so simple as she shook her head. "He cannot have whatever he wants."

"I know," he smiled at her, his fingers circling around her wrist, holding her hand to his cheek as he turned to kiss it. "I know that."

"And he knows it too," her thumb stroked at his cheeks, his mouth. As her thumb passed over his lips, they parted just slightly. With her eyes locked on his, she pushed just the tip of her thumb inside, her breath sucking into her lungs at the feel of his tongue.

"Maddie..." His voice came up in a low, deep growl, the mood of the room shifting instantly.  
Catching the shift, the desire that warmed the space between them, Maddie moved.

Without taking her hands from him, without pulling her eyes from his, she moved.  
And he moved with her. Sitting back on the couch, he opened his lap to her and she very happily, very hungrily, climbed in. Her knees settled on either side of him and she leaned in, wanting this more than she had in a very long time.

"Tell me you know..." She lowered herself closer to him, wanting to be even closer.

"Know what?" He smiled up at her, his hands moving around her, his own desires boiling up.

"He never stood a chance."

"A chance?" Harry's eyebrows lifted, his hands and his eyes already focused on her body, on drawing her closer, on making her warm. "A chance at what?"

"Coming between us," she ran her hands up into his hair, tilting his face up to hers. "Nobody stands a chance at that, Captain. Nobody."

As much as he knew that, hearing it from her, from her pink, pouty lips in that soft, sexy voice that drove him mad--it warmed his body from head to toe. It made his heart swell and it made him want her even more than he already did.

His hands tightened on her hips and as he pulled her down closer to him, he lifted up to meet him and he kissed her.

His lips were hot and insistent and they moved against hers in a way that drove out any minute memory of anyone else's, in a way that made her feel like home.

"Harry..." She sighed into his mouth, his hands moving up her body, his lips to her neck.

"I wouldn't make it without you Maddie," his voice was hot on her skin.

"Harry..." She groaned, tipping her head back, pushing down into his lap; wanting more of him.

"I mean it," he shook his head, pulling back just enough so he could look at her, waiting for her eyes to return to his and when they did, she saw the sincerity there, the seriousness even in the heat of the moment. "I...I've only been able to face the losses I've had these last ten years because you've been standing next to me, because you've been holding my hand and facing them with me..."

"Harry," she felt tears rise to her eyes, her hands slipping back to his face.

"I'm not at all like my great-grandmother or Queen Victoria." He shook his head, turning to kiss her palm, her wrist, lifting his lips back up to hers. "I don't make it forty years without you. I just don't. I would be like my grandfather is now; broken and lost and standing vigil until I could be with you...."

"Hey..." Her voice cracked with emotion, with all of the pent up feelings they had been juggling for so long now.

"I'm sorry," he laughed at himself, his hands smoothing down her back, around her side, up to her chest. "I didn't mean to..." He shook his head, chuckling again. "I love you Maddie...more than I know what to do with..."

"I love you too," she held onto the gravity for a moment and then she moved in. Lowering her mouth to his, rocking her body in his lap, she smiled against his lips. "The children are gone..."

"Yes," he grinned, moving right back to the moment. "Yes they are."

"And we have this entire house...And you've been gone for days and..."

And he kissed her. Ending the discussion, ending the thoughts about the day, about the bumps they had weathered, ending everything that was happening around them and focusing on this.

On taking his wife right there in the office, with the door wide open and all of the lights on, with a passion and need and love that couldn't be shaken.

Not by loss.

Not by Caua.

Not by anything. ****


	17. Chapter 17

It never ceased to amaze Maddie all that could occur in the span of a day. Even before she had married Harry and stepped into this royal life of duty and privilege, she had been amazed at the amount of happenings that could be squeezed into a twenty-four hour period.

She could remember as a child, rising with the sun--going out on the farm with her father; feeding animals, irrigating crops. They would have an entire day's worth of work before most people were up and out of bed and her day wouldn't end there. Hours of playing and eating and running and shopping and studying...it was amazing what she would encounter in just a day.

College was no different; courses and practicums, exams and internships. Friends and lovers and museums and books and...it never stopped. When she moved to Bendal, she would lose count of the people she would see, the people they would help; in the center, in the community, in the far outreaches of the countryside. There were times when she would finally relax at the end of the day, with sweat at the back of her neck and a cold drink in her hand and she wouldn't exactly remember what had happened that morning. It had happened so long ago and there had been so much since then.

So it had been true most of her life, it was true now. With four children and a husband and a career and an expectation above and beyond even that...so very much could happen over the course of a day. So much to unfold, so much to ponder. So much to change.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

It was early in the morning as Maddie and Harry moved about their bathroom, getting dressed and ready for the day. They had a joint meeting in the morning with Isaac and separate afternoons, only to be reunited at home in the evening with their children. As Harry finished brushing his teeth and Maddie ran a towel through her wet hair, he paused to look her over--never one to miss a chance to check her out.

"Hey..." He spit his toothpaste into the sink, rinsing his mouth and sitting down his toothbrush before he leaned over, reaching for her bare shin. "What happened here?" His fingers ran lightly over a good-sized greening bruise.

"Your daughter..." Maddie groaned as she remembered. "She's been walking around with that polo mallet you gave her." Harry tried to muffle his laughter as he leaned in to kiss it. "She took me out."

"She has the Windsor swing," he kissed it again, the softness of his beard tickling her skin. "Someday she's going to make them regret allowing women to play." As he moved to stand tall, he ran his hand back up her leg. "Anything I can do to make it feel better?" Wagging his eyebrows at her, he stepped closer, leaning in to kiss her.

"Hmmmm...." Maddie smiled against his warm, minty mouth. "I can think of something..." She shifted in closer, her hands moving around him. His chest was still bare, still hot and wet from his own shower. "But you'd have to be fast. Your children are going to be up soon enough and we have that meeting and...ohhhhhhh...." His lips were already on her neck; four children and a hectic schedule--he didn't miss a beat.

Or an opportunity.

As he moved her back against the counter and she tugged at the towel around his waist, they abandoned their morning rituals in favor of each other.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

In the end, they were only a little late to their meeting with Isaac that morning, but the easy smiles on their faces were more than worth the slight warning look they received from the young man who had become very much a part of their little world, their extended family. Sitting around the conference table in Harry's office, they jumped right into the itinerary. Upcoming events included The Well Child Awards at the end of the month, preliminary plans for The Invictus Games returning to London the next summer and a brief discussion about their expected roles in the Coronation still eight months out.

And then, just before they broke for the morning, Isaac leaned back in his chair, directed his grin to Harry and dropped the most recent request right in their laps.

"They what?" Harry's eyebrows shot up as he leaned forward on the table.

"You heard me," Isaac did his best not to crack, having known this was exactly how he would respond.

"The Sexiest Man Alive?" Harry nearly snorted in laughter. "Who out there really thinks that I am the sexiest man alive?" He could barely say it without rolling his eyes.

"The editorial board at People to begin with," Isaac answered, looking down at his notes.

"I know I've always thought so," Maddie offered, amused at the conversation, at Harry's reaction to it all.

"First," Harry tossed Maddie the smile he knew she loved. "Thank you for that. And second," he turned to shake his head at Isaac. "That's ridiculous."

"Well ridiculous or not, they are going to run with it. They don't need an interview with you...or consent apparently," he narrowed his eyes at his notes.

"Well I don't care if they do it but I'm sure as hell not going to comment on it," Harry laughed, reaching for his glass.

"Got it," Isaac nodded, making a quick note in his notebook. "And you Ma'am?"

"Me?" Maddie blinked, struggling to pull her eyes from her husband--a moment both of the men in the room caught. As Harry sat taller, Isaac pretended not to notice.

"Would you care to give them a couple of sentences for the issue?"

"Ha!" Maddie laughed, shaking her head slightly, biting her bottom lip as images from that morning made her blush. "I don't know....would that be okay?" She looked to Isaac first.

"Sure," he shrugged. "You've both been slowly stepping out a bit on your media involvement. You wouldn't be giving an interview or anything, just a few questions, a few sentences. And this is just the sort of thing people love from the two of you."

"And you?" Maddie turned to Harry, her tone shifting as she spoke to her husband. "Would you mind?"

"Mind?" He chuckled. "You telling some magazine reasons why you think I'm sexy?"

Maddie laughed, her cheeks flushing pink. "I mean, I suppose I can see what I can come up with..."

"I don't mind," Harry shook his head. "Just keep it clean, Sussex. Someday our children will read this."

"I'll do what I can," Maddie narrowed her eyes playfully at him before nodding to Isaac. "I'm in."

"Great," he smiled at her, moving right past the little flirtation he just witnessed. "I'll let them know and get back to you."

With a few more items on the list for discussion, the meeting came to a close and everyone rose to their feet, ready to continue with their individual days. As they walked to the door, Harry's hand on Maddie's arm stalled her for a moment.

"Stay for a minute?" He lifted his eyebrows. "There's something I wanted to run by you?"

"Sure," she nodded, noticing the shift in his posture, in his demeanor. Waiting till Isaac was gone, till the door was closed, she leaned back against the back of his couch and watched him move to stand in front of her. "Is everything okay?" She studied the angle of his jaw, the square of his shoulders--something was bothering him. "You know I don't have to do the People thing, I can tell Isaac no."

"What? No." Harry shook his head, clearing his throat as he crossed his arms over his chest. "No no. I don't care about that." He waved his hand dismissively.

"Then what's going on? You seem a little..." She trailed off, not sure of the word she wanted to use. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

With a deep breath, his eyes leveled with hers. "Caua."

Maddie's defenses flew up at the mention of his name, her smile turning down into a slight frown. "But...why?" Her nose scrunched up. "Did something else happen with him?"

"No," Harry shook his head, just as unhappy as she was to be talking about him again. With a sigh, he continued. "I was just thinking about Lilli, about how...." He took another deep breath and let it out and it was clear that he was struggling with this a great deal. "How she shouldn't have to have somebody just...disappear from her life like that," he snapped his fingers and Maddie blinked.

"So...what does that mean? You want him to still give her lessons? To still be at the house and..."

"No." His answer was quick and curt. "No. I don't want that man anywhere near my family again." He rubbed at the stress at the back of his neck. "But I was thinking it might be nice if she got an explanation." Maddie's eyes flashed wide but Harry held up his hand. "Not an actual explanation but...something. And a chance to tell him good-bye? I don't know," he sighed. "Is it a terrible idea?"

Maddie watched him for a second, trying to be objective. "No..." She exhaled. "It's actually, it's a good idea Harry and it's really thoughtful. But...how? I mean, you think he's going to agree to what...talk to her? After what happened at the polo match?"

"I don't know," Harry shook his head. "But I thought I could go speak to him, see if he would be willing to."

"Ha." Maddie couldn't help the grin that cracked across her face. "You're going to go see Caua?"

"I thought I could."

"And  _not_ kick his ass?" She lifted her eyebrows, the corners of her mouth twitching at the idea. "Not too long ago it took about four guys to keep you two from killing each other and you're going to just...drop into his office?" She let out a huff of a laugh, shaking her head at him. "You think you could do that Harry?"

It wasn't like he didn't know what she was saying, that he didn't understand where she was coming from. Even standing there talking about him made his blood hot as it pumped through his veins. But this was different. This was about his daughter. "Yes," he answered, mostly convinced himself. "For Lilli I think that I could."

"Harry...."

"I know," he moved forward, his hands rubbing her arms lovingly. "I know. I thought I would try, I thought I would see how it went. But I didn't want to go if it would bother you or upset you..."

"It wouldn't," she shook her head, touched at what he was willing to look past for the sake of their daughter. "You can go if you want to, if you think you...can."

"Of course I can," he answered easily, with a smile. And she knew he was thinking of Lilli.

"You know she'll be okay if it doesn't happen," Maddie offered, reaching out to pat his crossed arms.

"I do," he agreed. "But if it can be this way...why not?"

Her heart warmed in her chest as she looked at the father of her children, her smile pulling higher as she added yet another reason to her list of reasons why her husband was the Sexiest Man Alive. "Why not indeed," she leaned in to kiss his cheek. "When are you going to go see him?"

"This afternoon I think," Harry shrugged. "Andrew Bradley is stopping by to bring me the pictures...I thought I would go after that."

"Okay," she sucked in a breath. "Okay. You'll let me know how it goes?"

"Of course," he nodded his head. "And you? What's your afternoon look like?"

"Oh you know..." She shrugged, turning her gaze from his as she moved to the table, collecting her notes and her bag. "Normal stuff. A phone call with Ethan, lunch with Ella..." She pulled her bag up over her shoulder and stood tall, dismissing the conversation. "I'll see you at home tonight?"

"You will," he nodded, watching her as she moved towards the door.

"And you'll let me know what he says?" She had the slightest grimace on her face as she thought of him.

"I will," he moved back around his desk as they both moved forward with their days, with their own personal agendas.

"Hey Captain?"

"Hmmm?" He looked up to her, softening as she called to him from the doorway.

"Thank you for this morning."

With a grin, his tension eased completely. "You mean making you late for the meeting?"

"I mean that exactly," she nodded, holding his gaze with a wide smiled. "I love you."

"I love you too." He lifted his hand in a wave. "I'll see you tonight."

"See you then," she watched him for one last moment before she slipped through the door and left him to his own day.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"Oh my God..." Harry's face was warm, his smile wide as he looked down at the photos spread across his table. "These are amazing..."

"I'm happy you like them Sir," Andrew stood next to him as they sorted through the photos.

"Like them?" Harry turned to him, patting him on the back. "You've outdone yourself," he shook his head. "Maddie said they were great..." He sighed and looked back down that them. "The kids had a great time on the trip."

"Yes they did," Andrew agreed with a laugh, his eyes drifting to the shots of the four of them together, covered in red paint. "They're naturals at this."

"Oh I know," Harry nodded, laughing as he thought of them. "I don't even know what I'm going to do with Lilli when she gets older. She's running the show so much better than I really ever have."

"She's quite something," Andrew agreed, pulling up one of the photos of Lilli sitting with Maddie. They were both looking at Harry, both wearing identical smiles; beautiful and enamored with the Duke. "Did I tell you the story she told me on the flight to Nepal?"

"Story?" Harry's forehead pinched together, curious. "About?"

Andrew's eyes lifted to look at Harry. "It was a fairy tale...about a Prince with a broken smile..." He lifted the photo he had been looking at, the one with Lilli and Maddie beaming. "And a Doctor who fixed it"

"Oh!" Harry's cheeks flushed just the slightest bit as he shook his head, as he reached for the photo Andrew was holding. "She told you that one, did she?"

"She did," Andrew chuckled, turning his attention back to the photos below him. "You know, if that story ever got out..."

"Oh I know," Harry's head tossed back with a wide laugh, thinking of just that. He was thankful for their friendship with Andrew Bradley, knowing there were things he learned along the way that he chose to keep to himself.

"It was a great story," Andrew nodded, reaching for a picture of just Harry and Maddie from their solo morning in the shadow of Everest. They were standing just the two of them, their arms around the other. "This one..." his voice was soft and quiet as he picked it up and held it out to Harry. "This one's my favorite."

"Yes..." Harry sighed as he took it, as he looked it over. Remembering that morning, remembering the emotions between the two of them, the conversation they had had, the decision they had made. "It's one of mine too."

"The Prince with the broken smile?" Andrew offered.

"And the doctor who fixed it," Harry muttered, lost in his memories for a moment. "Remarkable work Andrew. Truly. You've done...beautiful stuff here."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"So...." Maddie settled onto the couch next to Ella, tucking her feet up underneath her as they took advantage of the time they had together. Having just finished lunch, they had a little bit of time before naptime was over and Ella had to return to motherhood, a little bit of time before Maddie had to be on her way to her next appointment. "When are you all heading back out?"

"Mmmmm..." Ella smiled into her cup of tea. "The end of this week."

"And? Where are you headed this time?"

"Buenos Aires," Ella sighed, clearly happy to be travelling with her husband, excited about the trip, about the food and the fun they were having.

"Oh wow..." Maddie smiled, her head tipping to the side as she grinned. "I'm completely jealous."

"Says she who just returned from Nepal."

"Yes," Maddie nodded. "Nepal was wonderful." The two friends shared a moment of smiles and easiness, happy to be back together, even if just for a little while. "It was great of you to come back..."

"Oh come on," Ella's smile faded just a bit. "We heard the news and Bishop was calling the pilot. You're family Maddie. You and Harry and the kids. Even if you didn't need us here, this is where we were going to be."

"We did need you here," Maddie reached for Ella's hand, squeezing her fingers. "And it was wonderful having you back for a little while. But I'm excited that you're heading back out. When will you be back again?"

"Around Christmas time," Ella answered, both of them slipping from the sentiment, back to business. "I think we'll all stay a little local for a while after that." Ella's eyes shifted away from Maddie's in a way that was not even close to inconspicuous.

"Yeah?" Maddie lifted her eyebrows, catching it. "Why is that exactly?"

"Well..." Ella's cheeks turned the slightest bit pink, her smile warming her face as she shrugged and looked down at her lap, at her stomach, and then up to Maddie. "We're going to be getting ready for another baby."

"Oh!" Maddie gasped, her eyes widening in an instant. "Oh my God!" She moved to sit her drink on the table, clapping her hands as she moved back to the couch. "Ella!" Her hands landed on Ella's knees, her eyes scanning her over looking for signs she knew wouldn't be there yet. And then her eyes welled up. "Wow...you just...you two really made up, didn't you?"

"HA!" Ella laughed through the tears in her eyes, nodding happily. "Yes we really did." Her smile was wide and her eyes were brimming with happiness and Maddie could just see the shift in her best friend. "But you have to promise not to tell Harry, not yet. It's so very new and we wanted to wait just a little while..."

"I'll keep it to myself I swear it," Maddie held her hand up in oath. "Oh wow...Ella. I'm so just..." Her hand moved over her heart and her emotions caught up with her.

"You okay?" Ella watched as the tears in Maddie's eyes welled higher.

"Yes," she nodded, taking a deep breath as she wiped at her eyes, laughing at herself. "Can I tell you a secret?"

"Of course," Ella nodded, leaning in a bit closer. "What's going on?"

"Well..." Maddie took a deep breath, trying to get her nervous anticipation under control. "There's a chance I might have an announcement of my own very soon."

"What?!" Ella's voice peaked before she clapped her hand over her mouth. "What?" She whispered, hoping she didn't wake her son. "What kind of announcement?"

"Don't get ahead of yourself," Maddie warned with half a smirk and a raised finger. "I've just been feeling a little off. A little achy and moody and it reminds me so much of when I was pregnant Oscar and...I don't know..." She sucked in a breath, her eyes full of hope. "Maybe."

"Are you late? Have you taken a test?"

"No, no," Maddie shook her head. "I haven't taken any tests. I was going to have some picked up but I have an appointment this afternoon that I apparently made years ago," she laughed and shrugged her shoulders. "So I'm just going to have them check and who knows...maybe I'll have big news for Harry this evening."

"Oh wow..." Ella shook her head. "Five?! Five babies?!"

"Five," Maddie nodded, her cheeks flushing at the thought of it, at the thought of tell him.

"Good God. We're not going to be able to stand being around Harry for a while are we?"

"Ha!" Maddie laughed. "Probably not, no." Sitting back on the couch, she sighed at how hopeful she was. "But it could always be negative and the aches could just be leftover from all those issues I had feeding Oscar after he was born..."

"Well I'm going to cross my fingers for a baby."

"Me too," Maddie grinned, watching as Ella was already imagining a world where they were pregnant together. "Me too."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Harry would be lying if he said he felt comfortable there in Caua's office. His assistant had let him into the office to wait while Caua finished a lesson, clearly in the dark about their fallout. And the second he stepped inside, taking in the trophies in cases, the plaques on the wall, Harry felt out of place. Felt like maybe he really shouldn't be there and, as he rubbed his hands back through his hair, he had second thoughts. Maybe he shouldn't have come.

And then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw a framed photo of Caua sitting on the shelves that lined the wall behind his desk. He was walking on the polo field, cocky and smug and just like that all of Harry's memories of that day came rushing back. Closing his eyes, he tried to clear his mind but instead it was filled with images of Caua and Maddie and the anger he thought he might be able to calm began to boil.

With his own self-assured smugness, he pulled out the desk chair and took a seat, not thinking twice as he leaned back and propped his feet up on the desk and waited. He knew it was a show of dominance, he knew how childish it might be. But he couldn't help himself.

When Caua walked into his office, he had clearly been told that the Duke was waiting for him. He was tall and cautious, ready for the attack Harry guessed he expected to be waiting for him. Shutting the door behind him, he stepped inside, his arms crossed over his chest as he looked down at Harry.

"Your Royal Highness," he managed to speak the words as though they were an insult. "What a surprise. I'd ask you to make yourself at home, but..." He waved his hand at Harry's shoes on top of his desk. "It appears as though you already have."

Biting back the smirk that tugged at his lips, Harry nodded his head, leaning forward as his feet dropped to the floor. "Interesting choice of words, make yourself at home," clearing his throat, he rose to his feet. "Is that what you were trying to do with my wife at Foxgrove?" His eyebrows lifted, his jaw taught. "Make yourself at home?"

Unable to control himself, Caua smiled, his hands moving to rest on his hips as he glanced around the room. "I see you're here alone, nobody here to bring you to your senses," he laughed. "Did you come here to fight me Harry? To take the swing you didn't have balls enough to take on the field?"

As Harry's face grew red and his eyes grew dark, it took nearly everything he had not to do just that. But instead he took a breath and reminded himself exactly why he was there.

"No," he shook his head, moving out from behind Caua's desk, holding his hands up in front of him as a show of backing down. "I didn't come here to fight."

Caua seemed thrown by that. "Then do tell..." He eased his own stance, his hands folding in front of him. "To what do I owe this visit?"

"I'm here to talk to you about Lilli."

"Lilli?" The smirk faded from Caua's face, a glimpse of sincerity taking its place. For that, Harry was thankful. "What about Lilli? Is she okay?"

"She is," Harry nodded, taking a deep breath before he jumped in. "I hate that she has to pay the price for the fallout because of what...happened." Harry swallowed at the large, tense lump in his throat. "Obviously her lessons with you are finished. I just thought, hoped, that you might be big enough to give her an explanation for why you're leaving, a little bit of closure?"

"You want me to tell your daughter  _why_  I'm leaving?"

"No," Harry shook his head. "I want you to tell her that you're leaving and give her a chance to tell you good-bye. The reason you're going could be...anything."

"You mean not that her father's an insecure..."

"You know what," Harry cut him off with a harsh laugh. "I'm trying really hard right now not to put you into that wall of glass behind you. If it were just you and I, I would have swung that mallet right into that fucking nose of yours on the field." Harry was nothing but serious as he made sure Caua knew where he stood. "But it's not just you and I and my responsibilities to my daughter are bigger than this." His finger pointed between the two of them. "And...I think yours are too." He took a breath and continued. "I'm asking you to be a bigger man than this and I'm asking you to do the right thing and give a five year old girl a chance to say good-bye to somebody she only thinks of as a teacher, as a good person."

Standing there in the middle of his office Caua had the decency to look humble, for the first time since all of this started. As his eyes shifted to the floor, he thought it over. "You haven't told her?"

"That you tried to convince her mother to cheat on her father?" Harry couldn't help it. "No. I haven't. And I'm not going to. That doesn't help anyone, least of all her."

"What did you have in mind?"

Harry sighed, he was open to it. "I don't know exactly. I could bring her here, maybe meet you out in the stands?"

"What would I tell her?"

"Whatever you want," Harry shook his head. "That you're done training for a while, that you're moving onto other things, that your schedule is too crazy...that you're disappearing off the face of the earth?"

"Lovely," Caua's eyes narrowed, his mind working it over.

"She looks up to you," Harry offered. "She thinks the world of you and I don't want to...fuck. I don't want to destroy that in her. If you disappear, she's going to think something terrible happened or that it was her and that is the last thing I want. And as much of an asshole that I think you are...I don't think you're a big enough bastard to want to do that to her either."

And Harry was right. Caua didn't want to hurt Lilli Sussex. There was absolutely no reason to. An easy explanation, a quick good-bye. It was harmless and took very little from him in time or effort.

"Fine," he exhaled, waving his hand dismissively. "Fine. I'll do it and then...be done."

"Perfect." Harry's hands came together in front of him. "Thank you," he was being sincere; honest. "Thank you. I appreciate it."

"Mmm," Caua nodded, straightening up as he nodded to the door. "Make an appointment with my assistant on your way out."

Harry tried not to laugh at the way the man was trying to assert himself. "I can do that."

"And then..." Caua took just one step towards him. "After I do this for Lilli, I don't ever want to see you in my space again."

"No problem," Harry laughed as he shook his head. "The feeling really could not be more mutual."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Maddie could hear him from the kitchen where she stood chopping strawberries. He had beaten Greta and the kids home from the park and, from the way he was humming some indistinguishable tune, he seemed to be in a good mood. Maybe things had gone better with Caua than she had guessed they would.

She felt the lump of emotion in her throat grow and rise. This day had been so full, so busy. And she hoped that his afternoon had gone better than hers.

"Madeline..." He drew her name out, calling to her as he walked through the house, as he searched for her. "Where are you darling?"

Blinking back the tears that had been building in her eyes as a result of her afternoon, she swallowed helplessly against the nervousness in her stomach and she call out. "In here!"

She could hear him coming her way as she finished her chopping and scooped the strawberries up into a bowl. She was just wiping her hands on a towel when he came up behind her. "Mmmmm...there you are..."

She could feel the heat from his body as he moved in behind her, as his arms moved around her. She could smell his scent and, when his hands brushed over hers before settling on the counter, she felt her skin flush.

"Welcome home Captain." Despite what was on her mind, despite the twists and turns of the day, she was so happy to have him there with her. And just like clockwork, they moved together. Her head dipped to the side as his lips lowered to her neck. Her hands moved over the tops of his as his circled her waist, drawing her back.

"How was your afternoon?" His voice was muffled as he kissed up her neck and just for a minute, just for a beat, she closed her eyes and leaned back against him--remembering that morning in their bathroom, remembering the closeness, the intimacy--the way their day had started.

So different from the way she knew it was going to end.

"Fine," she breathed. "It was fine. Yours?"

"Mmm..." He nodded, his hands tightening around her, fingers shaping to the turns of her body. "It went well. Better now..." She could feel him smiling against her skin, could feel his touch drawing out her desires and she completely forgot about what it was he had gone to do. Instead, all she could really focus on was this. The two of them. "Tell me, did I beat the children home?"

"You did," she whispered with a soft smile, her hands encouraging over his. They had time to talk later. Right then, all she wanted was more. More of him, of his touch and his lips. More.

"I love it when I do that," he pulled back, turning her around to face him.

"So do I," she agreed readily, her lips turning up to meet his kiss, to return the sentiment. As he kissed her, as he hugged her to him, Maddie could almost forget about their afternoons, could almost forget about the things that had yet to be said. As his hands moved over her body, she could almost forget about all of it.

And then, as he deepened the kiss, as he pressed her back against the counter, his hand slid higher, right to her breast and with a rough move meant to stir her want for him--he unknowingly brought it all racing back.

With a sharp, hissing, intake of breath, Maddie pushed at his chest with one hand and pulled his hand away from her with the other. "Fuck..." She whispered, the ache he had left behind throbbing from deep inside.

"What?" Harry leaned back, his brow instantly furrowed as his hands fell away from her. "What is it?" He watched her hand move to the source of the pain and he grew more confused. "Are you still aching? Maddie?" His fingers stretched out as though he were going to rub comfort where she hurt but she pulled away and his fingers stopped. "Maybe you should go see a doctor, see what's going on? Maybe there's something left from Oscar or..."

Swallowing, Maddie nodded, her eyes shifting away from him. "I actually...I went to the doctor today. It was an old appointment but..."

"You did?" He watched her as she avoided him and he hated the way that settled in his stomach. "Did she check it out? Is it a clogged duct from Oscar? Still?"

"It..." Maddie turned away from him completely then, needing a moment, needing a breath. "She did check it out but it isn't a clogged duct, not like with Oscar or Malcolm."

"Then...what, what is it?" Maddie could hear the edge of concern take over his voice and she knew--this was it. The wrench she was about to throw in his day, in their lives.

"She didn't really know," turning back around to him, she kept her eyes on her hands for a minute. "So she sent me to see an ultrasound technician and then a radiologist."

"A radiologist?!" Harry's eyes blinked, his shoulders tensing.

"And after that," she gulped. "A surgeon." And she felt like she was flying down a hill as she began to tell him, flying ahead at full speed with no control and no ability to stop the momentum now.

"A surgeon?" Harry was past concern and running headfirst into absolute worry. "Maddie, what in the hell did you need to see a surgeon for?"

With her breath held in her lungs and her stomach floating up into her throat, she turned wide, nervous eyes up to him and answered. "A biopsy."

Harry took a full step back from her then, his eyes blinking as his lungs struggled for the air that seemed to have rushed from the room. "But...but that's how they test for..."

And for the first time in a very long time, Maddie said the word that had torn up her family, the word she hadn't even begun to imagine she would be saying tonight, the word that now hung ominously over her own head. "Cancer. Yes...they did a biopsy...to test me for...for Cancer."

And just like that this day, this day that had started out just like so many others, grinded to a halt. It never ceased to amaze Maddie all that could occur in the span of a day. In fact, it was overwhelming to think about all that had changed, all that had been tossed up into the air and left to fall, shattering at their feet.

 


	18. Chapter 18

Night time was a wonderfully chaotic time at the Sussex household; it had been for years. Maddie bathed Lilli, listening to her weave together tales of her day while Harry put Oscar down for bed. Then they tackled the boys together, sharing quiet looks with each other as Ollie sang in the shower and Malcolm squealed in the tub, splashing as they got clean. She could see that he was dying for more information, aching to ask her the questions that had been halted in the kitchen with the arrival of Greta and the kids. But he would wait.

Through all of the bath times, through the stories they read to the three older kids, through tucking in and kissing goodnight. Through all of it, he would suck it up and be a dad.

But when the night drew closer to an end, when all of their children were at last in their beds and drifting towards sleep, he would let down his guard and face the growing fears in his stomach.

"Hey..." He was standing right in the middle of their bedroom, his arms crossed over his chest as he paced the width of the room. When she walked in, he stopped and stood tall and looked right to her for answers she wasn't sure she had.

"Hey," she tried for a smile, running her hands back through her hair, mussed and wet from bath time and the kids. "I'm sorry about earlier. I shouldn't have just dropped that on you until we had a chance to..."

"It's okay," Harry shook his head, taking steps towards her. "Don't worry about that. Jesus...Maddie..." His eyes grew soft as he looked her over, his hands moving to her shoulders. "I just..."

"Yeah," she gulped, having to turn her eyes from his for threat of tears. "I know."

"So they...they did a biopsy?"

"Yes," she nodded, sniffing as she took a step around him, moving further into the room. "Once the doctor decided it wasn't anything else, she ordered a Mammogram, which they did right away." Her hands moved to her chest, rubbing softly at the still sore spot. "The radiologist read it right away and...there is something." She could hear him suck in his breath and she knew his shoulders were tense, his jaw tight. Knew it without looking. "So they sent me up to the surgeon who did a biopsy...that's all I know."

"When will they know?"

"Monday."

"MONDAY?!" His voice boomed in the room, his quiet worry giving way to something louder, bigger. "We have to wait the entire weekend?!"

"It takes some time..." Maddie turned to face him, trying to explain.

"Some time?!" His eyes drew wide. "They can't read it earlier than that? Do they know who we are?!"

Maddie smiled at that, a sweet, soft, resigned sort of smile. He was worried, scared even. She had never heard him say something like that before in her life, thinking that their name, their roles should draw them something more than anyone else. "They do," she whispered, her hand reaching out to his tensed arms. "That's why they want to make absolutely sure that whatever results they find...are completely accurate."

Because he knew she was right and because he had no idea what to say, he took a step back and took a breath and then with wide, terrified eyes, he looked to her for something he guessed she was in no place to provide--reassurance.

"Maddie...."

"I know," she whispered, forcing her eyes from his in a self-preservational move. The emotion in the room was so big and so heavy, she wasn't sure she could carry it all.

"What do we..." He swallowed, his mind speeding ahead of him, flying through all of the possibly twists and turns they might be headed for. "What do we do?"

"We wait," she answered softly, her eyes lifting to his; sad and thoughtful. "I don't want either of us to worry for no reason."

"Ha..." Harry exhaled a weak laugh, rubbing at the back of his neck as he shook his head. "First...it's too late. I'm worried, I'm..." He gulped at the terrified lump in his throat. "And second...no reason?" His eyebrows rose and his heart thudded. "Maddie. It's cancer we're talking about here."

"I know," she whispered, her stomach turning at the sound of him saying it out loud. "I know."

"Did you want to call your mother or..."

"Nooooooo." Maddie's voice returned, her head shaking briskly. "No. Nobody but you and I can know this right now Harry. Not until there's something to know. IF there's something to know," she corrected quickly, her mind scattering as she thought over it all; the appointment that afternoon, the weekend ahead of them. "I would have kept you in the dark if I had thought I could have gotten away with it."

"What?" He watched her move around their room, watched her process this. "Why? Why would you not want me to be in on this with you?"

And she stopped. She stopped pacing, stopped thinking, she stopped breathing for a beat.

"Because," her eyes welled up with tears. "Because all I've been able to think about this afternoon is...my father." Her voice cracked and Harry's heart followed. "All of those times we waited to see...good news or bad news...and how it just took over everything." She shook her head and wiped at her cheeks. "We know nothing yet. Nothing. And I don't want your weekend to be consumed with this. I don't want you to be thinking about my father and my history with this disease. I don't want you to be thinking about the losses we've had or the near misses we've had. I don't want your mind to be taken over with these images that just won't leave mine..." She looked to him then, sad and afraid. "These are the things I've been thinking about all day. It's all I've been thinking about all day and I just...I don't want that to be all you're thinking about..."

"It's not," he shook his head softly, moving to her then, needing her closer to him. His protective instincts were already ramping up and he wanted nothing more than to take this away. "All I'm thinking about...is you..."

"Harry," She sucked in her breath, trying to keep from breaking down.

"Tell me what you need," he held his hands out in front of him. "Whatever you need..."

"I need to just...not focus on this. I need to have a...ha. A normal weekend, with you and the children and none of this."

"Okay," Harry nodded his head.

"Okay?" She lifted her eyebrows. "You can let this go?"

With a deep breath he gathered his will and he told her a lie he knew that she knew he was telling. "Yes. If that's what you want..."

"It is," she nodded, her emotions surging as he agreed.

"Are they going to call on Monday or..."

"I have an appointment at eleven," she wiped at her eyes, took a deep breath.

"Can I...can I come with you?" He sounded so hopefully, a part of him worried she might say no.

"Of course you can," she needed him there; either way.

"I'll call Isaac and ask him to clear my day," he made one mental note and then gave her the best of a smile he had to offer. "And then....a drink?" He suggested. "Maybe a movie on tv?"

Unable to speak for fear of cracking, Maddie nodded her head. With her teeth biting at her lip and her eyes just on the verge of flooding, she nodded her head. "That would be perfect."

And so they went about their night, went about their lives. While Harry called Isaac and went down to pour drinks, Maddie took a minute to herself. Washing her face, changing into pajamas, she stopped and she looked in the mirror.

At the mess of her hair and the lines on her face--all born from this wonderfully chaotic life she lead. This life she wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

And as she smiled at the reflection in the mirror, at the remnants of her day, she felt the ache in her chest, the pain left from the way she had been handled that afternoon, from the tissue that had been taken, that was being analyzed and scrutinized.

Her fingers moved up and over the tender spot that had been left behind and her eyes closed.

Cancer. Her breath sucked in and her heart skipped. It was such an ominous word, loaded with the darkest of connotations. Such a scary notion, a terrifying possibility that hung over her head. Opening her eyes, she met her own gaze in the mirror.

"All you can do is wait," she spoke to herself, to the nervousness that had settled in her stomach, to the new quickness of her pulse. "All you can do is wait."

So they did. They waited. They did their level best to go about their normal, everyday lives, without speaking of the one thing that seemed to loom over them. The one thing that threatened to just take over everything.

"Maddie?" Lying back on his pillow, hours after they had gone to bed, still unable to sleep, Harry called to her in a whisper. "Are you asleep?"

There was a beat. And then a chuckle. "No," she sighed, turning to her side to look at him. "You?"

"No," his eyes shifted from where they had been staring at the ceiling, seeking her face in the darkness.

"We're really terrible at this, aren't we?" She offered him a smile, a moment to talk about it.

"We really are," he agreed with an unamused smirk. "I am trying though."

"I know you are," she reached out to him then, her fingers stroking down his arm until they found his, tangling up as she held his hand.

Bringing their hands up to his chest, he took a deep breath. "You remember when we met that day in Bendal?"

"Hmmmm," the grin that pulled at her lips was warm and genuine. "Of course." She snuggled closer, her chilled toes finding warmth against his calves. "You're not going to tell me again how you knew your children would look like me are you?" She squeezed at his fingers. "Because you know I've never really believed that story."

"What?!" His eyes pulled wide as he laughed. "I absolutely knew that. And I will stick by that story for the rest of my life."

"Stick by it all you want," she snickered. "But I know better. There was something a bit more salacious in that mind of yours..."

"Shush now," he sighed, shaking his head at her, loving her humor--even on a night like this. "I was just going to say...we've weathered a lot since then. You and I...a lot of bumps, a lot of roadblocks."

"We have," Maddie could feel the sentiment slipping back into the room. "And we're going to weather many, many more." She tugged at his hand, wanting to tug his mind from the road she knew it was travelling down.

"Yeah..." He agreed, looking down at their joined hands, at their tangled fingers. "Yes we are." Sucking in a breath, he brought her fingers to his lips.

"Hey, you know..." Maddie's mind shifted. "You never told me how the meeting went?"

"What meeting?" He looked up to her with confusion in his eyes.

"With Caua." As Maddie said his name, she could see just how consumed he really was with what was happening with her--because for a split second it looked like he had no idea who she was talking about.

And then it passed and his gaze hardened. "Ahhh...well." He adjusted in bed next to her, turning on his side. "He agreed to see Lilli one more time."

"Really?"

"Mmm," Harry nodded. "He said he would tell her that he was done training for a while, that he needed to focus on other things and that he would tell her good-bye."

"Wow," Maddie blinked at her surprise. "And nobody threw a punch?"

"Ha!" Harry laughed. "No love, not a punch was thrown."

"I'm impressed," she reached up to scratch at his chin, her fingers running rough over the red hair there.

"You should be," he grinned up at her. "It was probably one of the harder things I've had to do."

"I would think," she nodded. "Thank you. For being the bigger man..."

"I'm always the bigger man," he offered with a smug wink, unable to help himself.

"HA!" Maddie's head tipped back in laughter. "Yes you are Captain. Yes you are. So? When are you going to take her?"

"I scheduled some time tomorrow afternoon or..." He leaned up to look at the clock. "This afternoon. But I can reschedule if you would like?"

"No, no," she was quick to shake her head. "You take Lilli this afternoon. It'll be good to have that done, to close that door."

"Okay," Harry agreed with a nod. As the silence settled back over them, Harry pulled her hand closer to him, pulled her closer to him. "Think you'll be able to sleep tonight?"

"I think..." She let out a breath. "I think eventually I'll pass out from exhaustion. That happens, right?"

"Right," he nodded, a small smile on his lips. "Care to come over?" He lifted his eyebrows and his arms, inviting her to snuggle in.

And she went. Easily and happily, she tucked herself right into his open arms and made herself at home.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

It was easier for Maddie to keep her mind occupied in the light of day, easier with the children running around, demanding her attention. They spent Saturday morning in a crazy state of playfulness; eating breakfast in the living room, in their pajamas. They all sat as audience for Ollie's newest magic trick and then settled in for a movie Malcolm was dying to watch--only to be done with it about ten minutes in. When Harry left with Lilli, Maddie kissed him extra long and then gathered up the boys and took them to the park.

Just like that, the afternoon was spent. Just like that, their day had been exactly what it was supposed to be about--their children, their family. And that night she slept better, because she was exhausted, because she hadn't slept much the night before.

Her body had taken over and insisted she sleep. So she did.

But when she woke on Sunday morning, there was one thing on her mind, one thing consuming her thoughts despite every effort to avoid it.

Cancer.

From the moment she opened her eyes to the day, it was there in her head--glaring and flashing and demanding to be acknowledged. Sensing the shift in her mood, sensing that something was off, Harry took lead with the children, giving them breakfast and all of his attention.

Even while he kept her in his peripheral. Even as his heart ached to be with her, to chase away the grey cloud that seemed to be hovering. But when she drifted into the room and told him she was going for a run, he knew she was slipping into the darkness that surrounded her.

But he nodded and smiled and offered to go along with her.

"No, no," she shook her head, leaning to kiss him where he sat on the floor playing with cars with the children. "I'm taking Arthur with me and I don't know when I'll be back..."

"Okay," he agreed, squeezing her hand in his before he let her go, before he watched her move away from him. "I love you."

"I love you too," she had called back to him, her feet already moving her towards the door, her mind already drifting back to this thing she had been trying to avoid.

Cancer.

She could hear it in her mind; cancer, cancer, cancer. It was almost a chant, moving along with the steady thump of her heart, the cadence of her shoes hitting the pavement as she ran. With her hair pulled back underneath a hat and her sunglasses on, she ran. With Arthur just a pace behind her, she ran.

With the hopes of escaping the possibility that loomed over her--she ran.

But she couldn't escape it. It was everywhere. In her memories of her father, in her fears of the appointment on Monday, in the way her chest was still sore from the procedure. It was everywhere.

No matter how far she went, no matter how hard she pushed, no matter how much she tried to focus anywhere else--it was there.

She was miles from Kensington when she finally came to a stop. There was a bridge over a river on a part of the path that seemed to be more isolated than the rest, where the path gave way to dirt and the city began to fade.

She was out of breath and out of energy and out of ways to avoid it all.

With her hands on the rail of the bridge, she looked out at the water and her breath came up in quick, deep puffs.

And she couldn't avoid it any longer.

"You know what's happening, don't you?" Without looking up, she spoke to Arthur who was catching his breath just next to her.

"Ma'am?"

"You were there on Friday, with the doctors and the tests..." She gulped at the lump in her throat. "You must know what's going on."

"I..." He took a breath and shook his head. His role was to be a shadow, to be where she was. Not to notice, not to editorialize, not to comment. Just to be there. "I know that there's  _something_  going on," he admitted, moving in closer to her as his eyes watched around them, an instinct that had been trained into him. "But I don't know what."

Maddie's head nodded, her eyes welling with tears behind her sunglasses, and for that split second there on the bridge, it took all she had not to break down.

"Ma'am..." Arthur's voice was soft after a minute. "I can call for a car if you want..."

"No," her voice cracked as she shook her head, as she tried to bring it back, to reel it in. "I'm fine. I'm...fine." She sniffed and wiped at her eyes and cleared her throat and then she looked to the only person other than her doctors and her husband who had any idea something could be wrong. "Cancer," she said the word without flinching. "They're testing me for breast cancer."

With years of training--the army, the force—kicking in, Arthur heard the words and took them in and didn't give away the rush of emotion that stirred in the pit of his stomach. Instead he nodded and acknowledged what she was telling him. "Ma'am, I...I'm really very sorry to hear that."

"Ha..." She sighed, her head nodding as she tried for a smile, something about telling another person made it less scary. "Me too, Arthur. Me too."

"When do you find out?"

Maddie's eyes shifted back over the water. "Tomorrow," she sighed, shrugging her shoulders as she thought about it. "Tomorrow at eleven. We have an appointment to find out if I have cancer."

It sounded so foreign, so unreal to be saying those words, to be meaning them about herself, to be thinking that in twenty-four hours, that word could become a brief, horrible scare they had once along the way.

Or it could become something so much bigger.

"Is there...I'm sorry Ma'am," he cleared his throat, unsure of what to say, unsure of his boundaries here. He wanted to hug her, to tell her he was praying for her--but he was too professional, too proper, too English to do so. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

Maddie turned to look at him then, this wonderful man who had been with them for years, who had been at her side through so very many moments--good and bad. And knowing that he was there, that he would continue to be, for some reason, made her feel a little more at ease.

"Yes," she nodded, stepping away from the railing and back onto the path, her eyes scanning around them. "You could point me towards home..." She let out a soft, easy laugh. "I think I got turned around and..."

"Of course," Arthur nodded with a smile, pointing her in the right direction. "Just over there Ma'am."

"Thank you," she lifted her hand to shield the sun from her eyes as she met his. "Thank you."

"Any time," he answered and, when she broke their gaze and turned towards home, he did the same.

As Maddie ran back to Kensington, as she grew closer and closer to her husband, to her family, she knew there was no avoiding this. There was no way to clear this from her mind until she knew--one way or another.

Until she knew what was next, until she knew what she was facing--or not. There was no way to let this go until it was over--one way or another.

Her stomach turned and her feet nearly wavered. In less than twenty-four hours, they would know, they would have answers.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

When the answer came, that random Monday morning, it resonated around the room, taking over the warmth of the office. It swept in and it settled--in Harry's heart, on Maddie's mind.

"You're sure?" She lifted emotion filled eyes to the doctor who sat across the desk from them. Her hand held tighter to Harry's, hoping it was enough to anchor her here, to keep her from drifting away.

"Ma'am," the doctor's voice was soft and solemn, her eyes steady and sure as she leaned forward and spoke just to Maddie. "I assure you that great care was taken with the testing, that the sample was checked and rechecked and checked again. We're absolutely positive. I'm so sorry Ma'am but it's..."

"Cancer," Maddie said the word that they were afraid to say. She said the word she had been avoiding, the word they had all been avoiding. The word that had just now become a dark, scary, uncertain reality for them. A permanent part of their lives, of their history. Of their future. As her stomach ached and her mind swirled and her husband sitting next to her sat dangerously close to coming apart, Maddie blinked at the shock, at the stun and in a voice that sounded nothing like her own, she said it again. "I have cancer."


	19. Chapter 19

She couldn't believe it. Even as she sat there listening to the doctor tell her the results, as she confirmed the dark, sick suspicion that had settled in her stomach–she couldn't believe it.

  
Cancer.  
  
Her eyes pressed closed as her heart hammered in her chest, in her ears, in her throat. Her fingers pulled from Harry's hand and pressed to her temples, stretching around the arm of her chair as she tried to catch her breath, as she tried to catch herself.  
  
There were words floating around the room as the doctor continued to speak. Words she had known for a long time, words she had learned when her father had become sick.  
  
Chemotherapy.  
  
Radiation.  
  
Oncologist.  
  
But there were new words, words that she knew, words that were about to become hers.  
  
Mastectomy.  
  
Reconstruction.  
  
"Wait..." Her voice, just like she, was soft and weak and breathless. Opening her eyes, she lifted her hand. "Wait. I just...wait."  
  
It was like she had pressed pause on the world around her. The doctor's words fell silent, the chaos in her brain fluttered to a stop, and for a moment it even sounded as though the clocks had stopped ticking.  
  
Or maybe that was her heart stalling in her chest.  
  
"Ma'am?" The doctor across from her sat tall and steady in her chair. This was far from the first time she had delivered this news–but it never became routine. It never became easy.  
  
Swallowing at the dryness in her throat, Maddie moved to the edge of her chair, her eyes focused only on the doctor, very purposefully avoiding looking to her husband–knowing that if she did, it just might take down every ounce of will she had left.  
  
"Time?" Maddie whispered. "How much time do I have?"  
  
"Time?" The doctor repeated as she sat back in her chair, her head shaking at Maddie. "Ma'am, we won't be able to 'Stage' your cancer until we remove the tissue and some of the lymph nodes surrounding the area. But like I said, if we attack it quickly and aggressively, we're not necessarily looking at a matter of..."  
  
"No," Maddie shook her head, her eyes closing again as her stomach turned, as her heart felt like it was slipping from her chest. "No. I mean...how much time do I have before I have to...do all of these things? There are people to tell and...Oh God..." Her hands pressed to her stomach as her eyes welled up and just as her world started to spin at the idea of telling her family and friends this horrible news, she could feel Harry's hand on her back.  
  
Calm and steady and  _there_.  
  
"When does it all have to start?" Maddie whispered.  
  
"Well," the doctor put her pen down atop her pad of paper, her hands folding in her lap as she looked across the desk, leveling with Maddie and Harry. "As you're more than aware, expediency is of the essence. The sooner we attack this, the harder we attack this, the higher rate we have of remission, the higher rate we have of survival."  
  
Maddie could almost feel Harry's heart break next to her.  
  
"Yes," Maddie nodded, her voice barely audible.  
  
"That being said," the doctor took a deep breath. "I would like to schedule a meeting with a treatment team; an oncologist, a radiologist, a plastic surgeon who is a colleague of mine who would assist me in the surgery. We would discuss your treatment options, answer any questions you might have. We would make a solid plan and then put it into motion."  
  
"When?" Maddie breathed. "When does that meeting need to take place?"  
  
"Friday." The doctor answered without blinking. "I feel comfortable waiting until the end of the week but not any longer." Shaking her head, she leaned forward. "I would imagine that we'll want to get moving with the plan no later than Monday. We'll want to insert a port and..."  
  
"Okay," Maddie held up her hand again, wanting the conversation to just stop for a moment. "Okay. We can do Friday. I..." She stopped, turned to look at Harry, a move that brought instant tears to her eyes. "Can we do Friday?" Her voice cracked and his strength gave way. As his hand pressed to his chest and he did his level best to fight off the tears that were welling up, he nodded.  
  
"Of course we can do Friday."  
  
Okay, Maddie mouthed the word, unable to find her voice for a moment. Struggling as she did, she pulled her eyes from Harry's and looked down at her lap. Taking a few deep breaths, she sniffed, wiped at her eyes and then looked up to the doctor. "Would you put the meeting together for Friday morning? First thing?"  
  
"Yes," the Doctor nodded, making quick notes, making mental plans.  
  
"And I trust that this...news..." Maddie's mouth had a hard time putting words to all of this. "Will stay between us until..."  
  
"This will absolutely remain confidential Ma'am," the Doctor's eyes were wide and genuine as she looked between Maddie and Harry. "I'll speak with the team, lockdown the conference room. Please, please don't worry about that detail. You and you alone are in charge of how and where and when this news is released."  
  
News. Maddie pressed her eyes closed, leaning back in her chair as the tears swirled in her eyes, as her world spun around her. Oh God, she felt her stomach turn, felt her anxiety and upset and fear grow louder and louder in her head, as the room grew silent. The thought of telling anyone this news made her want to simply disappear. And she nearly did. Her mind had nearly drifted away from the moment when somewhere among the chaos of it all, she heard Harry's voice.  
  
Deep and heavy with emotion, it was just above a rough whisper. "Maddie?"  
  
With her eyes pressed closed, she shook her head, sniffing at the tears, struggling with her control. "I don't...I don't know what to do first...who to..."  
  
Over the stillness in the room, she could hear him swallow, she could hear him clear his throat. She could almost hear him will himself to be strong. "Doctor, would it be okay if we had just a moment alone? Could we possibly use your office for just a..."  
  
"Of course," she cut him off, already in motion, more than happy to surrender her space to them for as long as they needed. "I'll just step out. You can let my assistant know when you're ready and she'll bring me back in."  
  
"Thank you," Harry offered, sincerity and gratitude mixing in with his tangled emotions. He rose to his feet, watching as the doctor stepped from the room, waiting for the door to close behind her before he turned back to his wife.  
  
His wife. Just thinking the words made the ache in his chest twist and turn and grow. They had been through so much, too much. And now this? This thing living inside of her, attacking her. This thing that they still knew very little about–how big it really was, how exactly they were going to stop it.  
  
"Harry?" The sound of her whispering his name, the notable crack in her voice, the way her eyes had opened wide and wet and pleading as she looked up to him.  
  
"I'm here," he bent down, crouching next to her chair, his hands moving to the arms of her chair. "Maddie, I'm..."  
  
"Don't," she shook her head at him, afraid of what he might say next, of what it might do to the resolve she was working so desperately to hang onto. "Please just don't say it..." She gulped at the lump in her throat, the lump she was sure wouldn't be going anywhere anytime soon.  
  
"Okay," he nodded, swallowing and sniffing and taking deep breaths. His fingers held tight to the chair, turning white at the knuckles as he bit his tongue to keep from crying. "Tell me..." The waver in his voice was involuntary, but he was trying to be steady, trying to be calm. Maddie could see the effort it took and it meant the world to her, that he was trying to maintain control in a room that felt so completely out of it–simply because he knew she needed it. "Tell me what you need from me right now. Tell me..."  
  
"I need you to...not cry. Not yet." Even as she said the words, a wave of emotion rushed over her and she almost fell into a sobbing mess herself. Nodding her head, her hands moved over his. "I need you to...be a soldier..." Her voice caught on the word, her hands running up his arms. "To help me out of this chair and out of this office and...God Harry..." Her fingers wrapped around his arm and her head bowed and tears slipped from her eyes, onto the light blue skirt she had chosen, darkening the fabric where they fell. "There are so many things to do, so many people to tell and plans to make and if you fall apart then I'll fall apart and...I can't walk out of here if you fall apart and I know it's not fair but I just need you to..."  
  
As she began to fall apart, Harry made a decision and he pulled it together.  
  
Swallowing back his tears, reigning in his heartbreak, he closed his eyes for the briefest of moments, summoning up his days at Sandhurst, his time in the desert, his tour in Khundu and he reminded himself what it was like to go into battle, to face down an enemy, to shut off his emotions and to protect...at all costs.  
  
And then he cleared his throat and he called to her.  
  
"Okay." His voice was clear and un-weighted and the surprise of it all drew Maddie from her momentary breakdown.  
  
She looked up at him in shock, her eyes wide as she blinked, as she wiped at the tears on her cheeks. "Okay?"  
  
Squeezing her fingers in his, he released them, his hands soft and steady as they moved to her face, his thumbs moving over her tears, his fingers pushing back her hair. Holding back his unshed tears, he nodded. "I can help you out of this chair. I can help you out of this office..." He shook his head as his voice gave just a little and he took a deep breath. His hands moved down her arms, soft and reassuring as they reclaimed her hands. "You need me to do that...then I can do that. I can..." He swallowed and nodded again, more for him than for her. "Tell me Maddie. What do we do next?"  
  
Her fingers tangled up in his, holding onto him as though she were holding on for her life and her eyes welled up. "We have to tell people," she whispered, trying to think about it rationally, trying to look at it objectively. "We only have control over the information until Friday and then..." She swallowed and blinked and had to look away from him. "There are so many people who need to, who I want to..." She shook her head, trying to shake it off. "I don't want anyone to find this out from the press...Harry..." She tightened her hold on him and he, pulling from a reserve he had not known he had, stayed strong.  
  
"Okay," he nodded, his stomach turning at how this could unfold, at the thousand and one different ways this could all unfold. "Who do we need to tell first?"  
  
She instantly hated her answer. "My mother..." She could barely breathe as she said it, not at all able to imagine it. "I need to tell my mother."  
  
It took him a moment to register that, to wrap his mind and his heart around going to Hannah and telling her that this disease that had claimed her husband was coming for her daughter. But nothing in this world meant more to him than doing whatever Maddie needed him to do to help her from that chair, from this office, from this moment in time when she needed him to stand up and carry them both.  
  
"Where are they right now?"  
  
"I don't know," she shook her head. "They were just in the states but they could be back. I...I don't remember if it was this week or next..."  
  
"Okay," he nodded, reaching onto the desk for a box of tissues, plucking out a few and handing them to her. "Wipe your eyes love. Blow your nose. I'm going to tell Jim to call the car and we're going to go straight to Saint James..."  
  
"Saint James?" Maddie looked up to him, confused as she wiped at her eyes, as she did as he had instructed.  
  
"Yes," Harry stood tall, turning away from her for a second, not wanting her to see the way his fingers trembled, the way his entire face gave away how scattered he felt, how lost. Sucking in a deep breath, he nodded and turned back to her. "We need to figure out where your mother is and then...well I suppose we'll need a plane and we'll need to cancel some events and reschedule some things and the meeting on Friday and..." He swallowed. "We need to bring Isaac in first. To make the rest of it happen, we're going to have to tell him."  
  
"Okay," Maddie nodded her head, taking in a slow deep breath through her nose before blowing it out through her pursed lips. "Okay." She did it again, slower this time, with her eyes closed. Swallowing, she opened her eyes and, with her hands planted firmly on the arms of the chair, she rose from her seat. When her hand reached out for Harry, he was right there; steady and strong and so very much what she needed right then.  
  
Walking out of that office that day was only the first difficult step in a whole pilgrimage of difficult steps Maddie was going to be taking–she knew that for sure. But she cleaned up her face and she cleared her throat and she held onto her husband. She held her head high and she maintained her composure and there was really only one moment on her way to the car outside when she almost cracked. Only one moment where she nearly caved.  
  
When they stepped out of the office, when they rounded the corner into the waiting room where their POs were standing, waiting for their return. There was a moment when Maddie's eyes lifted, when they met the waiting, curious gaze of Arthur. She could see it on his face, the moment he saw the answers on hers, the moment he knew the horrible conclusion to the conversation she had opened that weekend on her run through the city. She watched it hit him, watched as he became a part of this small circle that now knew the fate of the Duchess.  
  
And he could see it hit her–the moment that circle became bigger. Her feet paused and her heart skipped and her eyes grew wide and dark. But when Arthur had to turn away from her, when he had to take a moment to keep from cracking himself, Maddie did the only thing she could do. She held on tighter to Harry and forced herself to avoid looking into the sorrow-filled face of this man who had already walked her through so much.  
  
This was going to be impossible, letting people in, telling people this horrible secret they had. She hadn't started Chemo, she hadn't had surgery, she hadn't even had the meeting where they discussed those courses of action and already she was struggling. Not a word had been spoken to Arthur and Jim, but letting them in on the news broke Maddie's heart just a bit, just enough. And she had no idea how she was ever going to face their family and friends and speak words to this horrible new truth.


	20. Chapter 20

For the rest of Maddie's life, however long or short that might be, she would never forget what it was like to tell people she had Cancer. She would never be able to forget the looks on their faces, the shock and the sadness and the fear that those words naturally evoked. She would remember the tears and the grief, the disbelief and, at times, the straight up refusal. Everyone reacted differently, everyone went through their own process. Some moved instantly to comfort her, some were desperately in need of comforting. But one thing remained true throughout all of them. There was no shortage of love for Maddie, no lacking in affection and concern and endearment.

  
Right from the very beginning.  
  
Immediately following the wordless exchange with Arthur and Jim, the Sussexes found themselves sitting across the desk from Isaac. With a nervousness that had flared up when Harry called to announce their impending arrival, Isaac waited clueless about what they were about to tell him. It was usually the other way around, him dropping big news on them, giving them warning of a story that was about to run, about photos that were about to drop. Being on this side of this exchange, he didn't know what to expect, his head was full of the wildest possibilities.  
  
But when Maddie finally managed to speak the words, when she laid out the devastating reason they were there, all of his assumptions flew from the room and he could feel his heart sink heavy in his chest. As the air pulled from his lungs in a rush, as his eyes widened and his smile faded, he pushed himself back from his desk. Stunned, a whole slew of questions flew through his mind. At first they were personal, wondering about Maddie's well-being, her treatment options, if it would be completely out of line to hug her.  
  
Looking up from his desk, he met her sad, tear-filled eyes and he took a breath. "I'm so sorry. I...I don't know what to say."  
  
Maddie, in her sweet, sympathetic way, offered him a smile and a shrug. "There's nothing to say."  
  
Nodding, Isaac knew she was right. "No...I suppose there isn't." He shook his head and cleared his throat and in the strangest sort of survival mode, his mind shifted gears from the personal to the professional. And his focus shifted to the long list of things he needed to do to help them, to protect them. Braving a glance at Harry who looked worse for the wear than Maddie, he sat tall in his chair and did what he had been brought on to do, what came as second nature to him. "Tell me what you need me to do. Tell me how I can...be of service here. What do you need me to make happen?"  
  
Maddie couldn't help the way her lips curled up in a smile, any more than she could help the way her eyes welled with tears. She loved this about Isaac. His selfless service and easy friendship. Looking down at her hands, she tried to move her mind to logistics. "Yeah..." She breathed deep and wiped at her eyes and lifted her head. "We need to clear Friday morning. We have a meeting with a team of doctors to discuss my treatment plan..."  
  
"Done." Isaac sat forward and picked up his pen, making notes as Harry leaned forward.  
  
"We're going to need to scale Maddie back," his voice was low and heavy with the weight of what was happening around them. "Though we won't have details till Friday, it sounded like we're going to move forward quickly and aggressively and we don't really know what that's going to look like or how much time it's going to..." His words catching in his throat, Harry turned his eyes away from them. Closing his eyes, he tried to pull it back, tried to keep it together but all he could see was all of the images he associated with Cancer. All he could see was Maddie struggling and fighting. "I'm sorry..." He shook his head and rose from his seat, walking to the far end of the office, looking out the windows.  
  
Isaac looked from Harry to Maddie who wasn't even trying to keep the tears at bay any longer. Reaching for a box of tissues, he sat in on the desk in front of her and, seeing their struggle, he tried to bring them all back. "I'll begin to discreetly scale back your schedule," he nodded to Maddie who was wiping her eyes. "I'll say no to any additional commitments and after the meeting on Friday maybe we'll have some more answers and I can move forward with a more concrete plan?"  
  
"Okay," Maddie whispered, clearing her throat as she tried not to think of her husband and what could be going through his mind. "You know, maybe you should come to the meeting on Friday? Maybe it would help for you to be there? To hear what they have to say?"  
  
"If you want me there, I will be there," he offered her a smile, offered her reassurance.  
  
"I think I would," Maddie returned his smile, more thankful for him than she would be able to articulate at the moment.  
  
"I'll make it happen." He made a note and waited.  
  
"And we..." Maddie's smile began to fade, her heart began to sink. "We need to start telling people."  
  
"Yes," Isaac nodded. "I'm guessing you meant personally."  
  
"Yes," she whispered, her head tipping thoughtfully. "Though I suppose we should probably think about telling people...publically." The switch in Maddie's voice brought Harry back from the windows, back to his spot next to her. His instinct to protect was swelling wildly.  
  
"We should," Isaac admitted. "We don't have to right now, but yes. At some point, we should come up with a plan, an...announcement maybe." He made a few quick notes. "But we don't have to do that right now. You can let me brainstorm on that and, after the meeting on Friday, we can figure out our next steps. If that's okay with you?"  
  
Maddie nodded her head, biting at her lip as she tried not to spiral too far away from the moment, from the discussion. "Okay."  
  
"But first..." Isaac softened as he thought of what laid in front of Maddie and Harry.  
  
"We want to tell my mother," Maddie's voice was so soft, so tired, and so full of sadness that Isaac could feel it in his chest.  
  
"Okay," he nodded. "I believe they're back in France."  
  
"They are..." Maddie sniffed, looking down at her fidgeting fingers, trying not to fall apart in that chair. "We want to tell the family, tell our friends, before the meeting on Friday but we want to start with my mother." She wiped at her eyes and felt Harry's hand on her back, felt her husband return to her. "Do you think you could get us there tomorrow morning?"  
  
"I could," Isaac nodded without missing a beat. "And...if you would prefer, I can get you there this afternoon."  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
They were thirty minutes into the hour and fifteen minute flight, a journey that had, up until that moment, been full of the worst kind of quiet. The kind of quiet that allowed minds to drift, the kind that allowed the darkest fears to surface. Committed to his promise to stay strong, to not crack, Harry sat across from Maddie and kept quiet as they gained cruising altitude, as they sped towards Paris. He had so many questions, had so very much to say, had emotions that were stretching him thin. But she had asked him to soldier up and he was going to do that–for just as long as he could.  
  
But at thirty minutes into the flight, after they were flying high, after the attendant had left them in privacy, Maddie spoke up and threatened to snap the threads he was hanging onto.  
  
Since they had boarded, she had been staring out the window. Her eyes in a hazy sort of focus on something far beyond the horizon, Harry had guessed she had just as loose of a grip on the moment as he did. But at thirty minutes in, she turned those lost, drifting eyes to him. "Did the doctor..." She swallowed at her dry throat, turning her body towards Harry's. "Did she say...mastectomy?"  
  
Harry's eyes lifted to meet hers and his heart thudded in his chest. "Yes." It was a whisper of a confirmation but it caused tears to well up in Maddie's eyes.  
  
"And..." She gulped. "Radiation and Chemotherapy?"  
  
With a sob in his throat, Harry held her gaze and he nodded. "Yes."  
  
"Okay," she whispered, biting her lip as her head bobbed.  
  
Watching the fear wash over her face, watching the tears slip from her eyes, watching as those words registered for what may have been the first real time that day...it was too much for Harry to watch and stay strong.  
  
"Maddie," he shook his head, ready to warn her, ready to tell her that he was seconds away from crumbling and that if she wanted to talk about it, they could. But he couldn't be strong while they did.  
  
She couldn't have both.  
  
But before he could get those words out, before he could find a way to explain it that didn't break his heart, she pushed them both over the edge.  
  
"Harry..." Her voice cracked as she said his name, her eyes pleading for him in a way they never had before. "I'm scared."  
  
That was it. That was all it took. His hand pressed to his chest, hard and heavy, in hopes that he would be able to keep his heart from shattering. "My God..." It came out in a sob, in a mangled voice that didn't even really sound like his.  
  
"Are you?" She asked him with lifted brows and wide eyes. "Are you scared?"  
  
"Terrified." His answer was quick and honest and painful for the both of them. "I'm  _terrified_."  
  
Pulling her eyes away from his, she pressed them closed and nodded her head. She had known that would be his answer. It would have been hers had the roles been reversed. Gulping at the tightness in her throat, she took a breath and shook her head. "I just...there were so many things going through my head in her office. What if I missed something, what if I..." She sucked in a breath and opened her eyes. "Did she want to start all of that on Monday? Chemo and radiation and...surgery." Tears slipped down her cheeks as she said it, her forehead crinkling in confusion, in an attempt to recall and understand. "She said mastectomy. Did she mean both?" Her eyes lifted to look at Harry. Harry with fingers twisted into fists, Harry with wide, wet eyes. "Is that what she said? What she meant?"  
  
The nod of his head was small, quick, but it was heartbreaking for both him and Maddie. It took him a minute to be able to speak, to be able to breathe again. "She's going to confer with her colleagues and have a plan of action on Friday. But you know...if you want a second opinion, Maddie, we can get one." His fists uncurled, sliding down his legs as he moved to the edge of his seat. "We can make appointments with doctors in Germany or in the States. We don't have to stay in England for this. We don't have to take her word..."  
  
"I know," she nodded her head, sad at the resignation she felt in her heart. "But..."  
  
"But?" He shook his head. "Some of the greatest surgeons live and work in New York. I'm sure they would see us..."  
  
"Of course they would," she agreed, almost smiling. Almost. "But..."  
  
"But what?" His eyes were wide as he looked to her, his hands reaching out towards her. "But what?"  
  
"But..." She bit her lip and shrugged her shoulders and blinked her eyes full of tears. "But not one of them is going to look at those test results and not see cancer."  
  
Across from her, Harry deflated. His shoulders sank and his face softened and she hated that it was her that did that to him. "I know," he nodded, sitting back in his chair. "I know."  
  
"Harry..." She reached out to him then, wanting to comfort him, wanting to make this better. Knowing she couldn't.  
  
With more effort than he thought it would take, he looked up to her; just on the brink of breakdown, just on the edge of this cliff he had been looking over since the confirmation of his darkest fears. "Maddie..." He whispered her name.  
  
Holding his gaze, she forced the tears back behind her eyes, forced the sobs back into her throat and she didn't even blink when for the first time in her life, she wasn't completely honest with him. "I'm going to be okay."  
  
He absorbed her words. He felt his stomach turn. And for the first time since he'd met her, he looked her straight in the eyes and lied. "I know."  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
Maddie had only been 'a royal' for a handful of years, for a fraction of the time that Harry had. But in those years, she had learned a multitude of valuable skills, not the least of which was the ability to walk through a crowd of people with a smile on her face while guarding any of the true feelings and emotions that lay below the surface. And on this day, as they de-boarded the plane and made their way towards her mother and Collins, this skill became indispensable. Priceless.  
  
With Harry standing tall next to her, a master at the very same skill, they made it all the way to her mother's home in Paris. They made it all the way into the foyer without ever giving anything away. With stunned looks on their faces, Collins and Hannah welcomed them in, kissing their cheeks, hugging them close, confusion passing between them as they tried to sort it out.  
  
"Wow," Hannah laughed lightly, closing the door before turning back to them. "This is...a surprise. When I got your text asking where we were, I didn't know that meant you were on your way..." Her eyes met Collins' who offered a shrug. He had no idea either. Maddie stepped further into the house, into the welcoming warmth of the living room and the three of them followed. As did the strange, heavy tension that had come with them.  
  
"I know," Maddie cleared her throat, took a breath and pulled off her sunglasses as she turned to face them. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I just..." Hannah's breath sucked in when she saw the look in her daughter's eyes.  
  
"What's wrong?" She asked, her expression turning scattered, her gut instincts sending up red flags.  
  
Closing her eyes, Maddie took a breath and opened them. She knew there was no turning back, this was why they had come. But she hated the feelings she knew she was about to stir up for her mother and she would have done anything in the world to avoid it. "I just didn't want you to worry the entire time we were in the air."  
  
"What's wrong?" Hannah repeated, her normal, strong-willed demeanor already slipping. As her gaze shifted from Maddie to Harry, her gut stirred at the look on his face. "Harry?" But Harry couldn't return her gaze, no matter how hard he tried.  
  
"Maybe we should all have a seat..." Collins suggested, trying to ease the tension, the horrible feeling in his stomach.  
  
"Maddie..." Hannah's voice cracked and then, right there in the living room, with the three of them watching her, so did Maddie.  
  
Her will, her wit, her resolve, her ability to hold it together, cracked and crumbled at her feet. Tears began to fall in waves and sobs pulled from her chest and without knowing exactly what it was, Hannah was across the room and wrapping her daughter up in her arms.  
  
Though Maddie was talking, though she was trying to explain, nothing made much sense to anyone through her upset. So all eyes shifted to Harry who was battling tears of his own, struggling with everything he had to keep it together. A battle he knew he was bound to lose.  
  
"Harry?" Hannah looked up at him with pleading eyes. "Please...what in the world is going on?"  
  
"Cancer," he flinched as he spoke the word. "This morning Maddie was diagnosed...with breast cancer."  
  
And just like that, the circle expanded. This horrible truth was out. As Collins reached out for something to steady him, as Harry's heart broke for what felt like the twentieth time that day, Hannah's eyes closed and her arms tightened their hold on her daughter–as though somehow, someway, she might be able to protect her from this, to keep her safe from this.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
"I'm sorry," Maddie sniffed, offering a small smile to the three of them as they sat at the kitchen table, cups of tea in their hands and a tired sort of sadness on their faces. "I wanted to come and tell you in person but I hadn't intended on losing it like that..."  
  
"Come on Doc," Collins shook his head at her, his gaze warm and steady. "There's no need to apologize."  
  
"He's right," Hannah smiled at her daughter, her mind only halfway there as she struggled with reconciling the past with the present. "This is..." She shook her head.  
  
"Yeah," Maddie nodded, her hand reaching for Harry's, feeling some sort of relief at having shed the tears. "It's been a long day."  
  
"I would imagine," Collins felt overwhelming sympathy all around. Wanting to comfort Hannah, wanting to take this stress away from Harry, wanting to just make this all go away for Maddie.  
  
"Tell me what I can do?" Hannah spoke softly to her daughter.  
  
"We..." Maddie swallowed and took a breath. "We have a meeting on Friday morning with a team of doctors. We're going to go over treatment options, solidify a plan..." She lifted her tea cup, shaky in her hands and took a sip. "They want to put in a port on Monday..." She let out a long breath, a short, unamused laugh and looked up at her mother with the same wide-eyed expression she had used when she was young. "Would you come with us?"  
  
"To the meeting?" Hannah felt her mind pulling back to this moment, to what was in front of her.  
  
"Yes," Maddie nodded, turning to her husband. "Is that okay? If..."  
  
"Absolutely," he nodded before she could finish, squeezing her hand in his as he looked up to Hannah, afraid to meet her eyes. Afraid of the hurt in his chest as he did. "I can have Isaac book you a flight. He can take care of everything."  
  
"Of course I'll be there," Hannah answered easily, glancing at Collins who offered a reassuring nod. "Anything you need from me, from us..." She felt tears rise to her eyes as she looked around the table, at this group of people who were her family. "Anything. You just tell us."  
  
"Okay," Maddie's voice was barely a whisper as she nodded.  
  
"Anything." In contrast, Collins' voice was strong and steady. Just like his hand as it reached out and closed over hers.  
  
"Okay," Maddie blinked at tears and looked to Harry who, for the first time that day, seemed to be breathing a little bit easier.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
"Do you think they're asleep?" Maddie whispered to Harry as they stepped into their home later that night. It had been a very long day and being back in London, back inside their house felt as close to normal as they could possibly get. Looking around the quiet, dark rooms, Maddie already knew the answer to her question.  
  
"At nine o'clock?" He managed a soft chuckle as he closed the door, as he moved to stand next to her at the bottom of the stairs, both of them looking upwards, towards the children's rooms. "With Maude and Greta in charge?" He turned his eyes to her, meeting her smile with his. In that brief, blink of a moment, they both felt a return to who they had been the day before, to who they had been before this news took over their lives.  
  
"Yes?" Her smile shifted into a smirk. Both Maude and Greta were sticklers for bed time, they had both bore witness to that.  
  
"Yes." He snickered, remembering the few times he had dared to test that himself.  
  
Maddie took a deep breath, let out a sigh and nodded. "I suppose it's for the best..."  
  
"Yeah?" He lifted his eyebrows to her.  
  
"Yeah," she swallowed. "I'm not ready to tell them." Her lips turned down into a frown as she felt the harsh truth drift back in.  
  
"Yeah," Harry felt it too. With his arms crossed over his chest, he watched as Maddie took a deep breath and moved to sit on the stairs. It took him only seconds to join her.  
  
There they sat for the longest time, the remnants of the day drifting between them, through them. It had been a long one, that was for sure; one of the longest they had shared in a very long while. With their children asleep above them and their home dark and quiet around them, all they had were their thoughts.  
  
And each other.  
  
With tear filled eyes, Maddie turned a small, soft smile to him. Her fingers were shaky as they reached out to him, wrapping around his forearm, drawing his eyes and attention to her.  
  
"You know...I can't thank you enough...."  
  
"Stop," Harry blinked as he stepped in, his hand moving protectively over hers. "Just..."  
  
"For all that you did today," she continued despite his protests, despite the emotion she could see welling up in him. "I can't thank you enough for all you did today."  
  
"Maddie, just stop." His eyes closed against the surge of feeling, his fingers tightening around hers as he shook his head.  
  
"For being so strong and so brave and..." She had to say it, even if she cried while she did. Even if  _he_ cried while she did.  
  
"Please..." He whispered, a part of him needing her to stop, needing to keep the promise he had made to her that morning. "I can't..."  
  
"You don't have to be any more." Resting her other hand over his, she moved closer to him, letting him off the hook. "This morning I needed you to be the strong one, to be the brave one. I need you to get me out of that office and to my mother and..." She sniffed and leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to his temple, pulling one hand out from under his so she could stroke his back, so she could hug him close. "You were amazing Harry. You are amazing. But..." Her voice cracked as she watched him begin to cave. "You can stop being strong and brave now. We're home and I'm here and you don't have to hold up any longer. I..."  
  
When Harry's eyes opened to hers, Maddie's words gave way, her thoughts slipped from her mind. As his hands tightened their hold on her, she could see the sadness in his eyes, the darkness he had been fighting to keep at bay. Without a word to her, his eyes softened, his face overtook with sorrow and as his heart broke in his chest.  
  
There on the stairs of their home, with their children sleeping soundly above them, Harry laid his head in Maddie's lap and finally, finally let loose all of the tears he had been holding onto, all of the worries and heartache and love he had been keeping close. Wrapping her arms around him, laying her head on his shoulder, Maddie let go and joined him.  
  
Together they cried, together they grieved, together, they mourned the way they had been before that morning, before this new, dark chapter of their lives had begun. There was so much left to do, so many left to tell. But this day, these few, big steps they had taken, had taken their toll and finally, finally, this day was done.


	21. Chapter 21

Never before had Maddie had a more profound and sincere appreciation for the gray, dreary weather that sometimes seemed to take over London. As their car passed through the gates to Buckingham Palace on their way to breakfast with the King, she was thankful for the overcast, thankful for the drizzle. She wasn't sure she had enough energy to be melancholy and down in the face of a bright sunny day. Though she had woken up a bit stronger that morning, though she felt a bit more ready to face it all than she had the day before, she still felt nervous and afraid and more than slightly upended.

  
Looking up at the beautiful palace that surrounded them, her thoughts turned to their itinerary for the day–letting in their family and friends, readying themselves for the meeting the next day, and preparing, as much as possible, for what lie ahead. She had wanted to tell Charles and Camilla first. She had known how difficult it would be to look into the soft, kind eyes of a man who had been a father to her for years and tell him this news that was bound to stun and sadden. She had known it would be heavy and emotional and she thought it might be wise to tell them first, leaving the rest of the day to tell Will and Kate and the Bishops.  
  
Her eyes shifted down to her hands, tangled together nervously in her lap. With a twist of her stomach and a brush of anxiety, she let out a puff of a laugh.  
  
Harry's eyes turned towards her, his hand reaching out across the backseat for her, an instinctual drive he would never shake. "What is it?"  
  
"I was just thinking..." She sucked in a shaky breath, trying to offer him a smile but unable to follow through. "We've made all these 'appointments' with everyone today...these unexpected, surprise meetings and they must think..." Her eyes welled up and her head tipped to the side, her heart aching in her chest. "They must think we're coming to make some sort of an announcement."  
  
Harry's chest felt tight as his fingers closed around hers, his eyebrows lifting in question. "Announcement?"  
  
"Ha." She blinked her eyes and wiped at the tears that pushed from them with the back of her hand, her gaze shifting out the windows. "They probably think we're pregnant again..." Though she laughed as she said it, though somewhere deep inside there was a chuckle at the dark irony of it all, the act of saying it out loud nearly broke her.  
  
"Oh Maddie..." He pulled her hand towards him, wanting to pull her attention to him, wanting to pull her to him.  
  
"I imagine they're all preparing the standard jokes and..." She was giving up on the front she was trying to put on, her lips turning down in a frown. When she spoke, it was a battered whisper. "And the irony of it all is that I'm probably not going to be able to have any more children after..." As the realization set in, the tears increased and she looked up to her husband with wide, frantic eyes. "God Harry. Am I not going to be able to have any more children? Are we..." She gulped. "Are we done at four? Is that really it for us?"  
  
Shaking his head, Harry's mouth opened to speak, but nothing came out. He had nothing to say, no words to make this better, no answer that would take away what was going on for his wife. The truth was, he didn't know. They had a meeting tomorrow with an entire team of doctors where they were certain to learn the answer that and many more questions they had come up with. But at this moment in time, he had nothing to offer her. Before he could pull it together enough to find something, anything, to say the car was pulling to a stop and their doors were opened.  
  
"Come on," Maddie released his hand, wiping at her eyes and doing her best to put herself back together. "Your father is waiting for us."  
  
Harry nodded his head but stayed stunned still in his seat, his eyes sad and heavy as he watched her slip from the car, stepping out into the dark day that surrounded them. Only when her door closed, only when he heard the driver call out to him, "Sir..." Only then did Harry take a breath and snap out of the dark trance he was in.  
  
Nodding his head with resignation in his eyes, he left the car. Looking up at the Palace before him, he buttoned his suit coat and he turned to his wife. She looked remarkably well given this new possibility that had just dawned on them only seconds ago. As she took her place next to him, as she nodded her head and started towards the palace, Harry wondered from where in the world she pulled her strength, from where she found her resolve.  
  
And he hoped that the reservoir of both were deep and plenty.  
  
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It broke Maddie's heart to watch Charles hear the news. As his smile faded from his face, as his eyes lost that shiny luster she loved so much, she could feel something cracking in her chest. She felt Harry's hand reach for hers under the table, offering comfort and support. But she couldn't pull her eyes from the soft gaze of her father-in-law and he, as much as he wanted to turn away from this horrible news, couldn't turn away from her.  
  
"My God..." He whispered with a shake of his head. His fingers flexed around the napkin in his lap, pulling it up to wipe at his mouth. "Madeline, my darling," his hand moved over his chest as he pushed back from the table and even with the tears that were welling up in her eyes, Maddie couldn't help but notice just how much he looked like Harry then. "I don't know what to say," he shook his head again, disbelief and sadness consuming him. "I'm so very sorry."  
  
"It's okay..." She shook her head, responding in a way that felt automatic and obligatory and not at all genuine. As she caught herself, she smiled and then began to cry. "I'm sorry. It's not okay. I just...." She took in a deep breath and sniffed and tried to find her words. "I don't know what to say..."  
  
"No..." Charles rose from his chair with a shake of his head. He rounded the table to her side and with one hand on the back of her chair, he knelt down next to her. "There's nothing for you to say..." With a look that was fatherly and a move that spoke to the most esteemed gentleman he was, he held out the handkerchief that had been tucked into the pocket of his suit coat, nodding for her to take it.  
  
"Thank you," she whispered, wiping at her eyes as his hands moved to her. With a warm, comforting touch to her shoulder and a soft, sympathetic pat to her knee, he helped ease some of the upset in her stomach.  
  
"I am so very sorry that this is happening to you," he swallowed at his own emotions, holding strong and steady as his eyes shifted across Maddie to look at his son. "And to you." Even through her own tears, Maddie could see the well of emotions washing over Charles' face as he had a moment with Harry. "And if there's anything we can do," he looked up to Camilla who looked just as heartbroken as the rest of them, just as stunned and upset. "Please let us know."  
  
"Thank you," Maddie nodded, taking a deep breath and meeting his eyes. "I appreciate that very much."  
  
"Of course," he gave her a small smile before he leaned in to hug her, to kiss her cheeks and hold her tight. When he pulled back, he met her eyes once more, squeezed her hand and then returned to his seat. As he sat down, as he worked to collect himself, Camilla leaned forward and looked to Harry and Maddie.  
  
"What happens next?"  
  
Clearing his throat, Harry spoke up. "We have a meeting tomorrow morning with a team of doctors and surgeons who are going to present a plan of attack. But it will most likely include rounds of chemotherapy, some surgery, and potentially radiation."  
  
"My goodness," Camilla shook her head, her mind struggling to wrap around the idea of all of this falling upon such a young woman, such a young family. "My goodness." It seemed that was really all any of them could really say about it.  
  
When they left Buckingham Palace that morning, Charles held onto his son for a very long time, wishing him all of his strength and perseverance. He met his eyes with a show of solidarity and love and then he turned to Maddie. Kissing her cheeks twice, he hugged her close and wished for peace and for healing. And then he stood, with his own source of strength standing at his side, holding his hand, and together they watched as Harry and Maddie were whisked away, off towards the rest of their day.  
  
Only then did he turn to his wife, and she to him. Only then did they let it all sink in; heavy and difficult. Only then did they let their own sorrow at the news take over. Together they moved back inside and together they grieved for their son, their daughter-in-law, their family as they faced this enormous bump in the road.  
  
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Maddie had thought it would get a little easier, had thought that maybe after telling her mother, after telling Charles and Camilla, that it might not be as difficult to say the words. But when they left Buckingham Palace and went straight to meet with Will and Kate, she found herself sitting across from them with the words once again caught in her throat. But she said it. She repeated the words and held her breath, watching as it settled over the two of them.  
  
It was Kate who moved first. Overcome with emotion, she bypassed words and rose from her chair. With tears in her eyes and her heart on her sleeve, she sat on the couch next to Maddie and wrapped her up in her arms. "I'm so sorry..." She whispered as she held her friend, her sister. "I'm so sorry."  
  
"I know. I know." Maddie whispered back, allowing them both a moment to grieve together.  
  
Across from them William's eyes, his heart, his focus was on his brother. A long gaze passed between the two; love and support abounding. Not much needed to be said between the two. William knew without words that worrying about Maddie was the hardest thing his brother had to do. He knew without words the sadness and upset and fear that must be creeping into his brother's heart. And he knew without words the instinct he must be feeling to be strong and steady, to be there for his wife. And he knew just how hard that was too.  
  
Gulping at the lump in his own throat, William's head tipped slightly to the side, his fingers pressing against his chest and Harry, seeing the gesture, knowing its meaning, nodded his head and looked away for a moment. Needing to not break down there in that room in that moment.  
  
Seeing this, William moved to a place that he knew would be easier for them to traverse; logistics and planning. "What is the treatment plan?"  
  
"We meet with the team tomorrow to sort that out," Harry answered as he leaned forward to pick up his glass of water.  
  
"Who is the treating physician?"  
  
"Doctor Abbott at The Royal Marsden is leading the team," Harry took a sip. "They're working through the Research Center and are in consultation with the Mayo Clinic in the states."  
  
"Have you had him..."  
  
"Her," Harry corrected.  
  
"Have you had her vetted?" William didn't miss a beat. "If you need me to call in someone..."  
  
"No, no," Harry shook his head, setting his drink back on the table in front of him as he nodded to his brother. "I've had her vetted, her and the entire team."  
  
"What?" Maddie's face lifted from Kate's shoulder, her teary eyes turning to look at her husband. "You had the team of doctors vetted?"  
  
Harry looked to Maddie then, his eyes wide and soft and so completely serious. "Of course I had them vetted. Of course I..." Sucking in a breath, he looked down at his fingers fidgeting nervously together. "The team of people who are going to be in charge of fighting this disease that's attacking you?" He bit his lip to keep from crying, shaking his head as he fought to keep it together. "I know everything there is to know professionally about each and every one of them. Including the consulting physicians in the states."  
  
"But...when?" She held onto Kate's hand as she focused on Harry. "And how?" She wasn't mad, more amazed than anything.  
  
"I asked Isaac to put together briefings for me," Harry shrugged. "I've been reading them at night and...are you upset about that?"  
  
"No, no," Maddie shook her head quickly. "I'm just...surprised is all. Can I see them?"  
  
"Of course you can see them," he answered easily. "They're in my office at home. I'll show you tonight."  
  
"Thank you," Maddie offered him a small smile before she took a deep breath and turned to face their family. "After the meeting tomorrow morning, we'll have a treatment plan in place. And tomorrow afternoon we're meeting with Isaac to put together a plan as to...how and when and what to tell the public. I would imagine he'll be in touch with your office..."  
  
"I'm sure he will," William nodded, his eyes shifting to Maddie. They were dark and soft and full of the same sort of lovingly protective nature she had seen in him so many years ago when they faced Harry's accident in Khundu together. "Please know that we're here for anything you need."  
  
"Absolutely," Kate spoke up. "If you need us to take over engagements or to take the children for the night. If you need us to cook dinner or help out..."  
  
"Appointments, meetings...anything," William continued on. "We're here...whenever you need us, however you need us."  
  
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Maddie had been strategic about the timing of their meeting with the Bishops. She had asked to drop by when she knew Buckie and Michael would be in school, when she knew that David normally went down for a nap. Ella and Bishop were expecting her, but when Ella pulled open the door, there was a flash of surprise that crossed her face as she looked to Harry.  
  
"Did I know you were coming too?" She smiled up at him as she stepped back, inviting them in.  
  
"Maybe not," Maddie shook her head, trying for light and easy as they moved inside, as Jim did his thing. Quick and easy. "I maybe wasn't very clear."  
  
"No matter," Ella waved her hand dismissively, happy to see them both. Leaning in to kiss Harry's cheek, she felt him hug her a little longer, a little tighter than normal. "I think Bishop's in his office, if you want to go and..."  
  
"Actually," Maddie cut her off. "Maybe we could talk to the two of you? Together?" She raised her eyebrows and looked at Ella. And even though she was looking right at her best friend, even though she was talking directly to her, she did her level best to avoid meeting her eyes. Because she knew she'd know long before she said anything.  
  
"Sure." Ella blinked, already sensing it. "I'll go fetch Bishop. You can go on into the kitchen if you want. I made some tea..." She watched Maddie and let out a tiny laugh. "Or there's always Scotch if you need something stronger." Seeing the way the two of them looked at each other made her stomach flutter in nervousness but she stepped away and went to find her husband.  
  
When she returned with Bishop at her side, Maddie and Harry had moved into the kitchen and had settled in as much as they possible could. With Maddie sitting on one of the stools at the large marble island in the middle, Harry stood across from her with his hands pressing down onto the cold, hard service, watching her with this look that made Ella lift her eyebrows to her own husband as if to say 'See. Things are off.'  
  
In classic Bishop fashion, he squeezed her fingers and gave her a reassuring smile and jumped right into the middle of whatever was happening there in his kitchen. "Your Royal Highnesses..." His smirk was wide, his swagger on point, but when Harry looked up to him, both faded away in an instant. Ella was right. Something was off...something was wrong.  
  
"Would anyone like some tea?" Ella offered, moving to a stool, feeling like she should reach out to her best friend, but a little afraid that she might break her.  
  
As Harry shook his head and opened his mouth to politely refuse, Bishop stepped in. "Scotch?"  
  
"Yes please," Maddie's voice was soft and fragile and the look in her eyes pleading.  
  
"Right away." He was quick to pour her a glass, bringing along two more without even asking. Knowing that if Maddie was drinking Scotch in the middle of the afternoon–he and Harry were probably going to need it as well.  
  
"Listen," Ella was the first to speak up as she poured herself a cup of tea. "I don't know what's going on, but clearly it's something and the last time we chatted...Maddie?" The last time they had chatted, there was a possibility that Ella wasn't the only one pregnant but so much had changed since then.  
  
Looking down into her glass, Maddie nodded. She could feel everyone's eyes on her and she knew this was it, but finding a way to say it felt just as shitty as it did the first time she had to say it. Taking a sip, she nodded again and then looked up to them. "There's something I want to tell you, something we want you to know but...before I tell you, I need you both to promise me something."  
  
As Ella's face softened in confusion, Bishop's grew sharper, his intuitive business mind kicking in, already trying to read the room and figure it out. "Promise you what?" He asked.  
  
Meeting his eyes, Maddie sat taller. "I need you to promise me that you'll keep your plans, that no matter what I say, you'll still go to Buenos Aires."  
  
"What?" Bishop's brow furrowed in confusion, his eyes narrowing. "I don't understand..." His eyes pulled from Maddie to look at his best friend. "What the hell is going on?"  
  
Standing tall and steady and stoic, Harry met Bishop's eyes and nodded to Maddie. "You heard her."  
  
Confused and slightly frustrated at being kept in the dark, Bishop sighed. "Alright fine." He shrugged his shoulders and looked to Maddie. "I swear it. I'll still go to Buenos Aires." He shook his head. "Though if I'm being completely honest, there's not a whole lot that would keep me here. It's gorgeous there this time of year."  
  
"Good. Thank you," Maddie offered him a smile, before she turned to Ella, nervous and wary about what her best friend might be thinking, might be imagining. "Your turn."  
  
"My turn?" Ella pointed to herself, her eyes wide as they searched Maddie's, as they sought some sort of explanation, some sort of clue. "I don't know Maddie..." She shook her head, feeling completely uneasy about all of it. "What is it you're going to tell us? Why do you have that far off look in your eyes and what would you have to say that might make me want to stay here..."  
  
Though Ella had questions and was normally the more stubborn of the two, it was Maddie who won out this time. Without wavering, she held Ella's gaze until finally, with a sigh tinted with defeat, Ella gave in.  
  
"I swear it." Ella's voice was unsure and Bishop moved in behind his wife, his hands resting on her shoulders as they both looked to Maddie.  
  
"Okay." Maddie took a long, deep breath and looked up to Harry. Sharing a private, silent moment that seemed to give her strength, she turned back to the Bishops. Reaching for Ella's hand, her expression shifted soft and sad. "Tomorrow morning we have a meeting with a team of doctors including a surgeon, a plastic surgeon, a radiologist and an oncologist and..."  
  
And Ella was up and out of her chair, her eyes wide as she took half a step back. "Who?"  
  
"Ella..." Maddie reached for her.  
  
"No," she shook her head, her eyes already welling up as they looked from Maddie to Harry and back again, her heart already thumping in her ears. "Who?"  
  
With a nod of her head, Maddie turned teary eyes to Harry who pressed his hand to his chest and sniffed at his own emotion. With a fragile, broken voice, she answered. "Me." She turned to look at Ella and Bishop, wiping at the tears in her eyes. "It's me. I have...breast cancer...  
  
"Cancer..." Bishop breathed the word, his heart dropping into his stomach as Maddie continued.  
  
"And tomorrow morning we're meeting with a team of doctors who are going to lay out a treatment plan that most likely starts on Monday."  
  
"Monday..." Ella blinked; stunned and horrified as her mind stirred at the news, processing it all emotionally and intellectually. "Do they know how far along it is?"  
  
"No," Maddie shook her head. "They won't know until they take out the tissue and the surrounding lymph nodes."  
  
"No," Ella shook her head, her voice and her words a mere echo of Maddie's. "Did they say..."  
  
"Chemotherapy for sure," Maddie answered. "Surgery. Most likely radiation."  
  
"Jesus Christ, Maddie," Ella's hands wrapped around her middle as though she were literally trying to hold herself together. "On Monday?"  
  
"On Monday," Maddie nodded.  
  
"But...but...." Ella's eyes looked scattered as she thought it all through. "But I'll be gone. I'll be in..."  
  
"Buenos Aires," Maddie supplied. "That's right. You will be."  
  
"Now wait just a second," Ella started.  
  
"No." Maddie shook her head, her hand coming down firm on the island in front of her. "No. Ella Bishop, you promised."  
  
"But I had no idea it was going to be something like this!"  
  
"I don't care," Maddie sat tall. "You swore. You and Bishop both." She looked up to her husband's best friend then, to a man who had become a brother to her. "You swore you would still go. You can't...you can't change your life for this."  
  
"Yes we can," Bishop was already working it over in his mind. "And it wouldn't be changing our lives, it would just mean..."  
  
"No!" Maddie's voice rose. "No. You go to Buenos Aires with the boys and you sit on the beach and make love in the water and you enjoy your time there..."  
  
"Enjoy my time?" Ella's voice came out in a whisper. "While my best friend is here? Battling Cancer? Without me?!"  
  
"I know," Maddie was gentle with her, holding out her hand, wanting her to come back to her. "But I'll hardly be alone. I have Harry and I have this enormous team of doctors and my mother is...my mother's flying out tonight. So she'll be here for the beginning."  
  
"Maddie..." Ella cracked, her voice, her stubbornness, her will and her wit.  
  
"I know," Maddie nodded. "I know. I'm sorry to just drop this in your lap and..."  
  
"Don't," Bishop cut her off, shaking his head as a wave of emotion and heartache washed over him. "Don't apologize. Just....come here." With a crack in his voice and purpose in his walk, he moved right over to Maddie. With a gentle touch and a manly ease about him, he pulled Maddie from her stool and right into the warm, welcome embrace of his arms. As he held her to him, Maddie was sure she heard tears in his voice as he spoke to her. "I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I'm so sorry..."  
  
"I know," Maddie blinked at her now blurred vision, hugging him back as she gave up her strong front, as she tucked her head into his shoulder.  
  
She could feel it when Ella joined them, when she moved in, tucking herself under one of Bishop's arms and wrapping her own around Maddie. She could feel when Harry joined them, when his arms moved around Bishop and around her, when his lips pressed to the top of her head and the heat from his body warmed her heart. And above all else, she could feel all of the love and support that surrounded her.  
  
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When they finally pulled up to their Kensington home that evening, Maddie was exhausted. She was mentally and emotionally spent and she still had to walk inside and face her children and her mother. And as much love and warmth as they brought to her life, she wasn't sure she had much more energy left in her to give. She slowed as they made their way up the walk and before Harry could open the door for them, she stopped. In her beautiful dress and her heels, she turned and sat down on the front stoop. With her shoulders hanging, she let out a long, heavy sigh.  
  
Harry stood still for a moment, watching her thoughtfully before his hand dropped from the doorknob and he turned towards her, nudging her lightly with his toe. "Can I join you? Or would you rather be alone?"  
  
"I would rather be with you," she offered a genuine half smile, patting the concrete spot next to her.  
  
So he sat. In his dress pants and suit coat, he tugged up his trousers and he sat down on the stoop next to her. Scooting closer, Maddie linked her arm through his, resting her head on his shoulder.  
  
"I thought it would get easier throughout the day," she confessed quietly. "Telling everyone I mean."  
  
"I know," he sighed, his hand resting over hers that was resting on his arm.  
  
"It didn't."  
  
"Ha..." He laughed lightly, turning to kiss the top of her head. "I know."  
  
There they sat, coupled together on the step outside their front door, bound together. They drew from each other's strength, they consoled each other's sadness.  
  
"I think..." Maddie took a deep breath, lifting her head from his shoulder so she could look at him. "I still need to call my cousins tonight but I think I want to wait to tell the children until after the meeting tomorrow."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Mmmm," she nodded. "I want to have answers for them, to know what it's going to look like so that I can...ha. So that I can try to explain it."  
  
"Okay," Harry nodded, his hand smoothing down over her back before he drew it back in front of him, his hands coming together as he looked out at the day slipping away into the night. "Whatever you want, whatever you think is best."  
  
"Okay," Maddie nodded, watching her husband's face for a moment, studying his eyes, the slant of his jaw. "You know what else I was thinking today?" Her voice was soft and fragile and turned his eyes right back to her.  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"How lucky I am..." She reached for his hand then, pulling it back to her, into her lap.  
  
"Lucky?" His eyes narrowed in confusion.  
  
"Mmmm," she nodded. "I'm surrounded by such love, such support; our family, our friends..." She let out a puff of a laugh. "I mean, did you hear Bishop's offer?"  
  
"Ha!" Harry laughed with her as he remembered. "When he told you he could give you access to the things your public life couldn't? Yes. I remember." He sighed, drawing her back under his arm.  
  
"His private jet, the hotels...illicit drugs and strippers." They both laughed at that, remembering the way Bishop had whispered it, the way he had winked and wagged his eyebrows, trying to break the sadness with a laugh.  
  
"He just doesn't want you to be hindered by public opinion," he squeezed her shoulders. "He wants you to have whatever you want in this process....even if it's a last minute trip to Belize or your fourth vacation in as many weeks..." Maddie snickered as Harry continued. "You know, those things the public would get puffy about if you were to do them with our money and access..."  
  
"I know," Maddie smiled. "It was very sweet of him to offer."  
  
"Yes well, Bishop loves you."  
  
"I know," her smile pulled wider. "And that's what makes me lucky. Bishop and Ella and Will and Kate and....our parents..." She felt a wave of emotion wash around her. "And you. All day I kept looking at you, tall and strong and steady. You're the only thing that got me through today."  
  
"Well it's the least I can do given all the days you've gotten me through," he kissed her then, his hands warm as they moved up to wipe at her eyes, to stroke her cheeks.  
  
Maddie settled in closer, nuzzling into him as his arms moved around her, as though they were in their home on a comfortable couch instead of there on their front step.  
  
"Are you ready for the meeting tomorrow?" She could feel the nervousness slipping back over her.  
  
"No," he shook his head with a sigh. "Yes. The last thing I want to hear is all of these things they're going to do to you, to your body..." His hold on her tightened. "But on the other hand...knowing what we're looking at might help."  
  
"Yes," Maddie nodded. "Knowing what we're looking at might help..."  
  
"Yes," Harry echoed, bringing her closer, kissing the top of her head as her body warmed his. "You ready to go inside?"  
  
"No," Maddie whispered, tucking in even closer, inhaling his scent as she shook her head. "Not yet."


	22. Chapter 22

In the end having more answers did help.

  
It was very early the next morning when Maddie and Harry climbed into a car with Hannah and were whisked away to meet Isaac and the team of Doctors at the hospital. Though Maddie's stomach was twisted in knots and she wasn't sure she took a full breath the entire time they were in the meeting, she was thankful to finally have some answers.  
  
A plan was presented and questions were answered. Hannah had more than a few, having had such a deep experience with Cancer professionally, having had such a profound experience with it personally. Maddie asked about options, Harry asked about side effects. And, in the end, they had a plan.  
  
On Monday morning, Maddie would have a port inserted in her chest, giving the doctors and nurses ease of access. Allowing them to draw blood without poking for a vein, to administer the chemotherapy without issue.  
  
On Tuesday Maddie would begin Chemotherapy. The Oncologist had ordered six rounds of treatment, each with a three week "recovery" period before the next treatment.  
  
Midway through the Chemotherapy treatments, Maddie would be undergoing surgery. After a great deal of discussion around this, it was decided that she would have Bilateral Mastectomy with reconstruction. There would naturally be a momentary pause in the chemotherapy sessions for a bit of a recovery but then they would hit it hard again.  
  
At the end of all of this, around eight months from this day, they would reassess and make decisions regarding any future radiation and/or chemotherapy treatments.  
  
It was going to be hard and ugly and taxing on every single part of Maddie. But it was going to work–of this the team of Doctor's felt very certain. They wanted to be aggressive, they wanted to go after the cancer with the biggest punch they had because nobody in that room wanted it to come back.  
  
With a lump in her throat and her nerves a giant, tangled mess, Maddie agreed. They would begin their assault on this disease on Monday.  
  
After the treatment plan was laid out, after dates were scheduled and forms were signed, after all of the medical questions had been answered, Isaac leaned forward and took over the meeting. Though the last thing anyone was worried about was the public, it fell upon Isaac to be professional and handle what he had been hired to handle. Even if this were something that they could hide, Maddie didn't really want to. She didn't want to try to be secretive about this, she just wanted to focus on fighting it. So it was easy to come up with a plan.  
  
They were going with the truth.  
  
There would be a statement released on Monday to the press with basic information about Maddie's diagnosis and treatment, along with a request for privacy and understanding while she battled this disease. All of the medical professionals involved would be keeping quiet unless asked to speak on behalf of the Duchess. Isaac thought it might be a good idea to work with a reporter on a story that was a bit more personalized, but that could wait until later, after they saw how it all landed. But he would worry about that. In the meantime, he would make the necessary adjustments to their schedules and he would be there to take care of whatever he could to make their lives as easy as possible.  
  
As the meetings drew to a close, as people began to rise from their chairs, saying their good-byes and thanks, Maddie followed suit. She rose, she shook hands, she offered the pleasantries that always came with the end of a meeting. But as the flow of people made their way towards the door, she stayed put.  
  
Standing there in the middle of the private meeting room, her arms wrapped around her middle and she seemed unable to move. She watched with wide shaky eyes as the professionals filed out, the doctors and the surgeons. She watched as Isaac reached the door with her mother right behind him. And then she felt Harry at her side, his hand warm and steady on her back.  
  
"You okay?" His voice was soft and low in her ear as he drew in close.  
  
Turning wide uncertain eyes up to him, she bit her lip and shook her head. "I'm sorry..." She whispered, her hand wrapping around his arm. "I'm going to be...I just...it's a lot."  
  
"It is a lot," he agreed, his own stomach a mess after hearing the details of what lay ahead. "Are you sure you're okay with everything, because we can always..."  
  
"No, no," she shook her head and pressed her eyes closed for just a moment. "I'm fine with it. It's just so...big."  
  
"I know it is."  
  
"So there's that..."  
  
"Tell me what you need right now Maddie, tell me what I can do."  
  
Shaking her head, her eyes welled even further, her lip beginning to waver as she felt it all began to unravel.  
  
"Hey, hey," both of his hands moved to her arms then, turning her so that she was facing him completely. "Anything Maddie. Anything. A drink? A sedative? You want me to call Bishop on his way to Buenos Aires and order up some illicit drugs?"  
  
"Ha!" Maddie laughed through the tears in her eyes. "And strippers?"  
  
"Whatever you want baby," he shook his head, thankful for the break in her spiral. Pulling her into his arms, into the warmth and safety of his embrace, he held her tightly to him. "Whatever you want."  
  
Maddie tucked in close to him, not even noticing that Isaac and her mother had stepped from the room, closing the door behind them to give them a moment. With a few deep breaths and her arms wrapped around her husband's waist, Maddie calmed and finally looked up to him, a little less tension on her face. "I think I want to go to the country."  
  
"Foxgrove?" Harry pulled back just a bit, lifting his eyebrows.  
  
"Mmm," she nodded. "Can we go to Foxgrove for the weekend? Get away from the city before it all starts? Relax and go for walks and take in the fresh air?"  
  
"Yes," he agreed easily. "Absolutely we can go to Foxgrove."  
  
"Thank you," Maddie breathed, smiling as she wiped at her cheeks, as she sniffed and pulled back from him. "That's what I want. My family in the country."  
  
"Then that's what you'll have," he sighed, breathing easier now that she was. "I have one meeting I need to head back to Saint James for and then we can head out if you would like."  
  
"I would like that very much," she nodded again, reaching for a tissue from the table. "What meeting do you have?"  
  
"Nothing big," he shook his head dismissively. "And I swear it'll be quick. Maybe you and your mother could go back to the house and get packed up? Maude and Greta can help get the kids ready and when I get home, I'll catch up and we can leave?"  
  
"I think that's perfect," Maddie leaned up to kiss him. "We'll tell the kids tonight?"  
  
"Yes," Harry nodded, the weight of it all settling heavier on his heart. "We can tell the children tonight."  
  
"Okay." Taking in a shaky breath, she stepped away from him, as ready as she was ever going to be to leave this room and face what lay ahead. "You'll hurry home to us?"  
  
"I swear it," he patted his chest and nodded his head before he followed her out.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
Standing at the far end of his office, Harry could concentrate on nothing other than the view from his large windows. He had tried to keep himself occupied while he waited for his appointment, tried reading briefing memos, tried focusing on the upcoming Invictus Games, on the schedule of events he was sure that Isaac was in the process of altering. But he simply couldn't wrap his brain around anything other than what was happening to his wife, what they were about to endeavor.  
  
He shouldn't be in the office, not today, not now–he knew that. Nobody who knew what was going on would ever had asked him to be in the office. Isaac had cleared his calendar without a second thought and nothing was being asked of him professionally.  
  
But this meeting wasn't a professional meeting, this was personal. He had made the call himself earlier that week, he had scheduled it in his own calendar and though there were very very few things that would have moved him from Maddie's side–this was one of them. And only because in the end, he was thinking of her. So there he stood, transfixed on the random, regular occurrences of nature just outside his window; the breeze in the leaves, the buzzing of a busy bee.  
  
There was a soft knock at the door followed by Anya's timid voice. "Sir?"  
  
"Hmmm?" He lifted his eyebrows, taking a beat longer before he pulled his eyes from the window to look back at her.  
  
"Mr. Andrew Bradley is here to see you."  
  
"Yes!" Harry sprang to action, standing taller as his focus snapped back to the room, to the reason he was even at the office that afternoon instead of at his wife's side; at her beck and call. "Thank you Anya. Will you bring him in?"  
  
"Yes Sir," she nodded and stepped out. In the quick moment it took her to return, Harry had pulled off his suit coat, draping it over his chair as he loosened his tie. There was no need for him to look official, no need to look professional. When Anya returned, Andrew Bradley was with her, relaxed and unassuming, all of his guesses about why he had been asked to come were so far off from the truth that Harry envied him his last moments of ignorance.  
  
"Mr. Bradley," Harry finished rolling up his sleeves as he stepped forward to shake his hand. "Thank you for coming over."  
  
"Of course," Andrew shook his head with a smile, shaking Harry's outstretched hand and following him over to the sitting area off to the side.  
  
"Can I bring you something to drink Mr. Bradley?" Anya looked down at him as he took a seat.  
  
"Oh no thank you," he shook his head with a smile.  
  
"And you Sir?" Anya looked to Harry who was watching Andrew closely, a small smile curling at his lips.  
  
"You know," Harry spoke to the man sitting across from him. "You should really have a drink. What's your standard?"  
  
"My standard?" Andrew's eyes narrowed as he watched Harry watch him.  
  
"Your go-to drink," Harry waved his hand. "Wine? Whiskey? Beer? You can have anything you like. What's your pick?"  
  
"Sir, I'm not going to have a drink in the middle of the afternoon at Saint James Palace," Andrew laughed at how off it sounded when he said it out loud.  
  
"Aw come on," Harry's voice lowered in a way that drew Andrew's curiosity. "I'm going have a drink in the middle of the afternoon at Saint James Palace..." His words caught in his throat for a moment that threw Andrew a bit but Harry shook it off and pulled a smile. "Don't make me do it alone."  
  
"Fine," Andrew gave in with a sigh, thinking for only a moment before he looked to Anya. "May I have a Jack and Coke please?"  
  
"Right away," Anya nodded.  
  
"I'll have the same," Harry smiled up at her. "Thank you very much."  
  
"Of course," she returned the smile and slipped from the room.  
  
As the door closed behind her, Andrew clapped his hands together and looked across the coffee table between them to Harry. "Well then, other than some relatively early day-drinking...care to tell me why you invited me here this afternoon?"  
  
"Absolutely," Harry nodded his head, something in his eyes drifting off just a bit. "As soon as we have our drinks."  
  
"But..."  
  
"Trust me," Harry cut him off, his jaw flexing. "You're going to want a drink before we jump in."  
  
"Okay..." Andrew agreed; confused but compliant. As his journalistic instincts kicked in, he began to take note of what was going on around him, began to take note of Harry's demeanor, began to try to figure it out. Though he didn't have much time because Anya was back in the room with their drinks. As thank you's were uttered and drinks were sipped and approved, Anya excused herself from the room, shutting the doors behind her.  
  
Relaxing back into his couch, Andrew took a moment to enjoy his drink, to appreciate the smoothness, the sweetness. And he waited for Harry to take the lead, which he did soon enough. After a few long sips, Harry cleared his throat and took a deep breath.  
  
"It's been a very long time since I've had a Jack and Coke..." He leaned back, holding onto his glass as he relaxed a bit without losing the determined focus in his eyes.  
  
"Mmmm?" Andrew took another sip, aware of the way Harry was watching him, of the fact that the man across from him clearly had something on his mind.  
  
"Yes," Harry nodded, taking another quick sip before he lifted his eyes to Andrew's. When their gazes locked, Andrew swore he felt something in the room shift and he suddenly felt a little nervous. "Are you enjoying yours?"  
  
"I am," Andrew nodded, the ice clinking in his glass as he swirled it around. "Though if I'm being completely honest, I'm a little distracted by what it is you have to say."  
  
"I know..." Harry breathed, nodding his head in agreement. "I know." Taking one last swig from his drink, he nearly drained it before he leaned forward and sat it on the table between them. "I apologize if I seem off my game. It's been a long day...a long week and I'm having a hard time finding the right words..."  
  
"There's no need to mince words here. Perhaps if you just...go for it?" Andrew suggested, growing more and more curious as the seconds ticked away.  
  
"Sure," Harry nodded and leaned forward. Bringing his hands together in front of him, he took in a deep breath and held Andrew's eyes. "What I'm going to say to you right now is all based on an assumption I've made over years of observation and...similar motivations..." His lips curled up in the corners. "Though I doubt that I am wrong, there's a chance that I may be wrong, and if I am, please accept my preemptive apologies and know that I intend no offense or ill will..."  
  
"Jesus," Andrew sat up taller, as though he were preparing himself for a hit. "What is it?"  
  
"I just wanted to..." Harry struggled for a moment. "You see, I've noticed..." He shook his head and took a breath and went for it. "You...you're quite...fond of my wife. No?"  
  
Harry could see his words hit Andrew, could see the truth wash over his face and in that moment, even if Andrew decided to deny it, he knew for sure that he was right.  
  
"Fond?" Andrew's voice cracked, his eyes blinking as he tried to keep himself composed, as he tried to keep his mind from reeling.  
  
"Fond," Harry echoed, keeping his tone easy and measured. "I've seen you interact with her over the years, I've read the words you've penned about her, I've seen the photos you've taken. Andrew..."  
  
"Sir." Andrew cut him off, his eyes looking down at the drink in his hand, the dark, warm liquid that was probably the reason he was about to do what he was about to do. Swallowing back his nerve, he pulled in a shaky breath. "I have...over the years...developed a rather serious affection for your wife."  
  
Harry felt Andrew's confession hit him. The truth was that he had known that. He had known that from the moment he had seen the two of them together after their walk to the North Pole. He had seen the way he looked at Maddie and he had read the words he had written about her. He had known, for some time, that Andrew Bradley had a deep affection for his wife. But hearing the words, hearing the confirmation coming from the man himself, it still made him perk up, still riled up his devotion. But he kept himself in check, this wasn't the all of it.  
  
"Yes." Harry's voice was heavy and quiet, not sure how he felt about putting this unspoken knowledge out in the open. "Yes I know." But he also knew that it didn't end there.  
  
Andrew Bradley had a profound respect for his wife, and for her marriage. And it was for that reason that Harry had never pushed this issue. He had never spoken of it to Maddie, had never felt the need to bring it up. Andrew Bradley adored his wife but in doing so, he honored her choices, her position, her marriage. And it certainly didn't hurt to have a respected member of the press think so highly of the Duchess. So he had kept quiet about it until now, until it became necessary to bring it up.  
  
"I don't know what to say." Andrew's voice cracked as he met Harry's eyes, his alcohol-aided confession hanging heavy in the air between them. "I...I have never had any intention of her knowing."  
  
"I know that," Harry offered a small smile. "And she...she simply doesn't think to look for that anymore. So she doesn't know."  
  
"Good..." Andrew breathed in relief. "Though...you do."  
  
"A man generally knows when another man is in love with his wife."  
  
Harry saw his choice of words register with the man across from him. He saw the flash of surprise and then the slow, reluctant acknowledgement of the truth. "Not every man would notice."  
  
"One who pays attention would."  
  
"True," Andrew nodded. Just as Harry had always known of his affection for Maddie, Andrew had always known Harry's complete adoration of and love for her. He could see the bond between them, could see the deep love they shared and it had truly been the only thing that had kept him from confessing these feelings to her. The two men watched each other over the small span between them and then Andrew took a long drink. "If you've known all these years, can I ask why you chose now to bring it up?"  
  
Andrew watched as the look of resolution in Harry's eyes gave way to something heavier, something darker. If he had to guess, he would have called it heartache. But that didn't make sense. Of course, he thought to himself, not much of this made sense.  
  
"Yes..." Harry exhaled, rubbing at the back of his neck as he rose from the couch and walked over to his desk. "But I think we're going to need another drink."  
  
"Another drink?" Andrew was stunned. He had no idea what could be bigger than the two of them acknowledging his long held feelings for Maddie. But he watched as Harry ignored his questioning tone and called for Anya to bring them another round, which she quickly did.  
  
"I asked you to meet me here today because there's something I need to tell you," Harry sounded more official when he started up again. "There's an announcement that's going to be made on Monday and because I...because you..." He let out a bit of a laugh and took a breath. "I didn't want you to have to hear it in a press release. And I know that Isaac is tossing around a story and if he decides to go that way, he's going to want somebody we trust and Andrew...we trust you."  
  
"Well thank you for that, but I still have no idea what you're talking about."  
  
"And I wanted to give you the chance to say no before Isaac asked you, in case you couldn't write it," Harry continued on. "I wanted you to be able to hear it here, in private. Not in front of your colleagues or God forbid in front of Maddie..." His voice cracked as he said her name, the sadness on his face deepening.  
  
"Jesus, Harry..." Andrew leaned forward, using his first name on purpose. "What the hell are you talking about?"  
  
"It's Maddie," when Harry said her name again, his voice caught on a sob in his throat and his eyes welled up and Andrew could feel his stomach begin to turn. "She has cancer. We found out this week and she...she begins treatment on Tuesday."  
  
Andrew was thankful that the freshly poured Jack and Coke wasn't in his hand because it would have fallen to the ground, right next to his heart.  
  
"Oh my God..." His head shook, his fingers trembled and he was more than slightly worried that he was going to be sick. "Cancer?"  
  
"Yes," Harry hated how true it was. "Breast cancer."  
  
"And...treatment starts Tuesday?" Andrew's hand rubbed at his chest.  
  
"Chemotherapy," Harry's face twisted up as he said the words. "She'll have a bilateral mastectomy half way through."  
  
"Jesus Christ."  
  
Harry nodded his head as he moved back to the couch, unable to find the words to convey any of the emotions he was feeling. Reaching out, he picked up Andrew's drink and held it out to him. Taking it from him with a half, strangled smile of thanks, Andrew finished it in one long pull.  
  
"Do they..." Andrew's eyes looked down at the glass full of ice and the remnants of his drink. "Do they know...."  
  
"Not really," Harry answered quietly. "They think if they hit it hard and hit it early, that the outlook is good."  
  
"That's..." Andrew's voice trailed off, wanting to say 'good', but knowing that it wasn't at all.  
  
"Yeah," Harry breathed. Allowing for another minute to pass, he held the room, held the space but then, as his eyes fell on the clock on the table behind Andrew, he took a deep breath and sat tall. "I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you, and that I had to tell you like this...but I knew that the news would...break your heart." Harry's eyes welled up unexpectedly as he paused to collect himself. "I didn't want her to see that happen. And I wanted to give you the chance to prepare an answer if Isaac called to ask you to write something, just in case you needed to space yourself from this."  
  
"I..." Andrew shook his head, his mind still reeling, his heart still cracking. "I don't know what to say. That's incredibly kind and thoughtful of you...given the circumstances."  
  
"Yes, well," Harry cleared his throat and shrugged his shoulders. "I can't fault you for loving her," he smiled wistfully. "And I respect the way you've respected her...and us."  
  
"I do," Andrew swallowed at the enormous lump in his throat, moving to the edge of the couch as he looked right at Harry. "I have nothing but respect for the two of you and I hope you know that never, in a million years would I ever dream of..."  
  
"Oh I know."  
  
"Never."  
  
"I know."  
  
"And I would appreciate if Maddie..." He hated the way his heart ached when he said her name, when he thought of what was happening to her. "If she never knew that I..." He couldn't bring himself to say it again. Even though it was out in the open, even though they both knew it, he couldn't say it again.  
  
But Harry already knew. With a grave look on his face and a heavy sincerity in his voice, he eased Andrew's concerns. "I swear to you that she'll never hear a word of it from me."  
  
"Thank you," Andrew breathed in relief. "Thank you."  
  
Nodding, Harry sat for a beat longer before he cleared his throat and rose to his feet. "It's time for me to go," he smiled down at Andrew, apologetic and tired. "I'm sorry to drop this on you and run but Maddie wants to spend the weekend at Foxgrove and they're only waiting on me."  
  
"Of course," Andrew nodded, moving to stand.  
  
"No, no," Harry held his hand out, shaking his head. "Stay as long as you need. I'll have Anya bring you another drink if you like. You can have the room, the space. But I'm going to go home to my wife."  
  
Andrew nodded, appreciative of the offer but rising to his feet. "I can't thank you enough for..." He shook his head. "For the way this conversation went, for telling me here instead of...it was a very stand up thing for you to do. And I hope that you know that I'm being sincere when I say this...I'm incredibly grateful that Maddie has you."  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
Harry thought about that meeting with Andrew the entire way home, thought about the look on his face when they spoke of Maddie, thought of the words he had said, thought of how incredibly lucky he was to be married to this amazing woman. He hated what was happening to her, hated what was about to take over her body, their family. But he was so happy to be at her side, so happy to have her as his. When his car pulled to a stop outside their Kensington home, he was up the walk in no time, bounding up the steps, pushing through the door–desperate to see her.  
  
Stepping inside he was instantly greeted with the warm chaos of his family. There were a few packed bags waiting by the door, there was the smell of something baking, and his children could be heard running and giggling and despite it all–Harry felt blessed.  
  
"DADDY!!!" Lilli's voice boomed from the top of the stairs just a split second before she bounded down them, her brothers hurrying towards the foyer, towards their father.  
  
"Hey," Maddie stepped into the foyer in a rush, dropping another bag at his feet. "How was your meeting?" She smiled up at him, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.  
  
"It was..." He couldn't take his eyes off of her, as he shook his head. "Never mind." With a soft, sappy smile, he reached for her hand and pulled her to him. And there in the foyer with their children bouncing around their legs, he wrapped his arms around his wife, he bent his head over hers and he kissed her.  
  
With everything he had in him, he kissed her; his hands tightening around her as he drew her into him. Though she had been stunned at first, Maddie easily gave into him, opening her mouth to his as she sank closer. It felt good to have his hands on her, felt great to have him kiss her like this–like their lives weren't only wrapped up in this disease.  
  
"Mmm..." She sighed as the kiss ended, smiling up at him with rosy cheeks and a warm smile. But before she could say anything more than that, their children were pulling them both from the moment, a chorus of giggling "EWWWWWWWWWW"s swirling up around them.  
  
"Ew?" Harry looked down at the children, his face twisting up in amusement and mock disgust. "You want eeeewwwwwwww?" He bent down, holding up his hands and wiggling his fingers, looking like he was gearing up to pounce on them. "Just wait till I get YOU!!!" As he lurched forward, the children shrieked and scattered, their laughter, like them, bouncing off the walls.  
  
With a shake of her head, Maddie laughed at the lot of them. "We're almost ready to go..."  
  
"Yeah?" Harry turned his smile back to her, his eyebrows lifting. "I'll just run upstairs, change, and get a bag together...Is there anything I can do to help?"  
  
"Kiss me like that again later?" Maddie's cheeks flushed as she tipped her head to the side suggestively.  
  
With a wink and a smile, Harry nodded. "It's a date."  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
The second they arrived at Foxgrove, the children burst from the car, running towards the house, tugging Hannah towards the backyard play area, wanting to get in as much time outside as they could before their parents ultimately drew them back inside for dinner, baths and bedtime. As Harry moved to the back of the car to unload bags, Maddie pulled Oscar into her arms and made her way slowly up the walk. With deep breaths, she looked around, taking in the miles of land, the thick forest, the fresh air she had been longing for. As her mind cleared of all the day in and day out duties of her life, there was a brief moment of peace, of relaxation. But the dull ache in her chest where Oscar was squirming and the peels of laughter wafting from the backyard, brought back the reason for the trip to begin with.  
  
They had to tell the children. That night.  
  
She felt her stomach turn and her heart skip and she held tighter to Oscar as she swallowed back her fears, her nervousness. Once they were inside, Maddie did her best to stay busy; unpacking, prepping and cooking dinner. She tried to keep her mind wrapped up in something other than the dark, crazy place it seemed to be spiraling towards. But it was proving difficult. Even with her family around her, laughing as they ate dinner, making their way up for bath and jammies, her mind was spinning with questions. Her pulse was racing and she couldn't seem to shake this sensation that felt very much like suffocating.  
  
Harry could see it too. He could see the far off look in her eyes, the edge to her smile, the stress in her shoulders. And just before he went to hand Oscar off to Hannah and round up the other children so that they could tell them, he pulled her aside to check in.  
  
"You sure you want to do this now? Tonight?"  
  
Maddie turned her scattered eyes up to him and shook her head. "No. No. I wish I never had to do this, never had to tell them..."  
  
"I know. I'm sorry." Harry felt a sinking feeling in his chest. "I just meant maybe tomorrow after some rest or..."  
  
"No," Maddie shook her head, her hand resting on Harry's arm. "I need to get this over with. I need to...be done telling people, done repeating it."  
  
"Okay," he nodded, leaning in to kiss her cheek, taking Oscar from her arms. "Okay. I'll go get the other three. Where do you want to..."  
  
"Our room," Maddie whispered, her eyes lingering on Oscar as Harry tucked him closer. "Can you bring them up to our room?"  
  
"Yes," he nodded, watching her with sadness in his eyes. "Why don't you go get settled and I'll bring them right up?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Okay..." He took a breath and turned to his son. "Come on buddy, let's get you to grandma. She's going to rock you and give you a bottle and put you to bed..."  
  
As Harry stepped from the room, bouncing their giggling son in his arms, Maddie watched them go, with an ache in her heart and longing in her eyes.  
  
And then she turned away from them and headed up to their room, trying to get herself ready for what was about to go down.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
The children giggled as they piled into their parents' bed, all of them scrambling to the head of the bed with their mother, rushing to stick their legs under the covers, cuddling into the pillows as though they were going to sleep there that night. Harry's eyes met Maddie's and they shared a chuckle between them before he took a deep breath and climbed into his side of the bed, nudging Lilli's shoulder with a wink. As he settled into the bed, he stretched his arm out and around all three of the children, his fingers reaching Maddie's shoulder as he looked across their blonde and ginger heads to his wife.  
  
"Okay?" She mouthed the word, lifting her eyebrows as she battled her nerves.  
  
"Okay," he mouthed back, wishing all of his strength across the bed to her.  
  
"Okay..." Maddie took a deep breath and leaned forward, pulling a smile to her face as she turned to look at the children. Her hands reached out towards them, squeezing their hands and patting their legs, her fingers stretching so she was touching a part of each of them. "There's something that Daddy and I wanted to tell you, something important." With her eyes on the children, Maddie could see them react to that. She could see Malcolm waiting for more, could see Ollie's mind kick into curiosity mode, could even see poor Lilli bracing herself–as though she expected it to be bad news. Remembering that the last time they sat them down for news, they had told them of the Queen, the hurt in Maddie's heart deepened and she thought she might be sick. With wide, pleading eyes she looked up to Harry for help.  
  
Nodding, he cleared his throat and all three children turned to look at him. "We found out this week that Mum...Mum is sick."  
  
"Sick?" Ollie's head turned back to Maddie. "You don't feel good Mummy?"  
  
"No," Maddie shook her head. "No baby I don't."  
  
"Why?" Malcolm held tighter to the well-loved stuffed bunny in his arms.  
  
"Well..." Maddie breathed. "I have something called Cancer."  
  
"Cancer?" Lilli's eyes widened as she looked up to Maddie.  
  
"Yes," Maddie nodded, reaching out for her daughter's hand. "It's called cancer and Daddy and I we met with a whole bunch of doctor's this morning who came up with a plan..."  
  
"A plan to make you feel better?" Ollie bit at his lower lip as he processed it all, looking so much like his mother that it made Harry's eyes well up.  
  
"Yes," Maddie nodded.  
  
"So you won't be sick anymore?" Malcolm squirmed a bit in the bed.  
  
"That's the hope," Maddie nodded, reaching out to stroke his head, to stroke the soft fur of his bunny as she smiled down at him. "The doctors are going to do all they can to make me all better."  
  
"What...what are they going to do?" Ollie spoke up.  
  
"They're going to give me some medicine," Maddie turned her smile to him. "A lot of really strong medicine..."  
  
"Medicine to make you better?" Malcolm clarified.  
  
"Yes," Maddie nodded. "But you know how sometime when you have a headache and we give you medicine to make it better and it also makes your stomach hurt?"  
  
"Yes..." Three little heads nodded up and down.  
  
"Well...this medicine will probably make my stomach hurt too."  
  
"What else?" Lilli whispered, a fear and sadness in her eyes as she scooted closer to her dad, seeking his strength.  
  
"The medicine will probably make me lose my hair."  
  
"Your hair!" Malcolm's eyes went big as they all looked up to her head.  
  
"You'll have no hair?" Ollie asked, his hands lifting up on reflex, his fingers wanting to stroke her head as they talked about it.  
  
"For a little while," Maddie leaned closer, smiling as his fingers ran through her hair. "But after I'm done with the medicine, it'll grow back."  
  
"Will it hurt?" Ollie questioned.  
  
"Losing my hair?" Maddie lifted her eyebrows and he nodded. "No. No baby, that won't hurt. But sometimes the medicine might make me feel not so good."  
  
"Is there anything else?" Lilli asked again, her voice wavering just a little. Noticing this, Harry reached for her hand.  
  
"Well," Maddie took a breath and looked to her daughter. "The doctors are going to do some surgery," she explained, wanting to be honest with them, wanting them to be prepared.  
  
"Why do you have to have surgery?" Lilli asked.  
  
Harry cleared his throat and stepped in. "They're going to take out as much of the cancer as they can," he explained, his free hand reaching for Maddie's. "So that the cancer won't make Mum sick anymore."  
  
"Are you scared?" Ollie asked her.  
  
"Only a little bit," she was honest, fighting with the tears that were trying to rise in her throat. "Only a very little bit. But I know that it'll be okay. I have some really great doctors and some really great medicine. It will just take some time."  
  
"Are you..." Lilli moved in her spot. "Are you going to die?"  
  
As tears rose to her eyes, Maddie reached for her daughter, pulling her up and into her arms. "Oh baby," she shook her head, hugging her tight. "The doctors are going to do everything they can to make sure that doesn't happen." Maddie pressed her eyes closed as she held onto Lilli. "Don't you worry..." She sniffed and opened her eyes, reaching for her boys. "Don't any of you worry. The Doctors and Daddy and I are going take care of everything..." She opened her arms wider as Ollie and Malcolm climbed into her lap, into her embrace. "None of you need to worry about this at all. You just keep playing and laughing and being kind to each other and I'll do everything I can to get better. Okay?" Maddie's eyes met Lilli's. "Okay darling?"  
  
"Okay Mummy," she nodded, still sad, still unsure, but less worried, less upset.  
  
"Thank you," Maddie leaned forward to kiss Lilli's forehead. "Okay boys?"  
  
"Okay," Ollie nodded quickly.  
  
"Okay Mummy..." Malcolm followed suit.  
  
"Okay," Harry echoed, his arms moving around them all, stroking their backs, kissing their heads. When his eyes met Maddie's over the clump of their children, he offered her a smile and all of his love.  
  
"Okay," she whispered, doing her level best not to fall apart.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
That night, when they tucked the children into their beds, the hugs were extra long, the kisses were extra plentiful and though they were concerned about their mother, the children seemed to take the news relatively well. Of course none of them knew too much about cancer, none of them held onto the same horrible connotations that most adults did. This would be their first experience with Cancer–watching Maddie fight.  
  
When Harry made it back to their bedroom, he found Maddie sitting on the edge of their bed, calm and quiet and staring out into nothing. He shut the door behind him, moving slowly into the room, knowing just how muddled her mind must be.  
  
"Maddie?" He called out to her, soft and sweet, as he moved to stand in front of her. "Darling?"  
  
Blinking, Maddie turned wide, scattered eyes up to him, her voice wavering as she spoke. "Ollie told me he's going to see if he can find a magic spell to make my Cancer go away..."  
  
Though Harry cracked a smile at that, loving the way his son's mind worked, he could see from the wild way she was looking up at him that Maddie wasn't feeling as settled as he hoped she might be.  
  
"And Malcolm..." Her eyes filled with tears. "He tried to give me his bunny to sleep with..." She wiped at the tears on her cheeks with the back of her hand, shaking her head as she tried to shake herself from this ledge she had been looking over for most of the day.  
  
"That's very thoughtful of him," Harry moved closer, wanting to hold onto her, wanting to keep her from whatever it was she was staring down.  
  
"He was so sweet about it," she swallowed, trying to rid herself of the sobs that she knew were coming.  
  
"We're very lucky," Harry's voice was deep and low and heavy with emotion. "Our children are wonderful and..."  
  
"Lilli thinks I'm going to die..." Even as she said the words, she began to crack. "I told her I wasn't but I could see it in her eyes. She thinks I'm going to..."  
  
"Maddie..." Harry took a step forward, reaching out for her, but Maddie moved from the bed, stepping out of his reach. She didn't want him to touch her, couldn't let him touch her. It was all too much right now, all too big. Harry watched with baited breath as she moved over to stand in front of the floor length mirror on the far side of their room.  
  
"They're going to put a port into my chest..." Her hand ran across her chest, high above her heart. "Right here." Her fingers tapped against the spot, her mind remembering the process with her father. "It will be this open passageway into my bloodstream. "She sniffed as she looked at herself in the mirror, as her eyes focused in on the spot. "You'll be able to see it and feel it from the outside..."  
  
"I know," Harry nodded. "The doctor said it'll be easier than trying to find your veins as the treatments go on."  
  
"It will be," Maddie whispered, her hand and her eyes travelling down from where they would put the port, down to her chest, to the soft rounded peaks of her breasts. "They're going to take them off..." Her hands ran down over them. "They're going to just...cut them off."  
  
The room felt heavy and sad and so unlike what they were used to feeling there at Foxgrove. Taking a deep breath, Harry struggled to keep his emotions in check, not wanting to break down in this moment where what they both needed was for him to be there for her. "I know they are. But..."  
  
"But?" Maddie spun around, her eyes fixed on him. "But what? But they're going to give me new ones?"  
  
"No," Harry shook his head. "That's not at all what I was going to say."  
  
"What  _were_  you going to say?" She snapped even though she didn't mean to, even though she knew better.  
  
"But it's going to save your life," Harry's entire being wavered as he said it, as he faced it with her. "That's what I was going to say. They're going to take them off...but it's going to save your life and that's what matters."  
  
"Is it?"  
  
"Yes." He was so solid, so certain. "That's all that matters."  
  
"To you."  
  
"Yes to me!" His eyebrows shot up, his voice rising and cracking. "You think I care that they're going to..."  
  
"No," she shook her head, softening instantly as her tears began to fall. "I don't think you care. I think you are just...an amazing man and a wonderful husband and I think you'd still love me and want me even if they weren't giving me new ones..."  
  
"I would," he nodded, biting at his cheek in a vain attempt to keep from crying.  
  
"I know," she whispered, tearing her eyes away from his, looking down at her hands.  
  
"Maddie..." He didn't know what was going on in her head, didn't understand what was going on in her heart and he hated it. Almost as much as he hated not being able to do anything about what was happening to her body.  
  
"I know it's silly..." She spoke so softly he almost couldn't hear her.  
  
"What is?"  
  
"These!" She looked up to him then, her hands falling on her chest. "I know it's silly. I know it's going to save my life and I know they're going to give me new ones but..."  
  
"But what baby?" He moved in closer then, wanting to console her.  
  
"But they won't be mine..." She shook her head, letting out a small ironic laugh as she did. "It won't be me. These are the ones that fed my babies. These are the ones that filled out my gowns, that...ha...that attracted a Prince..." She lifted her eyebrows towards him, allowing a smirk to pull at her lips.  
  
"Na," he shook his head, smiling through his tears. "We both know I've always been more of an ass man."  
  
"Ha..." She laughed, her fingers stretching out to rest on his chest. "I know it's silly."  
  
"It's not silly," he shook his head, his hand moving to rest over hers. "Being sad about what's happening to you is not silly Maddie. It's normal. This is big and scary and the things they have to do to save you..." He couldn't say it, couldn't even think about it without feeling sick. So he trailed off and shook his head and looked to her with nothing but love and sympathy.  
  
Maddie blinked as she turned her eyes from him for a moment, swallowing and breathing and trying to find her way through the muck in her mind. "It's going to get bad Harry."  
  
"I know it is."  
  
"No..." She shook her head, pulling her hand away from him to wipe at her eyes. "It's going to get...awful."  
  
"Maddie..."  
  
"I remember my father..." She drifted away from him then, her eyes and her mind in some far off place in the past. "He was so sick, so tired and frail and..." Maddie shook her head again, her hands moving to her stomach as it turned. "There were times when he couldn't keep anything down, times when he couldn't eat or drink or..." She tried to take a deep breath as she recalled images of her father struggling, of her father dying. But she couldn't get a deep enough breath, her throat was tight and dry. "And towards the end he couldn't get out of bed. It was all so much, the fight, the battle. And watching it happen to him was just..." She turned wide, frightened eyes to Harry. "Lilli thinks I'm going to die."  
  
"You're not going to die." Harry tried to sound firm, tried to sound certain. He tried to stand steady in the face of Maddie's wavering.  
  
"You don't know that," she shook her head, the panic she was feeling inside rising to the surface, taking over her features. "You don't know what's going to happen."  
  
"I know that the doctor's said that if we hit this hard and we hit it fast, then the outlook is..."  
  
"The outlook?!" The laugh that pushed from her lips was strangled with tears. "The outlook? Jesus Harry. I...I can't even think about...." She gulped and started to move around the room, pacing and fidgeting with her fingers. "I'm trying to be positive. I'm trying to be optimistic. I'm trying to...I'm trying to breathe..." Her hands moved up to her neck. "And I can't. I can't catch my breath. I can't....all I keep thinking about is my father and what this did to him, what it's about to do to me and...and I can't breathe." She shook her head wildly and Harry knew she was slipping. He had known it would come eventually, he had seen it begin in that office this morning. Taking a step towards her, he reached out, ready to pull her back to him, back to safety. But before he could touch her, before he could comfort her, Maddie was moving, heading for the door. "I have to go."  
  
"Go?" Harry watched her with confusion in his eyes. "Go where?"  
  
"I don't know," she shook her head frantically. "Outside. For a walk or a drive or....I need air. I need to breathe. I can't breathe..."  
  
"Maddie..." Harry called after her as he followed behind her, through the hallway, down the stairs. "Maddie!" He was trying to be quiet, not wanting to wake the children but not wanting to lose her.  
  
"I can't breathe," she repeated as she passed the stand in the foyer, the hooks on the wall where keys were hung. As she slipped her feet into her shoes, she reached blindly for a set of keys and went for the door.  
  
"Jesus Maddie." Harry was quick to follow her, glancing at Hannah who had poked her head out of her room when she heard them. "Wait for me. I'm coming with you." With a quick nod to Hannah, he was out the door behind his wife.  
  
The night was calm and quiet and clear, such a stark contrast to Maddie's mind. As much as she tried to be strong, as much as she tried to be rational and positive, there was a darkness in her heart, a place where she was sad and upset and terribly afraid of what lay ahead of her. And it felt like the more she tried to deny that part, the more she tried to ignore it and run from it, the bigger it became.  
  
It was heavy and hard and overwhelming. And all she could think of as she tried to open car after car with the set of keys in her hand was—she had to get away. She had to find a way to breathe. It was a fight or flight situation and as much as she hated it, her instinct at this moment was to fly.  
  
"Maddie..." Harry followed along with her as she tried the keys in the car they had driven out in. "Maddie where are you going? What are you doing?"  
  
"I'm trying to...Fuck." She pushed away from the car, frustrated when they wouldn't work. Moving to the next car parked out front, she tried again. "I need to....Goddamn it!" She slammed her hand against the side of the car when she couldn't get in. "Why won't these keys open a single damn car?!"  
  
"Maybe you should stop trying," he followed her to the third car parked in the drive, standing on the other side of the car with his hand on the door handle, ready to follow her in. "Maybe you should take a minute, take a breath and..."  
  
"I can't," her voice sounded shaky and frantic but when the car door opened, she felt the slightest reprieve as she looked over the top of the car at him. "I can't breathe. I can't...think. I just...I have to go."  
  
"Please," Harry pleaded with her, his hand stretching out towards her. "You're understandably upset but I'm not sure you should be driving. Please Maddie..."  
  
"I'm sorry," she whispered, shaking her head as tears welled up in her eyes. "I have to go." Ducking down, Maddie slid right into the driver's seat, closing the door behind her.  
  
"My God..." Harry sucked in a breath, glanced back towards the house as the POs began to wander out, began to pay attention, and with a silent prayer, he opened his door and looked in at her. "Fine. But I'm coming with you."  
  
"No," Maddie shook her head at him, reaching to pull the door shut but he was quicker than her and bigger than her and he slid right in, shutting the door behind him. "You don't have to do this. You should stay here."  
  
"Well I'm sure as hell not letting you go alone," Harry buckled his seatbelt watching thankfully as Maddie did the same.  
  
"I just need some air! I need some space!" She turned over the ignition and rolled down the windows.  
  
"Then we'll get air and space together," Harry shook his head, holding his ground. "But I am not leaving this car without you."  
  
"Fine." She gulped at the tears in her throat, at the anxiety in her chest. She was in full on fight or flight mode and she knew it. She wanted so desperately to escape what was happening to her. But she couldn't, because it was happening inside her own body. "Fine." Shifting the car into gear, she put her foot on the gas and pulled out the drive, leaving their POs scrambling in the dust kicked up as she left.  
  
Winding through the twists and turns of the road to Foxgrove, Maddie finally felt in control of something. With a deep breath, her foot grew heavier on the gas. As they pulled out onto the dirt, country roads, they were driving blindingly fast.  
  
"Maddie..." Harry called to her cautiously. "Baby I know you're upset."  
  
"I'm not upset," she shook her head, her eyes glued to the road before her, her hands tight on the steering wheel.  
  
"Tell me what's happening right now," he braced himself as she took a quick turn. "Tell me what you're thinking."  
  
"I'm thinking about...my father." She blinked and sniffed and tried to keep herself from crying. "I'm thinking about our children. I'm thinking about you..." She turned to look at him for only a moment. "About you watching me lose my hair and waste away."  
  
"Maddie, please..." His heart broke at the look on her face.  
  
"I hate it," her voice cracked, her fingers twisting around the wheel as she sped up. "I hate what's going to happen and I hate what you're all going to see and I hate that we have no idea if it's going to even work!"  
  
"But we do," Harry shook his head. "They said that the prognosis was good, Maddie. They felt confident that it would work."  
  
"This time," she turned down a long stretch of road, driving faster. "My father beat it the first time too. We celebrated and we thought it was over and then....then it came back."  
  
"Maddie..." Harry reached out for her then, his hand soft on her arm. "Please." He knew she was hurting, knew she was afraid. But they were driving so fast down a dirt road and the very real risks right in front of them were making him more than a little nervous. "You need to slow down."  
  
"No," she shook her head. "I need to get away."  
  
"Get away where?" Harry looked out at the road and back to her. "Maddie slow down."  
  
"No."  
  
"You're scaring me."  
  
"You should have stayed at the house!" Her focus wasn't deterred and her speed only increased. "I told you to stay at the house!" She took a second to glance at Harry and the car wavered on the road and Harry's heart thumped in his chest.  
  
"God damn it Maddie SLOW DOWN!" His voice rose over the sound of the road, over the sound of the wind whipping into the car.  
  
"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" Yelled back, the scattered crazy look in her eyes more pronounced than ever.  
  
"Please." Harry whispered, soft and pleading. "We have four kids at home and I don't want to leave them without the both of us Maddie...please..."  
  
It was all he had left and it worked.  
  
The dirt swirled up in a cloud around them as she hit the brakes, the tears rushing from her eyes as she did what he asked. She put the car in park, there in the middle of the road and her head pressed into the steering wheel as she let loose and fell apart, the sobs pulling from deep inside her as she lost the battle with herself. Harry was out of the car and around to her side in a few quick strides. He opened her door and reached inside to her. Releasing her seat belt, he pulled her to him, wrapping her up in his arms as her head fell against his shoulder.  
  
"I'm so scared," she shook her head.  
  
"I know you are."  
  
"I don't know if I can do this."  
  
"Yes you can," Harry held tighter to her. "You can do anything."  
  
"I don't want to die Harry..." She pulled back from him then, her eyes so scattered as she looked up to him. "I don't want to leave you and the kids and...Oscar is barely a baby. He wouldn't even remember me if..."  
  
"No," Harry shook his head, his hands gripping her shoulders. "You are not going to die. Oscar is going to remember every minute of a long life with you Maddie. You are not going to die. You aren't."  
  
"You don't have control over that..." She whispered, looking up at the sky as she tried to take a deep breath. A deep breath that never came. "We have control over so little..."  
  
"But we have some control over this Maddie," he reached up to stroke her cheek.  
  
"I can't," she shook her head, her hands reaching up to push at his chest, wanting him to move–needing him to move. "I can't breathe."  
  
"Maddie..." Harry rose to his feet as she pushed past him, as she took a few steps towards the side of the road.  
  
"I can't..." She turned her face up to the sky, stretching her neck as her hand ran up her throat, as she tried to take a breath. "I can't breathe Harry. Since this morning, every time I try to take a breath, I just can't. My throat is tight and my lungs won't fill and I can't breathe!" Her voice rose loud into the night. "I just keep thinking about the chemo and the surgery and I'm trying to be positive and optimistic and every time somebody else starts crying I feel like I have to comfort them! I feel like I have to make THEM stop crying! I have to tell THEM that's it's going to be okay! That I'm going to be fine! And I'm NOT fine! And I don't know if it's going to be okay! I am scared and afraid and I'm nervous and I'm upset and I'm...I'm...I'm so fucking mad!" She yelled at Harry with fire in her eyes.  
  
"Good!" Harry yelled back at her, thankful to see something there other than panic. "Be mad, Maddie! Be furious!"  
  
"I AM furious!" Her voice rose. "I want to be able to cry and I want to be able to breathe and I want to....GOD, I just want to scream!"  
  
"Then scream!" Harry opened his arms up, gesturing around them. "Here we are in the middle of nowhere Maddie. Just do it, just let go and fucking scream already!"  
  
And she did. With her hands balled up in fists at her sides, her eyes squeezed shut and her face towards the sky, she opened her mouth and she screamed. It was loud and sharp and filled with so much pent up emotion that it made Harry want to cry.  
  
She screamed and screamed and screamed.  
  
Until finally, when the last bit of sound fell from her lips, when her throat felt raw from it all, when her eyes pulled open and looked at the stars above her, she could breathe. Finally.  
  
Everything around her, everything inside of her, had fallen quiet. Everything had boiled and exploded and, thankfully, was settling. The relief that she felt was intense. This time when the tears came they weren't strangled and heavy, they were soft and simple. Taking in another long, deep breath, Maddie swallowed and pulled her eyes from the sky, looking forward to her husband, to Harry who stood still as he watched her, strong and steady as he held the space for her.  
  
"I can breathe," she admitted in a voice that cracked.  
  
"Thank God," Harry answered sincerely, his hand pressing to his chest.  
  
"Ha..." She let out a small laugh. Pulling her eyes from his, she glanced down at her hands, down at her feet, at the dirt road she stood on. As though coming out of a trance, she blinked as she took in her surroundings; the car parked in the middle of the road with the engine still running and the headlights on, the POs standing about twenty yards away from them, next to the car they had jumped in when Maddie had gone tearing from the property. And then she looked back to Harry and he could see the realizations dawn on her. "Oh my God..." She shook her head, her fingers pressing to her lips.  
  
"Don't worry about it," he was quick to shake his head.  
  
"I'm so sorry," her voice cracked as she spoke.  
  
"You really shouldn't be," Harry moved towards her then, his shoulders easing, his racing pulse calming  
  
"I just...oh my God," her hands slid down to press to her stomach. "I can't believe I just...I'm so embarrassed."  
  
"There's no need to be," he was standing in front of her then, his hands reaching out to her in comfort, not in caution. "I'm the only one here. Well, me and Jim and Arthur."  
  
"Oh my God," she looked over to them, both of them relaxing back, giving them space while they waited. "They're going to be so mad at me."  
  
"No they aren't," Harry shook his head at her, chuckling lightly. "Though they probably aren't going to let you drive for a while."  
  
"Ha!" Maddie's head tipped back in laughter this time. "I'm sorry Captain," she lifted her hands to his cheeks, her eyes dark and warm as they met his. "I didn't mean to scare you but I just..."  
  
His hands rubbed her shoulders as he nodded his head. "You really, really needed it."  
  
Her smile was sweet and innocent and her eyes were tired and sad. "I did."  
  
"You don't have to put on a strong front for me Maddie. You don't have to put on a brave face," he moved in closer to her, wanting her to see that he meant it. "You can break down, you can throw a fit, you can kick and scream."  
  
"Though maybe not in the middle of the road?" She looked around them, touched by his words, by the sentiment behind them.  
  
Shrugging his shoulders, a grin pulled at Harry's lips. "Well, if it's going to be in the middle of the road, it's better it's here at Foxgrove then in London at Kensington?"  
  
"True," Maddie nodded, relaxing even further. "Thank you for coming with me."  
  
"I told you a long time ago, I would follow you to the edge of the earth Maddie."  
  
"Yeah," she nodded, growing emotional at the memory. "I just didn't think we'd get this close to the edge, you know?"  
  
"I know," he agreed, his own feelings stirring as he took her hand in his. "But I'm here with you and I'm going to be here with you. Okay?"  
  
"Okay," she nodded, sniffing and wiping at her eyes as she stepped in closer to him, leaning her body into his as he hugged her close and tight, as he finally sighed with relief.  
  
"Okay," he repeated, kissing the top of her head.  
  
"Maybe we should go back to the house now," Maddie's arms were loose as they moved around his waist.  
  
"You sure?' He lifted his eyebrows, ready to tease her. "You don't have anymore screaming left in you?"  
  
"I suppose I do," she grinned up at him. "But maybe another night?"  
  
"Give me warning first?"  
  
"Of course," she leaned up on her toes then to kiss his cheek. "Thank you for...all of this."  
  
"You're welcome love," he squeezed her in his arms once more before he stepped back, her hand still in his. "Come on. Let's get you home."  
  
"Okay," she breathed again, deep and slow, as she followed along. "Would you mind driving back?"  
  
"Mind?" He snickered, leading her around to the passenger side. "I thought you'd never ask." With a bit of soft laughter between them, Harry opened her car door and lifted a wave to Jim and Arthur who were watching them. Once Maddie was safe in the car, he shut the door behind her and began back around the car pausing only a moment to gulp back the lump of nerves and worry and fear he had been battling, to look up at the sky with shaky, teary eyes. "Thank you," he whispered to whatever God, whatever guardian angel who had intervened. "Thank you."


	23. Chapter 23

Maddie had been through so many firsts throughout her life. Some were wonderful, memorable stories; her first kiss, the first time she met Harry, the first time she held each of her children in her arms. Some of them were awkwardly funny; the first time she had sex, the first time she tried vegemite, the first time she met her father-in-law.

There were firsts that were sad, firsts that were scary, firsts that were hilarious, firsts that were accidents and naturally there were firsts that she'd rather forget.

But this was her first day of Chemotherapy and even though she knew what was coming, even though she had gone over and over the plan, she wasn't ready for this day.

As she stood in front of the mirror in their bathroom, fresh from a shower with her hair wrapped up in a towel, she was a bundle of anxiety and nerves. She hadn't slept well the night before. She had still been sore from where they had inserted the port--now a lump rising from her chest--and her mind had been racing with just how different her life was going to be after this day.

Smoothing lotion over her skin, she tried not to think about how dry it was going to be, about the rashes that might come or the cracks that might develop.

Brushing her teeth, she tried not to think of the sores that might form in her mouth, of how sensitive it might be, of the food she would grow to avoid.

And when she pulled the towel from her head and reached for the comb--she couldn't help but think about the hair she simply wasn't going to have much longer.

She closed her eyes for a moment, pulling in a long, slow, deep breath. Nothing was going to be the same after today.

Nothing.

The soft tap at the door pulled her from the edge of her spiral. Her eyes opened and she cleared her throat before calling out, "come in" to whomever it might be.

It was her husband--her tall, strong, steady husband. With his wide shoulders and his broad back, with eyes that lit up a room and a smile that lit up her heart--she wondered if he would be the same after today.

"I brought tea," he lifted his eyebrows as he lifted a mug and he stepped into their bathroom.

It was early in the morning, before the sun--or their children--were awake. It was chilly and cloudy and Maddie wanted to tuck into his arms with that mug of tea and never leave the warmth of their home.

But instead, she gulped back the sick feeling in her stomach, instead they had somewhere to be.

"Thank you," she smiled at him as she took it, leaning back against their counter as she took a sip.

"Would you like something eat?" His voice was quiet and soft as he moved in next to her, taking a sip from his own mug.

"I don't know," she shook her head. "My stomach is a mess."

"Sure," he nodded.

"And there's a really good chance I'll be sick..."

"Yeah," Harry exhaled, looking down into his tea, his own stomach turning as he thought ahead to Maddie's appointment. "Did you want me to run and fetch some saltines?" He lifted tired eyes to her. "I promise to buy the cheap ones."

"Ha..." Maddie's lips curled up as her brain flashed back over the handful of times Harry had had to nurse her sick stomach, tears that had been churning rose to the surface. "The cheap ones..." She sniffed and sighed and wiped at her tears. "You always do such a wonderful job taking care of me."

"There's not much that goes into it darling," he nudged her shoulder lightly with his. "Something fizzy, some cheap saltines...nothing like when you have to take care of me..."

"You mean when I throw the blankets over your head and lock you in your room until you can speak without whining?"

Though they both knew she was joking, Harry nodded his head and grinned. "Yes, that's exactly what I mean."

As their light laughter faded, as their smiles straightened out, their eyes met over the tension, over the great anxiety they had yet to speak of. It was amazing how, even with so few years together, they knew each other well enough to know where their minds were.

With half a smile, Harry pushed away from the counter and stood tall as he faced her.  
"I have a little surprise for you..."

"A surprise?" Maddie's eyes narrowed as she watched him.

"Mmm Hmmm," Harry nodded, his arms crossing over his chest as he held onto his mug.

"Is it that I don't have to go to Chemo today?" Maddie arched an eyebrow as she tried a stab at a darker sort of humor.

"No," Harry shook his head, not the least bit shaken by her mention of the word chemotherapy. It was unsettling how commonplace that word had become in the last few days. "You're still going to that."

"Boo." Her mouth curved into a frown, though her eyes were wide and full of expectation. "What is it then?"

"Here, let me..." Harry moved to set his mug on the counter behind her before reaching into his pocket. Pulling out his phone, he swiped his fingers over the screen a few times and then held it up to her ear.

"What are you..." She tried to move, tried to pull the phone into her vision to see what was going on, but Harry kept her in place with a shake of his head and a tap of his finger to her nose.

"No, no," he smirked as he warned her. "Just wait."

With her bottom lip pulled between her teeth, she bounced on her feet as she listened to the ringing and Harry was so in love with the way she could let even the smallest amount of excitement over the smallest of surprises into this mostly dark day.

When the ringing stopped and a familiar voice answered, Maddie's eyes lit up, her hand taking the phone from Harry's fingers and pressing it to her ear. "Kyle!"

"Maddie!" He sounded happy to hear from her; tired, but happy.

"Why in the world are we calling Kyle?" Her eyes searched Harry's face as she looked up to him. "It's so early there!"

"He wanted me to," Harry snickered, shaking his head and pointing to the phone in her hand. "Why don't you ask him."

"Kyle..." She sighed, turning her attention to her cousin all the way across the ocean. "What are you doing? What's going on?"

"It's not just me," Kyle was smiling on the other side of the phone. "It's all of us."

"All of you?" Maddie's eyes welled up.

"All of us," he repeated. "Here...everyone say hello to Maddie..."

As a loud, wild, chorus of "HELLO MADDIE!!!!" Sounded in her ear, Maddie had to press her fingers to her lips to keep from crying.

"What are you doing?" She whispered to her cousin.

"We just...we wanted to let you know that we love you," Kyle's voice was heavy with feeling as he explained. "That we're all in this with you, even if we're not actually...there."

"Kyle..." Maddie couldn't speak over the emotions that were stirring.

"You are one of the strongest women I know Maddie," her cousin wasn't swayed by her emotions or her tears. He had woken up in the middle of the night to talk to her, he was going to tell her. "And absolutely the most stubborn." Despite her tears, Maddie laughed. "And I'm not sure I've ever seen you walk away from a fight without winning. We're all with you today, okay? We're all here if you need us and you know....nothing's bigger, or stronger, than when all of us are on the same side..." Kyle's voice crack and silence sat with the two of them for a moment.

"Kyle..."

Clearing his throat, Kyle took a deep breath and when he spoke, it felt lighter. "Hey Maddie?"

"Yeah?" She wiped at her eyes.

"Do me a favor and tell Harry...it's time."

"What?" Maddie blinked, looking up to her husband in confusion.

"Just do it," Kyle insisted.

"Fine," she shook her head and raised her eyebrows to Harry. "Kyle says it's time."

"Got it," Harry nodded his head, seeming to know exactly what she was talking about even though she felt completely lost. "On three..." Harry called out, wanting his voice to carry to Kyle. "One. Two. Three."

On three, Maddie watched Harry lean around her to their stereo and, at nearly the exact same time as the music sounded out over the phone, it began to play in their bathroom.

As Jay Z's "I'm a Hustler Baby" rang out around her, Maddie could hear her cousins singing along on the other end of the phone. Through the tears in her eyes, she could see Harry's wide smile and her heart felt so warm and so loved.

When Harry started dancing, Maddie's laughter echoed around the room and Harry hoped that a part of this would carry with her throughout the rest of this day.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

After their impromptu dancing in the bathroom, Maddie eventually hung up with her cousins and finished dressing. Greta and Maude were there bright and early, helping finish with the children and swooping them off for a day of fun. After a myriad of hugs and kisses and lots of love, they were out the door leaving Maddie in quiet and calm with Harry and Hannah. Deciding it was better to have something in her stomach than not, Maddie sat down to a light breakfast with her husband while her mother finished getting ready.

Before long they were all in the entryway, pulling on jackets and stepping into shoes. Maddie was looking through the bag she had packed to take with her, slipping in one last magazine when a knock came to the door.

Looking up to Harry, Maddie's eyes held questions. "Arthur?"

"I don't know," Harry shook his head, glancing at his watch as he moved to answer it. "He's a little early." Adjusting the collar of his jacket, he reached for the doorknob and pulled open the door. Maddie gasped as Harry muttered "Holy Shit."

And on the other side of the door, a tired, sleepless, slightly scattered Ella, pressed her hand to her heart and sighed. "Thank God you're still here."

" ** _I'm_** still here?" Maddie abandoned the bag and moved towards the door, her eyes wide in astonishment. "What are you doing here?" She pointed at her best friend, her mind processing as Ella stepped into the foyer.

Moving right over to Maddie, she took a deep breath and softened. "You know why I'm here."

"But..." Maddie shook her head, glancing to Harry who was just as shocked as she was.

"As if there was a chance in hell I wasn't going to be here for this." Ella shook her head.

"What about..."

"Buenos Aires?" Ella offered. "Don't worry. I kept my promise and I went to Buenos Aires with Bishop. I just..." She shrugged her shoulders, her lips tugging up into a smirk. "I just  _came back_."

"You came back?" Maddie laughed at how absurd it all sounded.

"I did," Ella nodded, standing taller. "I mean, what good is being married to a man with a private jet at his disposal if I can't use it to be here...with my best friend. Today." As Ella's eyes softened, a surge of emotion filled the room, and Maddie thought she might cry. "I hope it's okay that I'm here."

"It is," Maddie nodded, moving to hug her best friend. "It is."

"I don't want to intrude," Ella looked over Maddie's shoulder to Harry. "I don't want to cut into a private moment..."

"You aren't," Harry assured her with a shake of his head, a touched smile. "You aren't intruding."

"Okay," Ella met his tear-filled eyes with her own and when he nodded, she smiled and hugged Maddie tighter. "Okay."

"Sir?" Jim's voice came from just outside the still opened front door, his smile soft and unassuming as he stepped inside.

"Jim?" Maddie released her hold on Ella as she looked to Harry's RPO.

"Ma'am," he stood taller as he faced her, his hands folded in front of him, his smile small and soft. "The cars are ready out front when you are."

"Okay," Maddie nodded her head, swallowing at the lump that rose into her throat. "Okay." Squeezing Ella's arm, Maddie's gaze shifted to Harry who was already on his way to her side.

"Here, let me..." He reached for her bag, pulling it up over his shoulder.

"I can still carry my own bag you know," she tried for stern, but she smiled sweetly and scooped his hand into hers.

"I know," he nodded, squeezing her fingers. "But it makes me feel...useful."

"Ah," Maddie's smile pulled higher as she pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Thank you." With his hand in hers, she turned to face everyone in the room. "Okay. Well. Are we ready?"

Hannah, biting at her bottom lip, met her daughter's eyes and shook her head. "No."

Ella, linking her arm with Hannah's, blinked at the tears in her eyes and echoed the same sentiment. "No."

"No," Harry exhaled as he stood tall next to her.

Turning her eyes up to him, Maddie nodded her head. She swallowed at the nervousness building in her throat and her fingers tightened around his. "No," she took a deep breath and let it out and then, with Harry right at her side, she stepped forward and lead the group full of love and anxiety out the door.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"It's a lovely room..." Maddie was the first to speak after the Doctor had stepped from the private room they were in. She had met with Maddie, had her blood drawn to run tests they would run every time she came in; checking her blood and platelet count. She had gone over how the day would go, had answered a few questions and then, after inviting back in the rest of the group, she slipped from the room, allowing them some time to settle in and get comfortable before the nurse returned to begin treatments.

"It is," Hannah nodded as she looked around, as she took it all in; the soft colored walls, the large windows overlooking the courtyard garden. There was plenty of space for the four of them, plenty of space for even more if needed.

"I suppose that this is my chair..." Maddie let out a laugh, nervous and light, as she stood in front of the large chair fit to recline and warm up. It was silly, she knew it, to be anxious about sitting down. She knew that this was going to happen, no matter where she sat, that the nurse was going to come in and she was going to have the bags full of chemicals. But as she looked at the chair in front of her, she felt her stomach turn and she instantly rolled her eyes at herself.

"You okay?" Harry's voice was soft and low in her ear as he moved to stand next to her.

Pressing her lips together, she swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded her head, trying to will the nervousness from her body, the tears from her eyes. "Yes," she whispered, turning a smile up to him.

But when her eyes met his, the look that was in them--like she was fragile, like she might break--brought a burst of laughter to her lips.

"What?" Harry lifted his eyebrows, taken aback by her reaction. "Why are you laughing at me?"

"Because," Maddie shook her head, sniffing as she squeezed his arm. "You're looking at me like I'm a sad, little puppy about to be run over by a car."

"I...I am not!" He tried to deny it, though his effort was weak.

"Would you stop?" Maddie leaned into him then, her hand sliding up and around to his back. "This is going to be hard enough without you looking at me like that..."

"I'm sorry," Harry turned to press a kiss to her head. "I'm sorry and yes of course I'll...I'll do what I can to stop."

"Thank you," Maddie sighed and, biting her bottom lip between her teeth, she turned and sat down in the chair. "That wasn't so hard," she whispered to herself.

"No it wasn't," Harry grinned as he leaned to kiss her, winking as he pulled away. "And a sad little puppy about to be run over by a car?" One eyebrow arched as he shook his head at her. "Your head goes a little dark sometimes, no?"

"Ha..." She laughed. "You have no idea." Reaching up to squeeze his hand once more, Maddie leaned back into the chair and looked past Harry to her mother and her best friend.

"Is there anything I can get you?" Ella asked. Selecting a chair and taking a seat, she reached into her bag. "I have snacks, I have magazines and Bishop....sent his love and...this." With a grin she pulled Bishop's flask from her bag.

"Oh Jesus Christ," Maddie rolled her eyes with a laugh. "Of course he did."

"Of course he did," Harry shook his head with half a smirk. "Would you please put that away?"

"Sure, sure," Ella chuckled, doing as he asked. "Just let me know if anyone needs a shot."

"Thanks," Maddie snickered again, pushing at her chair, making it recline. "I'll keep you posted. And you mother? How are you doing?"

Hannah looked up from her chair, her eyes settling on her daughter. Though she was smiling, there was something sad behind her eyes. "I'm okay."

"Mom?" Maddie's head tipped to the side, reading her mother's response.

"Well," Hannah took a deep breath. "In all the times that I've been in a room exactly like this, I've never imagined it would be my daughter on the receiving end..." Hannah wasn't the only one in the room fighting back tears.

"Yeah," Maddie nodded, looking down at her hands as she struggled with the horrible realization of what it would be like if she were there with Lilli. "Yeah."

"I'm okay Maddie," Hannah assured her, patting the comforting hand that Harry laid on her shoulder. "I'm remembering my role today is all."

Clearing her throat, Ella sat forward in her chair, her eyebrows raising to Hannah. "Would you like to hold on to my husband's flask?"

As laughter stirred up around the room, Maddie could feel the tension begin to relax, could feel them all ease into their spots, into their day. And it was just in time for the nurse to return.

With a knock to the door, Nurse Harding stepped into the room. She was tall and slim and had a smile that was warm and inviting in a way that brought a little peace to Maddie's nervous stomach.

"Good Morning," Nurse Harding shut the door behind her, looking around at the small group that was gathered. She had been well prepared and advised for the arrival of the Duchess so she had had time for the shock and surprise to wear off and she was ready to provide the top notch treatment she felt she always put forth for her patients. "I just met with the Doctor and we went over your blood results and she okayed your treatment plan for the day."

"Good," Maddie exhaled, her fingers gripping the arm of her chair nervously.

"As you know, we'll check your numbers before each treatment. It's not surprising that you're clear for today since it's your first. But in upcoming months there may be a time, or times, when we might have to delay based on your blood count."

"Yes," Maddie nodded. "The Doctor explained that."

"Good," Nurse Harding smiled and took a step further into the room, moving towards Maddie. "Is this chair good for you?"

"I think so," Maddie adjusted in her spot.

"Good, good," the Nurse smiled, pulling up a seat so that she could sit in front of Maddie. "Can I see your port?"

"Sure," Maddie leaned forward, unbuttoning a few buttons on her blouse, tucking down the fabric.

"Okay," the nurse smiled, her fingers reaching out to poke around it, to get a feel for its placement. "It looks good. Does it still feel a bit tender?"

"It does," Maddie nodded.

"Yeah," the nurse smiled at her. "The first thing I'm going to do is flush some fluids through your port. We'll do that every time you come in; begin and end with a little fluid."

"Okay," Maddie answered as everyone else in the room nodded.

"And then we'll start your treatment. We have three bags of chemotherapy that we'll run through; one right after the other. Today we're going to run through them a little slower than we normally will. We do that so we can really monitor your reaction to the chemicals, so you'll need to let me know how you're feeling; if you get warm, if you get cold, if you get nauseous. Let me know if you have any headaches or chest pain or anything that feels off."

"Okay," Maddie swallowed at the dryness in her throat.

"You can move around if you would like; take a walk or go to the restroom--the IV pole is pretty mobile. But at first I want to keep you in this chair until we know how it's going to affect you. Okay?"

"Okay."

"You can eat or drink anything you like, anything that sounds good, that would be comforting," the nurse smiled sweetly. "If you need anything-- _anything_ \--you just let me know. We have blankets and fans and music. You have control of the temperature in your room and the tv if you would like. And I'm sure that any of these people here with you would be happy to fetch anything you need."

"Absolutely," Harry nodded as he stood behind the nurse. With his arms crossed over his chest, he watched his wife closely as he took in what the nurse was explaining.

"And..." The nurse leaned in closer to Maddie, lowering her voice as she smiled warmly. "If you ever need me to kick anyone out of here, you just let me know. I got you."

"Ha!" Maddie's head tipped back in laughter. "Thank you. Thank you. I'll keep that in mind."

"Good," Nurse Harding offered a grin and a wink before she rose from her seat and turned to the rest of the group. "Though I'm sure the reminder isn't necessary, I'm going to give one anyway. This is Maddie's treatment room and, in Maddie's treatment room, Maddie is in charge. You do what she asks or you step out. Understood?"

A chorus of yes's and nods flowed around the room and Nurse Harding continued.

"If myself or any of the medical professionals ask you to step out of the room for whatever reason, we need you to do so and we need you to do right away. Understood?"

Yes's and nods.

"When I bring the chemotherapy into the room, you're all welcome to stay in here with Maddie but it's important that you not touch it. It's important that your skin not come in contact with it. I myself will be wearing special gloves, a mask, and for one of them an insulated gown..."

"I'm sorry," Harry spoke up, his eyes wide as he shook his head. "You're going to bring in chemicals that we can't touch, chemicals that you're going to be wearing special items in order to administer...and you're going to just...pump them right into my wife's bloodstream..." He had known this was what it was, had known that this was how it would go. But hearing it like this, the warnings and the preparations, it made his stomach turn just a bit.

"I'm sorry," Maddie smiled up to the nurse, reaching for Harry's hand. "He's very nervous."

"He is." Harry nodded his head, glancing between Maddie and the nurse. "He is very nervous."

"That's understandable," the nurse nodded, soft and sweet as she kept her gaze on Harry's. "Most people standing in your shoes are incredibly nervous about the process. But I promise you Sir, we're going to do everything we can to help your wife beat this disease and we're going to make her as comfortable as we can while we do it."

"I know," Harry's head nodded, his hand rubbing at the back of his neck as he stepped back, as he backed down. "I know. I'm sorry."

"It's quite alright," she reached out to pat his shoulder, giving him a moment before she turned back to Maddie. "Alright Maddie. Are you ready to get started?"

Swallowing at the lump in her throat, fighting off the tears in her eyes and the nervous swell in her stomach, Maddie took a deep breath, met her mother's eyes across the room, and she nodded. "Yes...yes I am."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Exhausted. That was how she felt. Drained. Weary. Completely, utterly spent.

The three rounds of treatment with a push of fluids on each side had taken her nearly the entire day. They had gone slow, just as they said they would, watching closely for any reaction. During the second of the three chemicals, one that was made from the root of a tree found deep in the rainforest, Maddie's body reacted.

It started with a heat, the feeling of the chemo pushing through her veins. Then she felt a rush of warmth to her skin, like she had just stepped off the plane in Bendal on one of the hottest days she could remember. A flush of pink, a sheen of sweat and she swore she could feel her heart beating in her throat.

And then she felt faint.

Nurse Harding was right there, just as she said she would be; adjusting her chair back, applying cold cloths, and slowing down the flow of the drip. She was quick to check her pulse, quick to check her blood pressure, and after both the numbers and Maddie reported she was doing better, the nurse gave a reassuring smile to Harry and slipped back from the room, making a note for next time.

It had taken hours, hours. Ella had slipped out with Hannah to grab some lunch and when they had come back ready to send Harry, Maddie was in mid-reaction to the chemo and there wasn't any budging the stubborn man from her room. The day had simply slipped away from them.

Maddie felt slower; like she was walking through Jello, like she was  _thinking_ through Jello and by the time she was in the car heading back to Kensington, all she really wanted to do was take a hot bath to alleviate the aches and crawl into bed.

She wanted to sleep.

With heavy eyes, she tucked into Harry's side, she laid her head on his shoulder, and she rode out the trip home in silence.

The air in the car was heavy, the gravity of what was happening weighing on their collective shoulders. Though their eyes met over a sleepy Maddie, conveying the same feelings of nervousness, of helplessness, of worry. Though Hannah tried to comfort Harry with a smile, with a soft pat to his knee, she knew all too well what it was like to watch the love of your life take the hit that Harry had just witnessed. And she knew all too well that there was very little comfort that could be provided.

Maddie was up for just a little while longer. Insisting she be there to see the children, she refused to go straight to bed. Instead, she made home in the living room. Harry propped up pillows and brought her a favorite soft blanket while Hannah made tea and toast; something light, simple and easy. Ella, who would be staying for a couple of days, took her bags up to a spare room and got ready to greet the children, ready to step into whatever role they needed her to be.

Maddie stayed awake much longer than she thought she would. She was awake to see the children, to assure them that she was fine and that she would be even better soon. She sat with them while they ate dinner, listening to their tales from the day and reveling in the wonderful chaos that was her family--because being a mother didn't end. It didn't pause.

Even for Cancer.

She ate half her toast and sipped most of her tea and, as Ella and Hannah rounded the children up, as they ushered them towards the stairs; towards bath and books and bed, Maddie sat at the table, listening to the giggles and the shouts, watching as her children rushed from the room, leaving just her and Harry.

Sinking into the seat next to her, he gathered her hand into his, dropping a kiss to the top of it, holding it close to his chest. "How are you love?"

"Hmmm..." She turned a hazy smile to him. "I'm tired and achy...it feels a bit like the flu."

"Yeah," Harry nodded. "Maybe you let me take you upstairs to bed?"

Her lips lifted in a weak attempt at a smile. "Remember when that used to sound sexier?"

"Yes," he chuckled, holding onto her hand as he rose from his seat. "I do remember. Come on darling. You look exhausted. Let me take you up and tuck you in."

"But..." Maddie began her protest, even though she had little fight left in her.

"But what?" Harry smiled as she sat up, as she sighed and gave into him.

"But nothing," she shook her head. Taking his offered hand, Maddie rose from the table.

He had her tucked into bed in a matter of minutes, arranging a few items at her bedside table; some tea, some crackers. "I'm going to go check on bathtime. But I'll be back to check on you shortly," Harry promised as he leaned in to kiss her cheek.

"Hey..." Maddie grabbed for his hand as he stepped away. "Hey. Thank you," she smiled up at him from her pillow. "I know today was hard for you..."

"For me?" Harry's eyebrows shot up. "Jesus Christ, Maddie..."

"Harry," she quieted him with a smile, with a squeeze of her fingers. "I just wanted to say thank you. It meant a great deal to me that you were there today," she let go of his hand and cuddled into her pillow. "That you're here now."

"Of course," Harry's voice was heavy and deep as he stood next to the bed looking down at her. She looked so calm, so peaceful that he almost forgot what lay ahead.

He knew this was only the beginning. He knew that when she woke tomorrow she was going to feel worse, knew that in a few weeks when they returned to the same room, to the same nurse--it was only going to get worse. He watched her for a moment, watching for her to drift off to the sleep he knew she needed, the sleep he knew she craved. He watched as her breath evened out as her smile faded slowly from her lips.

Only then did he step from the room, pulling the door closed before he hurried off to his children, to the wet, bubbly mess that Ella and Hannah were managing like experts. After checking in on Ella and Oscar, he went to the bathroom where his daughter was dressed in pajamas while Grandma combed her hair and the boys were soaped up in the tub.

"Where's mummy?" Oliver looked up to his father with wide, happy eyes.

"Mummy's sleeping," Harry bent next to the bathtub. "She had her medicine today, remember?"

"Her medicine to make the Cancer go away?" Lilli asked from her perch where Hannah was running a comb through her wet hair.

"Yes," Harry nodded, turning his smile up to her. "The medicine to make the Cancer go away. And remember, the medicine makes mum tired and achy..."

"Like when I'm sick?" Malcolm pressed his hand to his own chest, nodding his head like he already knew he was right.

"That's right," Harry chuckled softly. "Like when you're sick."

"Will she feel better in the morning?" Oliver asked.

"She might," Harry shrugged his shoulders. "But it might be a few more days before she can play, okay?"

"Okay," Oliver nodded.

"Okay," Malcolm echoed, copying his brother's voice, his brother's nod.

"Can we go see her?" Lilli asked, her bottom lip pulling into her teeth--just like Maddie's did.

"You can," Harry stood up, reaching out to squeeze her hand. "She's sleeping right now so you could only peek in if you promised not to wake her." The children giggled. "And tomorrow you can definitely go in and see her."

The children seemed to be satisfied with his answers, with their understanding of what was happening.

"Daddy?" Oliver looked up to his father from the tub.

"Yes Ollie?"

"Do you think, tomorrow, when mum is awake, that maybe she might want to see a new magic trick?"

Harry's spirits lifted along with the laughter in the room. "You know what buddy? I think she would love to see a new magic trick."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Maddie had no idea what time it was when she woke, but when her eyes pulled open, she felt awful.

Like maybe she had been run over by a truck. It was still dark outside and her husband slept soundly at her side. As much as she wanted to sleep, her body simply wasn't having it. The ache inside of her had only increased, her muscles hurt, her bones hurt, her skin hurt. Hell, her hair hurt.

She was careful as she slipped from their bed, quiet as she went to their bathroom. The last thing she wanted to do was wake Harry, was to worry him. So she closed the door to the bathroom and she flipped on the light.

After her eyes took a second to adjust, she looked at herself in the mirror.

She didn't look different. Not yet at least. Leaning in for a closer look, she could feel the sensitive area in her chest surrounding the port. Her instinct was to rub it, but that would only make it worse so instead she took a deep breath and looked for the ibuprofen she knew was well stocked. Filling a glass with water, she tossed back the pills and took down the glass of water. She was thirsty and her throat was dry and the cold, wet liquid felt amazing as it coated her throat.

What a day, she thought, turning to lean back against the counter. She stood there for a moment, quietly taking stock of her body, of the range of things she was feeling. She made note of the aches and the pains, acknowledged the way this had hit her.

Her head hurt.

Her mind felt slower.

Her pee had been bright red from the chemicals.

Her mouth tasted like...metal? Pennies? The way burning plastic smelt? She wasn't sure exactly what the taste was. But the instant she thought of it, her senses were overwhelmed by it. She could taste it and she could smell it and before she could stop to think much about it, her body was reacting.

She pushed away from the counter, running to the toilet with barely enough time to throw open the lid, barely enough time to fall to her knees before she was getting sick. Her stomach convulsed and clenched and she lost the ibuprofen and the water and the tea and the toast and everything around her smelled like Chemotherapy. Everything tasted like Chemotherapy and she couldn't get it out of her mouth and she couldn't get it out of her nose and even as she tried to gain control of what was happening there in that moment, she knew.

The Chemotherapy was a part of her now. It was in her blood and in her bones and in her skin. And there, on the floor of her bathroom, she started to cry.

"Maddie?" Harry's voice was heavy with sleep as he called out to her. "Maddie..." He knocked softly on the door and waited only a second before he stepped inside. "Maddie!" He moved quickly then, right to the floor, right next to her. "Hey...hey...Are you okay?"

"No," she shook her head, finally pulling up and away from the toilet. "I'm...so sick." She reached up above her and pulled at a towel hanging above her so she could wipe her face.

"I know baby, I know," he reached up to help her tug it free. "Here. Let me help."

"No," she shook her head at him again, giving him a light push to his chest. "You should stay back. There's vomit and..."

"You think I'm scared of a little vomit?" He smiled down at her, bringing the towel to her face, smoothing it gently over her lips. "Come on. I've seen you give birth to four children...four children who've then spit up all over me. Multiple times. I'm not afraid of a little..."

"But it's not just that," she closed the lid to the toilet, flushed it and then sat back against the wall, pulling the towel from his hands as she wiped her face. "I had Chemo today Harry..." Her voice cracked as she said his name. "And now it's in my blood and my spit and my vomit."

"I know," Harry moved so he was sitting in front of her, his long legs stretching out and around her as he drew her to him, as he drew her into his arms. "I know. And I'll be careful Maddie but...God baby, I'm not going to leave you down here on the floor like this. I'm just not." His fingers lifted to push her hair back and off her forehead.

"This isn't the last time this is going to happen," Maddie shook her head at him.

"I know that," Harry assured her.

"And it's only going to get worse..."

"I know that too," Harry whispered, his arms wrapping nearly completely around her, wishing it were enough to keep her from all of this. "And every time it happens, no matter how bad it is, I'm going to come in here and I'm going to pick you up off this floor Maddie, just like I'm going to do right now. Understood?"

Because she needed to be held, because she needed to be taken care of, because she needed him, Maddie gave in without a fight. Her fingers clung to him as her head nodded, as her soft, hoarse voice whispered, "understood."

And then, because he meant every word he had said that night, because he had meant every promise he had ever made to her, because the vows he had made to her were sacred, Harry helped Maddie up from the floor of their bathroom. He took her to bed and settled her in and only when she was comfortable did he go back to clean up.

He knew it was going to get worse, knew it was going to get awful and if he could have stepped in for his wife, if he could have taken on the brunt of this battle they were fighting, he would have.

But instead he had this--this time when he could stand at her side, when he could be at her service, while they stood together, refusing to let this take her down, to let this take her from him.

It was only the beginning, only the first day, the first treatment, but Harry was ready. And, as he looked down at his wife, drifting peacefully back to sleep, he knew that deep down, she was too.

Because even though there were many aspects of their lives that were forever going to be changed because of this--there were many, many more that weren't.

Maddie was still the same, strong, stubborn woman Harry had met in Bendal. The same woman who ordered him to unload a truck full of boxes, the same woman who refused to be scared away by violence. She was the same woman who stood strong when the press came after her, the same woman who didn't back down to Wally, to Cassandra, to Caua, to any threat that had come their way.

And Harry was still the same man, the very same who had helped her up off the floor so many times before--when she was sick and they had to cancel their first trip to the Northern Lights, when she was laying on the floor of St. Paul's Cathedral contemplating the very large next steps they were taking. He was the same man who knew her well enough to know when she needed him next to her and when she needed to stand on her own.

They were, and had always been, stronger together than they were apart. It had been that way since the beginning and it would be that way till the end. Till an end neither of them were ready to face anytime soon.

 


	24. Chapter 24

The day after the first day of Maddie's Chemotherapy, was worse than the first; much worse. The ache had settled into her bones and the nausea that had taken home in the pit of her stomach kept her from eating much of anything. She stayed in bed, in the dark, for the better part of Day Two.

On Day Three she felt...better. She ventured out of the bedroom, ate something small, something mild. She happily piled all four of her children into her bed with her and read them a book before Harry scooped them up and took them to bed.

By Day Four, she started to feel more like herself, started to feel more normal. She showered and dressed, she had more of a breakfast then she had had in days and she ate every meal at the table like a normal human being. A normal human being who swore she could still smell the chemo on her skin.

And finally, on Day Five, she insisted on doing some work. Though her husband protested, she insisted and, through a negotiation only Harry with those sweet eyes of his could manage, Maddie compromised and agreed to an update meeting with Isaac--in Harry's office at home.

It wasn't exactly what she had in mind but she would take it. After breakfast, after the children had been whisked away for the day, she made her way down to Harry's office. Though she rolled her eyes at the pillows and blankets Harry had stacked on the couch, she plucked up her favorite blanket and took a seat at the table. Settling into her seat, she took a sip from her mug of tea and smiled up at Harry and Isaac as they stepped into the office--surprised to find her already there.

"Hey," Harry's breath came up easier when he saw her sitting at the table, when he saw the color coming back into her cheeks. "How are you feeling? Can I get you anything?" He leaned to kiss her, waiting for her response before taking his chair.

"No, no," she shook her head, her fingers squeezing his arm before she released him. "I have tea and my blanket and...I'm feeling pretty good." Her eyes met her husband's offering him the reassurances he needed before he stepped away from her. "Isaac," she turned her smile to him.

"Ma'am," he bent to kiss her cheek, to greet her. "I'm happy you're feeling well."

"Me too," she nodded as she patted his shoulder.

"I have to tell you, you look wonderful," he took a step back from her, smoothing down his tie as he moved to his chair.

"You  _have_  to?" Harry arched an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth twisting into a smirk, pleased with the laughter that came from Maddie.

"Yes Sir," Isaac stood tall, meeting Harry's grin with one of his own.

"Alright you two," Maddie rolled her eyes at the two of them, happy to be in the room, in the meeting; happy to be involved in something normal again. "Why don't we get to work?"

"Yes Ma'am," Isaac nodded, chuckling as he took his seat, catching the playful looks tossed back and forth between Harry and Maddie. "Where would you like to start?"

"I don't know," Maddie shook her head with a sigh. "I suppose you should fill me in on what I've missed?" She pulled her hands into her lap. "How did the announcement go on Monday?"

"Ah yes," Isaac's smile shifted on his face; soft and warm and heavy with feeling. He glanced up at Harry who had already been brought up to speed and the two of them shared a look Maddie instantly caught.

"What?" She looked between the two of them. "What is it?"

Clearing his throat, Isaac took a breath and leaned forward. His hands drew together and his eyes were kind as he turned his attention to Maddie, to the Duchess, to the woman who had no idea the outpouring of love and affection that had been flowing her way.

As Isaac thought back to Monday, back to the moment it all became public knowledge, he felt the same overwhelming drives he had felt that day--love and respect and a greater urge to step in front of any sort of negativity that might be coming her way.

And, he was thankful to report, he hadn't had to step in front of anything yet. Because, so far, it had been nothing but warm wishes of health and recovery.

He could still remember it, the way the news of Maddie's diagnosis lit up the media. It was like a strike of lightning to a dry land. It landed with a bang and it spread far and fast, before he could hope to get a handle on it. He remembered the moment he gave the green light to release the statement. He remembered standing back and waiting; counting off the seconds in his head before it blew up.

Seventeen. It took seventeen seconds before it exploded. The dust still hadn't settled from the fallout and if Isaac were being honest, he wasn't sure that it would anytime soon.

"People love you Ma'am," he was frank as he spoke to her. "They simply love you. Even those where were just warm on you before have come over to the other side."

"The other side?" Maddie lifted her eyebrows, her cheeks flushing a bit from the mild embarrassment she felt, the embarrassment that was only going to increase as Isaac continued.

"We've received messages of good health, of love and luck, messages of sympathy from nearly every foreign head of state; The German Chancellor, the French Prime Minister, the President of the United States..."

"What?" Maddie couldn't mask the shock in her eyes.

"We've received  _actual_ Get Well cards by the dozens," he smiled as he thought of Libby and Anya and the sorting and filing system they had created. "People all over the country, all over the Kingdom..." He shook his head. "Normal, everyday citizens, celebrities."

"What?" Maddie's mind was having a hard time wrapping around it all.

"The Beckhams, Elton John and David Furnish," Isaac went through a mental list in his head. "Daniel Craig..."

"James Bond sent me a card?" Maddie didn't even try to hide her grin from her husband's narrowed gaze.

"He did," Isaac was more than mildly amused at the look on Harry's face. "It's been...wonderful really, just how much love and support people are sending to you. If you've ever had any doubts about the people adopting you as one of their own..." He shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. "Let your mind be at ease. You are...a part of a great many families."

"I don't know what to say," Maddie shook her head, taking it all in as she sat back in her chair. "I don't know what to do about all of it."

"Nothing," Isaac shook his head. "We can release a blanketed thank you for all of the well wishes, you can even tweet it out if you want," he smiled at her. "But our office is handling responses to the cards and letters."

"Thank you," Maddie's smile was small and humble as she reached for her tea. "Can I see some of them?"

"Of course," Isaac nodded, making a note in his notebook. "I can have Libby send over a sampling."

"And the one from James Bond?" Maddie couldn't help but ask, even as she winked at Harry.

"Yes," Isaac laughed. "Especially the one from James Bond."

"You know I think I might have to fire you," Harry's voice was flat, his lips twitching to move into a smirk.

"Yes Sir."

"Okay," Maddie laughed at the two of them, settling back into the flow of things.

"One last thing on the announcement front," Isaac held up his finger as the laughter died down. "Before treatment began, we kind of discussed the idea of doing a more in-depth story on what this experience has been like for you." His smile softened as he looked to her. "I'm not pushing here, I'm asking. Where does your interest level lie with that at this point?"

Maddie paused for a moment, thoughtful and introspective, before she looked up to Harry. "What do you think?"

Harry offered a smile of support and shrugged his shoulders. "I think this one is completely your decision."

Maddie nodded, having known he would say that. Chewing on the corner of her lip, she looked up to Isaac. "Who would do it?"

"Andrew Bradley," he answered without missing a beat. "We've had him on the inside before, he's very good, and I think the two of you think of him as a friend."

"We do," Harry spoke up as Maddie nodded her agreement. "Have you asked him?" He looked to Isaac, his thoughts drifting to the conversation he had with Andrew what felt like forever ago.

"I did," Isaac replied. "In a completely unofficial way, just to gauge his interest."

"And?" Maddie lifted her eyebrows, unaware of Harry holding his breath across the table.

"And," Isaac softened even further as he remembered. "He said he'd be honored, Ma'am, that if you wanted him to do it, he'd be honored to do it."

"Okay..." Maddie nodded, Harry let out a breath, his lips curling up into a smile. "Okay. I'm going to think about it a little bit, talk it over with my family. I'll get back to you?"

"Of course Ma'am."

"Now..." Maddie adjusted in her chair, sitting tall. "How about the official stuff?"

"Ma'am?"

"You know...work," Maddie waved her hand. "What do we have coming up?"

"Well," Isaac resisted the urge to look to Harry and instead met her gaze. "Your schedule is clear Ma'am."

"Clear?" Maddie blinked her eyes in confusion. "For how long?"

"Indefinitely."

"Indefinitely?" The tone of Maddie's voice shifted as she repeated his words. "That...isn't what we discussed. We were going to scale back..."

"And we have."

"We were going to scale back a little!" She retorted with a huff of breath. "I assumed I wouldn't have anything this week, but surely next week..."

"No Ma'am," Isaac held her gaze, held his ground, as he delivered the news he had known wouldn't be well received. "We've pushed pause on your engagements for the time being."

"We?!" Maddie could feel her skin flush warm and red as her eyes shifted across the table to her husband. "When you say 'we'..."

"This wasn't me," Harry was quick to shake his head, quick to throw his hands up in surrender, having known this was exactly how this would go down.

"Then who was it?" Maddie turned back to Isaac who was lucky enough to sit in the hot seat on this one.

"It was The King, Ma'am."

"The..." Maddie started her rebuff but her words trailed off. "The King?"

"Mmm," Isaac nodded. "And he was clear that if you wanted to...take the piss out of someone about it..." He couldn't help the curl of his lips as he quoted Charles. "I was to direct you right to him."

"To Charles," Maddie lifted her eyebrows.

"Yes Ma'am," Isaac smiled. "He said he'd be more than happy to discuss it with you."

As Maddie sat back in her chair, contemplating what Isaac had just said, she looked across the table at Harry who was chuckling to himself. "You think this is funny."

"I do," Harry nodded, the humor in his eyes softening at her expression. "But you clearly do not." Taking a deep breath, he leaned forward. "Tell me."

"I just..." She sighed, her head tipping to the side. "I don't want to do  _nothing_. I don't want to just sit around when I could be doing something. Surely you understand that? Imagine if your father benched you for months."

"He's not benching you," Harry held up a finger. "But I see your point."

"What do I do?"

"What do you want to do? For work, I mean? Because it took you five days to get  _here_  after the first round and we both know that each hit is going to knock you down a little bit harder and it's going to take a little bit longer."

"I know," Maddie could feel the resignation heavy on her shoulders.

"And you have five more rounds of this," he pointed out. "Not to mention the massive surgery that's coming up."

"I know," Maddie looked down at her hands, hating how invasive this was going to be.

"I also think it's worth pointing out that you took time off from all of this for each of the children."

"That's different!" Maddie's eyes were wide as they lifted to him.

"How?"

"I was taking care of a baby."

"Yes," Harry nodded, softening even further. "And now you're taking care of yourself."

She knew he was right. Even as she let out the heavy sigh of surrender. She knew he was right but she hated it. She hated that this was happening, hated the way decisions were being made for her--even if it really was for the best. Biting at her bottom lip, she thought it all over, tossing it back and forth, weighing it out.

"Maddie..." Harry reached across the table to her. "Tell me what you want."

"Invictus," she answered with a bat of her eyes. "Invictus is in a few weeks and I want to be there. I don't have to be at everything but...I want to be a part of it. I've been at every single one since you started it and this is the first time it's been back in England and...I want to be there." Though Harry's mouth opened, she hurried ahead. "And we're talking about wounded soldiers here. We're talking about men and women who have been through worse than I'm going through and the idea of not going because I don't feel well..." She shook her head and took a deep breath. "I want to go to Invictus."

"Okay," Harry wrote something down on his notepad. "Anything else?"

"The Well Child Awards."

Harry met her eyes and nodded, making another note. "Anything else?"

"I want to be there for Remembrance Day celebrations and...and I want to do the Sentebale Gala."

"Madeline..." Harry rubbed at the back of his neck. "I'm willing to go to my father with you, to ask for something back, but I'm not going to go to him and ask him to load your schedule back up. You're fighting cancer. You're going to feel worse than you do now and The Sentebale Gala is right in the middle, right around your surgery."

"Yes it is," Maddie agreed. "But it's sitting down the whole time, it's eating and being entertained..."

"It's making the rounds. It's small talk and meeting people and..."

"We've been every year since we were married!" She threw her hands up in the air. "Every year and now I'm going to say no?! Because I have Cancer. I'm going to say no to the people who benefit from Sentebale because I'm sick? Come on Harry, work with me here."

"Work with  _me_ here," he tossed back, shaking his head as he dropped his pen onto his notebook.

"You asked me what I want. I want Invictus. I want Well Child. I want Remembrance Day and I want the Sentebale Gala. I will back off everything else if I can just...have those."

Isaac sat completely still, completely quiet as he watched the two of them watch each other; each of them reading the mood of the other, the strength of the stance they were taking in this moment. If he had had less self-control, he might have laughed--this wasn't the first time he had watched them square off and he knew it most certainly wouldn't be the last.

Harry was the first to blink, the first to let out the breath he was holding and sit back in his chair, pushing his notebook forward. Maddie, with the smallest of smiles, turned to Isaac then.

"Would you please call and see when I can get on His Majesty's calendar?"

"Ma'am?" Isaac blinked.

"You said that he told you if I wanted to take the piss out of anyone about it, that I could see him," she shrugged her shoulders and folded her hands in her lap. "And I'd like to get on his schedule."

"Yes," Isaac nodded, unable to stop the smirk that formed on his lips. "I'll call over this afternoon and see what's available." Making a note, he shrugged his shoulders. "I'm sure he's expecting it."

"I'm sure he is," Harry shook his head, a light chuckle on his lips as he met Isaac's eyes across the table.

"Excuse me?" Maddie, with her mouth open wide and her eyes even wider, looked between the two of them. "What do you mean by that?"

Harry looked to her then, a smug grin in place as he reached to pat her hand. "You know exactly what we mean by that love. Exactly what we mean."

As the three of them gave into the laughter that came with moments such as these, they settled back into their seats and Isaac moved on to the next item on the list.

In the end Maddie sat down with Charles one-on-one to discuss the clearing of her calendar, to go over the items she wanted to add back in. He made it clear that his top priority was her health, her well-being. His top priority was his family. And she made it clear that while that was most certainly hers too--that she wasn't sure it was the best thing for her health or her well-being for her to just sit and do nothing.

So they came to the table and he agreed to her compromise. She could be involved with Invictus and she could attend the Well Child awards. He was on board with Remembrance Day as long as she was still feeling up to it. Though she expected to meet the same resistance around the Sentebale Gala as she had met with his son--she was surprised when she was met with none.

He okayed everything she asked for. And then he reminded her in a way that was both fatherly and regally authoritative, that if she took a turn for the worse, if the upcoming hits knocked her down too much, that he had no problem clearing the slate again. Maddie knew him well enough, knew the Windsor genes well enough, to know that he meant it.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

When Maddie returned for her second round of Chemotherapy, her entourage was a bit smaller. Ella had gone back to Buenos Aires to spend a little time with the family before all of them returned home for Invictus, for the upcoming holidays. So this time it was just her and Harry. Just her and her sweet, slightly nervous husband who--though neck deep in Invictus preparations--wouldn't leave her side.

He sat next to her in his own chair, watching as Nurse Harding flushed fluid, as she set up the first of the three bags of Chemotherapy. "Will she have the same reaction this time as she did last time?"

"I don't know," Nurse Harding offered him a comforting smile as she shook her head. "She might. But last time was the very first time her body had taken this kind of medication, so it was a bit more of a shock to the system. This time might not be as much."

Harry nodded his head as though he understood, even though he felt like he understood so very little. "And afterwards?"

"Afterwards," Nurse Harding leaned in to look at Maddie's port, to make sure everything was running smoothly. "My guess is that afterwards will be a bit more rough than the first."

She smiled up at Maddie. "Are you comfortable?"

"I am," Maddie returned the smile. "Thank you."

"Of course. Now," Nurse Harding stood tall, moving towards the door as she looked to the two of them. "If you need anything, let me know. I'll be back to check on you in a bit."

"Thank you," Harry nodded his head, tossing a glance her way before his eyes returned to his wife.

"Thank you," Maddie watched as she slipped from the room, watched as the door shut behind her before she turned to her husband who was now sitting next to her. Reaching for his hand, she tugged lightly on his fingers. "Come here?"

Without a second thought, he moved in. His fingers tangled with hers, his arm moved over into her space and, as his head laid back against the top of her chair, her head found rest on his shoulder.

Maddie sighed and nuzzled in and, with sleepy eyes, she smiled. "Thank you."

"Of course," he turned to press a kiss to the top of her head. "Of course."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The Second Round of chemo hit harder than the first. Much harder. This time Maddie felt the aches and pains creeping into her bones as early as the ride home. This time she didn't even try to stay awake to see the children, she didn't attempt to eat dinner. Without any provocation from Harry, without any insistences, she went straight upstairs and crawled into bed.

This time she wasn't surprised by the headaches.

This time she wasn't surprised by the slowness of her mind, of her thinking process.

She wasn't surprised by the bright red in her pee and she wasn't surprised when the metallic taste in her mouth drove her straight to the bathroom.

And when Harry followed her in, when he sank to the floor next to her, ready to comfort and help, she more than expected him to be there. This time she didn't fight him. She took the towel he offered, took the water, and she let him help her up and back to bed.

There wasn't much about this Second Round that was surprising.

Until the Seventh Day.

It had taken her a little longer to bounce back than it had the first time. It had taken her a few extra days before she felt like pulling herself out of bed, before she felt like showering and dressing and facing her morning. But she finally did. The hot water felt amazing; waking her up, soothing her aches.

And then it happened. She lifted her hands to her head, rubbing her coconut scented shampoo into her roots and when she turned to rinse out the suds, a clump of hair came with them.

She took a full step back in the shower, her hands reaching out to the slick tiled walls to steady herself as all of the air in her lungs rushed out and completely unexpected tears rose to her eyes. She had known it was coming. Her experiences with Cancer had told her it would happen. Her Doctors and her Nurses and everything she had ever read or heard had warned her it would be coming.

But nothing would ever be able to prepare her for the bewilderment she felt as she watched that clump of her hair fall at her feet.

"Oh my God..." Her voice was a hoarse whisper, stuck in her throat as she reached to turn off the water. "You're fine. You are fine. You're fine." She tried to remain calm, tried to remain collected but her heart was hammering in her chest and her emotions were running full speed.

"No," she shook her head. "No, no, no. No. You are not going to freak out over this. You are not going to cry over this." Biting at her bottom lip. "You're not. You're not. You're....you're not."

But even as she ordered herself to calm down, she could feel the tears coming. She could feel her heart cracking and she wished, she wished, that she could get control of it all.

It was only hair. It was only hair.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Harry found Maddie sitting on the edge of their bed still wearing her robe with a towel in her lap and her hair mostly damp. He had finished his planning meetings for Invictus and had come home early. Since Invictus was the only thing on his calendar lately, when the meetings ended earlier than expected, so did his day.

He had dropped his bags in his office and hurried up the stairs, ready to shed the suit for something more comfortable, hoping to spend a little time with his wife before the children came home, before the evening gave in to the craziness that was their lives. But when he walked into the room, his coat and tie in his hand, he was drawn to a stop when he saw her.

"Maddie?" He stepped cautiously, knowing something was up--though he wasn't quite sure yet what it was. Maddie looked up to him, her eyes wide and wet and Harry instantly moved closer. Tossing his coat and tie onto the bed next to her, he kneeled down in front of her. With his hands on each side of her, he looked up to her. "What is it? What's going on?"

"It's stupid," she shook her head, her fingers lifting to wipe at her eyes.

"I'm sure it's not," he reached for her hand. "Tell me."

"It's...it's my hair," her voice cracked as she said it. "It's falling out."

"Ah," Harry nodded, a rush of uncertainty pushing through his veins.

"And I know it's silly and it's just hair and I swear I'll get some perspective in a minute. I just...." She sniffed and shrugged her shoulders. "I'm going to be...bald."

"Yeah, okay," Harry took a deep breath and nodded his head. "Okay. So you're going to be bald..." His shoulders shrugged as her eyes narrowed.

"I'm going to be ** _bald_**  Harry."

"Well..." Harry took a breath and took a gamble. "I'm sure Will will be pleased that he won't be the only one."

It took a second, just a half a beat, but it worked. As Maddie's eyes filled with tears, the room filled with laughter. And Harry could feel relief settle over them.

"What can I do? How can I help?" Harry kept hold of her hand as he looked up at her.

"I don't know," she shook her head. "I...I noticed in the shower and I got out and just..." She blew out a breath. "I called Ella in a bit of panic."

"Why didn't you call me?"

"Come on," her head tipped to the side. "You're a week out from Invictus. The last thing you need is to be managing my hair."

"Maybe not the last thing..." Harry's words trailed off as Maddie's fingers ran softly over his lips.

"I didn't want to bother you, so I called Ella. She said she'd be right over," Maddie took a breath and glanced at the clock. "I actually thought you might be her when I heard the car pull up."

"Okay," Harry nodded, kissing Maddie's fingers as he pulled them from his lips. "Ella's on her way. What's our plan? What do you want to do?"

"I..." Maddie took in a long, deep, shaky breath and summoned as much of her courage as she could find. Meeting Harry's eyes, she tried to be as brave as she possibly could. "I think I want to shave it. No." She shook her head. "I  ** _want_**  to shave it. I...I think it's better to get it over with. I think I would rather have one big shock now than to constantly find bits and pieces of it everywhere." Maddie's resolve weakened just a bit as she looked down at him, her eyes welling up as her eyebrows lifted. "What do you think?"

Swallowing back the smallest bit of nervousness that Harry guessed was natural, he lifted his hand to her cheek and smiled up at her. "I think we're going to shave your head today."

"Okay," Maddie blinked at the tears, shook her head at the doubts. "Okay."

"Okay," Harry nodded, rising to his feet as he leaned in to kiss her. "What do you need from me?"

"I don't know..." She took a deep breath and stood up. "A razor? Can I use your razor on my head?"

"I don't know why not," Harry shrugged, making way for the bathroom. "It's not like you're trying to make it look a certain way."

"True," Maddie nodded to herself.

"Also..." He called out from the bathroom as he pulled out his razor. "Maybe you should get dressed?"

Looking down at her robe, she laughed. She had been quite clearly thrown by this turn of events. "Yes. Maybe I should."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"I think maybe this is the most ridiculous thing we've done..." Maddie stood in front of her bathroom counter flanked by her husband, Ella, and Bishop. All four of them were looking into the mirror over the counter.

"Nah," Bishop shook his head. "I've done way more ridiculous things than this."

"Then shaving my head?" Maddie turned to look at him.

"Do you even know me?" He laughed. "Of course I've done more ridiculous things than this. Probably this week."

"Nice," Harry chuckled, shaking his head at his best friend.

"Okay..." Maddie took a breath, lifting her eyebrows to him as she held out the razor. "Then will you do the honors?"

"Me?" Bishop's hand pressed to his chest as he took a complete step back. "You want  _me_  to shave your head."

"I do," Maddie nodded her head as she bit her lower lip. "I don't want to ask Harry to do it because...because he's had to do too much already..."

"Hey..." Harry stepped forward, ready to mount an argument, but Maddie ignored him and continued on.

"And I can't ask Ella to do it because she looks like she's going to cry any minute now..."

"I'm sorry," Ella whispered, smiling through the tears in her eyes. Though Maddie reached out to squeeze her hand, she didn't look away from Bishop.

"And I...I don't think I can..." Maddie's voice grew hoarse as she looked down at the razor in her hand. "So that leaves only you." Her eyes lifted up to Bishop, the look in them certain and resolute. "What do you say Bishop? Think you can do it?" She blinked at the surge of emotion. "For me?"

"Wow..." He exhaled as he held her gaze. Refusing to back away from her, refusing to back away from this moment, he swallowed any fraction of hesitation he had and he held out his hand. "Yes. Yes of course. I'd do anything for you Maddie, you know that."

"Thank you," Maddie's relief was heavy in her voice, in the way her shoulders released, the way the tension shifted from the room. As Bishop took the razor from her, she squeezed his arm in gratitude. "Thank you." Taking a deep breath, she turned to face the mirror, looking at the group of them reflected back to her. "Okay. Ha...I'm a little more nervous than I thought I'd be."

"I'm sure that's normal," Ella spoke up, her hand gentle on Maddie's back.

"Yeah," Maddie nodded, offering a shaky smile to her best friend. "I suppose it is."

"Would it help if I went first?" Harry offered.

"What?!" Maddie's head swung over, her eyes wide as she turned to look at him. "What are you talking about?  _First_?"

Harry met her gaze with one that was just as sure as hers was stunned. "What? You really thought I was going to let you walk around bald all on your own?"

Maddie blinked as her mind tried to catch up with what he was saying. "I...yes! I...Harry. No. You can't shave your head!"

"I absolutely can. My brother will bloody love it."

"No," she shook her head. "That's crazy, that's absurd! That's..."

"Really sweet," Ella offered.

"NO!" Maddie turned to look at Ella, shaking her head as she turned completely around to face them all. "No. Absolutely not. Listen. I...appreciate the sentiment, I really do. But...this isn't what this is about. This isn't what we're about. I...I have to be bald because I have to be bald. And...fine. I'll be bald. But I don't want you to do this," she looked up at Harry. "I don't want this to be how you support me, Harry. I don't want this to be how we do this." She reached out to take his hand. "Please? Please...let's not make this go this way. Just...let Bishop shave my head and let's let that be the end of it."

"Madeline..." Harry moved in a step, making a moment between just the two of them.

"Henry..." She turned her wide, sweet eyes up to him and he knew instantly that she would win. He knew he would give in to her. She was in control of this, she was in control of all of this and if Maddie said no...

"Fine," Harry stepped back, sighing as he shook his head. "You know you win this."

"Thank you," she reached out to him, her fingers light as they rested on his chest. "I don't want this to be a bigger story than it has to be and if you're bald too..."

"I get it," he smiled, his hand closing over hers, pressing it to his chest as he nodded. "Whatever you want Maddie. Whatever you want."

"Thank you," she held his smile, held his hand, for one more beat before she sucked in her breath and turned to Bishop. "Okay...are you ready?"

"Are you?" His smile was sweet, his voice soft.

Smiling, Maddie nodded her head. Though she was nervous, though she was shaky, she also knew that there was only one way to get it over with. Because she was certain she couldn't watch it happen, she turned completely from the mirror and instead focused entirely on Bishop. "Yes."

"Okay," Bishop moved in a little closer, checking out the electric razor in his hand, getting comfortable with it. And then, as he lifted it up to Maddie's head, he paused, an eyebrow arching as he leaned in closer to her. "Swear you won't hate me when we're finished?"

Leaning in, Maddie's hand lifted to his cheek, her fingers pinching playfully. "I swear I'll love you more when we're finished."

"Perfect." His grin stretched higher and then, without looking to Harry or Ella or anything else in the room other than her, he switched on the razor and lifted it to Maddie's head.

She tried not to listen to the buzz of the razor, tried not to see as the blonde waves fell around her. She tried to focus on Harry who stood next to Bishop; tall and steady and seemingly unshakable in the midst of all that was trying to take them down. She tried to focus on Ella and the sweet way she held her tears at bay as she watched what was happening. She tried to focus on Bishop who, even as he shaved the hair from her head, met her gaze with his brilliant smile and his twinkling eyes and the same sort of charm he always held.

It was only hair, she reminded herself as it piled around her feet.

It was only hair, she reminded herself as she imagined what she would look like without it, as she imagined what it would feel like without it.

As Bishop moved around behind her, Maddie looked up to Ella, her own eyes welling up as her vanity got the best of her. "So much for the blonde Duchess, huh?"

"Haven't you heard?" Ella smiled without missing a beat. "Blonde is so last year."

"Is that right?" Maddie swallowed her emotions.

"It is," Ella nodded. "Besides. Now you can try out any hairstyle you want, in any color." Ella waved her hand. "You can be a new woman every night. The wig options are endless."

"Ha!" Maddie laughed, moving further away from the sobs that were building inside of her. Wiping at her eyes, she looked to Harry. "It has been awhile since Cheri made an appearance."

"It has." Harry arched an eyebrow.

Ella watched as the two of them traded looks heavy with love, laced with a shared conspiracy. "Who's Cheri?"

"Nobody," Maddie answered quickly.

"Never you mind," Harry shook his head at her.

"Sure," Ella laughed--the gleam in Harry's eyes and the smirk on Maddie's face giving away so much more than the two of them ever would.

Bishop moved back around in front of Maddie then, making a few last swipes with the razor before he turned it off and stepped away. Maddie could feel her insecurities rushing back, could feel her anxieties taking over. Setting the razor aside, Bishop bent down to look at Maddie, to check his work. But when he saw the tears in her eyes, the way she was biting at her lip, he couldn't take it. It broke his heart.

In a move that was so genuine, so easily flirtatious, so perfectly him, his hands moved to her cheeks, tipping her face up to his and then with that warm, flirty smile that had always been his, he leaned in and kissed her.

Light and easy and sweet. Bringing a smile to every face in the room, bringing tears to all of their eyes.

"You're beautiful love," he moved to kiss her cheek, his eyes locking with hers. "And if I weren't married to your best friend..."

Swallowing back the sadness she was determined to be rid of, Maddie's hands covered his and she returned his smile, unspeakably grateful for him, for this. "And if I weren't married to yours."

"That's right," he nodded his head, kissing her forehead once more before he stepped back.

Taking a deep breath, Maddie squeezed his hand and turned around, wanting to see it for herself before she looked for the reaction of the others.

When her eyes lifted to the mirror, when she saw her own reflection, air sucked into her lungs in a gasp. "Oh my God..." She muttered in a teary voice, her fingers shaky as they lifted to touch her smooth, hairless head. It was all so much, all so big, she wasn't sure she was ready to handle it. But she had no choice but to handle it.

"You know, I'm not sure it's fair," Ella was moving in right next to her before she could spiral, grasping her hand tightly in both of hers, meeting her eyes in the mirror and anchoring her to her side.

"Fair?" Maddie whispered.

"Mmmm," Ella nodded. "For you to lose all of your hair and still be this beautiful."

"Oh Ella really," Maddie rolled her eyes, shaking her head as she tugged at her hand.

"Really," Ella held tight. "There really is nothing we can do to make you not gorgeous."

Though Maddie in no way bought into the words that were coming out of her best friend's mouth, she appreciated her attempt at keeping her grounded, at keeping her from scattering.

And then, as if he were answering a call she hadn't even been able to make yet, Harry was there. Standing right next to her at the counter and meeting her eyes in the mirror, her heart thudded in her chest and an unexplainable fear took over her better senses.

"Well..." She swallowed at the lump of anxiety in her throat and turned to face him. The look in her eyes was one he was sure he had never seen from her before; nervous and uncertain. "Do you still want me?" Her voice cracked as she laid truth to her greatest fear, her unknown insecurities.

"Do I..." Harry shook his head in disbelief, the words barely registering as they came from his wife. Holding Maddie's gaze, Harry stood taller. "Bishop?"

"Hmm?"

Without looking, without moving, Harry called back to his best friend. "Time to go."

"Time to what?" There was a trail of laughter in his voice.

"You and Ella...it's time for you to go."

"Wait," Maddie's fingers tugged at the front of Harry's shirt. "Why are you making them go?"

As his hand closed around hers, he leaned in closer, nothing but seriousness in his eyes, nothing but gravity in his voice. "So that you never, ever have to ask me that again."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

By the time the children were arriving home, Maddie and Harry had emerged from the bathroom with flushed faces and wide smiles. The love making that afternoon had been easier than Maddie had thought it would be---and more important than she ever would have guessed. With a few slight adjustments and a bond full of want and desire, they had come together and strengthened a bond that had held them together for so long. With patience and determination, he had made her feel loved and beautiful and wanted. He loved her so much.

So much. On a normal day it was easy to see that. On this day, it was impossible to ignore it.

They had decided that afternoon, when they were cuddled up in their bed, blissful and spent, that when the children came home, she would stay upstairs and he would go and gather them. Preparing them for what to expect, Harry would bring them up to see their mother's new appearance. Both of them tried to prepare for a variety of reactions they might get and both of them took a deep breath, steeling themselves for any number of responses.

When they heard the children burst into the house, Harry kissed Maddie once more before he left her and went to collect them. She waited there in the middle of their bed, a big bundle of nerves and worry. But when Harry stepped back into the room, with Oscar in his arms and the other three following along, Maddie felt her anxieties slip away.

They weren't afraid. They weren't cowering around Harry's legs or running away. They weren't crying or grimacing or the least bit put off by the absence of Maddie's hair.

Their children, their beautiful, kind, wonderful children, were smiling and quizzical and excited to see their mother. Hurrying ahead of Harry, they climbed on the bed, gathering around her in awe and curiosity.

"Oh wow..." Ollie's eyes widened as he moved in for a closer look, his hands instantly reaching to stroke her smooth skin. "Your hair..."

"All gone!" Malcolm held his hands up like he did when his food was finished.

"Yes," Maddie nodded with a chuckle, her fingers tickling his belly. "It's all gone."

"How?" Lilli seemed a little timid as she moved in closer, inspecting it with studious eyes.

"Well, it started to fall out while I was washing my hair," Maddie reached up to take Oscar from Harry's arms, his smiley little face not the least bit phased by her change in appearance. "But then Uncle Bishop shaved the rest of it off for me."

"Uncle Bishop?!" Ollie leaned back, his eyes even wider. "Uncle Bishop shaved your head?!"

"He in twouble?" Malcolm asked, nervous for his uncle.

Both Harry and Maddie laughed. "No no baby. He's not in trouble. I asked him to do it."

"Why?" Lilli wondered, her fingers reaching out tentatively to touch it.

"So that it would just be....gone..." Maddie smiled up at her daughter. "So that I wouldn't continue to lose it all over the place, like Hairy Houdini." The kids all giggled at the image of their mother shedding like their dog.

"Does it hurt?"

"No Lilli," Maddie's smile tugged higher. "It doesn't hurt."

"Are you sad?"

Maddie's eyes welled up but she fought the tears with a deep breath. "I was a little bit sad," she went for the truth, knowing the kids would always know the truth. "But I'm better now. And, after I'm finished taking the medicine, it'll grow back."

"It will?" Ollie seemed fascinated by it all.

"Yes. It will." Maddie breathed easier as Lilli relaxed into a small smile, pleased with her mother's responses. "Besides. It's only hair, right?"

"Right." Malcolm nodded, standing tall and certain with his little belly sticking out.

"Right," Maddie sighed, her eyes lifting to Harry's as she gathered the children in; hugging and kissing them each in turn.

"Right." Harry's smirk tugged higher as he tossed her a wink and climbed right into bed with the lot of them.

The Second Round of chemo hit harder than the first. It knocked Maddie down more than the first, it knocked her down worse than the first. It chipped at her confidence and her vanity in a way she hadn't been prepared for.

But it was her family—both chosen and by blood—who rallied around her and lifted her up. And, as Maddie snuggled in her bed with her husband and her four wonderful, loving children, she knew she could weather this hit—and all that would come next.


	25. Chapter 25

Invictus was upon them. This glorious idea that Harry had had years ago had started in London and had flourished as it travelled around the world. The success of the event had ballooned and, as it made its way back to London, the popularity was at an all-time high. Nearly everyone knew of the games and nearly every one of them was excited to see the return of the games, to see the magnificent competition and brotherhood that came with Invictus.

Since the games would unfold the week just before Maddie's third round of Chemotherapy, she had had some time to rebound from round two, had had some time to gather her strength. All things considered, she felt well, she felt good.

But on the night before the Opening Ceremony, as she and Harry readied to go to the Pre-Party with the competitors, her stomach was swirling with nerves, her mind heavy with doubt.

"I don't know Harry..." She stood in their bedroom, dressed in black capris, yellow heels, and her Invictus polo, watching as her husband finished getting ready.

"What do you mean?" He glanced back over his shoulder, confusion in his eyes. "You don't know what?"

"If I should go." She waved her hand, her lip pulling nervously between her teeth.

"If you should go?" Harry turned around to face her, sliding on his watch as his lips curled up. "To Invictus? Maddie. You went to my father and bullied him into letting you go and now..."

"I did not  _bully_ him into letting me go." Her hands moved to her hips, her eyes narrowing defiantly.

"And now you don't want to go?" He laughed as he looked to her, his shoulders shrugging as he leaned back against the dresser. "Care to explain it to me?"

"As if I could bully the King," she shook her head at him, still stuck on that comment.

"You could," Harry stood by his statement. "Tell me what's going on, love."

Taking in a deep breath and readying herself for his response, she nodded her head and smiled. "I'm bald."

"This is about your hair?" Harry's eyebrows lifted in surprise. He had known the hair loss was difficult, but he hadn't seen this coming.

"No," she shook her head quickly. "Yes. But not like that. I don't care that I'm bald or that people see that I'm bald. It's not that. It's..." She rolled her eyes and sighed, embracing the absurdity that often came with this life she lead. "Nobody has seen me bald yet. Nobody has pictures of that and as ridiculous as I think that it is, when they finally do, it's going to be  _news_..."

"Ah," Harry nodded, understanding washing over him in an instant. "And you don't want this to be the news."

"I really, really don't," she stood taller as she moved over to him. "Am I wrong? To think that people will make it a big deal? Maybe they won't?"

"Oh no," Harry shook his head. "You're not wrong about that. It'll be a big deal. It'll be a huge deal. There will be pictures and stories and...yes..." He sighed. "Yes. This will be the news."

"Yeah," Maddie groaned. "When I went to your father to get Invictus back, all I was thinking was...I can't let the Cancer keep me from supporting these soldiers. I can't stay home on my couch and watch on TV. I wanted to be there to support them, to cheer them on, to...I don't know..." She shook her head and thought for a moment. "But I don't want my fucking bald head to be the focus of any of this."

"Okay," Harry thought for a moment. "Okay. Well. What are our options?"

"I don't know," Maddie shook her head. "I could stay home?"

"Maddie," Harry's head tipped to the side, his lips curving down into a frown. "You don't want that. I know you don't want that."

"I don't," she agreed. "But I could."

"We've told people you're going to be there already," Harry gestured. "People are expecting you; the press, the public, the athletes."

"I know."

"If you didn't go at this point,  _that_  would be a story."

"Ugh!" Maddie stomped her foot in frustration--a move that Harry continued to find adorable, even after all of this time. "Why can't the story just stay away from me? Can't it just be about anything else?"

"Preaching to the choir," Harry held up his hands.

"I have to go..." She sighed at the inner conflict she felt at that. "I have to go."

"Okay," Harry nodded. "So you're going."

"I'm going," she nodded, sucking in a deep breath as she smiled. "I'm going. Me and my bald head are going."

"Wonderful." Harry chuckled. "I'm happy to hear it. Now...are you going to wear the scarf?" Harry nodded towards the stack of Invictus Head scarves she had purchased just for this purpose.

"Mmm," Maddie nodded, walking over to the dresser where they sat, lifting them up into her fingers as she considered it. "Or..."

"Or?" Harry watched as her grin spread wide, Cheshire cat-like.

"Or Cheri could always be your date to the pre-party?" Maddie's eyebrow cocked high as she met her husband's gaze.

"Ha!" Harry clapped his hands as his head tossed back in laughter. "Oh I see. You want  ** _that_**  to be the story tonight? Me taking another woman to a party? I'm sure that won't overshadow the games."

"I suppose you're right," Maddie laughed as she turned back to the scarves. With a deep breath, she picked one up and lifted it to her head, wrapping and tying just as Tara had shown her. "I guess you'll have to take your wife then."

"Maybe that'll be the story," Harry moved in behind her, bending to kiss her neck, his hands warm and comforting on her shoulders. "Me being the luckiest man in the room tonight."

"Jesus..." Maddie rolled her eyes, her cheeks flushing as her fingers rose to his hair, holding him to her for just a beat longer. "Does it never get old with you?"

"Never," he grinned at her in the mirror as he stepped backed. "You look lovely."

"Thank you," she took a deep breath, took one last look at herself in the mirror and then turned to face him. "And you..." She shook her head as her grin pulled higher. "You just get sexier with age, you know that?"

"Well, at the risk of sounding a little egotistical..." With a cocky smile, he shrugged his shoulders, sending his wife into a fit of laughter--exactly his intended response.

"You do know that! Oh dear God, help us all." She sighed as Harry pulled her into his arms, as he hugged her close. "He's figured out how good-looking he is...whatever will we do with him now?"

"Only you know love," he leaned in to kiss her. "Only you know." As his hand slid down her back, as he gave her a quick smack on the ass, Harry took a step back and reached for her hand. "Come on. We have a party to get to."

"Yes..." Maddie took a deep breath and took his hand. "Yes we do."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

When their car turned up the last stretch of road, Maddie could already see the flashes of the cameras, the small gathering of press and paparazzi and fans. Harry's fingers tightened around hers, his protective nature filling the space between them. This was hard on him, she knew; sharing her with the public—particularly when she was sick and fragile. But he was putting on a strong front, a brave face; all for her. She would love him forever for it.

"Hey Harry..." She tugged on his hand, forcing his eyes up to her. "Do you remember my very first event?"

"Mmmm..." A smile tugged at his lips. "Walking With the Women?"

"Yes," Maddie laughed lightly. "And just before I went on, you...."

"Ha," Harry laughed as he remembered. "Yes I did. Though...to be fair..." He turned happier eyes to her. "You more than made up for that when you told me about Lilli."

"I did," Maddie met his eyes, matched his smile. "So tell me Captain...you have anything for me right now? Before the world sees my lovely new do?"

"You know I would give anything to have a lewd, inappropriate joke to take the edge off..." His eyes were bright, his smile sincere.

"But?" She lifted her eyebrows.

"But...." He sighed. "All I can think of is...just how terribly proud I am of you," he couldn't keep the emotion from his voice. "How standing next to you tonight..." He shook his head. "Being the man who stands next to you tonight, tomorrow...has to be my greatest accomplishment."

Maddie gulped back the emotion in her throat, blinked her eyes at the tears that rose. "You weren't supposed to make me cry," she whispered to him, sucking in her breath.

"And you weren't supposed to have to be stronger than me," he blinked at his own tears, a small rumble of a chuckle moving from his chest. "Look at us, we're a mess."

"We are," Maddie laughed along with him, wiping at her eyes as the car slowed to a stop.

"We are....okay love," he took a deep breath and puffed it out. "You ready for this?"

"Yes," she cleared her throat and straightened up. "Yes. I've got this."

"Yes," he nodded, kissing her hand in his before he let it loose and turned towards the door. "Yes you do."

With a deep breath, Maddie gathered her strength, squared her shoulders and stepped from the car. In the two seconds it took for Harry to round the car to her side, the awaiting crowd saw her, took in her appearance and reacted.

There was an audible gasp, a flurry of realization and the cameras went nuts.

Maddie had been right. Her hair--or the lack of it--had been a story. From the second she was spotted walking into the venue, it was a story.

The Duchess in her Invictus gear, in her Invictus scarf, there to celebrate at the pre-game party with the athletes--it was a huge story. But, as Maddie and Harry jumped into the purpose of the night, as they met with the competitors, as they posed for photos, as they welcomed the crowd and turned the night over to the band, the revelry, to the pre-game celebrations, it was clear to everyone there that neither Maddie nor Harry wanted this to be about this change in her appearance.

It was late before they left the party, even though they were leaving much earlier than anyone else. They had stayed for a few songs, they had stayed for a few drinks with members of the GB team--people they had known since their respective treks across the Arctic.

Though Maddie had been right about the focus on her bald head, she had also been right to come. Because, as she sat among the athletes, as she traded barbs with Jacko and caught up with the women from her walk, she felt refueled, she felt normal.

And she felt an enormous amount of support and camaraderie from each of them. They were happy she was there and, as they always did, they made her feel a part of the team. Maddie--and Harry equally--would never forget their show of support that night. It was sweet and touching and so in tune with who she knew them to be. This rowdy group of soldiers who had taken her on as one of their own.

But the next night, the night of the Opening Ceremonies, they showed up with a gesture of support that was above and beyond. An enormous surprise that nearly overwhelmed her.

As Maddie stood next to Harry on stage, with her black dress and a yellow scarf on her head that was quickly becoming old news, she watched as Team GB marched into the venue. With the Union Jack waving proudly in front of them, they stepped into her view and nearly brought her to her knees.

There they were, their fellow trekkers, with wide smiles and bald heads. Each and every one of them.

Maddie's eyes instantly welled up and her hand was shaky as she reached out for Harry, needing him for support, to keep her knees from buckling. As his fingers wrapped around hers, as he took a step closer, Harry was moved past words. These men and women who had walked with them, these men and women who had sat with them the night before, drinking and toasting and easing Maddie's anxieties about her bald head--these men and women were offering up their support in a way that brought those around them to their feet.

So, when the team marched past the stage, when their heads bowed to the Duke and Duchess, Maddie and Harry returned the gesture. With tears in their eyes and so much emotion in their hearts, they bowed their head to their group of soldiers, to their mates, to their team. And when it was Harry's turn to step up to the podium, to address the wild, chanting masses, he took a moment to pause, a moment to turn his smile to the group, to place his hand over his heart and thank them for their love and support.

And then, like the true professional that he was, he redirected the attention back to them.

"If my wife were delivering this speech, she most certainly would insist, just as I am about to, that we shift our focus entirely to you, to the athletes and the competition that lie ahead, to these remarkable four days, to these life-changing games..."

Just as Harry had asked, just as Maddie had hoped, the concentration moved back to the point of all of this, back to the soldiers, to the athletes, to the fierce competition.

And so the games began.

But the support and outpouring of love for Maddie did not. People from all over wore pink ribbons on their collars, people would stop Maddie as she watched the games, wishing her luck, offering condolences and congratulations on her successful battle so far. People would sit next to her and share stories, share triumphs.

And, much to Maddie's surprise, when their family members showed up to the games, they had their own show of support.

Kate, Zara, Beatrice, Eugenie, Autumn. All of them wore their hair tucked up underneath an Invictus headscarf, exactly the same as Maddie was wearing. No matter the event. No matter the day, whenever they showed up at the games, they were wearing the scarf.

Even Mike joined in on the fun, donning his own scarf for the exhibition wheelchair rugby match.

It was a beautiful thing, to see so many people supporting Maddie in so many different ways. Harry, growing increasingly emotional as this battle continued on, was moved by his family, moved by his brothers-in-arms. He was simply moved by these moments of love and encouragement.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

As the Invictus Games drew to an end, as the sounds of celebration and victory faded into the background, Maddie and Harry looked towards Round Three of Chemotherapy.

With Harry and Hannah along for this journey, Maddie smiled at the nurse who drew her blood and she waited patiently for the doctor who was running behind, and when the nurse gave her the okay and stepped out to prepare the meds, she relaxed back into her chair--feeling very much an "old pro" at this.

"You've lost weight..." Hannah's voice was soft and sweet and slightly nervous as she spoke up.

"Sorry?" Maddie looked up to her mother.

"You've lost weight since the first time we were here," Hannah shrugged. "She said you were down eight pounds since Round One."

"I know," Maddie chuckled lightly. "I heard her."

"How far down were you last time?" Maddie could see her mother kick into professional mode as she asked her these questions.

"I don't remember," she shook her head, reaching for a magazine to flip through, wanting to avoid this discussion.

"Do you remember?" Hannah's eyes turned to Harry who had been watching the exchange.

His eyes lifted to Maddie's as he debated for only a moment which way he was going to go with this. In the end, he went with his wife. "No. I'm sorry I don't," he shook his head.

"Madeline..."

"Mother," Maddie cut her off with a pointed look. "If the doctor thought it was a big deal, she would have mentioned it..."

"She did mention it," Hannah waved her hand towards the door.

"She would have mentioned it being a big deal," Maddie countered. "All she did was state the facts. She showed no signs of worry."

Hannah's lips pressed together in a tight, thin line and she nodded her head. Anyone could see that it was a struggle for her to keep quiet. Harry was certain he had seen that exact face on Maddie more than once. "I'm sorry. I know you think this is the crazy, controlling mother in me..."

"I don't," Maddie shook her head. "And I wouldn't call you crazy or controlling. But..."

"But," Hannah cut in. "Eight pounds is a big deal. Eight pounds in less than six weeks is a big deal, especially when you don't have that much to lose."

"Okay," Maddie took a deep breath. "What would you like me to do about it?"

"Are you eating?"

"Mother!" Maddie huffed out a laugh, tossing her magazine back onto the pile. "Of course I'm eating!"

"Madeline."

"Mother." Maddie's voice went flat. "I am..." Exhaling slowly, Maddie leaned forward. "My appetite has dwindled and my taste buds are just...off." She shrugged her shoulders and looked down at her hands in her lap. "Nothing tastes good right now but yes. Yes I'm eating. Not as much as before but honestly I'm not sure what I can do about that."

Hannah sat still in her chair, trying to sort through the jumbled mess of feelings that stirred up inside of her whenever she thought of Maddie with Cancer--which was more often than she would ever admit to her daughter. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to push."

"I know," Maddie reached out to pat her mother's arm. "You're not pushing and you don't have to apologize. I've lost weight..." Maddie's smile was sad and nostalgic as her shoulders shrugged lightly. "I'm probably going to lose more."

"Yeah," Hannah's head was heavy as she looked down. "I know." Despite her best efforts, despite the way her internal voice demanded that she not, Hannah lost the battle with her greater will and the tears she had been in control of took over; welling up and over before she could pull them back.

"Hey...Mom..." Maddie moved then, scooting to the edge of her chair. Harry was on his feet, reaching for a box of tissues.

"Stop. I'm sorry," Hannah waved her hands in the air, wanting to stop the crying, wanting to stop her daughter from comforting her. "I'm sorry. You don't need to make me feel better. You don't need to worry about me." She shook her head and wiped at her eyes with the tissue Harry handed her. "Jesus."

"It's okay," Maddie was sweet as she smiled up at her. "This must be hard for you mom..."

Hannah's eyes narrowed at Maddie beneath her tears. "Please. Hard for me?"

"Yes," Maddie laughed lightly. "I know very well how hard it is to watch somebody you love go through this."

This was the first time any of them had alluded to her father while in this room, the first time anyone had spoken of it here, and the tears in Hannah's eyes were quickly mirrored in Maddie's.

"I'm sorry," Hannah rose to her feet, her hand waving in front of her face as she moved to the windows, trying to get it back together. "I don't want to make you cry. I just see so much of him in you and it just..." She had to stop, her words were stuck in her throat with the uncontrollable urge to sob. "I'm sorry." She whispered.

Emotions were heavy in the room and tears were flowing easily and when Nurse Harding stepped back into the room, ready to begin, she caught on instantly.

"Okay," her voice shifted low and soft as she looked at Maddie in tears. "Who do I need to kick out?"

As the tension in the room broke and light laughter emerged, Hannah turned back from the windows, a small smile on her lips as she raised her hand. "Me. It's me who you should kick out."

"No," Maddie sniffed and reached for her mother's hand. "Nobody gets kicked out. Everything is fine." She turned a smile to Nurse Harding. "Everything is going to be fine."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

But everything wasn't fine. Not after Round Three. Maddie went home that afternoon and went directly to bed and on Day Two...she didn't even think about getting out, she couldn't have forced her muscles to move if she had wanted to.

She had a pounding headache.

Her muscles felt like she had thrown herself in front of a train.

And eating? Eating was the absolute last thing from her mind. She was miserable, absolutely miserable and as she laid in bed, as she buried herself under the big, fluffy blankets and soaked up the complete darkness her room provided her, those around her could do nothing but watch.

Watch and wish for something different.

Harry wished that he could make this go away. He wished that for just one treatment he could trade places with her, that there was some way he could share the force that Maddie was continually hit with, the force that knocked her harder and further than the last time. If there was a way, he would have gladly taken one round--allowing his wife the smallest moment of reprieve.

But it was impossible. He had no choice but to sit back and watch it happen; every three weeks. He had no choice but to watch his wife rebound, watch her start to resemble the woman she was before this all started, watch her come out of this darkness and smile and tell them everything was fine--only to watch her take another hit. He had no choice. But even as he watched, even as his heart broke and his mind filled with worry, his soul with fear--there was no way he would ever, ever allow her to see the tiny cracks in his armor that this battle had caused.

Because no matter the burden he carried, hers was always heavier.

Maddie slept through the whole of Days Two through Four barely waking to sip on the broth her mother insisted she take.

On Day Five, Maddie woke to the beginnings of sores forming on the inside of her cheeks and a light rash on the palms of her hands.

On Day Six, she made it from her bed to the large, comfy chair in the corner of their room and back again. It had taken great effort, it had left her exhausted but, in her mind, it had been a great success.

On Day Seven, Maddie buried her face in Harry's lap and groaned. "I hate this."

The children had gone to sleep and when Harry had crawled into bed with her, she had moved right over to him, seeking some sort of human connection she had been missing during her self-imposed hibernation.

"I know," he answered as he rubbed her back. But he knew he really didn't. He never really could. But for what it was worth, his heart was breaking into a million pieces as Maddie started to cry.

"It's worse this time," she turned her face into the blankets covering his lap, not wanting him to see the tears. "It feels worse."

"I know. I'm so sorry baby," he bent to kiss her head, to offer a comfort he knew he couldn't bring to her.

"I feel like I'm just...dying..." She hated to say the word, but that's how she felt, like she was crumbling from the inside out.

"I know," Harry whispered, holding her closer, wishing he could hold her tighter. "I know."

On Day Eight, Hannah intervened.

She had spent the entire week sleeping just down the hall from them, playing mother and grandmother, being supportive and understanding. But on Day Eight, she switched gears and became a nurse. With support from Harry and help from Ella, Hannah took Maddie in to see the doctor, watching intently as Maddie relayed her new side-effects to the Oncologist. She nodded along as the Doctor prescribed creams for the rashes, rinses for her mouth and steroid shots to help her get back some of her energy, some of her will to live.

And on Day Nine, it paid off. Maddie started to feel better.

It was all relative, of course. After being drug through the mud and the muck for the last week, anything felt better.

But she was able to get out of bed, she was able to have breakfast with the children, at the table. She was able to play with Oscar and read to Lilli and clap with Malcolm as Ollie performed a magic trick. And, for the first time in a week, she wasn't wishing she could just crawl under a rock and be done.

It was something.

When Maddie would look back on this time in her life, she would be forever grateful for the friends and family that surrounded her. Hannah. Ella. Bishop. Kate and Will. Isaac and Jim and Arthur. And Harry. Her very own strength and stay.

When she laid in bed on those sleepless nights, when nothing could lure her mind to calm or her body to rest, she would think about Harry. She would think about the day she met him, about how they had come together, how they had fallen into each other. She would think about how long she had loved him. She would think about how well he had loved her.

Sometimes she would smile, sometimes she would cry, and sometimes she would do both. But each time, every time, she would close her eyes and thank all of the Gods and all of the fates for bringing him to her before she was handed this.

 


	26. Chapter 26

The WellChild Awards had long been a favorite event of The Sussexes and, when Maddie had decided to go to Charles to negotiate for events to be added back to her schedule, Harry had been secretly thrilled, and not that surprised, that WellChild was on her list. But as the day approached, Harry wasn't convinced she would be physically up for going.

Falling just twelve days after Maddie's heavy-hitting third round of Chemo, she was barely beginning to make a comeback, barely beginning to feel better.

But Maddie was certain and Maddie was stubborn.

She was going. No matter the concerns of her mother, no matter the worry from her husband, she was going to the WellChild awards and nothing was going to stop her.

Looking at her reflection in the mirror, at the intricately tied, silk headscarf Tara had adorned her with, Maddie was smiling. It wasn't bad. Even without hair, without eyebrows, without eyelashes--the makeup, the beautiful scarf--Maddie felt pretty for the first time in a great while. Tara stood back, pleased with her work as she watched Maddie's reaction.

A soft knock at the door drew both of their attention.

"Sorry," Harry's voice was quiet as he stood in the doorway; handsome as ever in his well-cut, deep blue suit "I hope I'm not interrupting."

"Of course not," Maddie shook her head, waving him in.

"We were just finishing up," Tara smiled at the look on Harry's face; warmed by how he still looked at his wife. "What do you think sir? She looks amazing, no?"

"She looks amazing," he agreed as he stepped into the room. "You look beautiful love."

"Oh come on," Maddie rolled her eyes turning back to the mirror as her eyes darted up to Tara's. "You can't ask him. He'll lie through his teeth before he says no."

"Not true," Harry chuckled, his hand falling to her bared shoulder, warming the skin underneath. "I'm painfully honest."

"Well..." Maddie met his eyes in the mirror, her hand moving over his. "You used to be."

"Okay Ma'am" Tara stepped up with a small smile. "Are you pleased with the look or would you like..."

"I'm pleased," Maddie nodded, turning to look at Tara. "I think it's perfect. The scarf looks great with the dress and the makeup is...very well done. Thank you. Truly, you've made me feel more myself than I have in a long time. Thank you very much."

"Of course," she nodded. "I'll just step out and let you two have a moment."

The second she stepped through the door, Harry moved to sit next to Maddie; his eyes studying her. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," Maddie smiled at his concern, her hands reaching out to his.

"Really?" His eyebrows lifted.

"Mmmm," she nodded again. "I kept down the food Bernard brought up for me. I took the steroid shot this afternoon so my energy level is good. The sores I had in my mouth are feeling better and..."

"Jesus," Harry groaned. "What are we doing? What are we thinking?"

"What do you mean?" Her eyes narrowed with confusion.

"The sores in your mouth? Steroid shots? Maddie, love...we shouldn't be going to this. We should be staying home."

"No," she shook her head; hard and fast.

"You're exhausted and you've been sick and..."

"No way, Harry. We're going to this event. These kids...these kids have survived worse than this. They've survived so much worse than this." She waved her hand over herself. "What does it say to them if I can't pull it together for one night."

"But..."

"No." She was firm. "I want to go. I made all sorts of arrangements, I took it easy all day, I have this new look..." She smiled to him and watched as his emotions passed over his face, bringing tears to her eyes. "We love this event and I want to go Harry. I want to."

"Okay," he gave in after a moment, gathering her hands into his. "Okay. Of course...there's no way I could refuse you," he leaned to kiss her fingers. "You're sure you're feeling okay?"

"I am," she stroked his cheek. "And if I start to feel poorly, I'll let you know and we can excuse ourselves early and..."

"No," he shook his head with a chuckle. "No you won't." He took in a breath and rose to his feet. "But I'll take you anyway."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"Maddie," Harry turned his eyes from the gathering crowd that grew nearer as they pulled up to the venue. "I don't know. Are you sure..." He cleared his throat.

"I am," she was soft with him then, not forceful like she had been earlier at home. She pulled his hand into her lap. "Will you be there with me?"

"All night," he responded quickly.

"Hold me up if I need it?" She smiled across the seat at him.

"Yes," he whispered, the images in his mind drawing him silent.

"Then that's all I need." She pulled his hand up to her lips, kissing his fingers as the car drew to a stop. "Are you ready? Your speech? Your charm?"

"Ha. I brought the speech, but I'm not so sure about the charm."

"I am," she squeezed his hand in hers.

"Of course you are," he cleared his throat and straightened up and smoothed his hand down the front of his suit jacket. "And you? Are you ready? Still feeling up to it?"

Maddie laughed louder. "I'm feeling like that's not the last time you're going to ask me that..." She smiled wide as the car pulled to a stop and their doors opened. "And I'm ready. I'm ready to get in there and see the children, to enjoy this evening. I promise you my darling. I'm fine."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Harry couldn't take his eyes off of his wife, throughout the entirety of the evening. She was stunning; from head to toe. She stood tall and confident and gorgeous in her dress, despite the bald head, despite the stares she garnered. Her smile was wide and her eyes were shining and if she was hurting at all, she wasn't letting on one bit. She met the children and their parents, shaking hands and listening to stories, posing for photo after photo. She beamed when he gave his speech and applauded the loudest as awards were handed out.

She was phenomenal.

But there was one moment that completely blew him away.

She was sitting on a bench next to two little girls who were positively giddy be sitting next to a 'Real Life Princess'--two little girls who had lost their own hair to their own respective conditions--who were curiously fascinated with the scarf on Maddie's head. Harry watched as they pointed to it, watched as they asked Maddie about it.

And then he watched as she pulled off the scarf, inviting the both of them to check out her bald head, encouraging them to touch it. She smiled as they did, smiled wider as they patted their own heads, inviting her to touch theirs too. She giggled along with them as they realized they were the same.

A handful of children gathered around, wanting their own chance to ask questions, their own chance to compare her hair-free head to their own. Pictures were snapped, hearts were melted. But when one little girl slid closer to Maddie on the bench, when she reached out to take Maddie's hand in her own, she smiled up at Maddie with wide, happy eyes and in the most innocent way of a child, she leveled the room with her newfound confidence.

"I didn't know that Princesses could be bald."

Harry didn't catch Maddie's response. He didn't catch the teary smiles from the mothers and fathers who were watching. He didn't catch the way Isaac had to turn away or the way the photographers captured the moment.

Because he had to step out. He had to look away or he was absolutely going to lose it. His heart ached with so much love for her. Stepping from the room, off into a small, dark, quiet corner, he pinched his fingers to the bridge of his nose, he took several long, slow, deep breaths, and he told himself to pull it together.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

As they walked to the car at the end of the night, Harry could see what she had been hiding from him all night. He could see the toll this event had taken on her. Her eyes were heavy and her skin was pale and he could see the exhaustion that seemed to be consuming her even as they walked.

Her arm linked through his, her fingers pressed into his bicep; her body leaning into his for extra support. When the door opened to the car and she ducked to get in, her grip on him did not fade; she needed his strength to put her in that car.

With a smile on his lips and concern in his eyes, he leaned in, helping her sit; helping her adjust and then he climbed in next to her. She was already leaning back, her head already resting against the seat behind them.

"Maddie..." His voice was soft as the doors shut, as the driver pulled them into gear, onto the road home. "Madeline..." His hands moved to face, tipping her up to look at him.

"Hmmm?" She pulled her eyes open, the color of her skin had faded.

"Maddie?" His voice strained with concern; tense and a bit rushed, his thumbs stroking her cheeks, trying to bring back the pink he knew. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she breathed, her fingers moving to wrap around his wrists; loose and weak. Just like her smile, just like her voice. "I'm tired Captain but...." She took in a shallow breath. "I'm fine..." She pulled her eyes open wider and met his eyes. "Take me home?"

"We're on our way," he nodded, his heart aching at how weak she looked, such a contrast to how she had looked all evening. "We're going there now..." He moved then, wrapping his arm around her shoulders, drawing her to him. She went eagerly, anxious to rest her head against his chest, to close her eyes and let her body do what it was pushing to do—rest.

Though he was nervous as he looked down at her, so tiny and fragile against his frame, he tried to stay calm, tried to remind himself that she had pushed herself that night, that it was late, that she was ill—that this was probably normal. But with every beat of his heart, he was worried. She had faded so fast, was fading still. He ran his hand warmly over her shoulder, kissed the top of her head, and watched as they drove through the streets of London; willing the driver to move faster.

When they pulled to a stop outside of their home, Harry's door was opened before the driver could ever get there. He was leaning in and coaxing his wife out with him; his arms stretched in to support her.

"Come on love, let's get you inside to bed," he smiled at her as she nodded, taking his hands and stepping from the car.

"I'm sorry baby..." She let out a muffled sort of laugh as he pulled her to his side, his arm wrapped around her as they began up the walk.

"There's nothing to be sorry for," he shook his head, his own emotions beginning to get the best of him as they moved, as the staff around them stood back, as they watched, unsure what to do; how to help.

"Ha," she managed a louder laugh, her head leaning back just a bit. "I passed out before we even left the parking spot..."

"It's okay," Harry squeezed her closer. "So did Jim."

"Hmmm..." She smiled, amused but unable to find the energy for a laugh and then, as they drew nearer the door, she stumbled. Maybe her foot caught on something, maybe her body was just slowly and methodically giving up for the night. Whatever it was, however it happened, had it not been for Harry standing right with her, she would have fallen flat onto the pavement.

"Whoa!" He called out, his arms reacting instinctively to catch her, to steady her. "Okay...it's okay. I got ya," his eyes flashed up to their security detail who had stepped forward, concern clouding their expressions.

"Harry..." Maddie's voice wavered as she looked up to him; her body weak, her spirit drained. She had pushed herself too hard tonight and both of them knew it.

"Here we go," he nodded, bending to scoop her up into his arms. With one arm at her shoulders, the other at her knees, he pulled her easily—much too easily—up off the ground and tight to his chest. "Come on baby...I got ya." He kissed the side of her head, tucking her into him. "Just close your eyes. I'll get you to bed..."

"Sir?" Jim looked to him, wanting to help, needing direction.

"The door," Harry nodded as he moved towards the house; the team moving around to clear a path, to open up the house. Maddie, exhausted, did as he instructed; her eyes closing as she turned her face to his chest, her arms lacking the ability to even wrap around his neck.

Harry was through the entryway and up the stairs in a matter of moments, pushing into their bedroom and moving straight to the bed. As he settled her limp, seemingly lifeless form on the bed, cushioning her head on the pillow, he tried to calm his panic; tried to still his racing heart.

"Maddie baby..." His hands moved to her cheeks, his fingers stroking warmth to her skin. "Love I'm worried about you..."

"Fine..." She whispered, her fingers falling on his arm, her lips tilting up in a small smile. "Sleepy..." She took in a deep breath and settled back into the pillow. Though he felt better hearing her voice, he couldn't shake the worry that had made home in the pit of his stomach. He couldn't move past the way she had literally collapsed in his arms.

He reached to her feet, pulling off her shoes and tossing them to the side before he turned towards the door. Jim was just outside, Arthur a little further down the hall. Both of them looked up to Harry as he stepped from the room.

"Sir," Jim's voice was calm and quiet. "Do you want me to call for the doctor or..."

"Not yet," Harry shook his head as he moved past them. "I'm going to wake up Hannah. Her mother can check her over and if she says we call the doctor then..." He gulped and ran a hand through his hair. "Then we call the doctor."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"It all happened so fast," Harry explained to Hannah. "She seemed fine all night but on the way to the car, she just...crashed."

"Maddie," Hannah's voice was louder, firmer than Harry's had been as she leaned over her daughter, working her over as she would a patient of her own. "Madeline. I need you to open your eyes, sit up, and talk to me for a minute."

Harry stood at the foot of the bed and watched as Hannah worked; pulling a cuff from a bag onto Maddie's arm, pressing her fingers to her wrist and looking up at the clock. She never missed a beat, never wavered. He had no idea how she did it, how she remained calm in the face of this. His arms crossed over his chest and his teeth bit at the nails of one hand; his scattered eyes intent on what was happening.

"Madeline, it's your mother," Hannah pulled the cuff off Maddie's arm and laid it to the side. "I need you to speak with me Maddie." Her hands moved up to her cheeks, rubbing against her skin before she patted them with her fingers. "Madeline..." She patted again and Maddie groaned; a light soft noise meant to dismiss the requests being made of her. "If you don't open your eyes and talk to me, I'm going to tell Harry to call in an ambulance. We're going to take you to the hospital tonight."

Harry sucked in a breath, his hand rubbing at the back of his neck as his heart pounded in his chest. He couldn't turn away from his wife, still laying there motionless in their bed.

"I mean it Madeline Jae..." Hannah patted her cheeks again and then with a moan, Maddie's eyes pulled open just so, just enough so that she could see them.

"Mom," she shook her head, trying to move the fingers from her face. "I'm trying to sleep..."

"Oh I know," Hannah smiled. "But my understanding is you nearly took a tumble out front and you have a few people worried about you, myself included. Now..." She watched as Maddie's eyes fluttered closed, her fingers patting her cheeks again. "Open your eyes Maddie."

And she did; it was slow and difficult and done with an element of frustration. But she did.  
"Now. Are you okay?"

"Yes," Maddie breathed. Her eyes pulled open further, her head nodding heavily. "I'm okay. I'm just...incredibly tired mom. I'm incredibly tired....I think if I sleep I'll feel better..." Her eyes drifted but she caught them and pulled them open. "Can I just sleep for a little bit?"

Hannah cupped her daughter's face in her hands and nodded. "Okay my darling. You can sleep for a bit. But if you don't respond the next time I check on you...I'm calling in the troops, okay?"

"Okay," Maddie made a small attempt at a smile as Hannah leaned in to kiss her forehead.

"Okay," Hannah nodded and rose to her feet. "I love you sweetie."

"Love you too," Maddie whispered as she let her eyes flutter closed, let her head fall to the side and just as she was about to drift away again and then she snapped back. "Harry?" She called out into the room.

Without pause or thought, he moved around the bed to his side, climbing up on the bed so he was next to her, his hand moving to her face as he looked down at her. "I'm right here love."

"I'm sorry," she opened her eyes to look at him. "I know you're worried and I'm....I'm sorry baby."

"It's okay," he shook his head, leaning to kiss her head. "It's okay. Get some sleep. Get some rest."

Before Harry could finish his sentence, she was doing just that. Her eyes fluttered closed and she drifted from consciousness. Harry stayed right where he was, right next to her, for the longest time. He held her close and watched her sleep and tried to calm the ominous feeling in the pit of his stomach, the feeling that she just might drift away from him.

When he finally rose from their bed, he fetched some of her pajamas. Moving softly and carefully, he changed her out of her dress, he pulled on her pajamas and he tucked her into their bed. Only when he felt sure she was comfortable, felt sure she was sleeping, did he step back to shed his suit, to get ready for bed.

Climbing in next to her, he was afraid to go to sleep, afraid to close his eyes, afraid he wouldn't be there when she needed him. Laying on his back, with his eyes turned up to the ceiling, Harry went over every second of the night. He played their conversations over and over in his head, remembering the finest details of her voice, of her certainty. She had insisted she was fine, insisted she could do this.

Even as she spoke of the sores in her mouth, of the steroid shots that she had taken.

There was a part of him that was mad at himself for not insisting she stay home and rest.

There was a part of him that was mad at her for insisting she go. And there was a part of him, a very large part of him that was mad at the universe for doing this to her.

Taking a deep breath, he turned on his side and looked to her. She looked so peaceful, so calm as she slept next to him. Reaching out to her, his touch was gentle, his fingers easy as they laced with hers. At least she was sleeping now, at least she was resting. And Hannah hadn't seemed too worried when she had left the room, letting Maddie get to sleep.

As Harry swallowed the lump of worry in his throat, all he could do was trust that this was what was needed, that this was going to be okay. With Maddie's fingers in his and his heart in his throat, Harry closed his eyes and hoped that the morning would bring back the refreshed, rebounded version of his wife he had seen that morning.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"Hannah...." Harry's voice was soft and quiet but held an edge to it that drew Maddie's mother right out of her sleep. "Hannah." His hand was on her shoulder when her eyes opened. She looked up at him and knew right away. She didn't even have to ask. She pulled back the blankets and followed his quick clip back to their bedroom.

Her eyes went immediately to the bed only to find it empty. "In here," Harry pointed as they went straight to the bathroom.

"What happened?" Hannah asked as she stepped in behind him, her heart stopping when she finally saw her daughter; pale and tiny and curled up on the floor by the toilet.

"I woke up to the sound of her getting sick," Harry moved in next to her, pulling her head up, bringing her upper body into his lap, into his arms with no effort at all. Hannah's hands were instantly on her; checking a pulse, checking her breathing as Harry talked. "She barely had energy to get sick and when she was done she..." He had to take a breath, had to steady his nerves. "She just collapsed here. She wouldn't wake up or respond or..." He was scattered; inside and out.

"Okay," Hannah nodded, her hand resting on his shoulder, his eyes snapping to hers. "I need to get my stuff. I left it beside your bed..."

"I can take her there," Harry cut in. "If it's okay, if it's easier. I can carry her...easily." He hated just how easy it had been for him earlier that night.

"Let's go," Hannah didn't even question him as she stood, moving aside so Harry could lift Maddie from the floor and take her to bed. The second he laid her down, Hannah moved in.

She pulled up her eyelids, moved the blood pressure cuff into place; her fingers rubbing at her cheeks, at the sensitive spot on her sternum but there was no response from Maddie; conscious or not. "Madeline." Her voice was loud and firm as she called out to her. "Maddie. It's your mother. Maddie. Let me know you can hear me darling." She held her stethoscope under the cuff and looked at the watch on her wrist.

Harry stood off to the side; speechless and full of the worst kind of fear as he watched Hannah's hands slide down Maddie's arms to her fingers; pinching and watching and waiting. Then she stood and turned to Harry, meeting his eyes for just a moment before she reached for the landline phone next to the bed. Lifting it and pressing the call button she followed a procedure that had been discussed weeks earlier and she cleared her throat.

"Hello this is Hannah. I'm with the Duchess and I need you to put me through to Doctor Abbot right now please. Yes. Thank you."

"Oh God," Harry whispered; his throat tightening and his heart pounding. This day had spiraled so completely out of his control, so unbelievably fast, he could barely see straight.

Hannah was put straight through and the doctor answered in less than three rings and then Harry stood and listened to his mother-in-law relay his story to the doctor. She told her about that night, about the night before, about Maddie's response to Round Three. She told him a whole slew of numbers and readings that Harry assumed were her vitals, assumed were important. But he could barely hear it; could really barely wrap his brain about what was happening right in front of him.

All he saw was her; tiny and white and unresponsive and there in their massive bed as if she were being swallowed up by the pillows and the blankets. His eyes filled with tears as he struggled to keep his emotions in check. He knew enough to know that they were right in the middle of decision time and he needed to be ready for this—as much as he could. So he stood still, his teeth biting at his fingernails, his eyes glued to his wife; willing all of his strength and energy to her.

And then he heard the click of the receiver as Hannah hung up. His eyes shifted to her and as calmly as she possibly could, she brought his worst fears to the surface. "I don't know what phone calls you need to make, but you need to make them. Doctor Abbot is meeting us at the hospital and we need to get her there...the sooner the better."

Harry nodded his head and stepped forward, reaching for the same phone she had just hung up. "It's Harry. I need you to call an ambulance. We're taking Maddie to the hospital. Yes. Yes, let protection know. And if you can have them turn down the lights and siren..." He took a shaky breath. "The kids are all sleeping and...thank you. Can you put me through to my father? Thank you." Harry took a deep breath and while the operator was connecting him, he turned to Hannah. "They'll be here in a matter of minutes. If you need to take anything with us, you should gather it together."

"I can stay here with the kids," she offered; her heart aching at the thought of her grandchildren waking and worrying about their mother.

"I can call Kate and Will after I..." His attention snapped back to the phone. "Sorry to wake you Sir. No. Actually..." His eyes drifted over to the bed. "We're taking Maddie to the hospital." And though he pulled it together quickly, though he managed to pull himself back from the edge, for a brief blink of a moment, Harry's shoulders sank, his eyes welled with tears and he looked so afraid, so scared; so young. "Right now," his voice croaked. "An ambulance is on its way."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Though they had turned off the siren and switched off the lights as had been requested, when the ambulance arrived at Kensington Palace that night, the sense of urgency was not lost. They were quickly escorted through the gates and hurried around to the private apartments. If any of the paramedics there that night were the least bit pulsed by the location of this particular call, by the identity of this particular patient, they did an amazing job of hiding it. They were nothing but business as they moved inside the historic home, following the famous Duke as he lead them up the stairs—taking them two at a time. They listened as Hannah relayed the pertinent information she had taken down, the same numbers she had read to the doctor and they mobilized around the room.

And all Harry could do was stand back. And watch.

With an enormous lump of worry caught in his throat, he watched as they took their own quick assessment of his wife, as they recorded down another set of vitals. He watched as they poked and prodded. And he watched as she seemed not to respond at all. She didn't try to push away their hands, she didn't open her eyes to glare, she didn't groan. And when they lifted her onto the stretcher and started an IV, she didn't flinch. Not even a little bit.

And Harry thought he was going to be sick—he wanted to be sick. If only that could rid him of this horrible, ominous feeling in his gut.

As they situated Maddie on the stretcher, adjusting her IV and readying her for the trip down the stairs, the woman who appeared to be in charge turned steady eyes to the small crowd that had assembled; Harry and Hannah there in the room with Jim and Arthur just outside the doorway.

"We can only take one of you in the rig with us. The rest of you will have to follow behind."

Harry turned to Hannah. "You go," his heart thumped in his chest as he said the words, his hand reaching out to her shoulder. "You'll know what to do and..."

"No," she shook her head; teary-eyed but steady. "She has medical professionals with her. You should be there...they'll need your consent to treat her and..." She blinked and swallowed back the urge to cry. "And I'll stay here with the children."

"Oh God," Harry took a breath, glancing around quickly remembering that he was going to call his brother, that he had had a plan for this. "I forgot to..."

"It's okay," she patted his fingers, seeing that the team was ready to go. "I'll wait here for you to call and..."

"I'm here!" The voice that called from outside the room was strong and familiar; a voice that had been there for Harry through so much. When his older brother stepped into the room hastily dressed with glasses on, Harry felt his heart clench. "Father called and said you needed somebody to..." His reaction to seeing Maddie loaded up on the stretcher was physical and obvious and Harry had to turn away.

The woman in charge stepped forward and cleared her throat, ready to clear the room.

"We have to go now," she nodded to Harry and then to the crowd in the hallway. "Please clear the way, we're coming through."

Just like that the crowd parted. And just like that, Harry snapped back to business mode—though it felt more like survival mode. "Come on," he grabbed Hannah's hand and pulled her with him. "I'll go with Maddie but you will come in the car with Arthur and Jim." He glanced once to Jim who nodded in the affirmative. And then, as the team of people moved his wife down the stairs, he turned to his brother; his voice failing as his eyes welled up.

"Just go," William whispered, his hand strong and comforting on Harry's shoulder. "I'll be here until I hear from you."

"Thank you," Harry whispered back, accepting a hug and a kiss on the cheek before he hurried out of the room and down the stairs, following the team of paramedics and his wife.  
Once the doors shut on the back of the ambulance, they pulled into motion; hurrying through the gates and driving out onto a main road before they turned on the lights, before they sounded the sirens.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The loneliness he felt in that room was heavy. It was hollow and aching and so pervasive, he couldn't shake it. He wasn't sure how long he had sat in that chair next to her bed, the beeps and buzzes of the equipment surrounding her drawing his mind away from him, off into some far off place where all he was doing was existing; getting by.

He could see her breathe, could see the way her lungs struggled to pull in air, the way her tiny, frail body tried to pull as much life from the room around him as it possibly could. He watched as they pumped bag after bag of fluids into her body, as they gave her the blood transfusion she needed to replace platelets and red blood cells the Chemotherapy had gone to war with. He watched as they came in in shifts, checking vitals and recording notes, creating hypotheses in their heads that they never seemed willing to share with him.

They told him that they could make him comfortable in a private room down the hall for the night. They could set him up with his own space, with a bed and some quiet--a place to sleep.

He laughed when they offered it; a twisted sound that came up hollow and bitter from the back of his throat.

As if he would leave her side.

He tried to give them the benefit of the doubt. He imagined they didn't really understand what they were suggesting. He guessed that they had made such offers to people over the course of time and he guessed that many, if not most, had taken them up on it; seeking sleep and solace and peace.

Things were different for them; for him and Maddie. There had been only a handful of nights over the duration of their marriage when they had slept apart and nearly all of them had been forced. She had been in the states, he in London. He had been in Khundu, her travelling the countryside. The times they had been apart by choice, the nights they had been too furious to go to bed together--they were few and far between and he regretted every single one of them.

"No." He had shaken his head, his tone decisive and final. He wouldn't be sleeping in another room that night, or any of the nights she would be there hooked up to tubes and machines. He wouldn't be leaving her side as long as she was there fighting.

He would fight right next to her and nothing--not even a well articulated reason--would compel him to take leave of this battle. He was a soldier after all. It was in his blood, in his DNA and this, this was the biggest battle he had ever been a part of. Sitting in the chair next to her bed, his hollow eyes shifted over her nearly lifeless body, cataloging the dips and curves, noting how different she looked; how unlike herself. Recording the changes that had come over her with only three rounds of Chemotherapy--trying desperately not to think of what the last three were going to do to her. His body shifted closer to her, an innate move he had made thousands of times throughout the years and his eyes settled on the woman sitting on the other side of the bed.

Hannah Forrester; Maddie's mother, Maddie's nurse, Maddie's rock--and his--for the last few months. He felt the gravity of this moment tighten his throat, his eyes glazing over as he watched her watch Maddie and if it were possible, his heart ached even more for her.

She had already lost her husband to cancer and now she was watching her daughter fight the very same thing that had torn their family.

"I don't know how you do this," his voice was low and rough, sounding like that of somebody who hadn't slept, or spoken for days.

"This?" She whispered, lifting her eyebrows first, her eyes moving slowly over to him.

"She's your daughter," his voice cracked as he thought of Lilli laying in a bed struggling like this. "You've had her...forever. I've only known her for..." He felt tears sting at his eyes. For all the years she had been in his life, it wasn't nearly close to long enough.

"She's not going to die Harry." Hannah's voice wavered but her tone was firm and final and it drew his tears to a pause. He blinked, his heart thudding in his chest. "She's not," she shook her head, her eyes the strangest mix of a frantic panic and a frightening calm. "I have seen a lot of cancer in my life Harry; her father...all of the patients I've had over the years and this...this is not going to take her." He nodded, Maddie's face growing blurry in his eyes. He felt Hannah's hand on his arm, felt her fingers wrap around it as though she were trying to hold him there on the ground with her. But he couldn't pull his eyes from his wife. "She is not going to die Harry. Not now. Not of this."

And because he had really no choice, he nodded.

And then he folded; tears pooling from his eyes as he bent forward. With his forehead pressed to Maddie's leg, with Hannah's hand wrapped firmly around his arm, he let the fear and the sadness and the sobs take over.

And he folded.


	27. Chapter 27

_The Duchess of Sussex was admitted to the hospital overnight due to complications from Chemotherapy treatments. She was transported from Kensington Palace by ambulance and remains in the hospital this morning. She has received a blood transfusion and is listed in stable condition. The Duke of Sussex and Mrs. Forrester are with her at the hospital and we are expecting more news as the day continues_.

The people of London were just waking to their mornings, heading to the gym, warming a kettle for tea, flipping on the television or turning on the computer. As the news of Maddie's condition began to spread, it settled over the city like a dark, heavy fog.

For as much as they had loved Harry since he was a red-headed, rascal of a boy--they had loved Maddie since she had become his wife. They had watched the Prince claim his Princess. They had watched the Fairytale unfold. They had smiled with warmth and a true sense of joy when he became a father, laughed with delight when they brought home a daughter with curls just as red as her father's spikes. They had watched this family grow and grow and grow. They had watched their Duchess step into this role that had been nothing if not foreign to her. They had watched her represent their country with grace and wit and dignity. They had watched her become one of them.

And when the news had initially hit of her diagnosis, there wasn't a single person in the commonwealth whose heart didn't sink a little. Not a single person could read the news without their lips curving down into a frown. In their minds were images from long ago, Harry as a baby, Harry as a child, Harry losing his mother. They thought of this tragedy that had struck him at a much too young age.

And they looked to this tragedy that was striking his wife at a much too young age.

The outpouring of love that had come at the initial announcement had surprised Maddie and the support that had come along with it had emboldened her. The connection she had with the people had strengthened, the bond had solidified. They had seen her after chemo; sick and tired. They had seen her without hair, her head covered in a scarf and--just last night--completely bald at the WellChild Awards, causing even the strongest anti-royalist to fall in love with her.

So when the people of London woke to this news, there were gasps and shock. There were shakes of the head and more than a few tears. And there was a great deal of worry. The idea of those young children at home without their mother, the image of Harry waiting for news, the thought of Maddie battling her own body--it was devastating.

Before the sun had risen completely into the sky, the public's response had begun to unfold. Some went to the hospital, holding signs and standing vigil--just like they had waiting for each of the Sussex children to arrive. Some went to Kensington Palace--placing flowers or balloons with notes of encouragement, notes of love, notes of sympathy. Some went to church to pray. Some went to their loved-one's sides to hug them again, to kiss them once more.

Soon the news would spread to the rest of England, to the rest of the world, and the spectacle that so often came with things such as this would unfold.

But for now, in this moment, all that existed in that private hospital room was Maddie--tucked into her bed, deep into the heavy sleep her doctor insisted was normal--and Harry--right at her side, right at the ready. Hannah had stepped out to get coffee for the both of them and Harry simply couldn't take his eyes off of her.

"Do you remember when Malcolm was born?" Harry's voice held onto the scratchy roughness that came with being awake late into the night, that came with the silent vigil he had been holding well into morning. Clearing his throat, he leaned forward, his elbows on her bed, his hands clenched together. "Of course you remember when Malcolm was born." His fingers ran up over his face as he shook his head, letting out a laugh that seemed to be caught somewhere in his chest. "He was the most stubborn of all of them, wasn't he? Though...if you looked at all of the children, you'd never guess that." He sighed into a small, weak smile. "Lilli. You would guess it would be Lilli."

A series of beeps sounded out, breaking into the hum of the equipment. Harry watched as the monitors registered their routine readings and when they were through, he reached for her hand.

"It wasn't that he was innately stubborn or difficult," Harry shook his head, the smile on his face tinged in sadness as he looked to her. "He just didn't want to leave you. He was warm and happy and comfortable. He took forever to get out because he just didn't want to leave you." Harry sighed as he remembered that day, the image of it crystal clear in his mind as he thought about it. "Not that I can blame him." He bent to kiss her knee, his fingers smoothing over it as his mind continued to drift. "Oscar was the easiest. Of course Oscar was the easiest. He still is the easiest. God we have great kids Maddie..." He sat up then, moving his chair closer to the head of the bed, closer to her. His mind settled easily on their family, on their passel of children at home, most likely just waking. He imagined them wandering down to find their Uncle Will waiting for them. His heart ached at the news he knew would be delivered. He knew they would be worried about their mother, hoped they would be comforted knowing that he was there with her, that their grandmother was there with her. His eyes lifted to look at her and he felt the tears rise. It had been a long night for him with zero sleep and an abundance of worry, his emotions were easily getting the best of him. His fingers tangled tighter with hers and he tried to remind himself of all he had been told that night.

The doctors had insisted that she would be fine. Her body was tired and needed to heal and that meant sleep. The doctors had told him, Hannah had told him, but still he worried. He wanted to believe them, wanted to know that she was going to be fine but what he needed more than any of their reassurances, was for his wife to open her eyes and look at him.

He needed to see her smile and hear her voice and see that she was going to be fine.

But still, she slept. Bending forward, he let his forehead fall to the blankets that surrounded her. With her hand still in his and his head laying next to her small, sleeping body, he let his eyes close, let his body rest for just a moment.

And then it happened.

He felt it happen but knew he must be imagining things. Her fingers were moving against his and the very first thought he had was that his mind had finally drifted past the edge of reality, that his imagination was conjuring up something to keep him sane, to keep him comforted in the wake of this horrible night.

Then it happened again. Part of him wanted to open his eyes to check, to see if it was real. But a greater part, a much more fragile part, wanted to close his eyes even tighter and revel in the facade for just a moment longer.

But when he heard her voice, it was like the world around him ended and began, all at the same time.

"Harry..." It was soft and cracked, but it was her voice. And it was the realest thing he had ever heard in his life.

His eyes snapped open, wider than they had been in hours and his head lifted up from the spot on her bed that had become his pillow. "Maddie?" He looked her over from head to toe. Her eyes were still closed and she still appeared to be sleeping but the color had come back to her cheeks and he swore he could see the corners of her mouth curling up in the beginnings of a smile.

"Captain..." Her lips curled higher and her eyes pulled open and when she looked up at him, Harry felt warm, wet tears on his cheeks.

Harry exhaled a puff of breath, moving closer to her in a rush. "You're awake. You're....you're fine and you're awake and...and you're so perfect..." His hands were shaky as they moved to her face, his fingers tracing over her forehead, his palms cupping her cheeks as he bent to kiss her; still soft, still careful--but overwhelmingly relieved.

Maddie smiled weakly against his lips, her fingers circling his wrists as she looked up to him with tired eyes. "Hey...hey..." She swallowed at the dryness in her throat. "It's okay. I'm okay..."

"Yes," he sighed, pulling back so that he could look down at her, so he could see her eyes and her smile, she he could look over her body, so he could convince himself it wasn't a dream. Taking her hand into his, he turned and pressed a kiss to her palm. Realizing he had so much to say but a complete lack of words with which to speak, he could feel himself choking up and he pressed his eyes closed, hoping to pull it together. "I should call for the doctor," he whispered to himself more than her.

"Okay," she whispered, her fingers soft on his cheek as she nodded and swallowed again. "My throat..."

"Here, here," Harry held onto her fingers with one hand and reached to the stand with the other. "Ice water," he smiled down at her, bringing the straw to her lips, the tension easing from his shoulders with every passing second she was awake. "I'm sure your throat is dry. Take a sip and then I'll call for the doctor." He watched as she swallowed, watched as her eyes fluttered closed, as she found relief in the cold, wet liquid. When the straw fell from her lips, he set the water aside. "I'll be right back," he promised her, bending to kiss her fingers. "I'm just going to go and..."

"Wait!" He had barely taken a step away from her when her eyes flew open and her voice, stronger and clearer, called out to him. "Harry..." Her fingers stretched towards him and he returned to her side before another word fell from her lips.

"What is it?" His hands reached for her, concern echoed in his words, in his eyes.

"My throat, my mouth..." Her lips turned down into a frown, a grimace that made Harry want to laugh--that made Harry want to wrap her up in his arms and never let go.

"Yeah? More water?"

"No," she shook her head and looked up to him, sweet and hopeful. "No more water."

"Tell me what you want Maddie and I'll get it here," his eyes were serious; he meant it. Her skin flushed pink and her eyes twinkled and Harry wanted to burst with happiness at seeing Maddie return to him. "Tell me."

"My candy," she admitted sheepishly. "I would love a piece of my candy."

With his heart in his throat and her hand held in his, Harry's smile widened. "Well love...you're in luck." Wagging his eyebrows at her, he squeezed her hand in his and stepped away from her. Without pulling his eyes from her, he reached for his jacket and, after fishing in one of the pockets he produced a singular minty, Christmas tree candy.

And if Maddie had had the energy to move, she would have taken him right there in the hospital room.

"My candy," her voice cracked with feeling as he handed it over to her. "I don't know what to say."

"Say nothing," Harry shook his head. "Just...stay awake, stay here. I'm going to go fetch the doctor and then...wow..." He let out a long, slow breath. "I don't know if I'll be able to let you out of my sight again."

Maddie felt tears rise to her tired eyes. "Promise?" She asked, knowing it was an impossible thing for him to say.

"Swear it," his hand pressed to his chest over his heart and with a deep-seated regret, he stepped out of her room to find her doctor.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

When Harry returned with the doctor and Hannah and a flourish of nurses, he stood to the side of her bed and watched as they checked her vitals, as they asked her questions, as they brought her up to speed on all that had happened. They assured them all that she was doing fine. They were going to keep her another night, monitor her vitals, make sure her blood counts stayed steady and then they would release her to go home. The oncologist said that it was actually good timing, seeing as they were looking forward to the scheduled break in treatments with her surgery in just over a week. This would be a good time to let her bounce back a little bit before they hit her with the last three treatments. Though Harry felt his stomach turn at the mere mention of the last three treatments, he kept his mouth shut and his eyes on her. And when the doctors and nurses slipped from the room to give them some space, Maddie squeezed her mother's hand and looked right to Harry.

"The children?" He could see concern in her eyes.

"They're fine," he nodded his head with confidence.

"Did they see...anything?" She lifted her eyebrows, still shaky on how the night before had unfolded. It had all been so murky--dreamlike.

"No," Harry shook his head, his jaw clenching reflexively. "It was late at night and they were all asleep. They turned off the sirens and the lights and Will came over to stay with them. I would imagine that Greta and Maude are on their way, if not already there."

Maddie's smile was weak, barely masking her motherly concern. "Well I suppose among the three of them, they should be able to handle the children."

"They should," Harry agreed, his eyes intent on hers, studying her expression, seeing her lip pull between her teeth, noticing the way her fingers fidgeted. Sighing, he moved into a chair next to her bed, pulling one of her hands into his. "You're worried about them."

"I am," she admitted, turning wide, watery eyes to him. "I'm worried that they're worried about me."

"Yeah," Harry nodded, swallowing as he pulled a smile for her. "I'm sure they are. And, I'm sure Will is letting them eat whatever they want for breakfast and Arthur is probably on his way over to play and...and they probably don't even notice that we're gone."

"Probably," Maddie nodded but Harry could see that his words and the truth that was most likely behind them hadn't done much to sway her worry.

"Maybe I should go check on them," Harry offered. Even though he had just swore he wasn't leaving her side again--he would if it made her happy, if it made her feel better.

Maddie's eyes flashed wide and bright as they lifted to him. "Really?"

"Ha," he laughed, leaning to kiss her cheek, thankful for the color in her cheeks, for the sound of her voice. "Yes," he nodded. "If it'll make you happy, I can go home to the children and your mother can stay here with you?" He glanced to Hannah who nodded quickly. "What do you think?" He looked back to his wife, awake and alive and smiling up at him in a way that almost made him forget the night before; almost.

"I think that would make me happy," she nodded, an emotional whisper in her voice. Her fingers tightened their hold on his. "Tell them I love them?"

"Of course," he agreed, rising to his feet. "If you're up to it, maybe I'll bring a few of them back?"

Maddie's face warmed even further. "Yes, please."

"You got it," he bent to kiss her, pressing his forehead to hers and holding on for just a moment longer. "Thank you for opening your eyes," he whispered, trying to keep himself from slipping back into memories of the night before.

"I love you Captain." She squeezed his hand reassuringly.

"I love you too," he kissed her once more and stepped back, glancing to Hannah. "Call me, right away, if anything changes?"

"Of course," she nodded.

"I'll be back," he looked to the two of them; to Maddie who had survived the night, to Hannah who had helped him survive it. And then, with a deep breath in, he stepped out of the room and exhaled.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

It was only when the car pulled through the gates of Kensington that Harry realized how tired he was. The second he had stepped from the hospital into the awaiting car, he had buckled his seatbelt and his eyes had closed. They hadn't opened once the entire drive home and when they turned down the drive to his place, it took a great effort to pry them open. The car slowed to a stop and he leaned forward, rubbing his hands over his face a couple of times before he stepped from the car and headed up the walkway. Taking a deep breath, he fought against the lump in his throat, against the memories of his last trip up this walk.

"She's fine," he whispered as he shook his head. "She's awake and she's fine." Harry reached for the handle but the door swung open before he even touched it. "Will..." Harry's breath rushed from his lungs at the site of his brother, his emotions rising from where he had stuffed them and he was surprised he managed to step inside.

Closing the door behind them, Will's eyes were serious as they swept over his little brother and even though he knew that if something had gone wrong, this moment would be much different, he couldn't help but ask. "Maddie?"

"She's fine," Harry repeated his words from before, only a little louder now--with a little more tears. "She's..." He shook his head and pressed his fingers to his eyes, wanting to keep from crying, knowing any minute his children would come rushing into the room. "She's fine."

"Thank God," Will's hand pressed to his chest.

Swallowing at the lump in his throat, Harry nodded. "They gave her a blood transfusion and bags of fluids. She just woke up and..."

"DADDY!!!" It was Ollie who spotted him first, his voice echoing throughout the house as he broke into a flat out run right into the arms of his father.

"Ollie," Harry's voice was rough with emotion as he lifted him up off the ground, tears in his eyes as he wrapped him up in a crushing hug.

"Where's Mummy? Is she with you?!" Ollie held onto Harry's shoulders as he looked towards the door.

"No baby," Harry shook his head, his eyes meeting Will's as his heart ached in his chest. "Mummy's still at the hospital..."

"Is she okay?" Ollie pulled back, his eyes wide and scared as he looked into his father's.

"Yes," Harry answered with more conviction than he necessarily felt. Pushing a smile to his lips, he nodded his head. "She's just fine. You know, she needed more medicine than we could give her here, she needed the doctor's to take care of her last night..."

"So you took her to the hospital?"

"Yes, exactly," Harry nodded. "She slept all night last night and she just woke up about twenty minutes ago."

"And she's really okay?" Oscar whispered, biting his bottom lip just like she did.

"She really is," Harry leaned in to kiss his cheeks, his hand lifting to ruffle his hair. "In fact, if you want to, I can take you to see for yourself."

"To the hospital?" Ollie's eyebrows lifted.

"Mmm hmm," Harry nodded. "But only if you want to..."

"I want to!" His answer was quick and final as he began to squirm in Harry's arms. "Can I bring my wand? Can I bring my cape? Can I...."

"Ha!" Harry laughed as he sat his son down. "I think we should leave the magic show at home. Why don't you go find your shoes and I'll find your brothers and..." Harry shook his head as Ollie took off running, more than willing to do whatever it was that his father wanted him to do. Harry looked to Will then, confusion set into his eyes. "Hey where is Lilli?"

"Ah..." A strange look washed over Will's face, his lips curling up in a bit of a smile. "About Lilli."

"About Lilli?" Harry's eyes narrowed. "What do you...is she okay?"

"Yes of course she's okay," Will was quick to reassure him. "She just...ha..." He shook his head and moved in closer to his brother, his voice dropping as though he were about to share a conspiring secret. "Listen. Something happened this morning..."

"Something happened?!"

"She's fine," Will insisted again. "She just...she did something and you're probably going to be mad about it but you really shouldn't be."

"What did she do?" Harry was full of confusion, his mind working overtime to catch up with the life that had been unfolding at home while he had been at Maddie's side.

"It's not a big deal," Will smiled and shrugged his shoulders. "She just...well. You should probably see for yourself. But...when you do, go easy on her. She's worried about her mother and stubborn like her father and...and she's been upset about what you would say since it happened."

"Okay..." Harry shook his head, confused and thrown and curious. "Where is she?"

"In her room," Will nodded up the stairs with a slight chuckle. "She refuses to come out. Why don't you go on up to talk to her. I'll let Maude and Greta know you're here and we'll get the boys ready to go." Will paused for a moment, the reality of their public lives peeking in. "You're really going to take them all back to the hospital? With all the people who are building up outside?"

"Yeah..." Harry sighed, remembering the brief glimpse he had caught of the crowds as he had left the hospital. "I know. But...she wants to see them. She asked me to bring them back and God, Will...I can't say no to her right now."

"I know," Will nodded, his hand warm and steady as he patted his brother's shoulder. "Go on. We'll get the boys ready, you go see Lilli."

"Great. Yes." Harry nodded and head for the stairs.

"Remember...you've done worse!" Will called up after him, the smile in his voice making Harry shake his head, wondering what in the world his daughter could have possibly gotten herself into in the short amount of time he had been gone, at the age that she was.

Stopping outside her door, he took a deep breath and prepared himself as much as he could. With a soft knock, he turned the handle and stepped inside. "Lilli?" His voice was low, his eyes squinting as he glanced about the room, looking for signs of her. "Lilli, it's daddy..." Stepping further into the room, he lifted up the comforter on her bed. "I would love to talk to you darling." He peeked behind her curtains. "I wanted to let you know that mummy is awake and she's doing fine and she..." Harry's voice faded as he heard her sniffle. His eyes shifted to her closed closet door. "Lilli..."

"Is she..." His daughter's voice was tiny and muffled as she called out to him from inside the closet. "Is she really okay?"

"She's really okay," Harry answered, moving towards the closet. "Why don't you come out here Lilli-bean?"

"No," she sniffed again. It was clear to Harry that she had been crying and it broke his heart that she was hiding in her closet.

"Well okay then," he cleared his throat. "If you're not coming out, then I'm coming in..." Before she could protest, before she could make any attempts to keep him from opening the door, he was doing just that. Pulling it open and ducking inside. "Lilli, love, please tell me what is..." And then he saw it.

His sweet baby girl was sitting against the wall at the far end of her closet, tucked up into a ball with her arms wrapped around her knees and when she looked up to her father with tear-filled eyes, Harry's heart dropped in his chest.

But when he saw what his brother had been talking about, he nearly burst out laughing because his daughter was missing a rather sizable chunk of the beautiful red curls on top of her head.

His hand flew to his mouth, pressing his fingers to his lips to keep his smile under control. "Lillibet."

"Go away!" She called out, her face turning down into the cradle of her arms.

"I won't go away darling," he moved further into her closet. "Tell me...did somebody give you a haircut?"

"Yes!" Her muffled voice was strong as she answered him.

"And who was it who gave you a haircut?" Harry had to bite his lip to keep from laughing as he sat down next to her on the floor.

When her face lifted from her arms, she shot him a look he swore he had only ever seen from his wife. "I did!" And then she turned her face right back into her arms.

"Of course you did..." Harry sighed, his arms moving around her. Despite her squirms, despite her weak attempts at protest, he gathered her up into his arms and pulled her into his lap, hugging her against his chest. "You're not in trouble Lilli-bean. I promise."

Pressing her face into his chest, she eased up just a bit. "I'm not?"

"No, no," Harry shook his head, his hands rubbing lovingly over her back. "I'm just wondering why you decided to cut your own hair."

"Because..." Her little voice cracked and her arms moved around him in a hug. "I wanted to look like Mummy."

And it took every single bit of strength Harry had left not to break down and cry there in Lilli's closet.

"Oh baby..." Harry's arms tightened around her as he pressed kisses to the top of her head. It took him a moment to pull it together, to trust his voice not to break when he spoke. "I know you want to look like Mummy..."

"I do!" She hugged herself closer to him, her face still buried in his chest. "But Uncle Will took my scissors away and wouldn't let me cut the rest!"

"Yes, well..." Harry shook his head, his lips curling up in a smile. "Sometimes Uncle Will is no fun." Moving his hands up to her face, he pulled her back a little bit. "Come on darling, let me see you." When Lilli finally sat up, she had wide, wet eyes and a bottom lip that stuck out defiantly and there was really no way Harry would ever be able to punish her--despite the mess she had made of her own hair. "There we go," he smiled at her, his hands smoothing back her hair, his thumbs rubbing at the tears on her cheeks. "No need to cry love. You're not in trouble. It's only hair..."

"Mummy says that."

"I know she does," Harry nodded.

"She says it will grow back."

"I know that too," he smiled down at his daughter.

"Is Mummy really okay?" Her voice was softer, less stubborn.

"She is," Harry answered easily. "I swear it. I actually came here to pick you up and take you back to see her."

"You did?!" Everything about her brightened up, everything lightened.

"I did," Harry's heart warmed. "Think you would come out of your closet for that?"

Lilli's head bobbed up and down, a smile finally finding its way onto her face.

"Good, good," Harry smiled at her. "Come on then. Let's find your brothers and find you a hat..." He let out a bit of a laugh. "And go see Mum."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:  When I was first writing this story, I got to this point and hit a sizable wall.  A wall that stayed put for a great deal of time.  So the story ended here.  It ended here and after a GREAT BIG time jump, I posted the "Final Chapter". 
> 
> Since then I have gone back and written some missing "moments" between the end of this chapter and the sizable time jump to the "End".  They are not fleshed out, intense chapters that you might be used to, but moments of time between  now and the end.  So please enjoy the next few mini chapters with "Missing Moments" before we get to The End.


	28. Missing Moment One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:  This is the first of six "Missing Moments" between where The Unexpected Journey left off and The End. Some of them are longer than others. Some are funny, some are sad, some are both. Some are a paragraph, some an entire chapter. But all of them fill in some gaps that were missing in Harry and Maddie's story. I hope you enjoy them.

 

Harry's return to the hospital that afternoon was a moment that would be captured by hundreds, one that would be viewed by thousands–millions over the years. From every angle, from every perspective–including his–it was quite the scene. Since he had slipped out in the early morning hours, the crowd that had only begun to build had grown exponentially. Security had been added outside the hospital, barriers had been erected. The crowds had come with signs of well-wishes, with flowers and cards and faces full of concern and empathy. They stood in groups and lined the streets and despite his very best efforts to keep a calm, collected face, he felt tears rise to his eyes.

But he didn't have time for emotion, not yet. He had to get his children inside, had to get back to Maddie's side. He had been away for far too long and the well of feelings that were building up inside of him were close to toppling over. Seeing her again would help, hearing her voice, holding her hand–it would help to keep him steady. As the car pulled to a stop, Harry took a deep breath and turned to his children. The driver hopped out and opened doors, Jim stepped out and glanced at the surroundings and Harry, pulling Oscar into his arms, held out his hand and helped his children hop from the car one by one; Lilli, Ollie, and Malcolm who held tight to Harry with one hand and his fuzzy, matted bunny with the other.

With a smile of reassurance, Harry spoke softly to the kids. "You ready to go see Mum?"

He could see the way their eyes lit up, the curves of their smiles and he knew this had been the right thing to do. With a quick glance at the crowd, he adjusted Oscar in his arms and nodded his head towards the door.

Lilli, being the brave big sister she was, reached for Ollie's hand and, following her father's tall, stoic lead, she was the first to take a step towards the hospital. With pride in his eyes, Harry turned to press a kiss to Oscar's soft wisps of hair and followed his two older children as his family made their way up the stairs and into the hospital.

Comments would be made on the moment; on how fatherly Harry seemed, on how  _adorable_  he had looked managing all four children on his own. People would talk about Lilli and Ollie, about how much they looked like their parents. They would talk about sweet little Oscar nuzzling closer to his father, they would talk about Malcolm clutching his bunny as he looked to the crowd gathered and followed along with his father.

They would talk about the warm, comforting smile that Harry offered to the crowds outside. They would talk about the nod, about the slight lift of his fingers that were holding onto his sons. But what they wouldn't know, what they couldn't know was just how close to tears he was, the relief he felt when all five of them were finally inside the hospital, when the doors were closed and they were sheltered.

And they wouldn't know just how fast the five of them moved towards Maddie, longing to find her room, to see her.

As they reached Maddie's room, Arthur stood guard outside, his smile brightening as the children rounded the corner.

"Remember....Mum isn't feeling so well," Harry called ahead to Lilli and Ollie whose feet moved faster and faster the closer they got. "And she might be sleeping. So be quiet and easy when you..." His voice trailed off as the children pushed right into the room. Harry dropped Malcolm's hand only to hold open the door for him.

His eyes lifted, seeking hers instinctively, and when he saw the smile on her face, the light in her eyes, he felt the nervousness in his stomach ease.

"MUMMY!" Ollie clapped his hands as he bounced on his feet, looking up to his father for permission to go to her.

With a chuckle and a sigh, Harry closed the door behind him and nodded his head. "Go ahead." Watching as Ollie and Malcolm rushed towards the bed, he called out, "Be gentle boys!" But his words drifted away as Maddie held her hands out to the boys, as Hannah helped them both climb up to hug her, to kiss her.

And the look on Maddie's face, the peace that washed over her features as her eyes pressed closed and she held onto the boys–Harry knew without a doubt he had made the right decision to bring them here.

"MummyMummyMummyMummy!" In his arms Oscar bounced, clapping his hands and stretching his arms towards his mother.

"Okay, okay," Harry laughed, holding tight to their baby as he moved to Maddie's side. "Suffice it to say the children missed you."

"Oh I missed them," Maddie's voice was heavy with emotion as she kissed Ollie then Malcolm, her eyes wide and bright as she looked up to Harry, her arms reaching for Oscar. "Come see Mummy little man." The older boys moved towards her feet as she settled back to take over their youngest.

"Here we go..." Harry handed him over, laughing at how he struggled to be closer to Maddie. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Lilli standing near the door, her hands clasped together and her bottom lip stuck between her teeth.

Just as Harry opened his mouth to say something to her, Maddie beat him to the punch. "Lilli?" She called out to her, glancing from her daughter to her husband and back again, confused by her stance.

Harry stood tall, offering her a warm, understanding smile. "Come on darling. You wanted to come see Mum..."

"I know," she whispered, her fingers twisting together as she looked to her mother, trepidation and nervousness in her eyes.

"Come on over baby," Maddie waved her hand. "There's plenty of room." But when Lilli didn't move, when she glanced up at her father again with that look on her face that generally meant ' _I'm in trouble_ ', Maddie knew something was up. "Somebody want to tell me what's going on right now?" Her eyes lifted to Harry who in turn raised his eyebrows to his daughter.

"Lilli?" His arms crossed over his chest. "Why don't you tell Mum what happened?"

Shaking her head, she stood her ground. "I don't want to."

"What happened?" Maddie looked from Harry to Lilli. "Lillibet? What happened?"

There was a pause in the room, a long stalemate where mother and daughter locked gazes, where Maddie and Hannah waited in anticipation, where Harry waited in amusement. And then, with an easy shrug and his truth-telling ways, Oliver brought the stalemate to an end.

"Lilli cut her hair."

A gasp filled the room as eyes shifted to Oliver. "She what?!" Maddie's eyes were wide with shock as she looked from one Sussex to another. "What do you mean she cut her hair?"

"All gone!" Malcolm held up his empty hands with a shrug announcing it just like he would if he had just finished his snack. Just like that, he brought amusement and ease back into the room.

"Lilli?" Maddie couldn't help but smile as she shook her head, looking back towards her daughter who still stood at the end of the bed; defiant and stubborn. "Did you cut your hair?"

"Come on," Harry went to stand next to her, his hands strong and firm as he guided her over to the group. "I think it's time you show her." His eyes lifted to meet Maddie's, hoping for understanding and sympathy. "Will caught her before she got too far," he explained. "And she only did it because she...because she wanted to look like Mum."

"Oh," Maddie's voice shifted, her eyes softened. "You wanted to look like me?"

"Yes," Lilli was quiet as she nodded. "But Uncle Will took away my scissors."

"Of course he did," Maddie smiled at her, fighting back the tears in her eyes. "Come on love. Why don't you take off the hat, let me see what you've done."

Lilli stood tall, swallowing as she nodded her head. Harry could  _see_ his daughter building up her will as she moved closer to her mother. With her head held high, she tugged off her hat, revealing the chunk of hair she had managed to cut before her uncle had intervened.

"All gone!" Malcolm announced again, making his brothers giggle.

"All gone!" Oscar mimicked his brother as best he could.

"Come here you," Hannah shook her head, trying to control her laughter as she reached for the little boy, tugging him up into her arms to kiss his cheeks.

"Well now..." Maddie sat up a bit, motioning for Lilli to come closer–which she finally did. "See, that doesn't look  _so_  bad." Her eyes met Harry's with the same shared look in them; humor and understanding and a whole lot of love. As soon as Lilli was within reach, Maddie pulled her closer and ran her fingers up into her hair. Her hands moved to her cheeks and tipped her sweet little face up to look at her. "I love you so much Lilli."

"I love you too Mummy," Lilli's words were muffled a little by the way her mother was holding her.

"But you know that you don't have to look  _exactly_  like mommy..."

"I know," she nodded her head in Maddie's hands. "But I  ** _want_**  to."

"You do?" Maddie leaned to kiss her; first her nose, then her lips, then her forehead. "Are you  _sure?_ " Maddie lifted what was left of her eyebrows. "Because my head gets mighty cold without any hair up there."

As Lilli joined in the laughter, Maddie released her hold on her and she climbed up onto the bed. "I'm sure." She nodded, just as stubborn as both of her parents.

"How about this? How about you promise me not to do  _any more_ cutting until I'm home from the hospital? Then we can talk about it together?" Maddie made the offer, watching with a grin as her daughter contemplated it. "What do you say? Deal?" Maddie held out her hand and after a moment, after a quick glance up to her father, Lilli finally nodded and held out her hand. "Wonderful." Maddie sighed in relief, meeting Harry's eyes with a smile.

"Wonderful," he agreed, breathing easier now that they were all there, now that they were a whole family again–now that Maddie was awake and smiling and reaching for his hand.


	29. Missing Moment Two

The day Maddie was released from the hospital was warm and bright and sunny. Though Harry had every single reason to be smiling wide; his wife had rebounded from her momentary setback, his children were at home with Hannah and a sweet little 'Welcome Home' party, and Tara had managed to work with Lilli's impromptu haircut.

Though he should, be most standards, be celebrating these little successes, instead he stood there in the hall, looking out at the sun streaming in through the doors and he felt nervous.

Far from ease.

He and Maddie had done this many times before; left the safe confines of the hospital and stepped out into the sun, into a space surrounded by people and cameras. They had done this with each of their children; taken on the flashes and the cheers and the well-wishes. But this time was different. Though they were leaving again, this time they weren't leaving with a bundle of life in their arms. Though Maddie was walking out on her own accord, the hits that her body had taken had done a number on her—and they still had so much ahead of them.

Surgery. Recovery. Three more rounds of Chemotherapy.

So instead of joy and relief, Harry felt anxious and trepidation.

"Sir?" Jim's voice cut into the unravel in his mind, drawing his eyes and attention up from the spot on the floor where they had been focused. "Are you ready?"

"Mmm," Harry nodded, turning immediately to Maddie who was saying one last thank you to her nurses, one last good-bye. "Madeline, darling?"

Though her body was small and fragile, her smile was wide and her eyes were bright.

And when her hand reached for his, her skin was warm again. "Okay..." She took in a deep breath and blew it out slowly, her eyes scanning down over the outfit she had changed into for this quick trip home. "I'm ready."

With a light laugh, Harry was thankful that at least one of them was. Taking her hand into both of his, he brought her in close, held her tight. Leading the way out into light, into the middle of the surrounding attention, his protective nature was at its highest. They stopped at the top of the stairs, offering small smiles and quick waves to the throngs of people who were waiting for this moment, for them.

He could hear Maddie take in a quick, rush of a breath and he knew that she was surprised by the crowd—by the size, by the outpouring of emotion. Though he had passed by the masses multiple times coming and going for a multitude of visits, this was the first time she was seeing it.

"Don't be surprised, love," he spoke softly, only to her. "You're clearly adored by more than just me."

With a warning in her eyes and a hint of a smirk on her lips, she tossed him a look that made him relax just a little. "Clearly," she let out a small laugh as they began down the stairs towards the waiting car.

Slipping in through the open door, Maddie settled back against the seat, smiling sweetly at the crowds as she waited the beat for Harry to round the car and join her. Only when they had moved swiftly onto the road, only when they were heading quickly towards home did she let her head fall back against the seat. Only then did she let her eyes drift closed.

She was exhausted. She had survived, she had recovered, she was going home.

But it had taken a toll on her and now, as they were driven towards home, she was infinitely thankful for the cushion behind her head, and Harry's warm fingers wrapped around hers.

As her mind began to weave through the long list of reasons she was beyond grateful for the man sitting next to her, she could feel the car slow as they neared Kensington and then she felt Harry pulling at her fingers.

"Maddie," his voice was soft and warm as he tried to tug her from her drifting. "Madeline. Wake up love."

"Are we home?" It came out in a murmur.

"Yes darling," he lifted her fingers to his lips. "Open your eyes. Look."

When Harry beckoned, Maddie responded. Her eyes opening and lifting to look at him, her lips curling up as she did.

"Look..." He was pointing behind her, just through the window to the outside of the car.

When Maddie sat up, when her head turned and her eyes followed where he was pointing, she felt all of the emotion inside of her stir.

Lining the gates to Kensington Palace were an abundance of flowers; bouquet after bouquet after bouquet.

Though the question was on her tongue, her mind wondering for a split second as to  _why_  people had left the flowers, she knew the answer before she could even ask.

It was for her. For her and Harry and their children.

As a sob caught in her throat, she pulled her eyes back to her husband, searching his face for a sign as to how this was resonating with him, as to what he was feeling.

Though he couldn't find the right words exactly then, though there were absolutely memories floating around in his mind of all of the times in the past that flowers had been left...the overlying feeling was relief.

The overlying thought was this.

He was a lucky man; a lucky,  _lucky_  man. His life had been graced with such phenomenal women; his mum, his gran...his wife.

This beautiful, strong woman sitting next to him.

No. He wasn't the only one around who adored her. But he was most certainly the one who adored her the most.


	30. Missing Moment Three

"I'll stay..." Collins spoke up from his spot at the end of Maddie's hospital bed. It was the third day after her surgery and the first two nights had been grueling.

Though the surgery had gone well, the Mastectomy and reconstruction, the recovery had not been as smooth.

She had had a reaction to the drugs. She had gotten horribly sick and the simple act of  _getting sick_  had brought about a pain that had torn right through her frail body.

And seeing Maddie in that much pain, in that much darkness, had taken its toll on Harry. As they all sat around in her room after the second night, they were at a stalemate. Maddie was insisting that her husband go home and get some sleep, away from all of this and her husband—as stubborn as he was—was insisting he simply could not.

"I'll stay," Collins repeated himself more forcefully this time. As all eyes shifted towards him, Maddie's dark, tired ones were the only ones he met. He lifted his eyebrows and she flashed him a small smile and he had his answer. Clapping his hands together, he rose to his feet and turned to face both Hannah and Harry.

"Collins..." With a hand on his hip, Harry began.

"That way," Collins cut him off as only one with their kind of history could. "You can go home to be with your children. Your children who would probably love to have one of their parents home tonight." With a gleam in his eye, he went for the one thing he thought might move Harry from his stance. "And you..." His smile softened as he looked to Hannah. "You can get some sleep, can be ready for when this party moves home." He looked back to Maddie who looked relieved to see somebody taking care of the two of them, after all they had done to take care of her.

"It's not that I don't see the merit in what you're saying," Harry moved in closer, torn between his wife and his children.

"I swear I'll stay the whole night," Collins held up both of his hands. "I'll stay right next to her."

"Collins, you really don't..." Maddie started to shake her head but his eyes shifted to her and he continued.

"It's been such a long time since we've been able to spend any quality time together."

" _This_  would be quality time?" Maddie waved her hand at the room around her; the equipment, the medicine.

"It would be for me," his voice was so sweet, his smile so solemn that it brought a wealth of emotion into the room. As Maddie's eyes welled up with tears, it moved them all.

"Hey..." Harry reached for her hand.

"Would you please?" Maddie lifted her eyes to him, letting him tangle his fingers into hers. "Go home and hug the children. Get some rest. I'll be right here with Collins." She tugged on his fingers, bringing him closer. "Mom?"

"Yes?" Hannah cleared her throat.

"Please take Harry home," she tightened her hold on him. "Make him eat something, make him read a story to the children. Make him have a drink and make him go to bed."

"Make him?" Harry's eyebrows rose along with a smile.

"Make him," Maddie nodded, holding Harry's eyes, holding the emotion between them.

"You'll stay all night?" Though Harry was speaking to Collins, his gaze stayed on his wife.

"Of course," Collins answered.

"You'll call me if anything happens?"

"Absolutely."

With a deep breath in and a slow breath out, Harry gave in to her.

As he always had. As he always would.


	31. Missing Moment Four

The darkest part of Maddie's treatment came four nights after her fifth treatment. Though she was nearing the end of all of it, this second to last treatment had knocked her down harder than any of the others before it.

She had one more treatment left after this. One more treatment and then she was done. Though they would run scans and tests to be sure, the doctors had assured her that things looked good—things looked  _great_. All she had to do was hold on for one more round.

And then this would all be over. She knew she should be happy, knew she should be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

But here she was, on the floor of their bathroom with only the wall and the toilet holding her up as she wretched. Had there been anything in her stomach, she would have lost it but as luck would have it, she hadn't been able to eat a thing all day.

So she heaved and she weakened and tears began to build in her eyes.

And were it not for Harry sitting there with her, she just might have lost it. This just might have been the end of her.

She could feel his fingers on her foot as she slumped back against the wall opposite him. Her legs stretched towards him and her head tipped back and tears began to trickle down her cheeks. His support was steady and silent as she cried, as she tried to slow her pounding heart, as she tried to calm her violent stomach.

It was so much... _too_  much. This was her fourth night of no sleep, her fourth night of an upturned stomach, her fourth night with a body  ** _full_**  of these drugs meant to heal her.

"I don't think I can do this anymore..." Her voice cracked into the heavy silence between them, slamming into Harry's heart and taking his breath away. "I don't think I can..." Her head turned from side to side, her eyes pressed closed as she struggle there on the cold tiled bathroom.

Across from her, her husband. Her endless supply of strength and support, the man she had been gifted with so many years ago—the one her imagination would never have been able to dream up.

Though his hands wanted to shake, wanted to tremble with how afraid he really was—how afraid he had been for some time now—his fingers tightened their hold on her foot. In a very real way, he felt like if he let go of her...

Gulping back the swirling ball of feelings in his throat, he shook his head and tried to keep calm.

"I'm so tired Harry..." Her voice was hoarse. When her eyes opened to look at him, she could see that the tears in her eyes were reflected by the tears in his. "I haven't been able to play with the children in months."

"That's not true," with a shake of his head and a soft voice he began to mount his defense. "Just last week..."

"No," Maddie cut him off, not even bothering to wipe at the tears that continued to trickle. "Books and board games  _maybe_. But not really play. Not like we used to."

"You're sick right now," he held on, held strong. "When you're better..."

"When I'm better..." She let out a bitter laugh. "I can't play with my children. I can't dance around with Lilli or run after Malcolm. I can barely cuddle Oscar because I have stiches and ports and I'm so fucking fragile!" Her voice rose and echoed around them.

"I..." Harry opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came. Nothing but more tears and more knots in his stomach.

"I fell asleep talking to my mother yesterday," she looked down at her hands in her lap, her fingers twisted together as she remembered. "We were having a conversation and I just passed out. I can't imagine what that must look like to her, what that must  _feel_  like for her to see me like this after what she watched my father go through..." As Maddie thought of her father, her eyes welled up and the sobbing returned. Harry was at a loss. He wanted to pull her into his arms and hold her as tight as he could—but he didn't want to hurt her. He wanted to tell her it was all going to be okay, that she was so close—but he couldn't take this away from her, this purging of emotion, of all that she had been hit with. So he did all he could, his hand moved higher up her foot, his fingers wrapping around her calf and he kept his eyes on her. He didn't turn away.

But her next words brought a new ache to his soul.

"I can't make love to my husband."

"Maddie..."

"I can't. I miss it and I want it. But I just... _can't_ ," she lifted her eyes to his, wide and tragically honest. "I'm so _tired_  and my body is...turning to mush and I have zero desire to..." She tried for a deep, shaky breath. "Not that it matters because look at me! I am bald and pasty and I look..."

"No, Madeline..." Harry reached out to stroke Maddie's face; to wipe at her tears. "You're beautiful and you have to know I..."

"I have no energy...." She interrupted him, her hand raising to press his into her cheek, wanting the warmth. Needing the comfort. "I can't eat anything. I have these sores in my mouth and on my tongue and...and even if I could actually get something down, it won't stay because the medicine makes me nauseous. I smell like chemo....I can't sleep but I can't stay awake....and all everyone around me wants to talk about is being HAPPY and optimistic and....I....I just....some days....I just want to crawl into bed and never come out. Some days I want to be dead...because some days I feel like I already am."

"Shhhh...." Harry shook his head; the image of Maddie growing foggy through the tears in his eyes. "Please don't say that...please..."

"It's all I think about Harry," Maddie's voice grew calm, grew quiet as she pulled his hand from her face and into both of hers. "Leaving you here without me...it's all I think about..." And because Harry lacked the words to respond, because he lacked the ability to allow himself to go  _there,_ all he could do was nod; nod and allow them both the space and the time to cry.


	32. Missing Moment Five

It was the night before Maddie's sixth and final Chemo treatment and, as Harry shut off the lights in his office and made his way through the house, the feelings swirling inside of his stomach were too difficult to define, too unclear to pin down.

Unsettled. He felt incredibly unsettled.

This was it, the  _last_  one. That was something to be celebrated. But if this entire experience had taught him anything—and it had—it was that this one, the sixth one, was going to hit her hard. And thinking about what it had been like for her the last time made his stomach turn.

Scrubbing his hand up over his face and into his hair, he turned the corner into the foyer and opened his eyes.

And there she was. Sitting right there on the second to the bottom stair was Maddie, with a soft smile and a distant look in her eyes.

"Hey..." He slowed to a stop, smiling down at her despite the images that had just been in his mind.

"Hey," her smile pulled higher as she looked up to him. Sliding slightly to the side, she patted the step next to her. "Join me?"

With a nod he moved to sit. "Everything okay?"

"Mmm," she nodded her head. "I just sent mom and Collins off to dinner and a night at The Goring."

"Ah yes," Harry smiled as he took her hand in his. "Date night."

Maddie nodded again, leaning in closer to him as their fingers tangled together. "She'll be back tomorrow afternoon before we're home from Chemo."

"Of course," Harry bent to kiss the back of her hand, bringing her closer to him. "I've been thinking of talking to my father about having your mother knighted."

"Knighted?" Maddie laughed. "Can a woman be a Knight?"

"They would call her a Dame." With a shrug of his shoulders, he turned to kiss her head.

"Ahhh...Dame Hannah Forrester?"

"Yes."

"And what would he be 'dame'-ing my mother for?"

"For helping pull us through all of this," though there was a smile on his face, there was grave seriousness in his eyes. "We couldn't have done it without her. I know I couldn't have."

"Hey..." Maddie's arm moved to wrap around his shoulders; strong and broad and baring the weight of so much.

"And you..." He shook his head and bit at his lip, his effort to control the stirring of those unsettled emotions. "We should have you sanctified."

"Oh Harry," she rolled her eyes but hugged him closer. "Lots of people make it through this."

"Yes well..." He sighed, letting out a deep breath, his hands moving to her knees, to her legs, his body instinctually wanting her near.

"And what about you?" Maddie's voice was soft as she nuzzled her nose against the soft scruff of his beard.

"Me?" He whispered, his eyes closing as she kissed his cheek.

"You've pulled us through this too," she placed her hand on his chest, over his beating heart. "What are we going to reward you with?"

"Ah love," he sighed, opening his eyes to look into hers. "You've already given me the highest of honors..."

"Do I even dare to ask?" Her lips curled into a smirk.

"You made me your husband."

"Ha!" Her head tipped back in laughter, a sound that made his heart warm. "I think Bishop has finally rubbed off on you; the cheese, the fluff."

"The truth." He held his ground but allowed a smile, allowed for laughter.

The silence that settled around them was comfortable; still and peaceful as they held onto the other. As their minds both drifted, separately yet together, over the past months, over tomorrow's treatment, their grip on each other stayed strong.

"Harry?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do you..." She adjusted on the stair next to him, her fingers fidgeting with his. "Do you believe in...ha."

"In what?" He stroked lovingly at the back of her hand.

"Do you believe in God?" Her voice cracked into the silence and Harry's eyes snapped up to hers.  "Do you?" She whispered and waited, holding his gaze as his eyes searched hers, the weight of this new turn in conversation taking over the room.

"I used to," he nodded softly.

" _Used_  to?"

"Somebody...somebody put you in my path," he confessed, holding her tighter. "Somebody gave me Lilli and Ollie and Malcolm and Oscar and...I have to believe that  _God_  had a hand in those miracles, right?"

"Right," Maddie was warmed by the reverence in his voice. "You said  _used to_."

Harry sucked in a deep breath and leaned closer to her, bending to kiss her hand. "I have issues with a God who would....give you this."

"Harry..."

"You asked," he reminded her softly.

"I did."

"And I'm...conflicted." He took a deep breath and nodded at her. "What about you? What made you ask?"

"Ha..." She let out a laugh, then a sigh. And then, with a shrug, she shook her head. "I don't even know."

"You don't know?" Though she said the words, he could sense something different. "What's going on love?"

"Nothing. I just...." Taking a deep breath, she looked up at him. "Promise not to make fun?"

"Swear it."

"Okay," she nodded, the look on her face turning vulnerable. "I had this...dream."

"Dream?" Harry repeated. "What kind of dream?"

"Or maybe it was a vision? Or a delusion...I don't know." Her cheeks were flushing pink, her eyes drifting away from the moment.

"Maddie?"

"You remember the night I fell apart in the bathroom not too long ago?"

"Yes." His heart still ached as he remembered her telling him she wanted to be dead.

"That night when I finally fell asleep...I had this dream."

"What was the dream about?"

"It was the  _strangest_  thing. It was like I was awake and you know, for some time I would have  _sworn_  that I was. But I was laying in bed next to you and I was staring at the ceiling trying to get myself to just...go to sleep. And then I started to...see things."

"See things?" Harry was curious as he turned to face her. "What sorts of things?"

"Well..." Maddie took a breath, her voice was soft and quiet as she gave voice to what she had kept to herself up till this point. "The crown molding began to move." Even as she said the words, she spoke in disbelief, as though she couldn't possibly be remembering it correctly. But the conviction in her eyes said otherwise. "It...it turned into ivy."

"Ivy..." Harry's voice was whisper soft as he repeated her words.

"You think I'm crazy." Her eyes met his.

"I don't." Without a crack of a smile, without a hint of a flinch, he shook his head.

So she continued.

"It twisted and turned around the ceiling, like it was  _growing_. And then it started to turn green and I tried to wake up, I tried to snap out of it, because it was the strangest feeling but I couldn't...I couldn't." She shook her head. "I was stuck there in bed, paralyzed almost. All I could do was look up and watch as this green ivy took over our room." As her mind drifted back to that night, Harry could see her struggle with it all. "And then everything got...warm."

"Warm?"

"The room, the...the ceiling." She laughed, pressing her fingers to her lips as she did. "The ceiling turned this warm, golden color and then it was like it just...opened up." Harry watched as Maddie's smile grew wider, as her face brightened. "It got brighter and brighter and then I wasn't in our room any longer. I wasn't in our bed."

"Wh...where were you?"

"On the farm," she whispered, her fingers falling back into her lap as her eyes welled up. "I was on my parents' farm..." Her eyes lifted and locked with his. "With my father." Though Harry tried to school his reaction, he knew Maddie could see the surprise on his face. "I know it sounds crazy. I know it sounds like...like I lost my mind a little bit that night...." She shook her head and wiped at her eyes. "And you know, maybe I did."

"What did he say? Your father?"

"Lots of things," she smiled as the tears continued to fall. "We...we talked about my childhood, about my mother. We talked about you and the children..." Her voice cracked and Harry's heart ached in his chest. "We talked about...about Cancer, about fighting this disease, about...surviving." Maddie took in a shaky breath. "I've heard about stuff like this before you know."

"Like this?" His eyebrows lifted, completely entranced with what she was telling him.

"People, in their darkest moments, at their lowest, having these... _visions_  that somehow serve as...motivation? That remind them of who they are, of the strength they have. I've heard about it from a scientific perspective—your mind knowing subconsciously what you need to see and hear in order to make it through something."

"Sure..." All Harry could do was nod as he took in her words.

"And of course, there are many answers for this on the spiritual side of things; angels, spirits. You know in Bendal, the people believe that the spirits of the dead can visit you when you need them the most, they believe that your soul can call upon the souls of those who have passed..."

"Is that what you think happened? Do you think your soul called upon your father's?"

"I think that that's what Collins would say happened."

"Did you tell him about this?"

"I've told nobody about this," she shook her head, holding tight to his hand in her lap. "I couldn't even really wrap my own mind around it all, much less ask somebody else to."

"But you're telling me now..." Harry wrapped her hand up in his.

"I am," she smiled through her tears, through her nervousness. "Because I want you to know that...I'm not going to die Harry. I know I scared you, so much, that night but..."

"Maddie..."

"I'm going to make it," she was reassuring him as she cut him off. "I know that we have one more round of this tomorrow. And I know that it's going to hit hard and I know that after the last one...I know you must be terrified."

"Love..."

"But I'm going to make it through this last one." She was so sure as she sat up taller. "That night, after I... _spoke_  with my father, I found some strength I didn't know I had. And I found this....certainty."

"Certainty?"

"It's not my time to go," Maddie shook her head. "I have too much left to do with you and the children and...I'm ready. For this last treatment, for this last hit. I'm ready. And then..." She sucked in a deep breath and leaned in closer to him. "Then I'm ready to move forward with you."

"Is that so?" For as unsettled as he still felt, for as confused as he might be, his heart was beating loud and strong in his chest. "Is there a particular place you had in mind?"

"Mmmmm," she sighed, leaning in even closer. "Everywhere. Just....with you. Everywhere."


	33. Missing Moment Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:  This is the Sixth and Final Missing Moment.  The next chapter will be the Last Chapter and there will be a significant time jump.  

 

Six months. It had been six months since Maddie's sixth and final Chemo treatment. In that time, a great many things had occurred.

Yes, Maddie had taken a hit; a big one. She had been sick and tired and it had been rough. But she had come through.

 ** _They_**  had come through.

Six months.

Hannah had gone home to Collins. The children had had birthdays. They had taken in long weekends at Foxgrove, they had sipped celebratory champagne with The Bishops. They had even hosted a dinner with Will and Kate and Arthur.

They were coming back.

They had taken to The Balcony for flyovers. They had gone back to Saint James for meetings with Isaac. Maddie had returned to The Trust, had returned to something of what her life had been before this had hit. She had even begun to lay the ground work for a charity involved in providing support to men and women who were battling cancer—those who had much less supports surrounding them than she had had surrounding her.

There had been an interview with Andrew, putting a final, comprehensive touch on his documentary of The Duchess' battle with this disease.

The sores in her mouth had gone away. The sour taste on her tongue had drifted. The color had returned to her skin, along with the softness, with the fullness. She had begun to put weight back on, her appetite returning in a big way.

And on her head, a few small inches of soft curls, darker than her hair had been before.

In the midst of it all, there had been a coronation. Charles had become King George VII.

With an elaborate ceremony and more pomp and circumstance than Maddie had ever been witness to, her father-in-law was crowned. She had worn a beautiful gown, an immaculate robe, and on top of her curling wisps of hair, a coronet. She had knelt before The King and paid homage, just as Harry had done before her. And that afternoon, when they had stepped out onto The Balcony at Buckingham Palace, to cheers and celebration, Maddie's smile was genuine, her breath coming up easily.

She felt like she was getting back to normal—as normal as this life of hers would ever be.

Following the Coronation was a ball; a celebration, a party.

Following the late night was an early morning; a headache, a hungover Duke in the bed next to her.

And then there was an appointment with Maddie's oncologist. There was a team of doctors and a scan and news that brought tears to both Maddie and Harry.

Happy tears.

Tears of great joy.

The scans were clear. They had got it all. They would see her in six months for routine scans and check-ups. But for now, for this moment in time, Maddie was Cancer Free.

It had taken Harry just under six hours to make it all happen.

Placing several phone calls, he put a plan into motion and before dark that night, the Sussex family was boarding a plane to France.

After a plethora of hugs and kisses and an abundance of love, Harry and Maddie had handed the children over to Hannah and Collins and they were back on a plane.

"To the Maldives?!" Maddie's eyes had gone wide when Harry had finally told her.

"To the sand and the water and the sun. To the very first place you were my wife..."

"Oh man," Maddie's head shook as she leaned to kiss him. "You are something else, Captain."

"If anyone deserves some time away in paradise, darling, it's you."

So they went; to the Maldives. To paradise. To the very same place they had gone on their honeymoon not all that long ago.

The moment they arrived, Harry lifted her into his arms and took her directly into the water, just as he had the first time.

They swam. They ate. They drank wine and champagne and they laid tangled up together on the oversized lounge chair, watching as the sun set over the crystal blue water, watching as the stars spotted the wide dark sky.

And then, with an excited, nervous patter in her chest, Maddie rose to her feet and held her hand out to him. "Come to bed with me?"

With a lump in his throat and a desire that had ignited in an instant, Harry was out of the chair with his hand in hers, following along as she pulled him back into the house.

Though she walked through the rooms with great confidence, with an assured air about her, inside she could feel the slight trepidation she guessed came with a moment such as this, a moment they hadn't had together for so long.

For too long.

So when she came to a stop in their bedroom, when she turned to face him, when his eyes slid to hers, she could feel her entire body flush. Her cheeks grew pink, her skin warm.

And Harry caught it.

"Madeline, love," there they were, in their own private paradise, with the lights turned off and only the moon and the stars lighting the night around them. "How are you feeling?" His focus was on her as he moved in closer, that look of want twinkling in his eyes—that look she barely remembered.

"I feel..." She couldn't find the word but her laugh was nervous, breathy. "I don't know..."

"Sexy?" His smile was soft, amused, as he gave her options. "Beautiful? Tipsy? Hot? Ready?"

"Nervous..." She admitted, her lip pulling between her teeth, her fingers fidgeting in front of her. "Scared."

"Scared?" Harry's eyebrows lifted, his feet slowing to a stop before her as his thumb pointed into his chest. "Of me?"

"No," she shook her head, her eyes welling defiantly with tears. "Maybe..." She laughed, wiping at her eyes. "This is ridiculous, right? I'm nervous like I've never done this before. I'm scared that I've forgotten or that it won't be the same or that you'll..." Her eyes dropped down, looking at his feet as she tried to pull it together, tried to reign it in.

"It's okay," his hand reached out to her, wrapping around both of hers in order to stall her fidgeting. "Maddie..." He called her to him and when her eyes lifted back to his, the emotion there nearly knocked her sideways. "It won't be the same." He shook his head softly, his thumb stroking her hand. "There's no way that after all we've been through, all we've faced, that it will ever be the same..." He lifted her hand to his lips. "There's no way I loved you as much then as I love you right now."

"Harry..."

"And it's okay if you've forgotten," he moved forward, stepping into her space, making her body stir at his closeness. "I remember." His fingers slid to her neck, tracing a line to her shoulder, his mouth following closely behind. "I'll remind you."

With a deep breath and a glorious sense of surrender, Maddie gave in.

To his touch, to his lips, to him.

With her hand tucked into his and her body responding in ways she had nearly forgotten, she jumped.

And Harry was right. There was no way that  _this_  was the same. It was bigger.

Heavier, weightier, more emotional.

But at the end of it all, at the very heart of it all—it was still them. Harry and Maddie. The Doctor and The Captain.

And it was as glorious as it had ever been. They had weathered this horrible chapter in their lives and now they were coming together, coming back to each other, coming home.

t


	34. The End of The Unexpected Journey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:  This is it.  The final chapter.  Be warned.  There's been a significant time jump.  And a death.  Thank you for reading.  I'd love to know your thoughts on the story as a whole!
> 
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It had happened over night. While the Kingdom and the Palace and the entire branch of the Sussex family were sleeping; peaceful and soft–it happened. A last breath was taken, the last strum of a beating heart. Nobody really saw it coming, nobody was prepared. It only took a moment.

In the morning, the sun would rise and a heart would break.

And the world would come tumbling down.

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"Darling..." His voice was heavy, deep and rich, and his hands were warm and steady as they rested over hers–twisted and fidgeting. "Lillibet."

Her eye lifted from where they were focused on their two young children, her attention turning straight to him, the way it always did when he said her name like that. "Yes?"

"We're going to be in London in under an hour," his smile was full of sympathy, his eyes full of heartache as he drew his wife's hands into his lap, folding them into both of his.

"I know," she nodded, her bottom lip pulling in between her teeth, just like her mother's always had, her eyes shifting out over the fluff of clouds they were flying through. She tightened her hold on her husband and thought over the life she had crafted for herself, thought of all of the decisions she had made; good and bad, well-thought out and spontaneous.

She was eternally grateful for all of her decisions, for all of the joy and pain they had brought into her life. As her mind began to tick them off, the same cheeky grin she shared with her father spread over her face.

So much of her life had been built in the same way his had. She had played a wicked game of polo. She was his natural successor in the legacy he had built with Sentable. When she was sixteen she had announced her plans to enroll at Sandhurst–causing her father to take a step back and catch his breath, and her mother to chuckle lovingly as he looked surprised.

She had joined the Army. She had become a helicopter pilot. She would never in her life forget the look on her father's face when she was promoted to Colonel Sussex.

He had been so proud. Her eyes welled up with tears and she turned her face towards her husband, towards her family.

Her husband Hugh–tall, dark, and handsome. She had found him attractive the moment she laid eyes on him and he still swore to this day that the moment she gave him orders was the moment he had fallen for her. She had been nervous to tell her father that he was lower ranked than her, even more so to tell him that he was a Flight Lieutenant in the Royal Air Force. But true to form, he had laughed and shrugged his shoulders.

"Don't forget, when I met your mother she was from another country–and most certainly out-ranked me."

Thinking of her parents, of how in love they had always been, how devoted to the other–it only reminded her of what had happened, of why they were on a private plane back to London dressed in black.

The tears that had been welling up tipped over and she began to cry.

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Oliver knew it was crazy–to be out for a run, in public, on this day of all days. But he couldn't help it. By this time on a normal day, he would have already been through at least three meetings and would maybe be on his way to an event. Working as a "full time" royal, working alongside his cousin The Prince of Wales, his days were busy.

Just as his sister had taken over for his father with Sentebale, Ollie had taken over for his mother at The Prince's Trust. Of all his siblings he had become the most "royal ". He was the charmer, he was the performer. And he loved what his work was able to do, the people he was able to help.

But on this day, this darkly clouded day, he wasn't going into the office. He wouldn't be sitting in meetings–at least not the normal ones. And he had all of this pent up energy building inside of him. So, against the good advice of his wife Jaclyn, he had put on his running shoes, kissed and hugged each of his three children, and he had set out.

Hoping to run off this ache in his chest, hoping to focus on something else, anything else other than this hole in his heart, this darkness in his soul.

With a ballcap on his head and music blaring in his ears, he ran.

He ran and ran and ran and ran. So much so he almost forgot how much he hated running.

When he looked down at his watch, so much time had passed and he knew he should head back. He knew that he needed to shower and get dressed and help load up all the children.  
He knew his siblings were on their way home, knew they would all be heading to their parents' home, knew that this day was actually only going to get colder and darker and sadder.

He knew there were responsibilities that awaited him, that duty called.

But he kept on running–wishing and hoping and praying that somehow, somehow this was all a horrible dream.

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"Malcolm..." Her voice was soft and quiet as she tried to get her husband's attention. "Malcolm..." With their newborn baby sleeping tucked into her arms, she called to Malcolm as he stood at the window of the nursery staring out at a multitude of nothing.

It was almost like he couldn't hear her, almost like he couldn't register much of anything. It was hard to see him like this. His normally wild, boisterous self had been tamed by that one phone call bearing the news that had drawn him to near silence. "Dr. Sussex?" Her eyebrows lifted, thinking maybe he would hear that, think he was back at the hospital and snap out of it.

But he didn't move. Didn't even budge.

She took a deep breath and adjusted their son in her arms. "Your Royal Highness!"

That did it. With a start he turned back to her, his eyes wide with shock–as though he had no idea he wasn't alone. "Sorry," he shook his head, moving towards her in an instant. "I'm so sorry Rose. I just..." He shook his head again, not sure what the end of that sentence was.

"It's okay," she smiled at him even though she felt like crying. "Your sister is on the ground and we should probably get going..."

"Of course, of course," he nodded quickly.

"Would you mind taking baby Harry? If you put him in his seat, I'll grab his bag and be right down?"

"Absolutely," with ease and gentleness he lifted their son from her arms, pausing to kiss her before he pulled away. "Thank you."

"Thank me?" She lifted her eyebrows.

"For getting me through this day," he gulped at the emotion in his throat. "I don't know what I'd do without you. I'd probably still be staring out that window."

"Hmmm," she reached up to stroke his cheek. "No need to thank me, love. This is just...what we do."

He held her eyes for a beat, thanking God he had heeded the advice of his parents, that he had waited till he found the right person before married. He thought of all the women who had come and gone, those who had been eager to be his wife, his girlfriend–even his one night stand. He had enjoyed himself over the years. But he had always remembered the time his father had taken him out for a walk at Foxgrove. He would never forget the words he had spoken on that cold, crisp evening.

"No decision you make in your private life–and to a large extent your public life–will ever be as important as who it is you choose to be your partner."

His father had put his large, warm hand firmly on his shoulder and had assured him that his decision for his partner had been the most important–and the best–decision he had ever made.

As his own son stretched in his arms, Malcolm looked to his wife, remembering the day he met her–working side by side in the heat of Africa during his first stint with Doctor's Without Borders–remembering his father's words echoing in his ears then.

And now.

Leaning into his wife for one more kiss, he closed his eyes and whispered against her lips, "this is what we do."

"It is," she smiled and stepped away. "Put Harry in the car. I'll be right down."

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Oscar was the last to arrive–he had always been the last to arrive. His siblings had often joked that his lack of timeliness must have been a result of him being the youngest of four–that he had forever been an afterthought. So now that's how he went through life.

But his parents had always insisted, had always known that Oscar was an observer, a recorder of events, of history. From a very young age he had quietly watched everything and everyone around them and it came as a shock to neither of them when he had voiced his interest in being a photographer. They had supported him in his passions, even when he went completely rogue, packed up his belongings into a backpack and set about travelling around the world with his quest for adventure and his camera.

As his car pulled up to the gates of Kensington Palace, he looked at the crowds of people, at the stream of flowers and balloons. And he had to resist the urge to lift his camera to take a few shots. In his heart he was a photographer, his instincts were to capture the moment–in his soul he was a Prince. Now, on this day, more than ever.

His Royal Highness Prince Oscar of Sussex.

So he sat tall and stoic and he watched as he drove past the acres of flowers that had been lain at the gates of the palace. As he passed by the guards, as the gates closed behind him, his eyes searched for his home–the place he had grown, the place his parents had lived nearly their entire married lives.

The lump of pain swelled bigger in his chest, the one that materialized when his sister had called him with the heartbreaking news, the one that had been with him on several flights.

The one he wasn't sure would ever go away.

The gravel drive crunched under the tires of his car and he had to take a deep breath before he could turn and look at their home. It looked just as he had remembered–only busier. The plethora of cars lined up outside told him that his siblings were already there, that he was in fact the last to arrive.

A small smile curled at his lips. At least that would be the same. Reaching for his one bag of personal belongings, he stepped out of the already opened door, and smiled a thank you to the driver. Squaring his shoulders and standing tall, he began up the walk. When he reached the door, his fingers reached out, curving around the handle. He looked down at the ground, down at his shoes and with his eyes pressed tightly closed, he said a quick prayer to a God he wasn't sure he believed in anymore...and he opened the door and stepped inside.

Though there was nobody in the entryway, he was instantly greeted by the sounds of home, by the sounds of family. There were children running and playing. There was music coming from somewhere, the smell of something cooking and the muted murmurs of conversations. And there was a moment, a blink of an instant where he was almost able to convince himself that they were still whole, that they weren't missing a member of this glorious family from which he had come.

But then the door shut behind him and movement drew his eyes towards the living room to the left and it all came crashing back into him; the loss, the impact, the devastation. And the pain in his chest cracked and exploded and spread throughout him.

Because there in the doorway, in a haze of grief and mourning and loss, was his father. Tall and trim and shattered. It was as though when his mother passed, she had taken with her all of the light from his father's eyes, all of the cheekiness from his smile–all of the beats of his heart.

Before Oscar could find his voice, could find his words, Harry was moving in. With the love and comfort that only a father could have, he pulled his youngest son–their baby–into his arms and, hugging him tight, he began to cry.

Just as he had with all three of the others. Just as he imagined he would for all of the days he had left.

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It had been late Spring/early Summer, just weeks before their 36th Anniversary. They had plans to celebrate. Nothing big, nothing like the extravagant affair that had been their thirtieth, nothing like the lofty dreams they had for their fortieth, but the event would be marked just the same. Through all the years, all of the children and grandchildren, all of the illnesses and loss of loved ones, Maddie and Harry had remained solid–together.

Harry Sussex–he still had it. Even as a grandfather, he still had it. Yes, he was older, but so much about him looked so much as it did the day she had met him. His wild, red hair had thinned a bit more and had made way for a dash of gray and a hint of white. Maddie had laughed uncontrollably when Lilli's oldest son had asked him last Christmas if he were turning into Santa.

He had the softest set of wrinkles that had formed around his eyes from smiling over the years–Maddie liked to take credit for those. He wore glasses now–as she did–and she loved the way he looked in them. She had loved the way he had looked in them since the moment he had put them on his face; distinguished, scholarly–sexy.

Maddie Sussex–mother of four, grandmother to six–and Harry liked to say that she had barely aged at all. He joked that when they went out together, he looked like he was a dirty old man and teased that maybe she should find herself a younger model. After the first round of cancer, Maddie's hair had grown back darker and thicker and curlier and it seemed as though she was immune to the thinning and graying that seemed to be befalling all of her peers. Her face had grown softer, allowing for a few small wrinkles and creases and her children liked to tease her, telling her she was getting shorter. But she could still keep up with every single one of her children and grandchildren, she could still out-compete most of them and, when needed, she still had it in there to put all of them into their place.

They had been through so much in their thirty-six years together; raising a family, surviving crises big and small. But they had weathered it, they had grown stronger, they had loved deeper, and they had become so much a part of the other, that neither of them could have imagined what it would be like to suddenly not have the other.

When the second diagnosis came, they had gone to Foxgrove to discuss their options.

Harry had made demands, had shouted and begged and pleaded. But in the end, Maddie won. She wouldn't be spending what was left of her time with him curled up on the floor of the bathroom vomiting and barely able to move.

She would take the diagnosis and the time they were estimating she had left, and she would spend it with the people she loved in the places she loved, doing what she loved.

And she did. God, how she did.

They had travelled all over the world. To her childhood home in Colorado, the Rocky Mountains, to the Northern Lights in Norway, to the red-sand in Bendal. They had gone to Paris and to Germany. They had gone back to the beaches they had sunned on during their honeymoon. And then they had gone home.

They had made it a point to spend time with all of their children, with all of their families.

They had travelled with the Bishops to France and had gotten way too drunk, staying up way too late.

It had been exactly what she had wanted, exactly what she had needed. She had read books and drank wine and made love to her husband.

And late one night, after a few glasses of Scotch, she had even been able to get Harry to admit that this was the right decision–that this was better than being sick and weak and tired.

This was living–and she was beyond thankful that she had had the chance to do that with him.

They had known that eventually it would come to an end, that eventually the diagnosis would catch up with her and she would fall ill, that eventually she would leave him. But for a few moments along the way, they had managed to ignore that.

Or at least pretend to.

They had known it would come, had known it would happen. But Harry had never imagined it would have come so soon, that it would have taken her so quickly–without sickness, without pain.

Without warning.

But he had woken that morning and it was all over. Maddie was gone and his heart–his heart left with her.

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The house had been flooded with people since that morning; first staff, then family. As every one of his children came home, he would look at them and instantly see the parts of them that had been her and his grief would wash over him, bringing tears to his eyes and strengthening the ache is his chest. He was so happy to see them, thrilled to see the grandchildren. But he hated the reason for the gathering, hated that she wasn't there.

That she would never be there again.

Though there were plans to be made, his involvement in them were miniscule. A ceremonial funeral was being planned and after her diagnosis, they sat down to put down the personal touches that were important to her. All Harry had to do was make it through the next few days, put on his uniform when told, his black suit when told–and find a way to live without her.

As he sat in his office, the sounds of his children and grandchildren drifting through his home, he wondered if he would ever be able to do that–live without her. He remembered when his own grandmother had passed, remembered telling Maddie then that, were she to go before him, he wouldn't live much longer. He knew then that he wouldn't survive her loss, that his heart would break and he would follow.

As he looked to the photo from their wedding day that still sat on his desk, he hoped it wouldn't be long. He hoped he would be able to follow her soon because it hadn't even been twenty-four hours and the ache was just too big.

There was a soft knock on the door, an unmistakable voice and then his best friend was standing in front of him with red, puffy eyes and a black suit and a bottle of Scotch.

"If you want me to leave you alone with the bottle, I can..." He offered, completely serious.

It took effort for Harry to meet his eyes, knowing the sadness the two of them shared might be too much for the room. But something about Bishop being there made him feel just the tiny bit better. So he sat up a bit and waved his hand towards the chair across from him. "Stay?"

"Of course," Bishop nodded and took a seat, not even asking before he opened the bottle and began to pour. Handing a full glass over to Harry, he lifted his own and, with a waver in his voice he asked. "Do you want to drink to her?"

As Bishop's voice cracked, Harry's heart did and tears rose to both of their eyes. "I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet," he whispered, shaking his head as he wiped at his eyes.

"Fine," Bishop nodded. "Then we'll drink to me." He swore he saw a hint of a smile as their glasses clinked and they both took a drink.

And there they sat in Harry's office, drinking Scotch in the middle of the afternoon. It was a long while before Harry cleared his throat and spoke. "The children are all home."

"I saw that," Bishop nodded. "I brought David and Michael with me."

"Oh?"

"Mmmm," Bishop took another sip. "Buckie and his wife are on their way from Madrid."

"And Ella?" Harry felt a new wave of upset hit him as he thought of her, of this woman, this friend who had known and loved Maddie longer than he had.

Bishop's eyes darkened and Harry could see the sadness in them. "She's at home. I asked her if she wanted to come. And she does, she just...."

"It's okay."

"I'm not sure she can right now," Bishop tried to explain, not wanting to go into detail the wails of despair that had come from his wife. He knew that the man before him was standing on a ledge and he had come to pull him back from it, not push him towards it.

Even without the extra details, Harry took a moment to process it, to imagine what Ella must be feeling. "You'll tell her I love her?"

"I will."

"And that she can..." Harry cleared his throat and took a breath. "She can come whenever she would like. Or not...if that's better."

"Of course," Bishop nodded, emotion welling in his throat. Taking a long sip from his drink, Bishop leaned forward, his arms resting on his knees, and he met Harry's eyes and even though it pained him to speak, he did. "I'm not sure I'm able to tell you just how sorry I am."

Harry's head nodded; slow and heavy. "I know."

"Maddie was..." As Bishop's eyes welled up, he shook his head, watching as his friend began to crumble at the mere mention of her name.

With a blink of an eye, the tears began to flow. In truth, Maddie had been a great many things over the course of her short life.

She had been a daughter and a cousin. She had been a farmer. She had been a rule breaker and a fierce competitor. She had been a doctor and a hero and a friend. She had been a lover and a fighter and a reason to live.

She had been a bride and a wife and a mother. She had been a beloved Duchess, an invaluable member of the Royal Family. She had been all over the world, all over the press.

She had been all over Harry's heart since the day he had met her.

It was hard to sum up what her life had met to Harry, hard to sum up what she had meant to all of them. So instead of fighting for the words, the two men sipped Scotch and let their memories tell the tales.

It was Bishop who spoke next, his mind having drifted far back to the beginning of it all. "You remember just before you went to Bendal that summer? Just before you met Maddie?"

"Sure." With a blink of his eyes, Harry's mind drifted there too.

"We were at the pub and you were telling me how you were ready to give it up and settle?"

"And you were telling me that if you ever wanted to give up 'the chase' I should take you out and put you down."

"Yes! Yes. That was the time." Both of them chuckled at the irony of it all.

"I remember." God, how he remembered.

"You went to Bendal thinking that everything about you was going to mean that you had to settle for something less than perfect."

"It's true."

"Remember the text you sent me when you met her?" Bishop asked.

For the first time since he had woken, Harry smiled. He really smiled and Bishop swore he even saw a bit of light in his eyes. "I remember," Harry whispered, taking a sip from his glass.

"You said...'I met her'," Bishop returned his smile. "I want her smile to sigh my name."

"Jesus!" Harry laughed, his hand clapping his knee as he remembered. "I really did bloody say that."

"Yes you did."

"Yes I did," Harry shook his head and took a drink. "It did you know...eventually."

"Sigh your name?" Bishop's smile pulled higher.

"Yes."

"Yes, I know." Bishop sighed and sat back in his chair. "And later...do you remember the next text you sent?"

Harry's smile faded only a little, the sadness beginning to return. "Of course I do."

Bishop nodded, knowing he might be pushing it. "It said 'I want my children to have that smile.'"

"I remember," Harry's voice cracked.

"And they do," Bishop smiled, nodding his head towards the living room, towards the abundance of family that waited. "They have that smile. Every single one of them."

"Yes they do," Harry agreed, wiping at the fresh tears on his cheeks. "They have so much of her Bishop."

"I know."

"I see her everywhere I look. In Lilli's mannerism and habits. In the way Ollie runs his calendar and the things he takes on. And Oscar...his love for travel and understanding and he has her hair and her smile and her eyes. Jesus Bishop, I could barely look at him without falling apart. And Malcolm! He has her spirit and her soul and even before they got here, all I can see around this house is her! She has these ridiculously soft blankets everywhere, these stacks of magazines that she never reads, that she'll....that she'll never read." Harry's rush began to fade, his heart hammering in his chest. "She hasn't gone running for years yet those damn running shoes are by the door."

"I know," Bishop spoke softly.

"And this morning after they..." Harry blinked and swallowed. "After they took her, I was looking for socks or something and I found..." Choking up, Harry's face turned away, his lips pressing together and his eyes bright with tears and when he spoke his voice was strained and raspy. "I found that damn minty Christmas candy she loved so much..."

"Aw, Harry..."

"I don't know how to do it Bishop. How do I do it?" His eyes were wide as they looked back to him. "I already miss her. I already long for her. You know I haven't slept a night without her in about thirty years and even before that it was few and far between. She's always there; holding my hand, laughing as I make jokes and...and tonight I'm supposed to go up to our room and...I don't know how to do it Bishop. I just...I don't."

Bishop watched for a long moment, letting his friend have his space for grief, his moment for sadness. And then, with a shrug and a smirk that was so uniquely him, he pulled Harry just a little but further away from the ledge. "I don't know man. But if this is your way of asking me to stay the night with you..." A puff of laughter came from his teary best friend. "I suppose Ella wouldn't mind sharing. Just this once."

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It was late that night as Malcolm navigated through the house. The lights were off and his large, wild family was sleeping throughout. The house hadn't been this full since Christmas. He felt a tug in his heart as he remembered, tears pricked to his eyes as he thought of the next holiday that would be without his mother. He walked softly down the stairs, through the living room towards the kitchen. He had just managed to get his son back to sleep and he was hungry and thirsty and he had great plans to dig into some of the mountains of food people had been sending over all day.

But when he stepped into the kitchen, the light over the sink illuminated the room and he found that he wasn't alone. There on the counter sat his older sister.

"Hey," she looked up to him with a tired smile. "I couldn't sleep."

"I could. But my son had different plans," he offered a half smirk as he moved in closer.

With a snort of a laugh, Lilli nodded her head. "Ah yes, the baby years."

"Exactly," Malcolm looked down at what she was holding in her hand. "I'm sorry. Are you eating Nutella with a spoon?"

"I am," her eyes narrowed defiantly at his tone. "What of it?"

"Healthy choice," he shook his head at her with a laugh.

"Since when are you the expert?" She arched an eyebrow as she took another spoonful.

"I don't know, maybe since I graduated from Medical School?"

"Ha." She laughed again. "You're a Pediatrician Dr. Malcolm. And I remember when you used to walk around in Mum's heels. Maybe you ease up on your big sister?"

"Maybe," he snickered as he reached around her for a banana and moved to pull himself up onto the counter next to her. As he peeled the banana, his eyes shifted to look at her jar.

"Uh-uh," Lilli shook her head, moving it out of his reach. "Don't even think about sticking that in here."

"Ha," Malcolm shook his head with a grin that looked more like their father's than their mother's. "If I had a dollar for every time a woman's told me that."

"Gross!" Lilli smacked his arm, her head shaking with disgust.

"Okay..." A voice from the side drew their eyes to the entryway. "What on earth is going on in here?" It was Ollie with sleepy eyes and wild hair.

"We're eating," Lilli held up her jar. "Want to join us?"

Ollie looked at the two of them for a moment and then, with a shrug he decided. Moving into the room he looked at what was in their hands. "Do I have to eat fruit?"

"Nope," Lilli laughed. "Grab a spoon."

"You guys are going to regret this later," Malcolm shook his head at them.

"I doubt it," Lilli replied as Ollie grabbed a spoon and a spot next to her on the counter.

"I'm guessing you two can't sleep either?" He glanced between the two of them, taking a spoonful from his sister's jar.

"I can't," Lilli explained. "Malcolm was up with Harry."

"Sure," Ollie nodded. "How is he doing?"

"Great," Malcolm smiled warmly as he thought of his son. "He's just...perfect. You know?"

"I do," Ollie smiled back at his brother.

"He's started making all these little noises and smiling and....wow..." He sighed, looking up at the warm, mushy faces of his siblings. "I'm sad that he won't get to know her. Not like the others, not like we did."

And just like that, the sadness returned to the room, memories of their mother flooding their minds. Lilli took another spoonful as their youngest brother stepped into the room, wide awake as he looked at them.

"What on earth?" He had his arms crossed over his chest and a small smile on his face.

"We couldn't sleep," Lilli explained, waving him over to the counter. "You?"

"I've been travelling," he sighed as he walked over to them. "My internal clock is all off so I was just...sitting in Mum's office."

"Alone?" Malcolm raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah," Oscar shrugged, pulling himself up onto the counter. "Well I didn't know there was a party going on in here."

"What were you doing in there?" Lilli asked, her voice soft, her eyes wide.

"Looking at her things," Oscar confessed with sadness in his eyes. "Her books, her photos...the notes she had written on a notepad on her desk." He shook his head. "There's so much of her in there, I couldn't help it."

"Aw, Oscar," Lilli reached across Ollie to hold her youngest brother's hand and a sad silence spread through the siblings. Their smiles wavered, their eyes drifted. And they thought of her, of the enormous presence she had had here.

"Are you nervous?" Ollie looked to his big sister.

"About?" She squeezed Oscar's hand and let go.

"About speaking at the funeral?" Ollie explained.

"I thought I would be," she nodded, her eyes misting over. "I went over about seven versions of what I was going to say with Hugh on the flight here."

"Lucky guy," Malcolm joked, making another try to get his banana in the Nutella.

Slapping at his hand, Lilli gave him a glare. "But tonight when I was tucking in the children, it came to me. I know exactly what I'm going to say."

"Oh?" Oscar lifted his eyebrows.

"Mmm," she smiled, setting down her spoon and taking a breath. As soon as she had the attention of her small but closely knit audience, she began. "Once upon a time, there was a Prince with a broken smile..."

Recognition washed over her brothers at nearly the same moment, their faces warming and smiling despite the ever-present sadness. "You're going to tell the story," Ollie stated without question.

"And one day..." She smiled wider, nodding to her brother.

"One day," Ollie picked up, rolling his eyes at himself. "He met a doctor."

"What kind of doctor?" Lilli's head tipped to the side.

"A beautiful doctor," Malcolm offered, drawing out the word just as his father used to.

"Yes," Lilli nodded. "She was beautiful and she was...."

"Magical," Oscar spoke the word with reverence as he thought of his mother. "She was a beautiful, magical doctor."

"She was." Lilli's eyes were full of tears, her brothers reflecting her emotions as she continued. "A beautiful, magical doctor who gave people their smiles back."

"Yes she did," Ollie nodded, his voice cracking.

"Yes she did," Malcolm agreed, reaching out to pat his brother's shoulders.

"Yes she did," Oscar reached out to take his sister's hand back into his.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" It was Harry who drew them from their moment.

Their father, standing tall and amused in the doorway to the kitchen. With his arms folded over his chest and half a smirk on his face, he looked at the four of them on the counter.

"Daddy!" Lilli's face brightened as she looked to her father and Harry had to shake off just how much she looked like her mother. "We were just..."

He knew what they were doing. He had heard the end of the conversation, he could see the looks on their faces. He knew exactly what was going on in here and it simultaneously broke and warmed his heart. "You were just testing the weight limits of that countertop?"

As a burst of laughter passed through the group and the children began to hop down from the counter, Malcolm pointed to his siblings with a smirk. "Told you you should try some fruit."

As Ollie rolled his eyes and Lilli slapped at his finger, Oscar moved over to his father. "We were awake and hungry and..."

"Talking about your mother?" Harry asked, his eyes bright with tears and thoughts of her.

"Yes," Oscar answered. "We were talking about Mum."

"Good," Harry smiled as he patted his son's shoulder. "She would love that you're all up in the middle of the night talking about her. Though...I think she might question your choice of snacks."

"See," Malcolm looked to his sister.

"No, no," Harry shook his head, moving towards the fridge. "While spoonfuls of Nutella is high up there, I think she would have preferred...." He reached inside and found what he was looking for. "Pizza."

As Ollie let out a gasp, his siblings chuckled and Lilli moved closer. "Is that Mum's pizza?"

"It is," Harry nodded, his mind stuck in a memory. "I'll never forget the day she finally convinced Bernard to teach her his secret recipe." He sat the pizza down on the counter. "She was so proud of herself."

"I'm so glad she did," Lilli moved to her father's side.

"I am too," Harry looked up at her with a smile. "Maybe we eat some pizza? Talk about Mum?"

"Yeah?" Lilli lifted her eyebrows.

"You want to talk about her?" Oscar asked gently.

"Of course," Harry nodded, looking out at all of his children, all of their children. "If you're all going to be up in the middle of the night remembering your mother...I want to be here for that." He smiled and shrugged and blinked at the emotion in his eyes. "I'll just probably cry while we do. Is that...is that okay?"

"Of course it is," Lilli rubbed her hand over her father's back.

"Absolutely," Malcolm nodded.

"I'll get some plates," Ollie moved towards the cupboard.

"I'm on drinks," Oscar went to the fridge.

Lilli, with her mother's smile and her father's hair, moved to hug Harry. Her arms wrapped around his waist and she buried her face in his chest–just as she had when she was younger. As he pulled his arms around her, as he held her tightly to him, she turned her wide eyes and her bright smile up to him. "I love you daddy."

With a kiss to the top of her head, he tightened his hold on her. "I love you too Lilli-bean. I love you too."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

It was very, very late–or very, very early when they all finally left the kitchen that night. There was laughter and tears and so many stories that they could have stayed up for weeks remembering her. They finished the pizza and finished their drinks and eventually they were all so exhausted that they were certain to pass out when they finally went back to bed.

There were hugs and kisses and heartfelt I love you's and then the Sussexes dispersed, each of them heading back to their beds to get what sleep they could before the public part of their lives would step in. As Harry made his way back to their bedroom, he felt more peace than he had expected to on this first night without her. He was more grateful for his family than he had ever been.

And he decided–as hard as this was going to be, as heartbreaking as it all already was–he would do this.

He would do his duty. He would take the walk outside the gates with his children, thanking the crowd of mourners. He would don the uniform and march behind her coffin with his brother The King, with their children in line behind them. He would stand in the Abbey and listen to the music and the sentiments. He would cry while Lilli told The Story, while person after person told truth the remarkable woman that she was. He would watch as they take his wife, his beloved, to her final resting place. And when it was all over, he have somebody drive him to Foxgrove where he'd open a bottle of something strong and sit in their greenhouse and miss her.

He'd never stop missing her. He'd never stop loving her. He wasn't even sure he could recall a time in his life when he didn't. He'd be there for his children, for his grandchildren.

He'd be there until it was time for him to not.

Looking down at the top of his dresser, he looked at the handful of items he always wore; his watch, his wedding ring, his bracelets.

And the emotions he had thought had waned, came flooding back as he reached for one in particular. It had been a gift from her on their first Christmas together. The inscription had rubbed thin, but he knew exactly what it said.

"Ubuntu. I am because we are."

Never before had that sentiment rang more true for him than it did right then.

All that he was, all that he had, all they had built and created and become...it had all been because of that sentiment.

Together they were greater, together they were stronger.

He was, because of his time with her. So he would go on being because of her. He would be there for his children and his grandchildren. He would carry on with this life, with this legacy they had built–the greatest thing he had ever been a part of.

Because to do anything different would be dishonoring this journey he had taken with her.

This wild, wonderful, beautiful, emotional, amazing journey that had become their life.


End file.
